Chapter 1: Old wounds never heal

Authors note: This is my first Hobbit fanfic so be nice. It is a pre-Hobbit story and is more movie-based than book based but references to the book will be made. Radagast was my favourite character in the film so I decided to base this story around Radagast and Gandalf before the Hobbit takes place and my own character who is mentioned a lot in this chapter. All events in this chapter are what leads up to the start of the events in the Hobbit and is set 300 years after the events in this story. Enjoy!

On the western edge of the forest of Greenwood (or as of late, people referred to it as Mirkwood) stood a proud little wooden cottage that blended in quite well with the trees that surrounded it. It was a house made entirely out of wood and other parts of the forest like leaves and twigs. The person who had built it obviously had consideration for the natural area and all the creatures and plant life within it. And of course the owner of the house himself was a lover of nature in all of its fair beauty. This man was a humble old man who wore ragged brown robes and carried a staff, he went around healing the animals, sick or injured, and was one of the few protectors of the forest. His name was Radagast the Brown, and his humble dwelling was called Rhosgobel.

A member of the Istari, Radagast, along with five others, was sent to protect the Valar and all of its inhabitants. Radagast the Brown, accompanied by Gandalf the Grey, Saruman the White and of course Alatar and Pallando the Blue, were all members of the white council and were great and powerful wizards. They were sent to protect Middle-Earth in the events that the dark lord Sauron returned to spread darkness across the lands once more. The two blue wizards somehow disappeared centuries ago and haven't been seen since so all that remains of the five are Gandalf, Saruman and Radagast. But unlike the other two, Radagast liked a life of solitude in the forests protecting the animals and plants that resided there. Over the past century he tended to remain in the forest and grew fond of having a much simpler and refined life to those that his companions chose to take. And for this, he was seen as 'odd'.

Saruman often called him a fool for abandoning his mission, but only Gandalf and himself knew the real reason why he chose to give it up. Everyone looked beyond his feelings and thought of him as a simple minded old fool with a thing for plants and animals, but that was only but a small reason why Radagast isolated himself fully away from anyone other than his animals. It was after all a century ago that he stepped foot outside of the forest and made contact with the men, dwarves and elves. But since then, he never stepped foot from within the forest. Gandalf knew the reason for this and in many ways pitied his animal loving friend. He knew at times Radagast hid his true feelings with acts of stupidity and foolishness. And this even fooled the likes of Saruman the Wise, but it didn't get past Gandalf. For he knew the truth. He was after all, there when it happened. That one key event which affected Radagast's life so greatly. But what was it? Was Radagast the Brown really concealing a deep sorrow within him and covering it up with foolishness? Only he himself and Gandalf knew the real story. So deep down, Radagast the Brown was a fellow no one really truly knew.

It was a fine afternoon at Rhosgobel. The birds were singing merrily and the animals lazily grazed at the trees nearby the house. Inside, Radagast sat with an array of potions and potion books all about him on his table in his tiny home. He sat on his wooden chair rapidly scanning through each book and muttering aimlessly to himself about weeds and fungi. Next to the pile of books sat a curious little hedgehog gazing mysteriously at the old wizard as he continuously placed book after book down obviously not getting the information he required. The little hedgehog let out a little grunt and nudged Radagast lightly in an attempt to get his attention. Radagast briefly glanced down at the hedgehog and let out a moan of frustration.

"Not now Sebastian, I am busy trying to find a remedy for that vine infestation on the old oak trees," Radagast then went back to bustling about his books. The hedgehog, this time climbing onto Radagast's lap, nudged him again and let out a little grunt. Radagast then clumsily dropped his book on the floor and groaned before putting his head in his hands. "Oh Sebastian," he began quite calmly "I just don't know what is happening to the forest of late. First there was no bloom in the flowers, then a variety of strange, deadly fungi have infested on the trees, and now this vine problem."

The little hedgehog climbed up the wizard's robes and eventually perched himself on his shoulder as the old brown wizard put his head in his hands in a mixture of panic and frustration. Sebastian tried to encourage the old wizard that everything would be fine by brushing the side of his face onto Radagast's messy beard. Radagast couldn't help but smile at the little hedgehog, one of his numerous animal friends, and stroked him gently with one of his fingers.

It was then that there was a disturbance in the atmosphere. Sebastian and the other animals that were inside or around Rhosgobel tensed up and suddenly became rather protective. Radagast knew something was wrong; whenever his animals behaved in this way he knew there would be danger around the corner. But their senses proved to be a very good advantage, it was after all his animals who alerted him of a goblin attack on his house not but two centuries ago. Radagast leant over from his chair to the right hand corner and reached out for his staff. He arose from his chair silently and cautiously made his way toward the door. Clutching his staff tightly and attempting not to make any sound as he stuck it out in front of him at the door he listened. The sound of a horse grunting could be heard from outside the door and the approaching footsteps rang out in his ears like alarm bells. He didn't think to look out through his window to see who was there. Instead he launched his attack.

Swinging the door open soon after the footsteps stopped, he took his chance and pointed his staff directly at the person standing behind the door. Before realising who it was, Radagast blurted out "Who are you? What is your business here at Rhosgobel?" But immediately shut his mouth when he recognised the man who had not expected him to be all jumpy like that.

"Is that any way to treat an old friend Radagast?" The old man in long grey robes and a big pointy grey hat queried using his own staff to gently shove away the staff that Radagast shot at him.

"G-Gandalf?" Radagast choked back putting his staff away.

"Yes Radagast it is I, Gandalf the Grey. My, I have never seen you so jumpy," the old grey wizard known as Gandalf replied taking his pointy grey hat off his head.

"I am sorry Gandalf, I haven't had a visitor for a while and I guess I am just not used to having company of another creature other than the animals in the forest," Radagast replied before moving away from the ajar door allowing his visitor to enter on his own free will. He aimlessly rushed about trying to tidy about as Gandalf entered the small house.

"I can see that," Gandalf muttered noticing the amount of animals perched, sat or standing inside Radagast's home. The majority of which were birds, hedgehogs and little insects. But obviously Radagast did not hear Gandalf's remark as he decided to obliviously change the subject.

"What brings you to Rhosgobel Gandalf? It must be over two decades since I last saw you," Radagast enquired as his fidgeted about the house like a hyperactive Rhosgobel rabbit. Gandalf placed his staff against the wall and put his hat on a nearby stand as Radagast rushed to find him a chair. Once he came back Gandalf chose to reply.

"I thought of visiting one of my dearest friends and wanted to see merely how you were doing," Gandalf explained sitting down comfortably on a chair nearby Radagast's mountain of books. Radagast paused and his eyes lifted up in confusion before lowing down to a narrowed glance.

"Now Gandalf, I may not be the wisest of us but I surely know when a wizard comes around visiting, and it isn't usually for a social call. Was it you who said, as I quote, 'A wizard doesn't have time to make social visits?' After all, I haven't seen you for the past twenty years."

"You got me again Radagast," Gandalf smiled amusingly "but this time I did actually come round to check upon you. And like you said yourself, I haven't seen you for twenty years."

Radagast made his way over to the fireplace and put a teapot filled with water over the fire before joining his friend at the small table. "I put some tea on the fire," Radagast explained sitting down on the chair next to Gandalf "you must have had a long journey."

"Yes I have just come here all the way from the Shire," Gandalf replied getting out his pipe from within his cloak and lighting it.

"The Shire?" Radagast's eyes widened in amazement "oh yes, Saruman told me of your admiration for the Halflings. May I pry into why you ventured back there?"

"No reason in particular," Gandalf smirked mischievously taking a good long puff of his pipe weed, he offered it to Radagast who had, much to his surprise, declined the offer.

"Putting on those firework displays again were you?" Radagast smiled getting up and reaching for the now boiled tea pot. He then grabbed two small wooden cups and passed one to Gandalf before filling it up to the brim with tea.

"Thank you," Gandalf said as he took his first sip of tea before continuing to answer Radagast's question. "That, and another task I had to do whilst in Hobbiton."

"Which was?"

"Well, it is a funny story," Gandalf began chuckling to himself "I have recently been approached by a bunch of dwarves with the most peculiar plan. Do you recall the fall of Erebor?"

"With the dragon Smaug? Yes I do believe I heard a tale or two about that." Radagast replied not knowing where Gandalf was leading the conversation.

"Well, Thorin Oakenshield, king Thror's grandson, has rallied together a company of twelve other dwarves to try and claim back their long forgotten treasure that the dragon took from them. Thorin approached me not a while ago and asked me to find the fourteenth member of the company to be their burglar. So I went to the Shire to seek a Hobbit, for they are small enough to be unseen by many and are quite light on their feet."

"And have you chosen one?"

Gandalf smiled through his pipe quite proudly "I do believe I have. Bilbo Baggins is his name, quite a young and adventurous Hobbit when he was but a lad, as I recall from my previous outings to the Shire. He is half Took you know," Radagast nodded in agreement even though he had no idea what Gandalf was going on about. Radagast had never been to the Shire, he spent his time in the forests unlike Gandalf who travelled all over the place. Gandalf continued putting a bit more understanding into Radagast's mind about the so called Took's "and the Took's are mainly known for getting into all sorts of mischief."

"Does he know of this quest yet?" Radagast asked taking a sip of his tea as Gandalf shook his head.

"No. But as soon as I finish up my business here I plan on going back to the Shire where my plans to persuade the Hobbit to join the company of dwarves will take place." Radagast then stopped drinking his tea and looked up at Gandalf in confusion.

"And what, pray tell is your business here exactly? I mean, you did not just come to check upon me did you?"

Gandalf paused and placed his cup on the table awkwardly before giving the oblivious Radagast a strange glance. He placed his hands together as Radagast awaited a reply from the grey wizard. Gandalf opened his mouth but no words came out. He reckoned Radagast would have known what anniversary it was considering it was the main event which shook Radagast's world to its core all of those years ago. But here he was not knowing what day it was. It made the explaining all the more harder for Gandalf to say.

"No…" Gandalf began "I actually came here to check upon you in another matter. But I guess judging by your facial expressions you have no idea what I am talking about. I figured you would know what anniversary it was," Gandalf muttered with a hint of sorrow in his voice. Radagast's confused look turned even more baffled as Gandalf turned away sadly trying desperately to get Radagast to get the hints he was throwing at him. Radagast did not respond in that way, and unfortunately for Gandalf, he would no doubt have to tell him.

"What anniversary?"

"Radagast I am surprised at you," Gandalf replied "I came round here to give you comfort and support in a time of grief, yet you do not know what I speak of. Don't you remember what happened on this very day one hundred years ago?"

Radagast suddenly went deathly silent. It suddenly dawned on him what day it actually was. How could he have forgotten it? Perhaps it was all of this fuss over the forest which let it slip his mind. He felt ashamed of himself for forgetting. It was after all one hundred years to the day since he had lost someone very dear to him. But unlike many people dealing with grief, he tried to hide and forget about it as if it never even existed. But deep down he knew it would always affect him.

"It is alright to talk about it you know," Gandalf assured him placing a sturdy but gentle hand on his shoulder as a way of comfort. "What happened to her changed your life."

"What on Middle-Earth do you mean Gandalf?" Radagast asked puzzled as Gandalf went on to explain what he meant by this.

"Ever since her death you have refused to step outside of the forest. You do not wish to make contact with any other being except your creatures, and I think I know why."

"Because I am afraid of losing a loved one?" Radagast snapped defensively surprising both himself and Gandalf.

"No, because you are afraid to love another person who you fear to lose." Gandalf said gently.

"Gandalf, we are the Istari. Immortal beings. We deal with death all of the time, while mortals die, immortals live on. That is the way the world works. And I isolated myself from society for peace and quiet and to take care of the forest and all her creatures. It is only by chance that I gave it up around the time Gwendolyn died."

"You are afraid," Gandalf stated "you may fool Saruman with that 'peace and quiet' charade as the reason you gave up your mission, but it does not wash over me Radagast. I was there too you know. I watched as you wept as she died in your arms."

"Enough!" Radagast swiftly stood almost knocking over his chair in the process. "Gwendolyn didn't die due to being mortal, nor did she die at the hand of one. I still am not sure what killed her but what ever it was, it was dark magic conjured by a black sorcerer she claimed to cast out, but it cost her, her own life. Just because we chose not to believe her. The real reason I isolated myself away from society was to help bring order to the forests. I can assure you that my troubles with men, dwarves, elves and all the free folk faded long ago."

"Along with Gwendolyn," Gandalf then stood up along side his friend and yet again placed a hand on his shoulder "Radagast I did not come here to argue. I figured you would be upset by the thought of it, but it is alright for you to shed emotion for her. You did after all raise her like a daughter, and if it wasn't for her death, she would've made a wonderful wizard. But it won't change anything now. I just thought I could help ease your pain."

"Actually Gandalf," Radagast began trying to block out the tears forming in his eyes as he faced his old friend "you actually made it worse by bringing up the matter in the first place."

Later that night Gandalf remained at Rhosgobel. Radagast had allowed him to stay the night and get some rest before heading back to the Shire in the morning. Things became rather tense between the two wizards as they hadn't spoken since their discussion about this Gwendolyn girl. Gandalf had never seen his old friend act so rash and protective before now. Everyone else saw him as a bumbling old fool, but today Radagast was acting nothing like the fool he usually was. No, today he was rather sincere and almost showed his true emotions in front of Gandalf.

Radagast sat on the front porch of his house while Gandalf stayed inside smoking his pipe in front of the fire. Radagast's mind was wondering about the forest and his eyes occasionally looked up at the clear star lit sky. He then focused his eyes on a particular spot in the forest. This same spot brought back many happy memories for him. He remembered when Gwendolyn first showed her face to him around three hundred years ago, she was only a child at the time. Left on his front porch by her mother who disappeared into the woods leaving him to raise her as his own daughter. And oh how he enjoyed her company. Oh, those were the days. Radagast was taken a lot more seriously back then, even by the likes of Saruman, who did still despise him secretly. He often made appearances at the white council and was rarely considered a fool. He also often went to visit the men in the nearby towns and the high elves of Rivendell and of course king Thrandruil of Greenwood that Radagast roamed. But then after Gwendolyn claimed that a dark power was taking the edges of Greenwood into darkness, Radagast wasn't taken as seriously. He loved her but no one, not even Gandalf were convinced that her claims were true, especially when she had claimed to foresee the events. Not until it was too late anyway. He still remembered the day she died. He was sat in the forest tending to the trees when she was carried by a large moose, wounded by black magic dying in front of his eyes. He had of course tried to save her, but she refused to be healed. She claimed to have defeated this dark power that had haunted her visions, and at that moment Radagast knew that she was telling the truth. It shamed him to think he never trusted her until it was too late. His own daughter. But now, one hundred years on, he hadn't exactly thought of her tragic death until now. It hurt him to think of it, so he often pushed it aside and tried to never think of it. It was rare that a wizard could have emotional trauma, but Gwendolyn was more than just an adopted child, to him, she was his child.

Radagast thought over what Gandalf had said. Was he really afraid of loving a person he was afraid to lose? Deep down, was that the real reason why he decided to give up his mission and spend the rest of his days in solitude away from the rest of humanity? The more he thought about it, the more he realized that to be the case. All of this time his grief for the loss of one person had impacted him so greatly. Of course he mourned for the animals when their time came but they were mortal, and over time Radagast had come to know the grief of losing an animal to the shadow of death. But with people, that was a different matter entirely. For like he said, Gwendolyn was no mortal. Her death was anything but natural. She fell at the hands of a dark sorcerer. But he knew there was more to her death than it appeared. For ever since her death, the days in the forest grew dark. Perhaps this was the reason why nothing good was growing in the forests anymore. Either way, Radagast knew that even though he denied it, what Gandalf said was true. He had abandoned his original mission for a life of solitude to avoid hurt and pain from happening again. For Radagast had a kind and simple heart and this made him more vulnerable to being hurt emotionally than the likes of Gandalf or Saruman who were in some ways, more wise and mature than him.

The next morning as Gandalf was preparing his horse for the long journey back to the Shire, Radagast decided to approach his friend and apologise for his actions the night before. Radagast walked cautiously to him and gave him his staff and his grey pointy hat.

"Thank you," Gandalf said as Radagast passed him his belongings. Radagast adjusted his own hat on his head before speaking up.

"Gandalf," Radagast began "I am sorry for being so defensive yesterday. All of this time I have been alone trying to forget the past when it has haunted me ever since the day it happened."

Gandalf stopped preparing his horse and turned to face Radagast looking him straight in the eyes "there is no need to apologise Radagast. Her death hit you hard, I understand that. Even I still mourn her in some way. I understand why you gave up your mission, your grief affected the way you looked towards the mortals and death obviously affected you more than it did the likes of Saruman and myself. Saruman still isn't aware of what really happened, nor does he mention you for that matter. But you still have a big role to play in Middle-Earth by protecting her great forests and her creatures."

"Thank you for understanding Gandalf," Radagast grinned gratefully as his wizard companion leapt onto his horse and was handed his staff once again.

"It is my pleasure Radagast," Gandalf returned Radagast's grin. Radagast then decided to tell Gandalf something he had kept to himself over the years.

"Gandalf?" Radagast began "do you remember when Gwendolyn kept having those visions about a dark sorcerer consuming the lands into darkness?"

"Yes?" Gandalf's eyebrows furrowed in curiosity as to where Radagast was leading the conversation.

"Well what if they were right all along?" Radagast questioned "we know she was killed by black magic and that it was unknown where it came from. But ever since that time, I have felt the forests go dark. Nothing is growing properly and apparently the woodsmen in the forests are now calling this place Mirkwood. Could it be possible that the sorcerer who killed Gwendolyn has returned?"

"I am not sure," Gandalf replied "I am accompanying the dwarves to Erebor and we will probably be passing through Mirkwood along the way. I will do some more investigating into this before we can confirm it for sure."

"Ok then," Radagast stood back as Gandalf prepared to take off on his horse.

"Thank you for your hospitality Radagast," Gandalf thanked receiving a nod and a smile from his brown companion. He then went on to speak "Oh and Radagast, if you do find more proof of a dark sorcerer in these forests, alert me at once and I too will help you uncover the truth about him and hopefully cast him out for good."

"Of course Gandalf," Radagast assured "good luck on your quest to Erebor, and of course winning over the Hobbit to join you on your quest."

"Thank you my friend," Gandalf grinned pulling the reigns on his horse "and farewell to you."

Watching as Gandalf rode away on his horse Radagast stood outside Rhosgobel thinking. Perhaps his theory was correct, or perhaps it wasn't. If the sorcerer who had killed Gwendolyn had returned, did this mean she had not cast him out? He really didn't know. After all he didn't believe her visions until he was too late. But there was more to the story than what Radagast knew of.

Perhaps if he reminisced on it more then he could probably remember. What if he went back to the beginning? To that night when an unexpected baby ended up on his doorstep and changed his life forever.

Authors note: So how did you like it? I know Radagast was out of character than in the movie, but this is a story more focusing on his character and it will vary throughout the story. I have tried to focus it as much as possible on his original character but some changes have to be made to fit to the story. In the meantime, please review! Thank you!