A/N: This is my FIRST piece of CM fanfiction. I recently saw this episode and felt like there could be so much more to the JJ/Hotch storyline.
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
"Lauren" Continued
JJ met Hotch's eyes across the room. Amidst the quiet sobs and whispers of comfort, the two agents stared at each other. JJ finally closed her eyes and focused on hugging Spencer as tightly as possible.
Freed from her gaze, Hotch looked at the frayed carpet of the waiting room. The sadness was suffocating. In front of him Garcia and Morgan held each other, both of them crying. Seaver stared straight ahead and Rossi broke down into his hands. Everywhere Hotch looked, there was pain.
It became too much. He sighed and searched for JJ's eyes again.
She sensed him watching her. She opened her eyes and met her ex-boss' gaze. She watched various emotions cross his face and the guilt she felt overwhelmed her.
Hotch began to pace. He needed space. He needed air. He needed…something. He left the room and escaped into the hallway where he forced himself to take deep breaths.
He had failed his team.
Back inside the waiting room JJ released Reid from her arms. "Spence, go to Rossi, I need to talk to Hotch."
Reid nodded, still incapable of words. He turned and sat next to Rossi. He looked over his friend's hunched over form and caught Seaver's eyes. A lone tear fell.
JJ stopped directly in front of him. At first Hotch could not meet her eyes, he needed to remain in control. He stood in the hallway with his hands on his hips and waited for her to tell him what he had already known deep down inside.
"It's done, Hotch. She's safe. They are transporting her now," she told him. Hotch rubbed his face with one hand, took in a deep breath and let it out as a breathy sob.
No matter how refined it was, his facade had cracked. JJ grabbed his hands and took a step towards him. They stood toe to toe with their hands clasped between their chests. "Hotch." The man in front of her still wouldn't look at her. "Aaron…" she whispered to him.
Blinking repeatedly, he pulled his attention back to woman in front of him. He glanced at her face and then at their joined hands. The new secret shared between them for the sake of their friends left JJ and Hotch desperate for each others comfort. The desperation fed on the battles they had fought and lost over the past months. The new found need to touch one another was simply accepted, and never questioned.
Hotch took another deep breath and rubbed her left hand with his thumb. "I let them down. I let her down," he confessed.
"Aaron, no," JJ gently argued. "She is safe, Aaron. She is alive."
"At what cost?" he asked as he intertwined their fingers and continued to avoid JJ's gaze. JJ squeezed his hands and waited until he looked back at her.
Hotch met her eyes again. "I failed, JJ."
The tone of his voice broke her heart. She bent her head and rested her forehead against him, just above their hands. She felt Aaron's nose and lips against the hair on the top of her head. His uneven breaths were warm against her scalp, as he did his best to reign in his emotions. She needed to be strong for him, for he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"Aaron Hotchner, you give your all to this family," she said.
With a determined expression planted on her face, she slowly lifted her head and looked at him. "I will tell you that every minute of every day until I know you believe it." She began to cry.
"You will find Doyle. And you will fix this and I will be here. Always at your side," her voice caught in her chest. "I will do everything to help you, Aaron. Just promise me you will let me."
Each of them looked into the others face. JJ allowed her tears to flow freely as she cried for Emily. She cried for her old team, she cried for Aaron and she cried for herself. That night's events weighed on them; the past year's events threatened their souls.
After a slight hesitation, Aaron released her hands and brushed his thumbs along her cheeks so he could wipe her tears. He knew he was dangerously close to crossing a line, but grief overpowered everything else at that moment. He dragged his hands down her neck, shoulders and arms and lightly grasped her elbows as she rested her palms on his broad chest. He leaned down and touched his forehead to hers.
"Promise me," she begged him.
They both knew there was so much more to that statement. Promise me you won't shut me out. Promise me you won't let me go again.
"Always," Hotch answered her. He pulled her to him and buried his face in her hair. JJ wrapped her arms around him and nestled her face against his neck. She inhaled his scent, committing it to her memory, and closed her eyes.
"Thank you, JJ," he whispered.