Finally, initiation is over! As we head back to the dorms, I notice that Tris isn't with us. Where is she? But then I see her, and almost don't believe my eyes. She is with Four, and though they don't touch, they walk closely together. I tell myself that it probably doesn't mean anything, but what are they doing together?
I laugh at Will as he tells me a funny story. Just then, Tris runs in. Her hair is kind of messed up, like she's been… kissing someone. But she would tell me if she were dating someone, right? Four walks in a second later, grinning. My suspicions are seeming more and more realistic. "Where did you go? Everyone else just went back to the dorms", I ask. Maybe she will tell the truth.
"I just wandered around", she says, rather nervously. Yeah, right. I'm pretty sure that she was with Four.
"I was too nervous to everyone about it." Now I'm even more sure. She did amazing in her fear landscape.
"You have no reason to be nervous. I turned around to talk to Will for one second, and you were already done."
I am surprised by the note of jealousy in my voice, but it is there. And I am jealous, because she will undoubtedly rank high. Tris looks conflicted for a second, then just shrugs. She's more Abnegation then she realizes.
"What job are you going to pick?"Tris asks me.
"I'm thinking that I might want a job like Four's, training the initiates." That would be a lot of fun. I'm pretty sure that Four liked training us, even if he won't admit it. Which he won't. "Scaring the living daylights out of them. You know, fun stuff. What about you?" I ask Tris.
"I guess… I could be an ambassador to the other factions. I think being a transfer would help me."
"I was so hoping that you would say Dauntless-leader-in -training. Because that's what Peter wants. He wouldn't shut up about it in the dorms earlier." I'm sure that she ranked higher than he did.
"And that's what I want", Will says. "Hopefully I ranked higher than him… oh, and the Dauntless-borns. Forgot about them. This is going to be impossible."
"No, it isn't", I say confidently as I reach for his hand. He squeezes mine. But I have to ask Tris about her fear landscape, about why the Dauntless leaders were laughing.
"Question. When the Dauntless leaders were watching your fear landscape…. they were laughing about something."
"Oh?" Tris bites her lip. She shouldn't have done that. It's her tell. I'm sure that whatever follows will be a lie. "I'm glad that my terror amuses them."
"Any idea what obstacle it was?" I ask.
"No." Liar.
"You're lying. You always bite the inside of your lip when you lie. It's your tell."
Tris promptly stops biting the inside of her lip, but says nothing. I probe her, saying, "Will's is pinching his lips together, if it makes you feel any better." Will covers his mouth immediately, which I find adorable.
But apparently this does console her, because Tris says, "Okay, fine. I was afraid of …. intimacy."
No way. That's hilarious. Especially for a soon to be member of Dauntless. I can't let this go without some teasing. But just to be sure, I ask her, "Intimacy… like sex?"
She nods, embarrassed, and glares at me. I have to admit, her glare is pretty good. And by good, I mean scary. Will laughs, and I have to admit that I'm curious. "What was that like? I mean, did someone try to do it with you? Who was it?" I ask.
"Oh, you know. Faceless… unidentifiable male." I suspect she's lying, but I'll ask her about it later. "How were your moths?"
Ouch. I thought that she wouldn't tell, but I guess I deserved that one.
"You promised you would never tell!" I say, smacking her arm.
"Moths. You're afraid of moths?" Will asks confusedly.
"Not just a cloud of moths. Like….. a swarm of them. All those legs and wings and…" I shudder. They are creepy, though.
"Terrifying", Will says sarcastically. "That's my girl. Tough as cotton balls."
"Oh, shut up", I say, only half kidding.
Then Eric gives a boring speech about how proud he is of us and he offers us his congratulations. Like he cares. He practically killed me during initiation.
Then the ranking appear.
In first is Tris. Tris. The short, skinny girl from Abnegation. But I skim through the names until I find mine in seventh. Dauntless. I'm Dauntless. And for the moment, I feel like it. Somehow, none of the awful memories if initiation seem so bad anymore. I give Tris a hug and laugh in her ear. Then I feel someone-Will- grab me from behind and spin me around. He kisses me, and I turn around to apologize to Tris for this 'display of public affection'. Only she's not there.
She's talking to Four. And he's smiling at her. A real smile. I've never seen him do that. I didn't know he could smile. This could be very interesting, so I get Will's attention. As I do, I hear four say," You think giving you a hug would give you away too much?"
Oh. My. God.
Then Tris says-while grinning a bit-, "You know, I really don't care."
"No way", Will says, echoing my thoughts.
Tris lens forward and kisses him. But he doesn't pull back. Instead, he puts one of his hands on the back of her neck, and puts the other on her back. No missing the chemistry there. Will's mouth is wide open, and I wouldn't be surprised if mime was, too. I can't believe I didn't notice it before today. And even then, I wasn't sure. As Tris breaks off the kiss, they say something to each other that I can't hear. Four walks away without a word of explanation, though I didn't expect him to explain.
Tris walks towards us, grinning. We just stare at her. "What?" She finally asks.
"'What'?" Will says. "You just kissed Four, and he clearly didn't mind. I think we deserve an explanation!"
I agree with Will. They are obviously dating. This was not something done in the heat of the moment. It was a calculated act. But why keep it a secret? I picture all of the other initiates reactions, and when I get to Peter's, I understand. Four would be accused of favoritism, of giving Tris a higher rank than she earned. And I have to wonder if he did.
"We're dating", Tris says. Obviously.
"For how long?! And how did you get together?" I ask, dying to know how long I missed it for.
"Only a few days", Tris says. "We got together that night I said I had to talk to Four about something. He kissed me."
Is it just my imagination, or does she stumble slightly when she says his name? But that would explain a lot.
"And you didn't tell us?" Will asks, sounding hurt.
"I didn't want you to think Four was playing favorites. Plus I'm pretty sure that there's a rule against trainers and initiates dating."
"But Four…" I say. "He's so… I don't know, unapproachable. Mysterious.
Tris looks like she swallowed something sour, so I quickly say, "No offense."
"No, its fine", Tris responds. "I guess he does seem pretty intimidating."
Will frowns and asks, "What do you mean? He's not normally like that?"
"No", Tris says, seeming rather hesitant. "It's part of the job. Christina said she would do that, too, if she were a trainer. Remember?"
In fact, I did say that. But Tris is hiding something about him.
"So, did you find out why he's named Four?" I probe.
She nods hesitantly, saying, "He only has four fears."
"Four?!" Will says, shocked. "That's crazy! I had twelve! What are they?"
Tris won't relent on everything, though. "Sorry, I'm sworn to secrecy", she says. Huh. Interesting.
I still can't believe that I missed the signs for so long, though. I mean, they climbed the Ferris wheel together during capture the flag. Four left during Tris's first fight, when she got beaten up brutally by Peter. He must not have wanted to watch that. And he looked at her a lot more than normal. I guess I thought that was just because she was the smallest, and a stiff. Plus, Four seemed too intimidating to have feelings for anyone. The morning after they got together… that must have been why she was so happy. But why did Tris slap him later that day? So I ask her, "Hey, Tris, how come you slapped Four the day after you got together?"
She thinks for a second, then responds, "He never told me that we were pretending to not be together. I thought that he had changed his mind about liking me. So I just got fed up when he started yelling at me later in the fear landscape room, you know?"
Will, who is clearly very amused by this, says, "You'd been dating for less than a day and you had already slapped him?"
"Yeah, I guess", Tris says sullenly.
I get the feeling that she's getting uncomfortable talking about herself so much (such a stiff), so I change the subject. But I can't stop thinking about Tris and Four. Why didn't she tell me? I think. I can keep a secret, even if I was Candor. But she was keeping another secret. And though I would find it out that night, this one was much too big for her to ever tell me.