Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and situations of Nikita. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: What can I say? The plot-bunnies command, and I obey. I am but a slave to the floppy-eared muse in the sky. ;)
Bubbles
Birkhoff had a plan. A plan for some much needed R&R.
It had been a stressful year, after all. Living with rogue agents and super-spies had turned out to be nerve-wracking for a mere mortal like him. He, of all people, deserved some frelling down-time.
Ryan was off somewhere gathering intel, and most likely making a nuisance of himself as always. Michael, Nikita, Alex and Sean had retreated to their mutual bedroom-suites, no doubt settling in for a weekend of smooching and whispered sweet nothings. It was disgusting, really. Which only left Birkhoff to rattle around in the house. Alone. Which suited him just fine.
He glanced furtively around him as he headed for the master bathroom. Wouldn't do to get caught; he'd be the butt of endless jokes for the rest of his life. Not that it's likely to be a very long life, he thought to himself. On the way he passed a well-stocked liquor-cabinet and, with one last look over his shoulder, he opened it and started rummaging through the various bottles. He soon found what he was looking for: a fancy, stoppered bottle covered in filigreed letters and gold foil. He grinned and pulled out his secret stash... of bubble-bath.
Once in the bathroom he opened the taps and started filling the huge claw-foot tub. He pulled the foil off the bottle and poured the lush, golden brown liquid into the water. Clouds of steam soon wafted through the air, carrying with them a heavenly scent of honey, caramel and almond.
Birkhoff quickly undressed and put on his wireless headphones. The bath was nice and full, a veritable mountain of bubbles rising over the rim, and he turned off the water. He dimmed the lights, and with a profound sigh of relief, got in the tub and leaned back. He turned the headphones on in the middle of a screeching Metallica-riff.
He was soon drifting off into nowhere, relaxed and completely boneless. Well, almost... He couldn't quite shake the feeling that he had forgotten something. Something important...
Which is when Alex burst through the door and turned on the lights.
"Oh, there you are!" she exclaimed.
Birkhoff yelped in surprise, lost his grip and went under. Right, I forgot to lock the door. He fought his way to the surface, spitting water and bubbles, madder than a drenched cat.
"Jesus H. Christ, Alex! Have you heard of knocking?" He fished his now dead headphones out of the tub. "And you killed my favorite headphones!"
Alex, in turn, had stumbled to a halt just inside the door. Her face was the very epitome of mixed emotions: shock, embarrassment and, finally, amusement. She bit her lip, obviously trying not to laugh out loud. Birkhoff's heart sank. And here it comes...
Before Alex could give in to hilarity, however, her eyes fell on the bottle still sitting on the counter. She inhaled sharply. She marched over to the sink, picked up the bottle, and turned an accusing eye on Birkhoff.
"Where did you get this?" Her voice was filled with outrage. "This is the good stuff! Where did you get it?" She advanced on Birkhoff, who was now cowering under the mound of bubbles. "And where have you been hiding it?"
Accusations! And in my own house, dammit! Equally outraged, Birkhoff stood up and tried to snatch the bottle from her.
"Hey, get your stinking paws off my bubble-bath!"
She nimbly maneuvered out of reach and then froze, blushing furiously. Only then did Birkhoff realize that he was wearing nothing but bubbles – rapidly disintegrating ones, at that – and quickly dove back into the water. Frantically, he gathered the bubbles around him.
"Alex?"
Birkhoff groaned and rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on..." Can things possibly get any worse?
"In here, Nikita!" Alex cheerfully responded, and Nikita appeared in the doorway.
"Ah, there you are," she said. Then she sniffed the air and frowned. "Wait a minute..."
Alex held out the bottle. "Exactly! Look who's been hogging all the expensive bubble-bath!"
Nikita also turned an accusing eye on Birkhoff, and that was the last straw. He lost his temper.
"So what?" he yelled, arms flailing like a windmill. "It's MY expensive bubble-bath! I ordered it, I paid for it, it's MINE! Damn straight I hid it. Who wouldn't, with the two of you around? You go through the stuff like a small freaking country! What, did Amanda brainwash you with bubble-bath or something? I'm telling you, it's not normal!"
The bubbles were disappearing at an alarming rate and he desperately shifted around, trying to hide behind the precious few that were left. He decided to round off his argument while he had any trace of dignity left.
"Now, would someone PLEASE get me a towel?"
Nikita obliged him by throwing him a wash-cloth about the size of a postcard. He held it up, and gave her a withering stare. Alex and Nikita both burst out laughing and were soon bent over in stitches, practically howling. But the peals of laughter soon turned to squeals as Birkhoff grabbed the shower-handle and turned on the water.
"Yeah... Yak it up, ladies!"
Alex and Nikita – both possessing excellent reflexes – dove for cover and managed to avoid the jet of water that shot across the room. Michael, however, choosing that particular moment to step into the doorway, was not so lucky. Birkhoff's aim had improved considerably over the past year. He hit the bull's-eye. Michael was completely soaked. Which only set the girls off howling again.
"Oops..."
"Birkhoff, what the hell?" he sputtered and zeroed in on a decidedly pale-looking nerd. Nikita wiped away tears of laughter and intercepted him with one hand.
"Come on, Michael." She quirked an eyebrow and gave him a sultry look through lowered lashes. "I''ll help you get out of your wet clothes..."
Thoroughly distracted, Michael let himself get dragged away from the tub. His shirt landed in a soggy heap on the floor. Then they both disappeared down the hallway, no doubt already making with the smoochies.
"Like I said, disgusting," Birkhoff muttered and wrung the water from his hair. Then he turned to Alex, and suddenly neither of them knew where to look. "You should probably get out of here. I really don't feel like tangling with an angry Navy Seal, too."
She smiled back at him awkwardly. "Sure."
Then Alex surprised even herself. She grabbed a clean towel from the cabinet and shook it out. Shyly, she approached the bathtub and held it up in front of her, politely averting her face.
"Sorry. You know, for barging in on you."
Birkhoff gingerly got out of the water and swept the towel around his waist.
"Um-mm... Thanks." Then he almost fell over when she gently ran her fingers from his temple and down over his cheek in a soft caress. For a moment they both held their breath. Then Alex visibly shook herself and cleared her throat.
"Bubbles," she said and wiped her hand on her jeans.
Birkhoff was still frozen in place. He thought he mumbled something in response, but he couldn't for the life of him remember what.
"See you later," she said over her shoulder. Half-way out the door she popped her head back in. "Oh, and by the way..." She grinned triumphantly and held up the bottle she had been hiding behind her back. "...I'm keeping the bubble-bath."
Alex ducked just in time as a soaking wet loofah came flying through the door.
THE END
*SPOILERS!*
A/N: The Nerd lives! Three cheers for Birkhoff and his new girlfriend! ;)