This is my first fanfic. I've had this story posted for about two weeks so far and I haven't recieved much in the way of reviews. I'm not looking for anything long or elaborate, I'd just like a little feedback on how you think my writing is so far. Criticism and praise are both welcome, I'd would just like honest feedback.

Spock

Spock sat rigidly, in the chair. His face as impassive as ever, inside he was in turmoil. The woman across from him said something; he looked at her face which looked so much like that of the woman he….loved. He watched as her lips moved but didn't register what she was saying. He was sitting in the living room of Uhura's parent's house, they had invited them over to meet him, today was Uhura's mother's birthday. The whole family had been happy to meet him. They were less reserved than Uhura, but just as passionate and friendly as her. He wondered how his mother would have reacted to Uhura. He knew that she would have been happy that he had finally found someone. But it wasn't the same, as hearing the words she would have said, or the comments that she would have said just to tease him. Why had he never quite got around to telling her?

"Spock?..Spock." Uhura's voice snapped him back to reality; her face concerned searching his for the hint of emotion that only she knew him well enough to detect. A small frown creased her features as she looked at him. Had his thoughts been that visible? "Mother was asking about your duties on the enterprise?" Uhura said looking at him uncertainly. Spock cleared his face so that it was once again an impassive mask and rejoined the conversation. But later that night after they were back on the ship, she looked at him and said "something's been bothering you all night Spock" her face was worried, her eyes searching his. "Was it my family? I know they like to hug a lot and get pretty close"

"While their close proximity was uncomfortable at times, your family was not bothering me" He said answering part of her question.

Uhura sensed by his tone of voice that he didn't want to talk to her about whatever it was and fell silent, her hand reaching out to lightly brush across his. Through the touch he felt, her worry. He resisted telling her about what was bothering him. She would want to talk about it and that was the most painful thing that he could do.

They reached her cabin and she gave him a light kiss, her lips brushing gently across his, with a murmured "I love you" before she keyed her door open and walked in ,the door sliding shut behind her. Spock stood there for a moment, staring at her door, thinking about Uhura. She deserved better than him, he had never fully reciprocated her affection, her passion. He couldn't break out of the mold that had been created when he had sought to fully become Vulcan. He had strived to eliminate all emotion to be impassive, logical, but even that was a farce. He felt emotion all the more keenly for trying to suppress it. He remembered the day on the bridge after Vulcan had been destroyed and Kirk had come onto the bridge to try to take command. The insults that Kirk had said had hurt, not just because his mother had died but because they were in some part true, he had never said all that had needed to be said to his mother, of all the times she had said that she loved him had he ever said the same to her? He was part human and part Vulcan, half of each but whole of neither, and both sides were tearing each other apart. His father had told him to choose. Made him choose. He had chosen Vulcan. He had chosen Logic. But how could a person deny one half of what they were and still be whole? Where was the logic in that? The sounds of footsteps approaching from around a corner of the corridor broke Spock out of his reverie. He and Uhura were already a prime subject in the ship's rumor mill, and he was keenly aware of how it would appear for him to be standing outside Uhura's door.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

To Spock

From: Amanda (mother)

I know that I could send you an e-letter faster but, something in me wants you to hold this paper in your hand, to feel the paper and see the words as I have written them. Perhaps, that's my illogical human quirks showing through. Anyway, lately for some reason I've been thinking about what would happen when I'm gone. Would you and your father ever forgive each other, even if you were all the family that each other had left? I just don't know the answer to this question. Your father is too proud to admit that he was wrong, to declare you Vrekasht, outcast. I hope one day you will be able to forgive him. Not for me, for yourself. Every day I think about you, miss you, and hope you are okay. I haven't seen you in a long time, but I hope that one day you can forgive, I love you both and the rift that separates you two kills me.

Spock looked at the letter he held in his hand and his eyes skimmed unseeing over the rest of the letter. When he had left Vulcan after turning down the Vulcan science academy and went to Star Fleet academy, his father had declared him an outcast and refused to talk to him or see him. Spock had obligingly never returned to Vulcan, he hadn't seen his mother in several years, the last time on Vulcan before the planet was ripped apart had been the first time in many years that he had seen her…and the last time. He had already read the letter, 4 times each time his eyes lingered on that sentence. When I'm gone.

His mind wandered back. He couldn't believe it Vulcan was being destroyed. He heard himself ask how long the planet had. Ensign Chekov's reply of minutes barely registered. His mother was down on that planet. He cast through his memories, searching for where would she be. The answer came to him: with his father, who would if he had an idea of what was happening be helping the elders to preserve Vulcan's Cultural Heritage. He brushed past crewmembers standing there, barely remembering to pass on the Conn. He ignored crewmembers comments that he was the captain and shouldn't put himself in danger. It didn't matter, he didn't trust anybody but himself to find her and evacuate her in time. He beamed down and quickly located her standing near his father and the Vulcan elders. They raced through the passage, debris falling behind around them, others being crushed behind them. Still he hurried on. They reached the outside, they could be beamed away , he felt the familiar tingly sensation, as the transporter took effect. They were safe. No sooner had he thought that thought then his mother turned to look at him and strange look crossed her face then the rock she was standing on crumbled, sending her falling. He stretched his arm out, to reach her, to save her .Then, It was dark for a moment, and he had reformed on the transporter pad his arm still outstretched, the word mother still on his lips, Chekov's distressed face looking up from the transporter console as he said" I lost her".

Spock set the letter down, it had only arrived just now, and the letter was dated a few days before the Narada incident. It was the last letter she had ever sent, it had only just arrived today. She had always liked to send letters to him on paper even though it took considerably longer, she said the delay didn't matter she had plenty of time". She hadn't known how little she had left.

Spock ruthlessly pushed down the emotions that the letter had caused, he was Vulcan, he wouldn't let emotions control him he would control them. He glanced at the clock on the wall, it was nearly time for his bridge shift, he got dressed and prepared to leave his cabin as he walked toward the door, his Data Padd beeped announcing a new message. He walked over and accessed his mail; it was a message was from his father, he wanted to discuss something with him. Spock deleted the message without reading it. His mind outwardly already forming a logical reason for his action, inwardly he reveled in this action, he reveled in the illogic of it. He had no desire to talk to his father now or ever. His fury grew as he remembered all the time he had missed with his mother all the joy he could have brought her, that had been ruined by his father's actions.

By making Spock chose to be Vulcan or Human.

By making Spock chose one of them over the other.

Spock fingers tightened unconsciously on the Data Padd crushing, it , the Padd made a noise then blanked out, pieces of plastic and metal falling to the ground. The door buzzer sounded, he glanced up the computer screen identified the person as Uhura, Spock glanced down at the crumpled mass in his hand and walked to the disposal chute sliding the ruined Data Padd in. Then he cleared his face, allowing his impassive mask to slip into place, and said "come in" his chaotic memories and emotions still roiling around inside him. Outwardly, he was calm...

emotionless...

Inwardly he was furious.