a/n: the tag to the tag to the AU, haha
Meet Jaina
Carrying his new baby through the halls of the private maternity wing was, Han decided, twice as nerve-wracking as carrying her from Leia's ankles to Leia's shoulder had been. He'd held her often enough since she was born a short, whirlwind two hours ago, but it was a nurse who had carried her from Leia's side to the room where she was tended to medically and given a quick bath, and a nurse who had wheeled her back in the little portable crib. He hadn't had enough practice for this. No matter how secure his grip was, he feared dropping her. He feared everything, suddenly, but at the same time, he was filled with an aggressive confidence in his ability to physically protect her. If he had to, this instant, he knew he'd find himself able to keep her safe and draw a blaster at the same time. He wasn't armed, of course; not here, not now. But if he had to - he could; he knew it. It was dizzying, how fast his whole life had become about just that - protecting Jaina, keeping Jaina safe. He had always felt that way about Leia, to a certain extent, but Leia could - demonstrably - defend herself.
Jaina didn't have that ability. She was tiny, and helpless, and she was his, his and Leia's, and he could still hardly believe it.
He carried her towards the secluded family area where Luke, Bail, and Chewbacca had been patiently for hours, content to be brought into the fold whenever Han and Leia were ready. She was wide awake, and Han hoped she didn't start crying - only because he wasn't sure what he'd do. Two hours of life, and Dr. Mellis said she had cried less than most newborns. The doctor guessed it had something to do with Leia - Leia had identified Jaina's panic at the change in her world and soothed it, which was something the average mother was unable to do. Thus, Jaina was having less trouble adjusting to her new place in the world as a whole - for now.
Arksiah advised them with a smile - don't get used to it.
He stopped outside the door that would lead to his and Leia's family and looked down at her, adjusting her blanket, and making sure her arms weren't pinned too tightly against him and her face wasn't covered by the cozy green blanket Malla had woven. Jaina turned her head towards his touch sleepily and gave him a pensive, unfocused look. Leia insisted that she recognized him and understood who he was, so Han smiled at her gently, encouraging her.
Feeling only a little silly, he rested one hand against the door in front of him, swallowing hard.
"You're gonna meet a few more people," he said quietly. "Don't be scared."
Jaina gazed at him, unblinking, and he smiled a little more.
"Make sure you cry when Bail holds you," he added slyly.
Jaina buried her face in his shirt silently. Han grinned, and pushed at the door, swinging it open gently. He stepped into the small, comfortable room where the three of them had been waiting, entertaining themselves for hours on end as they eagerly anticipated news. Bail had sternly made it clear to Han that they did not expect routine updates once things had started; he wanted Han focused on Leia, and they were all more than capable of being patient until things calmed down. Han had taken that to heart, and the last time he'd spoken with any of them was about half an hour before Leia's epidural was set.
He had known for a few weeks that he would have the responsibility - the honor - of introducing their baby to Bail for the first time, and now, on the cusp of that moment, he felt the most unique mixture of pride and humility he'd ever encountered. He stood, staring at the scene before him, having entered very quietly - and he almost started laughing at what he saw.
Evidently, desperation had taken hold of Bail Organa as he waited in bored suspense, as he was sitting in a seat across from Chewbacca, staring with firm concentration at an array of cards laid out before him.
"They all changed," he was saying, dismayed.
Chewbacca rolled his eyes and warbled something at him.
"But how are you supposed to play if they all change?"
Incredulously, Han stared. Sabacc. His father-in-law was sitting in the waiting room letting a Wookiee teach him the scummiest gambling card game out there.
Luke, who was perched, bird-like, on the back of a sofa, watching with amusement, noticed Han first. He glanced up lazily, then did a double take, and sat bolt upright, nearly toppling off the back of the sofa.
"Han!" he choked out loudly, almost incoherent. "Han," he said again, waiving his hand rapidly at the Viceroy and Chewie. "He's got a baby," he announced, lowering his voice.
Chewbacca looked up curiously, and Bail snapped to attention as well, half rising out of his seat, the cards abandoned. Han affixed a smug look to his face as he strolled forward, Jaina cradled protectively in his arms, and made a show of glancing down at Bail's cards. He shot a smirk at Chewbacca, and shook his head.
"Yeah, the cards change, Bail, but you got yourself the Idiot's Array," he pointed out. "That's a win."
"Why am I not surprised that one has to be an Idiot to win this blasted game?" Bail asked distractedly, trying to muster enough nonchalance to sound dismissive in his retort. His excitement shone through too much, and he abandoned the idle past time he'd been amusing himself with, stepping closer. Han took a cautious step back, feigning a wary look at Bail, and then the cards - and then back to Bail.
"I don't know if that's the kind of example Leia and I want around our daughter," he drawled.
Chewbacca snickered, standing up. Bail, unable to even pretend at a scowl in the moment, clasped his hands tightly, peering forward.
"It's a girl?" he asked.
Luke, scrambling gracefully off the couch, dodged the small table and crowded forward, giving Han distance, but craning his neck excitedly.
"Girl?" he asked. "Girl," he said to himself, matter-of-fact.
Han looked around at each of them silently for a moment and then nodded, looking down and stepping forward. He turned a little, so all of them had a good view of her, and lifted his arms so that her head was tilted forwards. He admired her, too, letting them look for a moment before he lifted his head and nodded, a grin splitting his face.
"Yeah, she's a girl," he said. "She's real pretty, isn't she?" he bragged.
"Gorgeous," Bail murmured, reaching in to touch her small hand reverently. "Absolutely beautiful," he added hoarsely, drawing his hand back and holding his arms out instinctively. "May I...?"
Han nodded, gingerly transferring Jaina from his arms to Bail's. As he did so, he felt a swift rush of worry - not because he didn't trust Bail, but because this was just another of so many firsts for him - the first time he trusted his baby to someone who wasn't her mother, or a nurse, the first time she met her extended family - every tiny act was a visceral emotional adjustment now, and he knew it was going to be like that for quite some time. He let his hands fall to his sides limply, feeling deprived, and protective when he was no longer holding her.
He watched Bail sharply for a moment, and then turned to look at Chewbacca. The Wookiee gave him a proud, approving nod, and stepped forward to wrap him in a one-armed, cocoon of a hug, ruffling his hair madly. True to promises he'd made earlier, he made no jokes about the strange appearance of human younglings, and instead just congratulated his friend. Luke reached over to squeeze Han's shoulder as Chewie released him, beaming with his own excited pride.
"How's Leia?" he asked breathlessly.
"What's she called?" Bail asked, nearly at the same time.
Han, running his hand over his hair to smooth out the mess Chewbacca had made, cleared his throat softly and folded his arms, looking between Luke and Bail.
"Leia's great," he assured them. "She's tired, but she didn't have a hard time," he held up one hand, "she said that, not me. Looked pretty damn hard to me," he said, shaking his head - he was still a little bowled over by what he'd seen her do, and as he'd told her - he'd seen her do plenty of incredible things before. "She's in a recovery suite and she's restin' up and we spent a little time alone before I came out here, so she's about two hours old," Han said gruffly, inching closer to check on Jaina.
Bail had her in a secure, tight little cradle, fixated on her with rapt attention.
"She looks so much like Leia did," he murmured, looking up at Luke earnestly. "She really does."
Han gave Luke a serious look.
"I think he's tellin' you you looked like a girl, kid," he informed him.
"No, no, Luke had his own look," Bail argued gently, looking up with raised brows. "Her name?" he asked again.
Han nodded. He unfolded his arms, and slipped his hands into his back pockets, pausing for a moment. He was still a little unsure how Bail would take it, even if Leia insisted he wouldn't be angry. He looked around at them again, starting with Chewbacca, and ending with Bail, and took a deep breath.
"Her name's Jaina," he said gruffly. "Jaina Yvaine." He let the name linger for a moment, as they took it in, and then went on: "Yvaine's a name meanin' light, in Corellian," he said. "Leia said Breha's name meant light in, uh, your language," he offered.
"It does, it does," Bail said softly.
[Jaina was Han's mother's name,] Chewbacca offered solemnly.
"Yes, I believe I knew that," Bail said agreeably, looking back down at the baby softly. "Well, you have quite the lovely name, little granddaughter," he said warmly, reaching into her blankets to tickle her stomach gently. Han watched him earnestly, searching for signs of displeasure, and when Bail seemed perfectly content, he cleared his throat, rocking on his heels.
"You think so?" he asked, in spite of himself.
Bail looked up at him and gave him a firm, supportive nod.
"Yes," he said sincerely. "Don't you, or Leia, think for a second I would take issue with what you name your children," he assured him. "And I can tell you, without a doubt, that my wife would hardly have cared, either. She'd simply have loved this baby so much, well," he trailed off, his voice taking on a nostalgic, slightly sad tremble. "Well," he said again.
"It sounds like music," Luke offered, in the silence that followed Bail's comment. He peered closer. "She's so little," he said, eyes wide. He inched forward a little, wringing his hands, and Bail roused himself from his reverie.
"Would you like to hold her?" he asked, and then turned his head, deferring to Han. "If Han allows it," he said wryly.
Han pretended to size Luke up.
"I'll allow it," he drawled.
Luke took a deep breath and nodded eagerly, every bit of him nearly bursting with excitement. He diligently arranged his arms to receive the baby, and took great care in letting Bail settle her down and show him how to best support her head. Tucking his arms close to his chest so he felt more secure, Luke stared down at her, his eyebrows raised in wonder. He could hardly believe that he was standing here, after all they'd been through, holding Leia's baby - Leia and Han's baby, for Sith's sake, Darth Vader's granddaughter, a pure, innocent child with a blank slate and a whole peaceful galaxy stretched out in front of her.
She was warm and bright; he could sense her presence in the force like something electric, full off newness and energy and stimulating potential. She already had power, he could sense it - and he could sense Leia's connection to her, too, a deeply tethered, unbreakable bond like nothing he'd ever experienced - not even in his own bond with Leia. He knew, in an instant, that for the rest of her life, Leia would be able to sense Jaina's location, and whether or not she was safe, as naturally and unobtrusively as she breathed.
"I can sense Leia's connection to her," he said aloud. He laughed a little, his arms tightening protectively. "Her thoughts are so...colourful and...intense," he murmured.
"Leia's?" Han asked.
Luke shook his head, and nodded at Jaina.
"Hers."
"She thinks?" Bail asked curiously. "In language?"
"No," Luke murmured. "Colours," he said again, "and intense emotions, like...sleepy," he said, laughing a little. He was quiet a moment, and then laughed again. "Leia wants her back," he said, looking up at Han pointedly.
Han smirked, glancing up to look for a chrono on the wall - it hadn't been more than ten minutes.
"Ahh," Bail sighed, turning to Han hopefully. "Can we see her? Is she up for it?" he asked cautiously. "There's no rush, none at all, we can wait if she'd like to sleep," he began.
Han interrupted, shaking his head.
"Nah, she wants to see you," he said. He stepped forward and held his hands out for Jaina, taking her back carefully. He immediately felt relieved to have her back in his arms, and glanced up at Luke thoughtfully. "Leia wants her back, huh?" he asked.
Luke snorted, nodding.
"She's been talking to her," he said. "Sort of, comforting her, telling her who we are," he explained. "I think it's exhausting her."
Han blinked, hastily taking a step back. He felt a twinge of jealousy at Luke's inherent ability to connect with Jaina as he did Leia, but he knew the kid would never overstep his bounds with it. Shaking it off, he tilted his head towards the door, worried about Leia doing anything to exert herself more than she already had.
"Follow me," he said, letting Chewbacca stroll forward and get the door for them.
And with a little more confidence in carrying Jaina this time, Han led them down the hall to Leia's room, the little triumph in his step reminiscent of a man who had just achieved the impossible.
Left alone for even a short period of time, Leia was restless. She was tired, that was a given; the fatigue was present, but coupled with her adrenaline, her nerves, her happiness, and her relief, it was hardly the most overwhelming emotion, and it had not yet taken hold. She had been anxious and hyper-alert when Han was with the nurses seeing to Jaina's check up and her bath and her first vaccination, and had not felt rested until Jaina was back in her sight, despite the fact that she was able to effortlessly monitor her baby's mood and level of safety from a distance. The bond with Jaina was, in fact, shockingly visceral, almost clearer than it had been before she was born.
Leia's best guess was that now, separated from her mother in a physical sense, Jaina was able to exert her own minimal power on her side of the bond, rather than merely absorb Leia's power. It was a frightening and exhilarating thing, and Leia wondered what it would mean as Jaina started to gain awareness of her new world and her stimulating surroundings.
She knew Jaina was in safe hands with Han, and she didn't worry about her; she was, however, surprised at the ferocity with which she missed her, even though she was only a hallway away, and gone for less than a few minutes, at that. She imagined that Jaina might feel the same way, if Leia hadn't been able to so thoroughly make sure she bonded well with Han immediately. As it were, she could sense Jaina felt calm and secure with her father, and Leia clung to that, repeating the same process she had gone through with Han as she felt Jaina being passed from her father, to Luke.
Luke was the strongest presence - of course he was capable of soothing Jaina with his own power, but he was cautious and respectful, reaching out only to Leia without doing anything that might unnecessarily startle the baby. Sitting up nervously in her bed, Leia concentrated on her bond with Luke, giving him permission to gently reach out to Jaina's sensitivity. Jaina startled slightly, and Leia felt it like a shivery in her heart - a good shiver, just a new discover for the baby. Jaina's senses burst into a melody of glittery silver - colour was really the only way Leia could interpret the incomprehensible way the Force conveyed the newborn's emotions - which she associated with curiosity.
She felt relief that she was able to gently ease Jaina's transition into this world, and she grew more restless with each minute they were gone, feeling pleasantly anxious and excited to hold her again. It was such an unexpectedly freeing feeling, to want Jaina so badly, and to love her so much - until now, Leia hadn't realized that deep in the back of her mind, there had lingered a flickering, hidden shadow of fear that she might be afraid of her own child, but to look into the baby's sweet, brand new little face was to feel absolved of doubts she had feared.
She flexed her hands gently as she mentally chastised Luke, ordering him to return her baby to her. His response was amused laughter, but she knew he'd take her request to heart. And it wasn't just the baby, she wanted Han back by her side, too. She was very emotionally attached to them both at this point in time, and she was eager to return to their home and spend a few sequestered days with only him, getting to know Jaina.
Leia adjusted the pillows behind her, grimacing a little as she shifted. She pressed her knees together gently and resisted an urge to kick back the covers, lift up her cotton gown, and take a look at the damage. Partly because she was - admittedly - a tad bit squeamish about it, but mostly because she knew the little group was on their way back, and while Han would think it was hilarious, she really didn't want her father to walk in while she had her own head between her legs.
She felt as powerful as Ryoo said she would, after delivering a baby and coming to the full realization that she had accomplished such an incredible thing, but part of her also felt a bit perturbed - really, did it have to be so difficult? Her main concern right now was that Dr. Mellis had advised her to call a midwife to help her when she needed to use the sani. What an alarming notion.
She turned her head at the sound of the door opening, and was relieved to see Han leading a close knit parade back into the room - her father, Luke, and Chewie all fast on his heels. He was strutting, only a little, so she supposed he'd gotten over his nerves when it came to carrying Jaina. She sat forward eagerly, lifting her head and pursing her lips.
"You were gone entirely too long," she said softly, lifting her arms in anticipation when he got closer.
"Not that long," Han answered, sitting down next to her.
Leia leaned forward to take the baby, clicking her tongue softly.
"You go stand outside without her for a few seconds, you'll see," she retorted, snuggling Jaina back into the crook of her arm. "It will feel like an eternity."
Han grinned, and leaned forward to kiss her forehead, running his hand over the back of her head. He lingered a moment, smiling at her, then kissed the bridge of her nose, looked down at Jaina, and eased back to his feet, stepping back to Leia's shoulder so everyone could see her better. Leia, to her surprise, felt shy, suddenly, and she lingered for a moment, neatly arranging Jaina's blanket before she finally looked up.
She took a deep breath, and the she met her father's eyes first, and she nearly burst into tears again.
"Hi," she greeted breathlessly, the word cracking.
She was so glad to see them all there. That her father was present was the most precious impossibility, and even as she looked at Chewbacca and Luke, she thought of all the times she could have lost them - or they could have lost her - during the war, and then none of them would have been here for this moment.
She lifted her shoulders in a small, prim little shrug. She couldn't think of anything really profound to say, so what came out was:
"I had a baby. Han helped."
Luke let out a hearty laugh.
"And what, you still can't believe it?" he joked, swooping down on Leia gently and kissing her cheek. He slid his arm around her shoulder and bent over the cradle of her arms, even though he'd already seen Jaina, and held her up close. "Look, she can't either," he teased warmly, grinning at the baby. She looked back at him solemnly, and he nodded. "Your dad signed up for a transport job," he informed her in a whisper. He straightened back up, and then threw his hand back, whacking Han affectionately in the chest. "I think you owe me some thanks, pal," he said seriously.
"Yeah?" Han retorted dryly.
Luke nodded.
"She exists because of me," he said.
Han gave him an incredulous look.
"Uh, hate to break it to you, kid, but she exists 'cause of me, and Leia - "
"Thank you, Han," Bail said pointedly.
Luke shook his head smugly.
"No, thanks to me," he argued right back. He raised one hand and flapped his fingers against his thumb, pretending to have a puppet. "No reward is worth this," he quoted, giving Han a high-pitched, whiny voice. Han grabbed Luke's hand and rolled his eyes, slapping it down gently. "You too," Luke said, grinning at Leia charmingly. "I can't wait to tell Jaina all about how if it weren't for me hiring Han - "
"Hey, the Kenobi hired me," griped Han, arching his brows.
[I take some credit, too,] Chewbacca said mildly, approaching Leia demurely and looking closer. [I broke the hyperdrive on the way to Bespin so they'd get on with it,] he said mildly.
Han and Leia both gave him startled looks, and Chewbacca looked up, baring his teeth in a wry grin.
[A joke,] he assured them.
Han folded his arms, rolling his eyes, and Chewbacca bent closer, letting his paw hover hesitantly under Leia's arm. He worried that he might frighten the baby. Sometimes, human younglings screamed and screamed when they saw him, and were unfamiliar with his species.
"Go on," Leia said gently. "You won't scare her," she encouraged.
Gingerly, Chewbacca let the softest part of his paw touch the top of Jaina's head. The baby shifted towards the touch alertly, but made no noise, and Leia looked up at Chewie with shining eyes.
"There," she said. "You don't think she's ugly, do you?" she teased, just a little smugly.
Chewbacca blinked, then straightened and sent a nasty glare at Han. Han snorted, and held up his hands.
"I told her you said strange-looking," he defended.
[Why would you tell her what I said at all!]
"Because you told me that keeping secrets from your mate is how species go extinct!"
"Noble advice," Bail piped up, quiet, but dry.
Chewbacca stepped back a little, allowing Bail to come closer. He had been observing in affectionate silence, and now he moved closer, eager to spend a quieter moment with his daughter. Intuitively, Han reached down and gently took Jaina, settling her tiny frame against his shoulder. He turned his head, watching her nudge her head around curiously, and then grinned when she relaxed. Luke inched closer to peer at her face, still fascinated.
Bail took Leia's head in his hands and looked at her for a long time before leaning forward and kissing the top of her head. He rested his forehead against hers, and then sat down close to her side on the edge of the bed, letting his hands fall to her shoulders for a tight squeeze, and then to his own lap as he murmured a blessing in their native tongue. She accepted it, biting the inside of her lip. She reached out to take his hand, hesitated, and then instead, lunged forward for a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder, with all the confidence and faith that she'd had in him when she was a small child.
She felt that childhood faith in him more purely now than she had in a long time. Faced now with helping to guide and shape the future of her own daughter, she knew the unique obstacles he had faced, and the hard decisions he'd had to make, and she felt the last dredges of any resentment she had ever had towards him die.
She held him tightly, and Bail gripped her firmly with one arm.
"I am so proud of you, Lelila," he whispered firmly. "So proud of you, and all you've done, and so happy you get to have this."
Leia closed her eyes, nodding.
"I miss her so much," she whispered, and there was no need to identify who she meant. She wished, more than anything, her mother was here for this - but at least her father's presence made it much less bittersweet.
"Oh yes, I know," Bail agreed. He loosened his grip a little. "She'd be happy," he said, leaning back. He wiped Leia's cheek gently. "So, you be happy."
"I am happy," she assured him, wiping her nose on her shoulder.
She laughed hoarsely, and then turned her head, looking up at Han. He was still busy showing Jaina off to Luke, but she took the moment to stare at him in profile. Her heart skipped a few beats, and for a moment, she felt outside her own body - in a good way, admiring the scene because she was so delighted that it was her scene, in her life. She watched as Han ran his hand over Jaina's back, shifting back and forth on his feet in a very subtle rocking motion. She wiped her face again and leaned back, reaching over and touching his elbow.
"Han," she said. "Han, I want her back," she coaxed again.
Han turned, sitting back down next to her easily.
"S'how it's gonna be, huh?" he murmured dramatically. "Always gotta fight with me about somethin', eh, Sweetheart?"
"I'll always win," Leia murmured, leaning into him as he handed Jaina back.
"You sure about that?"
"Yes," Leia said firmly. "I have the food."
Han grinned. He couldn't really argue with that. Leaning back, he slid his arm around Leia's shoulders and let her lean into him. She let her shoulders relax, settling into an easy contentment, and smiled when Han pressed a kiss to the side of her head, turning his head to rest his cheek there for a moment, and then kiss her again, and draw back. He studied her intently, leaning over and lowering his voice.
"You doin' okay?" he asked. "You want to get some sleep?"
She shook her head, resting her temple against him gently. She was perfectly situated as she was right now - with him next to her, and some of the most important members of her inner circle around her. And she knew, that it would not always be perfect, and there would be plenty of messy, difficult days to come - but they would be messy in the expected ways, and difficult in a more normal sense, and that was fine - because right now, it - this - was idyllic.
-alexandra
story #380