Yato couldn't run from it. What he was. What he had done. What made him. He had been solely born to dish out pain and chaos to the world.
His doubts plagued him constantly. Choked him. Squeezed his heart. At night, those thoughts bled his brain with imaginary knives.
The thoughts didn't stop him, he wouldn't let them. Not when it came to giving her the happiness he swore he would. Something sworn by the shrine she had bestowed him.
He didn't always do her right. His plans didn't always go as smoothly as he wanted. But, most of the time, she laughed and hugged him anyway, thanking him for the thought.
Yato waited for it. The alpha and omega. The genesis and revelation. Beginning and end.
The end was when he'd no longer see her. Be able to watch her dance and laugh with friends. Relax on the roof and count the stars until she fell asleep snug in the crook of his arm. Then, under the cover of night, he'd place her back under her covers to be kept warm against the chill in her room and kiss her lightly on the cheek.
The beginning was the pain. A new one and an old one. Mixed together to wreak havoc on himself and the world. Not evenly of course. He knew he'd receive the brunt of it… First, at least, before he'd unleash it fully against the world. And he knew he would. He always did.
Each night, it kept him up and not even the familiar and strangely comforting sounds of Yukine's light snoring would calm him. Nothing could calm him.
He lived under the roof belonging to a goddess of poverty and misfortune and he, himself, was a living, walking, breathing being of calamity.
Disaster spun around him like a monsoon. It pushed and pulled and gave and take in unequal measure.
Each day. Each night. Every waking and non-waking moment.
He only wanted what was best. He only wanted them to be happy. For her to be happy. Just happiness.
Its why he always kept an origami crane in his right pocket and a cat talisman in his left.