It was a normal day for one Uzumaki Naruto.
He had woke up to the sound of his alarm clock, tripped over the numerous empty ramen containers on his floor, went straight to the kitchen, and was about to make himself a bowl of cereal, just like every morning. He scratched the side of his head as he stared at his open cabinet.
Empty.
He shrugged, and shuffled to the one to the right.
Empty.
Naruto's eyes grew wide. That was his ramen cabinet!
He let out a screech and stumbled over to his phone, cursing at his uncleanliness. He dialed a number he was all to familiar with.
"Ugh...hello?"
"SAKURA-CHAN! COME QUICK, IT'S AN EMERGENCY!"
"What? What's the matter? Is everything okay?"
"NO!"
"Well what's wrong!"
"I..."
"What is it?"
"I..."
"Naruto-"
"I-"
"SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!"
"I'M OUT OF RAMEN!"
Silence.
"...you woke me up...for ramen."
"Uh...well when you put it that way, it sounds kinda silly. Hehe..."
"Whatever. I'll be there in five minutes. And I'm bringing my Special K. You can have some, if you want. Talk about expensive though..."
Naruto paled.
"You're using-"
"Gotta get changed! See you in five!"
Before Naruto could retaliate, he heard a 'click' followed by the hollow dial tone. He felt his heart sink into his feet.
'Sakura-chan is using drugs? I can't believe this! I have to help her!'
With a determined nod, he ran out of the house and sprinted down the street.
Sakura was rarely on time anyway.
The first stop he made was to the local bookstore. He shuddered as he walked past the cut out of the main character or Jiraya's new adapted screen-play, Icha Icha Paradise 3: Trouble in Paradise.
Naruto rolled his eyes.
'Who knew pervy-sensei was so corny?'
Naruto walked through the isles of the store until he reached the 'Self-Help' section.
"Okay, let's see...Weight loss...Dieting...Excersize...no, none of this is right!"
He started grumbling to himself as he finished scanning the rest of the books. With a huff, he crossed his arms, and was ready to walk out, when he ran into someone.
"Kakashi-sensei!"
Kakashi's left eye crinkled upward in amusement. He gave a small wave.
"Hello Naruto. What brings you here? I didn't think you could read."
Naruto glared. Kakashi let out a chuckle.
"Just kidding. Need help?"
Naruto's face suddenly turned red.
"I uh...I need a book on...interventions."
Kakashi raised an eyebrow.
"Interventions? Is it someone I know?"
Naruto pondered for a second, wondering if he should tell Kakashi about Sakura.
'Nahhh, she'd probably be embarrassed if Kaka-sensei found out she was resorting to drugs.'
"Nope! It's for a friend of a friend. You probably don't know him," Naruto said while scratching the back of his head.
"Oh?" Kakashi started, "What's his name?"
Naruto began to sweat.
"Uhh..."
His eyes scanned the books on the shelves.
"His name is...Kei...Kei Mitzuki..."
Kakashi's eyes widened.
"He has the same name as the main character to Icha Icha?"
Naruto inwardly breathed a sigh of relief.
"Uh, sure."
"Wow, that's great! I wonder if he looks like him too. You know, that'd be pretty ironic-"
While Kakashi was mumbling to himself, Naruto slipped away and purchased an intervention book and a book on ketamine, Sakura's supposed 'Special K'.
Kakashi watched as Naruto ran away from the shop.
He shook his head.
'Sometimes, it's better not knowing what he's up to.'
Naruto sat down on a nearby bench, eager to learn more about the drug. He had only heard of it a few times, mostly from movies and television, but he knew enough about it to know that it was bad for you.
'Ok...Ketamine is a C-Classed drug often used as an anti-depressant. It is also a horse tranquilizer. Side affects include hallucinations, elevated blood pressure, memory-loss etc. Experts say that it puts a person in a trance, where they are almost unreachable. It leaves the taker lazy and disoritented, which could cause a drastic weight-loss. Continued use of the drug could lead to the failure of the kidney, which then leads to death.'
Naruto's eyes grew bigger at every sentence.
Sakura was going to kill herself!
He stood and gathered his books. He had to tell someone.
Naruto strolled in the shop nervously, glancing in every direction.
The woman behind the counter sighed as she heard the bell ring, refusing to look up from her celebrity gossip magazine.
"Welcome to Yamanaka flower shop, is there anything I can help you with?"
"Ino!"
Ino dropped her magazine with a puzzled expression.
"Naruto? Who are you buying flowers for? We both know you don't have a girlfriend. Trying to impress forehead?" Ino quesitoned as she walked out from behind the counter.
"Actually, I came here to talk to you about Sakura-chan."
"Oh yeah? What about? Her favorite things?"
Naruto looked down.
"Well...Sakura told me that she uses...," he brought his voice down to a whisper, "Special K."
Ino raised an eye brow.
"What?"
Naruto spoke a little louder.
"She's using special K."
"Come again?"
"SHE'S USING SPECIAL K!"
Naruto gasped and covered his mouth.
Ino smiled.
"Oh gosh, really? It's about time! I've been telling her to use Special K for soo long! I lost about ten pounds in two weeks! It's amazing!"
Naruto stared down at her in horror.
"YOU TOLD SAKURA-CHAN TO USE SPECIAL K?"
Ino blinked.
"Well DUH! Where else would she get a great idea like that from?"
As Ino continued to ramble, Naruto slowly stepped out of the shop and dashed down the street, back to his house. He was going to have to fix this himself.
Naruto opened the intervention book, Interventions for Idiots. He read the beginning paragrapgh.
'Congratulations! If you purchased this book, then you know someone who's abusing alcohol and/or drugs. Fortunatly for you, there are only about 3 simple steps to get your friend/cousin/aunt/uncle/wife/husband/son/daughter/brother/sister/mother/father/dog healthy and drug free!
Step 1: Getting to the root of the problem
Is your friend/cousin/aunt/uncle/wife/husband/son/daughter/brother/sister/mother/father/dog always sad? Are they going through a divorce? Are they having problems sleeping? Or are you just so annoying that they need an emotional release? These could be one of the many reasons that your friend/cousin/aunt/uncle/wife/husband/son/daughter/brother/sister/mother/father/dog is abusing illegal substances!
Naruto thought.
"Well, Sakura-chan thinks she's fat. So I guess that's her reason!"
He grinned.
Step 2: Creating the Intervention
If you are on this step, you're on the right track to recovery! Your friend/cousin/aunt/uncle/wife/husband/son/daughter/brother/sister/mother/father/dog needs to feel loved, and not pressured or stressed. Surrond him/her/it with people that care and love! You don't want any un-emotional folks for this step!
Naruto scoffed.
"It's good teme isn't here."
Step 3: The Final Step
You made it! Congrats! This step is simple. After the intervention, either:
A) Check your friend/cousin/aunt/uncle/wife/husband/son/daughter/brother/sister/mother/father/dog into the local rehabilitation center and let the system work it's magic!
or
B) Monitor your friend/cousin/aunt/uncle/wife/husband/son/daughter/brother/sister/mother/father/dog yourself! Don't be afraid to get aggresive!
With these simple steps, drug free is easy!
*Interventions for Idiots is not responsible for continued abuse, obesity, or death. If these steps didn't work for you, try our sister book: Interventions that the child-mind can handle, where the steps are broken down to a level that all 5 year olds can handle.*
Naruto nodded to himself. This was going to be easier then he thought. Just then, he heard knocks on the door. He gulped.
"Naruto! I'm coming in!"
Naruto watched as his door slid open, almost painfully. Sakura smiled when she saw him sitting at his table.
"Hey Naruto! I brought you some Snow Flakes, your favorite, and a few boxes of instant ramen! Do you want me to put them away?"
Sakura gave him a worried look when he didn't reply.
"Naruto?"
Naruto sighed.
"Sakura...we need to talk about your abuse."
Sakura blinked and sat down.
"What are you talking about?"
Nartuo rubbed his temples and reached behind him to grab the Ketamine book. He tossed it at Sakura. Sakura eyes scanned over the title.
"Sakura-chan, I know this may seem 'cool' or 'fun', but it's really not. Drugs are a bad thing Sakura, very bad and I think we need to have a intervention straight away! Otherwise you-hey! Why are you laughing?"
Sakura was trying to surpress her giggles behind her hand.
"Naruto...this is-"
"This is serious Sakura! You could die! D-I-E."
Sakura just laughed louder and banged her fist on the table. Naruto was suddenly very concerened.
"Oh Kami, this must be a side effect of the drug!"
Sakura finally pulled herself together, only to sigh at Naruto's worry. She pulled out a bag and tossed it at him. He blinked.
"What's this?"
Sakura rolled her eyes.
"It's my Special K, idiot."
Naruto held the bag up to the light.
"But it's...cereal."
Sakura laughed.
"That's what Special K is! It' s a cereal that helps you lose weight!"
Naruto grinned.
"So you aren't doing drugs?"
Sakura shook her head.
Nauto threw the bag back at her.
"Great! I mean, I know you're fat and everything, but that's no reason to do drugs! That was stupid to think, right Sakura-chan?"
Silence.
"Sakura-chan?"
"Naruto...did you just call me fat?"
"Umm...no?"
Naruto heard her crack her knuckles.
He gulped.
Looks like he wasn't going to eat breakfast after all.
Or lunch. Or dinner. For the next few weeks.
Review? :3