Title: Green Melancholy
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or its characters.
Pairing: Harry/Snape.
A/N: Good to be back in the game! Emotion: Scared. Prompts: (Quote) 'Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you' - Roger Ebert . Song - Demons. Word - Icicle. Also, I would like to thank my wonderful teammate and friend, Corvey, who helped me correct my writing to make it a better piece. (So many grammatical and punctuation errors. Thy shall be ashamed!) Also, to my other wonderful teammates~! (*tackles Moka*) You all are wonderful! PRIDE!
Description: Severus Snape is being summoned by the Dark Lord. But Harry doesn't want him to go.
The burning sensation pulsing through Severus Snape's arm was what awoke him from his slumber. The first thing that flickered through his mind was confusion and then, a slow building emotion he couldn't quite process. The feeling seemed to creep from his toes and slither up to his stomach, giving off an uneasy impression that surged through his chest, making it rather difficult for the Potions Master to breathe. He exhaled shakily. This feeling was of one he hadn't felt since he had first been recruited. His arm, which bore the Dark Mark, was currently pinned underneath the sleeping form of Harry Potter. His bare back was facing Severus as he dozed peacefully, oblivious to his companion's pain. Severus cursed under his breath. Despite the convincing promises that Dumbledore had given him, he was being summoned. He should have known that no promise, no matter how well intended, would keep the Dark Lord for sending his summons, yet, part of him had desperately wanted to believe it. He cursed, inwardly, at his own foolish hope.
The man glanced at Harry. How things had come to be this way was still a blur to him. He remembered the beginning and the end, but the middle was all too fuzzy for him to even think about. He studied the soft breaths spilling from Harry's lungs, marveled at how his jet black hair gave a startling contrast with his beautiful pale skin and smiled, pleased that Harry's body seemed to fit perfectly with his own, temporarily forgetting his pain. It was still a wonder that he had Harry in the first place. He was certain that he didn't deserve him.
Snape gave Harry one last glance before gently removing his arms from underneath him. His body ached as he bent over to get up from the bed. He quickly changed into his black robes and matching black boots before storing his wand in his sleeve, hoping that, for once, he would not have to use it.
Refusing to return his gaze back to the bed, he walked to the front door of Spinner's End. He was just about to twist the knob when-
"Severus?" a voice called out to him from behind. He spun around to face an awake Harry. "Severus, where are you going?" His brilliant green eyes seemed slightly glazed over from sleep
"I have business to attend to," he said, willing his face not to give away his true intentions. Confusion flickered across the teenager's face.
"No," he whispered. "You've been called?! H-how?! Dumbledore said we were safe as long as we were here!"
"Albus was mistaken," he replied after a moment. "If I want to gather more information for the Order, I need to go."
"For the Order?" Harry asked in disbelief. "You've been already found out! If you go back... they'll..."
Snape felt his blood boil in anger. "Don't you dare try to stop me from going, Potter. It's my duty to-"
"You idiot!" The raven-haired boy yelled out. His fists clenched tight, and his face was flushed red. "Dumbledore said you didn't need to put yourself at risk anymore! Don't you see your duty is to stay here? D'you really think Voldemort trusts you? He knows where your heart lies, Severus!"
"You know nothing, you insolent child! I'm-" Severus paused his tirade and examined Harry's face.
Harry, the love of his life.
Harry, who has shown him so much love and comfort.
It was more than he should ever deserve. The boy in front of him stared intently at him, and his eyes screamed of fire. Those eyes could purify your soul at one glance. It was a pity that Snape thought he had nothing left to purify. What he had was already tainted far beyond purification. "I am doing this for your protection, Potter. You need to be kept safe. You need to be kept alive!"
"Then stay here and protect me!" Harry protested. "Stay here so I can protect you, too! Why must you be such a stubborn bastard?" Harry's fists were clamped so tight that his nails broke the skin. Blood trickled down from his palms and left small droplets on the floor.
"If the Order wanted you to go they would have told you to leave!" Harry started forward, and Snape was sure the boy was going to try to hold him back. Instead the boy dashed around Severus and stood in front of the door. "You're not leaving. I won't let you," he said firmly.
"Harry, I have-" Severus tried to reason with him. Didn't he understand that without eyes and ears on Voldemort they have no advantage? Didn't Harry understand that Severus would do anything to keep him safe?
Severus sighed. He was so tired. He would turn around and march right back into his bed if he had a choice. God, was he tired.
"Go ahead," Harry screamed as tears started to pool in his eyes, before gushing over. "Try to get past me, I'll stun you if I have to!"
"Is that a threat, Potter?" he asked with his old venom. Snape's face hardened behind his summoned Occlumency. He forced his emotion away. He glared into the boy's face without tenderness. "For Merlin sake! You're behaving like a whiney, little brat!"
Harry didn't say anything; he just lowered his head. Severus noticed that his body was trembling.
"Severus, I swear I'll-"
"Oh, please, Potter. Spare me and yourself," he growled. "You know that this is something I have to do. I must ascertain whether the Dark Lord believes me to be of use to him, " he tried to explain, wishing that Harry would just stop making it hard on them both.
"No! No! No! You can't go, Severus!" Harry exclaimed, shaking his head back and forth like young child who was getting his favourite toy taken away for bad behaviour. "They'll kill you! You'll die! YOU'LL BLOODY DIE!"
The foul language was always a trigger point with Severus, and he felt a molten anger rise up within him. "POTTER, GET OUT OF MY WAY! NOW!"
The sudden bellow from the usual level-toned Professor seemed to startle them both. Harry's head snapped towards the tall man before him, his green eyes widening as his tears just seemed to overflow more. His young face was bright from screaming.
Before Snape could even think of trying to take back the volume of his voice, the boy before him fell to his knees. The burning in Severus's arm seemed to intensify. To ignore the summons of the Dark Lord was death. To answer the summons was to face possible death. He knew it, yet his companion seemed to be in the harshest sort of denial. "Harry, what are you-"
"Please." Harry's voice sounded scratchy and soft. His head was bowed so Severus couldn't see his face.
Severus's eyes widened. No, Harry. Please don't.
"Please, Severus!" The boy looked up, a look of pure desperation and pleading sketched on his face. He clasped his hands together as his body shook. "P-please... Please..."
The Potions Master shut his eyes and turned away, unable to watch the Gryffindor Golden Boy lose all his pride and dignity. The old-him would have paid a pretty galleon to see the image before him, but now it just made him sick in his stomach. Harry's brilliant emerald-green eyes were glistening with tears, his voice getting raw with every plead and beg that arose from his throat. Blood streamed down his pale arms from the wounds in his hands. It was painful to watch.
"Harry. I have to do this. I must," he said softly, the anger in his voice replaced with resigned despair. "For you, Harry. Please."
And, just like that, time stopped.
What?
Everything.
Everything just screeched to a halt.
Severus watched as the boy stopped pleading. He stopped begging. He stopped all movement save for the dilation of his pupils and the sharp intake of breath. Then, all at once, the world started again.
Harry's body shook. Images of a tortured Snape flickering across his mind as a not-so-unfamiliar feeling crept over him. "Your intellect may be confused, Potter, but your emotions will never lie to you." Severus had told him that at the start of the summer. It had been such a simple statement, but Harry hadn't realised what they had meant until this very moment.
Don't wanna let you down,
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth
Severus. His Severus. The man he loved felt he still owed the world something for his past deeds. Perhaps, in the eyes of the Head of Slytherin, his sins were plentiful and unforgiven. He was forever hellbound by the decisions that he had made as a teen. The decisions he made in his youth continued to haunt him, even now, and would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life. There was nothing that Harry could do about it.
"I love you," Harry said at last.
As if his words were a pair of scissors, something seemed to break free within Severus, and the man fell to his knees and looked at him with his deep, black eyes. Harry saw a moment of rawness in Severus that he was sure he would never see again. The the naked emotion was something that he didn't think was possible from him. Terror and uncertainty flashed across the older man's face before he captured him in a strong embrace.
The flow of emotions seemed to pulse between the two men holding one another in front of the door leading out of Spinner's End. It was the door that Harry knew Severus would be leaving through and would quite possibly not be coming back to. His stomach clenched, and his body shook against the older wizard's was nothing more he could do. There was plenty he wanted to do. There was the selfish part of him that desperately wanted to hold on to the little happiness brought into his life. He realised, in the end, despite his anger and his pain, that he was being selfish. Like a child, he wanted what he wanted and didn't want to see the larger picture. He didn't want to see any more people putting their lives on the line for him. And, perhaps the most selfish thing of all, he wanted someone else to put their life on the line for him that wasn't Severus. He wanted anyone but his other half to take the fall for him, and it was this painful truth that gave Harry the resolve to do what needed to be done.
The icy frost that glazed over the windows had given Harry a sense of false comfort, and the icicles that hung from the upper sill gave him a strange impression of protection. Hanging there, they seemed like such a deadly thing, sharp and pointy, but when they fell, they just... shattered into countless pieces.
Harry held onto the the black robes that smelled of love, winter, and potions. The eerie feeling of distress crept over him one last time before he allowed himself to let go of the older man and watch as the ominous shadow that was Severus Snape slipped out of the front door.