Thank you so much for deciding to read "Time Will Tell", and I hope that you enjoy this first chapter, which I never thought I'd have the guts to publicly display. The following chapters will be a bit longer than this one, and also the first couple of chapters won't necessarily be posted into routine, but I intend for the post day to be every Friday.
Chapter 1: Regardless
Unable to speak, I stared at the given-too-much-effort-for-my-comfort-zone gift. I had to admit, it was...magnificent.
"You...didn't...have...to..." was all I could mumble out.
"But, we wanted too. I just can't believe you're 21 already. Happy Birthday, Ben." my mom said, a smile stretched across her face. After realizing I wasn't speechless in the best way possible, her smile faded a little and she asked "You do like it, don't you?"
"Mom, I love it. I just think you guys may have went a little" I paused "overboard. I mean, look at it!" I gestured my hands towards my over-the-top present "I don't know that much about cars, but, wow! This couldn't have been cheap. I don't even deserve-"
"Ben" my father, said calmly. "It's our pleasure. Come on Karen, let's allow him to get acquainted with his new set of wheels." He wrapped his arm around my mom, and they left the garage, leaving me alone with the shiny, red vehicle. It looked fast, though this feature wouldn't necessarily suit me, as I preferred to drive cautiously. The rest of the day, I tried my best, to make it as regular as possible. I didn't feel the need to make it a big deal of me turning 21, or any other age for that matter. I still received birthday wishes, through calls and texts, and a few invitations to have drinks, all which were declined. My attempt to make the rest of today normal came to no avail when my parents insisted I'd have a social gathering. I caved, but managed to negotiate the gathering be intimate; close friends and family only.
I went upstairs to my old room, lamely thinking of an excuse to call the "party" off but figured I might as well endure the night, so I headed for the shower. I showered a little longer than I normally would, desperate to kill time. I washed my hair, for the second time today, brushed my teeth, twice, flossed, and every other imaginable thing. I saved picking out clothes for last, I always felt silly dressing up. Looking through my closet, trying to find that one ensemble that fitted the event, was kind of...frustrating. At last, I settled for a sweater-vest and jeans. Shortly, I heard familiar friends and family arriving, and I figured I, of all people, should at least be present. So I took one last look at myself in the mirror.
My golden brown curls dangled above my bright green eyes, which were, non-conceitedly speaking, my favorite part of my face. The other features weren't so...favorable to me. I had a slightly crooked nose, full, pale-pink lips, peachy skin. My body wasn't ideal, but I couldn't complain. I'm about 5'9'', lean, with nicely toned muscle, due to my dad being sort of a gym-rat. I definitely have some insecurities, but I wouldn't call myself unattractive, as I've turned quite a few heads through the years. Again, non-conceitedly speaking.
I headed downstairs, wishing it was the part where I'd say "Okay, then. Drive safely!". Despite how I felt, I put my best face forward as I entered the room and the not-so-intimate crowd yelled "Happy Birthday!"
"Um, thanks?" I didn't intend on it sounding like a question, but I had a moment of weakness because like the car, mom and dad went over the top on the guest list. Almost every uncle, aunt, cousin, friend, neighbor, and random person walking down the street was there. When they got the chance, various people came and personally wished me Happy Birthday. Since I'm notorious for being hard to buy gifts for, most people handed me money, which I didn't decline; they wouldn't have allowed me too, and my new car runs on gas, I'm sure. Eventually the party reached the point where everyone starting catching up with each other. I quietly left the house and escaped to the peace and quiet that was the garage. I leaned on my car, trying to drown out the distant chatter and music from my "intimate social gathering". I turned to the car, realizing I'd never been inside.
I hesitantly opened the door, as if I were about to commit some form of Grand Theft Auto. I slid in, and sighed appreciatively as the comfy seats relaxed me. I had almost completely drowned out all other sound, aside from my steady breathing.
"A GT. Nice!" a familiar voice yelled out.
Startled, I became alert and saw it was only my best friend, Matt. He admired the exterior design for a moment and then got into the passenger side. As my heart pace slowed, he started talking about the car, but it seemed like foreign language, so I just nodded. He trailed off after he saw I wasn't as enthusiastic as I he was.
"What's the matter?"
I looked at him slowly. "You know I hate the party scene."
"Yeah, but it's your birthday. Your 21st birthday. Man, when I turned 21...I couldn't get enough partying! The whole weekend I-"
"Yeah, I remember." I said trying to tune him out, thinking of his birthday last year when, like he said, he couldn't get enough. Unfortunately for me, I was dragged along everywhere.
"And I'll never forget Veronica!" the mention of her name causing me to hear him again. "She was sooo..." He looked at me and started smiling. "That Veronica..." he said, then went silent, apparently thinking about the last night of his birthday weekend.
I ,too, began thinking of that night. For him, Veronica may have been the highlight, but not for me.
Friday and Saturday were the longest, dreadful days of my life. I was grateful on Sunday when I heard Matt say "He was running out of things to do". Jokingly, I replied "What? No strip club?", and he looked at me with intrigued eyes, and took no longer than 2 seconds to say "Hell yeah". That night, he dragged me and some other friends to a well-known strip club named "Carter's". He even made me a fake I.D., so I could have the "pleasure" of going. I tried to be as enthusiastic as every other guy there, but being the gay guy at a straight strip-club wasn't really where I'd preferred spending my time. Even worse, I was a closeted gay, so no-one expected me to be grossed out by their pleasures. I was even egged on many times to "get the full experience", and all that crap. Matt had definitely been getting the full experience. Before we came, he made sure he was equipped with what looked like hundreds of singles. This one dancer, Veronica, who Matt had took a liking to, gave him several dances. She even took him to the back of the club after she found out it was his birthday, and they did who knows what. After what felt like an eternity of turning down lap dance after lap dance after lap dance, the evening was finally brought to an end, when Matt came from the back, a euphoric look on his face, and said "Boys, the weekend is officially over." Everyone went their separate ways after leaving the club, but I was spending the night with Matt so we headed for his car.
It was silent on the drive back. The radio wasn't even on to soothe some of the awkward tension.
I sat there trying to forget everything that happened tonight. Trying to force my mind to burn those vivid images of disgust. We abruptly stopped, in an unfamiliar, seemingly deserted place. Matt turned the car off and looked in my direction, not making eye contact.
"Where are we?" I asked curiously.
Matt didn't answer.
"Matt? Is everything okay?" I was concerned now.
"Yeah." he said, lowly. "Ben, I saw how you looked at the girls tonight. Like, there was no interest for you at all. Come to think of it, you always shied away from girls, even in high school. I figured you were shy, but tonight you looked...disgusted." He sounded as if he were trying to put a mental puzzle together, with no success.
"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to sound normal, though my heart was racing fast. I wasn't prepared to tell anyone about my sexual orientation.
"I don't know." he said, exhaling heavily. "It's just, normal guys our age, would've been...I mean, it's okay if you are. You're still my best friend and everything."
I sat there quiet, debating whether I should turn down his accusations or confirm them.
"So are you...gay...?" He said the last word so quiet, I barely heard him.
I figured he deserved to know, after all these years of friendship. I took a deep breath and said "Yeah, Matt. I'm gay." It sounded strange saying that to someone else. Saying that, aloud. "But, don't worry, I know a lot of people have these misconceptions about gays, like we want to sleep with every straight guy, and we're always trying to convert them or something but, trust me, I'm not like that. But if you don't want to be seen with me then I-"
"Ben, it's okay." he said cutting me off. "I wont just stop being your friend because you're gay. You know me better than that. I'm just sorry for everything tonight, I know you didn't enjoy yourself." he sounded genuinely sympathetic. That's one thing I loved about Matt, he was an all around great guy, and even better, he accepted me as I am.
Tears welled up in my eyes. I always imagined looks of disgust when people found out I was gay but instead, all I saw was the same friend he'd always been. The way he looked at me was no different than when he believed I was straight. I couldn't believe I had a friend like Matt. I couldn't believe this beautiful soul was my best friend. "Matt, you being happy on your birthday is all that matters." I tried to keep my voice from cracking. "But thank you. Thanks for understanding. Thank you for everything."
We were silent again. I hung my head, trying to conceal the falling tears. I felt Matt lift my chin up and turn my face in his direction. He leaned into my face and kissed me softly. I was confused and taken by surprise, but I kissed him back. The kiss lasted for about 5 seconds when Matt pulled away. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that." he said, seeming to be talking to himself. He looked at me. "Don't cry, Ben. Please."
I wiped my eyes, and Matt started the car back up and drove back to his place. That night, it was like the fatigue from Friday to now, had been placed upon me. I was extremely tired and saw Matt was too. After brushing our teeth and saying Goodnight, I headed to the guest room, and he went to his room. Despite my strong need of sleep, I lay there thinking about the kiss. My first kiss. I never asked him why he did it, but there was no further indication that he was gay, as he continued to date girls. Even still, I had a friend who I could be myself with completely and that was all I needed. After that night, I'd considered Matt my best friend, and I was sure he felt the same. Sure, when I met him in the 10th grade, we had immediately formed a strong bond, but in spite of recent events, I couldn't think anyone else who deserved the title "Best Friend" other than Matt.
"...won't believe it! I can't wait to see the look on their faces!" I was interrupted from my thoughts by Matt talking excitedly He was examining the inside of my car. "We have to carpool tomorrow, man!"
"Ben?" a third voice came, my father. "Son, if only you liked this car the way Matthew does." he said, also appreciatively gazing at the car.
"I said I love it, Dad. Should I get on one knee and propose to it, as well?" I said, smiling.
My dad laughed and said, "Point taken. Anyway, I'm here to inform you that there's a cake waiting to be cut inside. Now, look surprised and happy, come on.
The three of us came into the dimly lit house where everyone was gathered around the table where my cake was. Two bright candles, the numbers "2" and "1", were on the huge cake. I couldn't help but smile when everyone proceeding into singing "Happy Birthday." When it was time to make a wish, my mind was blank. I couldn't think of anything I wanted so I just blew out the candles after making a fake mental wish. I managed to endure the rest of the night, talking to a few co-workers, family, and everyone else. Before I knew it, I wasn't quite ready to say "Okay, then. Drive safely!" After I helped my mom clean up, I kissed her, hugged my dad, and headed home. When I got there, I wanted to do nothing more than sleep, so I stripped, went straight to my bed and quickly drifted away.
