Santana usually hated the auditorium. It was an enormously empty place most of the time, but it was the place she came to think and to decompress after bad days. Most of the time, it was empty, leaving her free to do homework or play piano or sing or whatever she wanted, but, for the first time, someone had already claimed the auditorium. She could hear a high tenor voice belting out some Lion King song from the stage as she walked down the aisle. A confused look dawned on her tan face; she couldn't see the source of the voice. The only thing onstage was some sort of metal contraption that extended about 20 feet into the air above the stage. She crept silently onstage, craning her neck when she realized that the voice was coming from above the stage instead of on it. She could see someone inside the metal contraption adjusting one of the stage lights, and could hear his voice echoing down at her. Suddenly, the metal contraption let out a hiss and the singer lowered himself back to the ground, and stopped singing. As the metal basket he was in landed on the stage, she finally figured out who was singing; he was extremely tall and skinny, with short brown hair, and she could see the words "Stage Crew" on the back of his black t-shirt.
"Why'd you stop?" she asked. The boy yelped and turned towards her, his boyish face a very bright shade of red. "You're a great singer."
"Um… thanks," he stammered. "I didn't think anyone else was in here. I better go." He turned away from her quickly and started for the backstage area.
"Wait!" Santana interjected, causing him to turn back towards her. "I'm Santana."
"I know," the boy responded, still facing away from her. Santana froze; he knew about her? "I've seen a lot of your performances since I transferred here. You've got a brilliant voice. I loved 'Loser Like Me.'" Santana smiled sheepishly, and the boy walked back over to her. She was shocked to see that he towered about a foot above her. "I'm Addy McAllister. I'm a stagehand." He stuck out his hand and Santana shook it.
"Nice to meet you, Addy. Hey, why don't you come with me to Glee tomorrow? You've got a great voice, and God only knows that we need more strong male voices."
"I couldn't." Addy shrugged. "Like I said, I live backstage. I'm not a performer."
"Just come for one rehearsal. You don't have to stay if you don't want to." Addy was silent for a minute.
"Just one?" Santana nodded. "Okay, I'm in." She grinned. "3:30 in the choir room. Be there."
"I will. Bye, Santana." He disappeared almost immediately into the darkness offstage, and she turned to leave the auditorium, completely abandoning why she had come in there.
X
Santana found herself walking to the choir room a bit earlier than usually, almost nervously anticipating Addy's arrival. To her surprise, she found him waiting outside the room, wearing a red hoodie and looking absolutely terrified.
"Hey!" she said, walking up to him. He looked up at her, nothing but fear in his eyes. "Come on, Glee's about to start."
"Santana, I can't." His surprisingly high voice was shaking with nerves. "I can't get up in front of people. The only time I ever sing is in the shower, or when I'm sure I'm alone. I'm not a performer."
"Addy, it's not like you're singing in front of an audience. There's only kids in there. No one's gonna judge you."
"Santana, there's something you oughta know about me. I'm –"
"Hey, Santana, Glee's about to start," a familiar voice said behind her. She turned to see none other than the Glee director, Will Schuester, behind her, showing up on time for a change.
"Mr. Schue, I'd like to introduce you to Addy. He's one of the stagehands." Addy stuck his hand out and shook Mr. Schue's.
"Pleasure to meet you, Addy. Did you want to talk about technical stuff for a performance?" Mr. Schue asked. Addy was about to answer, but Santana cut him off.
"Addy's here to audition." Mr. Schue glanced from the Latina to the tall boy and back before smiling.
"We could always use more strong tenors. I hope you're up to the challenge." Addy nodded, grimacing with fear. "Come on in." The other New Directions were goofing around, but quickly sat down when Mr. Schue entered, followed by Santana, who was effectively dragging Addy after her. "Guys, looks like we have a new potential addition to the New Directions. You wanna introduce yourself to us?" Addy stepped cautiously up in front of the piano.
"Um, hi. I'm Addy McAllister. I'm a stagehand and I've been to all your guys' performances since I moved to Lima and I think you're spectacular. Uh, Santana told me that I should audition, and, frankly, she scares me so I came." The gang laughed, and even Santana cracked a smile. "I guess I have to sing for you." He glanced nervously to Mr. Schue, who nodded approvingly. "Um, hit it?" Brad, who was conveniently seated at the piano, began plunking out the open chords of the song that Addy was about to sing. He took a nervous breath and began to sing.
I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down
I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility
And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet
They say all's fair
In love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united
And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility
And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get
Oh, you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah, I just haven't met you yet.
Everyone in the room erupted in applause and Santana found herself grinning from ear to ear. He had sung brilliantly, and she couldn't figure out why he had been so nervous. She stood up and high-fived him, followed closely by Mr. Schue.
"What'd you think, guys?" the director asked the group. "Do we have a new New Direction?" The group cheered again. "Welcome to the New Directions, Addy." Everyone stood and offered their congratulations before sitting back down. Santana beckoned for him to sit next to her, which he did, exhaling heavily.
"Dude, you killed it up there. That was awesome," she whispered to him, causing him to grin. Mr. Schue had moved on to talking about neglected artists or something, but Santana was too pleased with herself for discovering Addy to pay any attention, until something Addy had said earlier flashed back into her memory. "Hey, Addy. What were you gonna tell me before Glee?" Addy's smile dropped immediately and the redness returned as he searched for an explanation.
"Uh… nothing! I was just nervous about singing in front of people." Something about the way he said it made Santana suspicious, but she let it go; she knew enough not to probe when someone didn't want to explain something.
"Alright, then. I'll see you around." They waved to each other before parting ways.
X
The night of neglect had gone spectacularly; Ms. Holliday and Mercedes had both killed their respective songs, and Mike had danced himself silly. Santana had tried to convince Addy to sing, but he was still too nervous to, so she let him be. It had been nearly a year before she got her first solo, and he'd only been in glee for two weeks. The next time they met up in glee was after Finn had broken Rachel's nose. She had showed up to glee declaring that she wanted a nose job, which had prompted Mr. Schue's latest lesson: accepting who they were and making those ridiculous t-shirts. Santana immediately flushed, which Addy must've seen because he put his hand on her shoulder.
"Why are you blushing?" he whispered.
"Nothing. It's nothing," she responded quietly.
"Okay, but you can talk to me, if you want. I'm not gonna judge you. I've got no right to."
Mr. Schue let them out a bit early that day, and Santana found herself trailing Addy. When he stopped at his locker, he saw her and turned with a smile on his face, which fell away when she couldn't look directly at him.
"Auditorium?" he asked, and she nodded. He took her bag from her shoulder and walked slowly next to her all the way to the auditorium. Thankfully, it was empty. He set her bag on the floor before hoisting himself up onto the edge of the stage. She sat in one of the seats, keeping her eyes fixed on the floor. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to." She didn't, so they sat together in silence for a few minutes. Tears had welled up in her eyes, and she rubbed at them roughly. She heard a light thump and saw Addy standing in front of her. He coaxed her upright before wrapping his long arms around her. She leaned into his chest and he started to rub her back. "It's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay," he murmured, his voice so gentle that she could no longer hold the tears back. There was something about this boy… she had no clue what, but she felt really comfortable around him, and not in a sexual way, like with Puck or Sam. He felt more like a brother, the brother she never had. She took a deep breath before saying three words that scared her more than anything:
"Addy, I'm gay." It was the first time she had ever said the words out loud to anyone, and they tasted awful. Addy just kept rubbing her back and squeezing her to his chest.
"I know." She looked up at him in confusion. "Like I said, I've been to all the New Directions performances. I've seen the way you look at… Brittany, right?" Santana nodded, her blush deepening. "Like I said before, it's okay." Santana was blown away; she had just told him that she loved the ladies, and he wasn't even fazed. There was something about this boy… She finally pulled herself away from him and sat back down, hearing him jump back up onto the stage. "Are you gonna put it on your shirt?"
"I don't know," she answered. "I don't… I can't. Not yet."
"Okay." The pair sat in silence again, until Addy's phone rang. He answered it (it was his dad), and talked for a second before hanging up. "I have to go. My dad's here."
"Yeah, I should probably go too." With that, they left the auditorium, both completely lost in their own thoughts.
X
Since she had quit the Cheerios, Santana hadn't spent much time at the field, but, for some reason, she found herself walking mindlessly a lot, going wherever her feet took her. Most of the times she ended up at the field, she sat in the bleachers, watching the Cheerios and the football players practicing. Like the auditorium, it was the perfect place to sit alone with one's thoughts. That is, until a certain teenaged boy ran up to her.
"Hey, Santana! How's things?" Addy said. His face was red and he was breathing a bit hard, but he still managed to look… Santana didn't know… cute? She stared at him for a second; he was wearing a skintight black muscle shirt, exposing his long but skinny arms to the mid-April sun. Yeah, not handsome, but cute would work.
"Okay. Just… thinking."
"Have you made your shirt for glee yet?"
"Nah. I don't know what to put on it."
"Well, I can think of one thing," Addy stated, staring pointedly at her, and she stared back, a slightly shocked look on her face.
"Addy, I can't. Not yet." He took her hand and squeezed it. "What're you gonna put on yours? Scrawny?" Addy rolled his blue eyes.
"No. Something more… I don't know, but not 'scrawny.'" Santana stared at him. "Santana, I'm not gay. Have you not seen me shamelessly flirting with you?" Santana laughed, causing Addy to smile. "I mean, I just transferred here a few months ago. I don't want to stigmatize myself just yet."
"I guess we're both stuck then," Santana said quietly, and Addy nodded sadly. "You wanna go for coffee at Mocha Joe's?" Addy smiled a bit.
"Yeah, coffee sounds good. Just let me go shower, and I'll meet you in about half an hour." Santana stepped down a few steps on the bleachers so she could look him in the eye.
"Addy, there's something about you. You're one of the nicest guys I've ever met."
"I do what I can," Addy said with a flourish of his hands as they walked together back towards the school, causing Santana to laugh. "See you in half an hour." He turned and jogged to the gym for his shower.
X
"Clearly you don't love you as much as I do or you would put the shirt on and dance with me," Brittany said, and stormed away, leaving Santana holding the white t-shirt Brittany had handed her.
"Hey, Santana." She turned to see Addy wearing a blue zip-up hoodie, with his Glee shirt under it, and looking very nervous. "Everything okay?"
"Brittany doesn't like my shirt," she replied opening her sweater to reveal the word "BITCH" in enormous black letters over her breasts.
"Nice," Addy said, nodding. "I approve." Santana rolled her eyes.
"Britt made me a different one." She unfurled the shirt in her eyes, flashing the word "Lebanese" at him.
"Is that supposed to be –" Santana cut him off and nodded. "Are you gonna wear it?"
"Not yet," she sighed, shaking her head. "I just… I can't walk around with this on my chest."
"Well, it's up to you which one you wear. I'll dance with you either way."
"Thanks. You make yours?" Addy nodded, but didn't open his sweatshirt. "Well?" Addy glanced around.
"Not here. Auditorium." They walked together in silence. Despite herself, Santana reached for Addy's hand and squeezed it as they walked, an action that he reciprocated. She could feel the sweat on his palm, and knew that whatever he had on his shirt was something he was really ashamed of.
Thankfully, the auditorium was empty, and they walked down the aisle and onto the stage in silence. Addy walked a few paces from Santana, keeping his back to her. He had begun to wring his hands nervously.
"Addy, whatever it is, it can't be worse than Lebanese," Santana said, smiling slightly. "Talk to me." He turned and walked back to her.
"Okay, but I have to explain something first. I transferred here so I could get a new start. I hated life at my old school. The bullies had a field day with me and I couldn't take it anymore. So, my dad and I moved out here so we could start over. No one would know us in Lima."
"Where's your mom?"
"She… she stayed in Portland. I told her something about me that she didn't approve of, but my dad was always there for me. He was the one who proposed a fresh start and I jumped at the opportunity to get out of that hellhole."
"So, you are gay."
"No, Santana, I told you: it's worse." With shaking fingers, he slowly unzipped his hoodie, but kept it closed so that Santana couldn't see what was written on it. "What I am about to show you is something no one here knows about and I'd like to keep it that way. Please don't tell anyone."
"Addy, you'll have to tell the glee club about it."
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there." He took a deep inhale and flung his sweatshirt open, revealing five letters in enormous black letters on his chest:
TRANS
Santana's jaw dropped. She wouldn't have guessed in a million years that this boy was transgender. Tears were welling up in his eyes, and he fought not to wipe them away. "We came here because no one knew. No one would call me dyke, or she-male or faggot. No one would know." He sat heavily, letting go of his hoodie and wiping his eyes. "That's why I wasn't sure what I wanted to put on the shirt." Santana wrapped an arm around his… her? No, his shoulder, pulling him in close to her and allowing him to break down in tears. "I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back." That phrase rang through Santana's head: it was exactly the same thing she had said to Brittany just a few weeks before.
"It's okay, Addy. We'll support you. We're a club of freaks and we love ourselves for it." Addy sat up and looked her in the eye.
"If that were the case you'd be wearing Brittany's shirt."
Santana sighed. "I guess you're right. Maybe I don't love me, but dammit, Addy. I think you're awesome, despite what might be your biggest insecurity. Being trans just means you have an interesting past." Addy laughed and stood up, glancing at the clock on the wall.
"We better get going. Glee's gonna start in a few minutes." He zipped up his hoodie, thus hiding his shame. She took the hand that he had stuck towards her and heaved herself upright and they walked out of the auditorium together, never letting go of each other's hand. When they arrived at the choir room door, Santana stopped, hesitating for just a second. "Hey, Santana. You okay?"
"Uh, yeah. Go on in. I.. I gotta go to the bathroom." Santana turned quickly and walked into the girls bathroom. She slammed the door, and unfurled the t-shirt Brittany had given her. The word "Lebanese" reflected at her in the mirror, and, without hesitation, she pulled the Bitch shirt over her head and replacing it with the shirt declaring her affection for the ladies. She zipped up her jacket, took a deep breath and walked out into the hallway and into the choir room. She was the last one to arrive that day; everyone else was chatting about football or music or what have you, but Addy was just sitting, not speaking, and looking like a startled baby. Santana sat gently next to him and squeezed his hand.
"Alright, guys," Mr. Schue exclaimed. "It's time to show off your swag! Here's mine!" With a theatrical flourish, he flung open his jacket to reveal "Butt Chin" and everyone laughed, except Mercedes who complimented him on his handsome chin. "Next!"
Mercedes wore "No Weave!" Artie had "Four Eyes," Brittany was "I'm with Stoopid," Finn, obviously, wore "Can't Dance," Kurt's was "Likes Boys," Zizes had a "Bad Attitude," Mike: "Can't Sing," Puck's shirt said "I'm with Stupid" with an arrow pointing to his pants and Quinn was "Lucy Caboosey." Sam had put "Trouty Mouth" on his shirt, which made Santana smile; she, after all, had given him the nickname. Finally, after Tina had shown her pride in her "Brown Eyes," Santana and Addy stood up together, still squeezing each other's hand for support.
"Whoa," Finn said. "When did that happen?" he asked, gesturing to the apparent couple.
"Chill, Frankenteen. We're not dating," Santana respond snarkily. "We just wanted to share our shirts together. My original shirt said 'Bitch,' but a very dear friend made this one for me. It has come time for me to accept who I am." She zipped open her jacket to reveal "Lebanese," which caused Brittany to gasp and smile, but everyone else to stare at her in confusion.
"I thought you were Mexican," Sam said.
"Can it, Guppy Face. Brittany made this for me. The one thing I'm most insecure about is the fact that…" she paused. Addy squeezed her hand and nodded. "I'm a lesbian." Kurt shrieked and leapt to his feet, cheering wildly. The rest of the club stood and crushed her in the middle of an enormous group hug. As they broke apart, Santana remained rooted next to Addy, who was turning red again. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to," she whispered, leaning in close to him.
"No," he said loudly. "I do. This whole week is about accepting yourself for who you were, despite any flaws or insecurities you might have. I have to explain something before I show you my shirt, though. My dad and I moved here in February because I was being tormented at school. Bullies were having a field day, and I… I tried to kill myself. So my dad took things into his own hands and got a job out here, and we moved. I've spent my entire life trying to hide from who I am, but now it's time to come clean. You have made me feel safer here than I ever did at home and I want to thank you for it." Santana squeezed his hand and nodded, and he unzipped his sweatshirt to reveal his black sheep: TRANS. An audible gasp echoed through the room from everyone except Brittany, who was staring at him with a confused look on her face.
"Wait, what's wrong with liking trains?" Addy laughed.
"Brittany, it means that I'm… transgender." He stammered over the word. "I am a boy stuck in a girl's body. Does that make sense?" Brittany clearly didn't get it.
"Britt, it's like he's got a girl's body, but a boy's heart and brain," Santana explained gently.
"Oh!" The blonde smiled at him. "That's cool. I mean, it sucks that your brain doesn't match your body, but you're still awesome."
"Thanks, Brittany," Addy said sheepishly. "Um, yeah. That's my shirt. You now know my biggest insecurity." Mike stood up and started clapping, which got everyone on their feet within a minute, hooting and hollering their support. Santana wrapped him in the gentlest hug she could manage.
"You. Were. Amazing."
"So were you."
Mr. Schue walked over to them and put a hand on both their shoulders. "That is what I call accepting yourself. Now let's go make some music!" They all cheered and poured out into the auditorium.
X
Addy and Santana were the last people to leave the auditorium after Born This Way. "Man, you killed that solo!" Santana shouted, whacking him on the back. "That was awesome!"
"Thanks," Addy responded. "I couldn't have done it without you. Any of this." He gestured down at his shirt. "Thank you." He threw his arms around her and squeezed. Santana rested her head against his chest and sighed. "You wanna go for coffee? My treat?" Santana grinned.
"How could I say no to you?" she answered, and they walked together out of the auditorium hand in hand.