AN: So this is the first APH fic I'm posting. It's an idea me and a friend came up with on chat. I'm sort of wondering if she'll find this or not, it's sort of a challenge for her internet obsessed mind XD Anyway, enjoy!

It was a tradition in the Jones family to send their two boys to camp for the summer. It didn't matter what sort of camp it was, or what the cost, getting their sons out of the house was Mr. and Mrs. Jones' top priority. This year was no exception.

Alfred was not pleased as he looked over the brightly colored pamphlet, advertising this summer's hell in bold letters. Camp U.M. Was plastered on every page, leaving little room for any other information on what this camp actually entailed. The camps his parents chose usually were like this. The first one to catch their eye, so the one with the most garish website or newsletter. He had at least hoped it would be something creative this year. When he was thirteen Alfred had spent the vacation spelunking in Minnesota. A similar experience wouldn't be so bad.

But no, Camp U.M. Stated plain as day, "the classic summer camp experience that will create memories for a lifetime." Personally he was pretty sure these memories would not be good ones. Last year's camp had promised the same, and he did remember with astonishing clarity their councilor getting mauled by a black bear. Obviously the man had never heard that it was a bad idea to play with bear cubs.

And Camp U.M.? Who named a camp um? It seemed very indecisive to him. Of course, U.M. probably stood for something, Alfred just had no idea what. Maybe someone there would know. This fabled camp of misery was located in a miserable west coast state known as Washington. From what he had heard everyone in Washington had either turned amphibious from all the rain, or were major hipsters, never to be seen without a joint.

"Do we really have to spend the whole summer at this place?" Alfred complained from the backseat of the car as he watched buckets of rain blur the view through his window.

"Now son, your Mother and I deserve tog get you boys out of our hair once and a while." his father reprimanded, his voice ever stern. Alfred groaned. His brother, Mattie, didn't seem nearly as down. Matthew actually enjoyed their summer 'adventures'. His twin was currently clutching that insufferable stuffed bear to his chest. It had been given to him by their very much dead uncle who had won it in a game of poker against an eight year old. During the man's lifetime he had had few virtues. Mattie really needed a haircut. And new glasses. The younger twin just needed to try a bit harder to look more like him, Alfred thought conclusively, not considering the fact that the only reason Mattie was growing his hair out was to look less like his brother.

Alfred was becoming more and more worried about the location of this tip as the family drove deeper and deeper into the forest. They would be away from communication! All forms of civilization would be lost! At least one thing was for sure, in the event of a zombie apocalypse they would be safe.

"This reminds me of that one movie." Mrs. Jones said thoughtfully. It was a well known fact that the young woman had seen just about every movie in existence, and her photographic memory caused her to remember almost every detail as well. Mrs. Jones was capable of reciting by heart all of Disney's Aladdin, songs and all.

"You mean that one with the ghosts and all that?" asked Mr. Jones, who was a bit of a movie whiz himself, and might have been nearly as impressive as his wife if it weren't for his chronic memory loss.

"Ghosts?" Alfred all but yelled, his eyes growing big as saucers. Mattie rolled his eyes in the seat beside him, a motion clearly expressing 'This again?'.

"Don't worry Alfred, ghosts only go for boys with blue eyes." Mrs. Jones said. "So Mattie is safe, although it is very sweet of you to worry about your little brother.

Mr. Jones and Mattie shared a look. Both wondering if Alfred would have such a consuming phobia if it weren't for his mother's blatant teasing. Maybe she was just trying to give him a few weaknesses. Otherwise his ego would inflate so big he would fly away, never to be seen or heard from again. And that really would be a tragedy, Mrs. Jones could never handle losing one of her babies.

"It really is a good thing though, that Mattie will be safe. I've heard Washington has the highest rate in the country of ghost related disappearances." she said slyly, trying to keep a straight face as Alfred sunk further into the back of his seat.

"You know." he muttered. "Mattie almost has blue eyes, I mean some might consider them blue right? Maybe we shouldn't go to this camp. Not that I'm scared of the ghosts or anything, I just want Mattie to be safe."

"Not to worry, ghosts will only go after the loud ones. They don't like to be disturbed, so talkative people really bug them." Mr. Jones said.

Alfred refused to utter another word for the rest of the drive. It must have been some sort of miracle.

When the car finally pulled up into a small dirt parking lot Alfred was forced to break his quiet spell so as to bid farewell to his parents.

"Now Alfred, being the oldest we're trusting you to take care of Mattie." Mr. Jones said, one of those statements that were sure to push Alfred's ego back to its former glory. Because fourteen minutes, seventeen seconds was a whole world of time.

"And if a dog is barking, and you don't know why, I would run away." Mrs. Jones said, making Alfred quake slightly in his boots."And Mattie, please make sure your brother wears something other than that dreadful bomber jacket." She waved disapprovingly at said disgraceful article of clothing.

"We love you both tons."

"Don't get into any fights Alfred."

"Try to make some friends Matthew."

"Try not to make too many friends Alfred."

"Don't let the bed bugs bite."

"I'd be more worried about lice if I were you, lime disease is very nasty."

"Eat your vegetables."

"Get plenty of sleep."

"And make sure you take loads of photos for us."

The boys nodded in unison. The two adults helped their sons lift their luggage as they walked toward the camp entrance which consisted of a small wooden shack and a gate. It was not a beautiful sight.

"Hello, I'd like to check in my two boys, Alfred and Matthew Jones." Mrs. Jones said politely.

The man across the counter from her scowled. He had crude feature and a military haircut that caused Alfred to wish very much that they would never be required to interact with the man.

"Yeah, sure, you two come with me." he said, motioning the boys over to the gate. Mr. and Mrs. Jones transferred the rest of the bags over to their sons.

"We'll see you in a few months okay?" Mrs. Jones said, he voice breaking a bit as it did every year to be separated from her beloved children.

The four hugged, or Mrs. Jones hugged Alfred and Mattie while Mr. Jones saluted them, and the scowling man waited impatiently.

The two continued waving to their parents until the silver Subaru that was Mr. Jones' third child rolled out of view. Alfred turned to Mattie. "You ready for this?"

Mattie shrugged, but couldn't help smiling a little in return to his brother's huge grin.

"Hurry up already, you're already the last ones here." the crude man ordered. Mattie and Alfred quickly followed him as getting on his bad side did not seem the best course of action if they wanted to survive the summer.

They had to walk down a very cold path in the middle of the woods that was also very damp and muddy, all of this while lugging their heavy duffles and while rain dripped through their clothing. The stern man did not offer to help.

After what felt like forever a building came into view. It was tucked back into the trees, but thankfully was lit, so there had to be electricity, which meant heaters. They sped up their pace, for the first time pleasing their stoic companion.

Inside the building was a concrete floor, some random tables, and a bunch of teenage boys, lying every which way.

"Are these the last of them then?" A happy go lucky looking man in his late twenties asked the other man.

"Yes." he said simply.

"Good." the younger man said. "Then we can begin. Please sit down." He motioned Alfred and Mattie onto the hard floor. They both sat on their bags, as there was not actually a heater in this place and the ground was ice cold.

The army cut guy left, where to Alfred had no idea, and the smiley man walked to the front of the room. "Hello, my name is Mike." Mike went on to tell them his whole life story, the major points being that he grew up in Florida, and was twenty-seven. "We're going to have tons of fun this summer at Camp U.M.!"

Half the boys in the room groaned audibly.

"This is like, totally ridiculous." Alfred heard a boy sitting a few feet away from him whisper to someone. Was that boy wearing a skirt?

"I'm sure we'd all like to get to know each other, but for now you must all be tired." Finally he said something everyone agreed with. "So let's go over cabin assignments! At camp U.M. we divide into two groups, for games, competitions and stuff. This, where we are right now, is the main house where your concilors, like me, sleep. In that direction." he said, pointing out one wall. "Are the Allies. That way," he pointed opposite, "Are the Axis."

An Asian boy with short black hair raised his hand. "Sir, is there a reason we are using the names of either side in WWII?" He didn't seem to be the only one interested in this.

Mike laughed. "Because we're Camp U.M. of course!" he laughed, like that explained everything. "Anyway, let's get down to business, there are twenty-five of you, and twelve cabins. Not so may kids this year huh?" No one found this even remotely funny. "We'll have twelve in one group, thirteen in the other. Mostly it will be two to a cabin, but there will be a few triples."

He went down a list sorting us all into categories. To Alfred's great delight Mattie and him were put together in the Allies, but he was cabin #8 and Mattie was cabin #10. The boy who Alfred still swore was wearing a skirt also was put in their group with his little friend. The Asian boy who had spoken up was made an Axis.

Alfred was really very smart, he just didn't show it, and looking around he immediately realized how racist the sorting method was. There were kids from many different nationalities here, and they were all being sorted according to their countries allegiance in WWII. There had been nothing about this in the pamphlet!

"Okay everyone! Feel free to find your cabin and make yourself at home." Mike called.

Mattie and Alfred walked in the direction the Allies had been instructed toward.

All the cabins were pitifully small, and tucked back into the trees, one or two were actually in trees. It was like someone was trying to camouflage the place. Mattie left him to go find #10. Alfred was finding it difficult to locate his cabin. There was #7, and #9, where was eight? It took him about five minutes to finally see it, tucked back into a small hillock between cabins seven and nine. The little space looked as though it was just dug right into the hill in a manner that reminded him of those books by that fantasy freak guy. The ones with those short guys who had harry feet.

Alfred walked up to the door, which only confirmed his suspicions of the cabins roots when he found it circular, and stepped inside.

It really was very small. Just a small table, a set of shelves, and a bunk bed. His room mate had not yet arrived.

Alfred began to unpack his stuff, quickly designating which half of the shelf was his. It didn't seem all that different from the other cabins he'd been in, even if the outside was quite strange, Alfred analyzed. It was true that all the people working here seemed half insane if not more so, but most people working at camps in the middle of nowhere were.

The door opened. Alfred turned to look at his new roommate. He sort of froze up for some reason when he saw the boy, maybe it was those giant eyebrows, but they were locked in a red hot staring contest for almost a minute before the other boy broke his gaze.

"Hello." Alfred said, a little bit on the hyperactive spectrum.

"Um, it's a pleasure to meet you." the very British boy said, staring down his nose at Alfred in disdain. Was there something on his face? Alfred didn't think so, but he wiped it off with the sleeve of his bomber jacket just to be safe.

"I'm Alfred F. Jones! You're British aren't you? The accent kind of makes it obvious, but I could tell just by looking at those eyebrows!" Alfred said.

The British boy was visibly pissed off, the reason behind why Alfred had no idea. Did he still have something on his face? No, that couldn't be it."

"Arthur Kirkland. But I you may address me as Arthur." he said.

"That's cool! So I guess we're cabin mates, eh Artie?"

Arthur was fuming. "Don't call me that! And just for the record if you ever mention my eyebrows again I will rip that pretty face of yours rite off!"

Alfred stared at him, momentarily dumbfounded. Arthur humphed in approval, a small satisfactory smile now gracing his lips.

It disappeared a moment later, however, when Alfred burst out laughing. He was guffawing so hard he doubled over.

"What is so funny?" Arthur asked.

Alfred managed to right himself,breathing hard to avoid laughing more. There were tears in his eyes. "So." he said, grinning wider than the Nile. "You think my face is pretty?"

Now it was Arthur who was struck speechless. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but lost the chance to redeem himself when Alfred burst into laughter again. The British boy looked absolutely ridiculous when he was flustered.

Arthur tried to ignore the American boy currently rolling around on their floor as he inspected the bunk bed. "Okay." he said. "You want top or bottom?"

Alfred manged one disbelieving look at him before he was once more lost to his own cackles. Arthur was left analyzing what he had just said, a very dark blush coloring his cheeks. Alfred, of course, found this hilarious.

"I can already tell we're going to get along great!" The American said with a final laugh.

His logic was lost on Arthur.

AN: For one thing, not all of the people on each team will be historically correct as I had to make the numbers even. Take comfort in this, according to Wikipedia they are. Also the major players are in the right places. Mike isn't a country, but if he were he'd more likely be a state, Florida in my mind. With the whole zombie apocalypse thing, American's are major conspiracy nuts, so I decided to make him one. I do realize Washingtonians are not hipsters, that was a random generalization brought to you by the same person who came up with this fic with me. Trust me, I have nothing against Washington, I myself am a Northern Oregonian with relatives in the big W. This is AN is now painfully long so,

RXR please?

Extra credit points for whoever can figure out what U.M. stands for. Hint- the second word is a misspelling, if it were spelled right the answer would be obvious.

U all SUK (hehehe so punny) over and out