All The King's Horses and All the King's Men, a pandora hearts fanfic

I am blind, distracted, and silent from the pain. My hand cradles my head as it feels like it's going to crumble through my fingers.

A memory ravages my body, the hole in Sablier, the children, something like a lie, but I finally see through it. Then another memory, a face, smiling eyes, laughing, tousling my hair.

The pain intensifies this time it is not physical, it's emotional.

Claude.

Ernest.

Fred.

Their deaths swirl around me.

Vanessa.

Mother.

I want to cry out.

I killed them, my brothers and sister, my family.

It was me.

All me.

I am overwhelmed. I had resolved to find their killer and reciprocate the agony, but I now know I would be looking in a mirror, I would be destroying myself.

Anguish,

Torment.

Leo rushed toward me, I shove him away. I have to protect him, even from myself.

And then I fade again.

Who am I?

I fell the darkness pulling me down. A plea to sleep, forget, be happy again. The darkness is warm and inviting.

This voice..

Mine?

Or perhaps not?

I can no longer distinguish.

Soft, precious, forgiving sleep dances around me. Greeting me.

A voice reaches me. It is calm and levelheaded (for once). A smaller, gentler voice responds.

I know these voices. I force myself to recall them from my haze.

Gilbert!

Echo!

But sleep still pulls me.

It can't win.

I know.

I've seen my crimes.

I cannot turn back.

I cannot forget again.

I can only go forward.

My sword through my hand draws me back.

Anguish,

torment,

pain,

so much agony,

but I have made myself resolute. If this is where I die then die here I will. This may be my final stand,

I accept this.

"Who are you? Forget. Forget. Sleep," The monster inside of me soothes. I refuse to give in. I can no longer look away. I have no intentions of giving this being anything else that belongs to me.

"I am Eliot Nightray! And I will not let you take that away from me!"

I am vaguely aware I am shouting. I don't care. This is the truth and I will not fall victim to the creature any longer.

If I am going to die to hell with dying as someone else.

I am oddly clam after this realization collides with me. The raging storm inside me stills. It is time to end this.

Vincent looks down on me, his mismatched eyes whispering the faintest hint of grief. This seems like a lie. In my world Vincent is not capable of sadness, he exists in two extremeness psychotic and devoted, both of which depend on Gilbert. His voice, however, is void of any of what his eyes say,

"Don't Eliot, contractors should not reject their own chain."

"Vincent." I struggle out.

"Who would have thought that you, of all people were the core of Humpty Dumpty."

Had this been a different situation I might have laughed or gotten angry. I would have said something horrible and Leo would scold me. Vincent would forgive, but I have already made my decision despite the sing the words leave.

"Your chain went out of control too, didn't it? It was the same with mine. It kept repeating 'The Will of the Abyss.'"

"That... Thing..." I am fighting it still.

"I said don't, Eliot." I can't tell the emotion in Vincent's voice, "without it's contractor, a chain is too unstable to remain in our world. For a Chain rejection by its contractor means death. Of course, such a drastic measure results in the death of both chain and contractor."

I know this. I have concluded it on my own.

Vincent smiles, "If that's the case... well... here and now I can..."

Pain, searing and white hot. Humpty Dumpty wants control.

Vincent sighs, "Too bad. Looks like Oz-Kun has finally come to."

I feel myself being consumed by the monster. I feel its wounds, they manifest on my body.

No!

I am Eliot Nightray!

I am a Nobel of the Dukedom!

I am not giving myself up!

I will not die a lie!

I feel my own blood spilling. Vincent voices the assumption. The wounds Oz causes my chain are appearing on my body. The Incuses is almost complete. He then says the words I was waiting for. The words I knew were coming,

"At this point, even if you should manage to defeat your chain there would be not way to save you."

SO BE IT!

"So Eliot, would you rather be killed by me, or Oz-Kun?"

I laugh. I know it didn't make sense, but the thought of me being killed by either of those crazy foots strikes me as humorous.

I will do this alone.

I have never needed help before.

My mind instinctively leaps to Leo. I need him.

I...

Lo-

NO!

I am not going to succumb because of Leo, my precious Leo.

"Neither." I blink the blood from my eyes. So much pain, "Killed... by the likes of you..?" I can hardly breathe anymore, "Don't make me laugh... This is something... I have to take care of myself."

I have decided, "All the feeling that have awoke within me. Doubt, fear, regret, hatred... I'll bring them all with me."

I don't say it, but I'll be taking more with me, feelings that are precious and breakable.

"I wont allow this. Of a chain like you! How could I..."

I am drowning. I know I am sacrificing myself.

Why?

Couldn't it have ended different?

It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore.

My decision is made. I will not waver.

By the way.

"I..." a smile creeps on my face, "Humpty Dumpty I reject you."

It feels like every cell in my body is erupting at the same time. I am on fire and cold stones seeped in my blood give little reprieve. I might have screamed, I don't know. For a seconcd I think am insane, insane with this engulfing agony. For another second I think I'm dead, but I hear Vincent speaking softly from somewhere far away. My mind scrolls through the people I care for.

My brothers and sister, Ernest, Claude, Fred, Vanessa, they all fade too quickly.

Vicnent, Gilbert (I feel a gentle stab at this face, he will never know I forgive him, that I understand now),

Echo, Break, Sharon, Oz, Alice, Mother, Father...

How many are dead because of me?

How many other have I hurt?

Ada, a few other faces from school, Reim, Oscar, many of Pandora drift by.

The final face brings a pain so strong I think I have rejected the chain once again.

LEO.

Precious, precious, wonderful Leo.

Leo with the gorgeous eyes and perfect smile.

Leo,

my protector,

my sheath,

my Leo.

The only one I loved.

No, the one I love.

Acknowledging it is freeing.

I do love Leo.

For a second I forget I am dying. My heart beats firmly against my ribs in rebellion to the rest of my body. My heart is alive and has taken flight. I wait as the feeling washes over me. I hope he knows although I have never told him. I open my mouth. I know Vincent is there. I am sure he will make that endearing surprised look. I know he will give my last words to the one I love, "Leo, I'm sorry."

I feel Vincent nod and pull away.

My last deed,

apologizing to

my friend,

my equal,

my love

Everything fades to dark, a melody drifts in the night that surrounding me.

Our Melody.

Lacie.

The song of us together.

The song of our love,

The Song

Of My Leo.