"I am not depressed just depressing!" :D
This going to be in Both Booth and Brennan's POV's so it'll switch throughout the chapter/chapters.
The flashbacks will be presented like 'this' I hope nobody gets confused.
xoxoxoxoxo
Brennan's POV.
He had taken it well considering. I had told Booth today that I would be leaving for 6 months. He'd had his questions of course. Where was I going? Was it safe? The only one I hadn't been able to truthfully answer was his last question. Why was I going? I had an answer Of course. Just not one that he would like to hear. It was because of him. I needed to leave for a while...to get away and clear my head. But I couldn't tell him that...it would only make everything so much worse. It was the second hardest thing I would have to do...tell him that I was leaving. The hardest thing...would be to actually leave.
I always knew emotional attachments were bad. But I couldn't help but form them. It's a basic human need...love. I had learned over the years that the more you love someone and the more that you bond with that person...the more you hurt. I had spent 15 long Happy Years Bonding with my family...my mother and my father. Back then...an emotional attachment was normal for me. I didn't consider Not forming one. I didn't consider the hurt I would go through. But then they left.
' I was waving goodbye to my parents at the door as I watched their car drive away like it did every saturday afternoon. I didn't think anything of it. I didn't scream or cry and try to run after it because I knew they would be back in a few hours. But I was naive...I didn't have a clue that the were never going to return. I didn't know that this would be the last time I would see Both my parents together. The last time I would be a normal kid. Then everything changed. '
Grabbing a beer from the fridge...I knew that I needed it. I was going to be leaving my home tomorrow for 6 months. I was going to be leaving the people I loved. The people I considered my family. I was respectivly becoming like my parents. I was leaving my family.
Things hadn't been so bad when they first left. For some time I had Russ. He had done his best. Always managed to get me to school...he was like a parent. I thought that he was doing well. That he could handle it...that was until christmas that year.
'My eyes snapped open at 6:30 on the dot...the time I would get up every christmas. Okay so I was Now 16 but it didn't mean I couldn't get excited at christmas. I glanced over to my door and found a christmas stocking waiting there for me filled to the brim with wrapped gifts. Then I remembered. But would Russ really go to all this trouble. He was just a teenager himself. He wouldn't do christmas for me. Were my parents finall home? Had they returned. I scambles out of bed as fast As I could and shoved on my dressing gown before running out of my room, down the stairs and into the living room. It was empty. My breating became laboured as I realised my mistake. Russ HAD done christmas...just for me. But I couldn't be Happy! How could I be. It couldn't really be christmas...not without my family. Russ entered the room with a smile on his face...the best he could conjure up. His smile quickly dissappeared as he saw my face. I was Livid. It wasn't his fault but there was really nothing I could do. There was nobody else to take out my anger on so I did him. I shouted at him with tears streaming down my face...I shouted until I could anymore and when I had nothing more to say...I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room.'
That was when I knew I had lost him. He had left not long after that and never returned. I felt that with Booth too...after I turned him down...I thought I had lost him too...but he was persistant...he never left me. I don't know why I turned him down. But I need to get away...to clear my head...and that is why I am leaving.
Then there is a knock at my door which shakes me out of my riviere...and I know who it is. It's Booth...it has to be. Nobody else would come over at 1 in the morning. I have an internal debate with m own mind whether or not too let him in. But I know he would probably break my door down anyway. I take his advice...I put my heart into overdrive and I open the door.
It's then I realise I'm crying. There are tears running down my cheeks from reliving those painful memories. I would try and hide them...but I already know it's too late. He has already seen.
"You shouldn't be here I say." But my heart overides my mind once more as I step aside and let him in. He slowly walks past me never taking his eyes off my tear stained face. I still want to hide...but I don't.
I shut the door and turn around to face him. He looks at me for what seems like hours but in reality it isn't more than 5 seconds before he takes a step forward. "Bones?"
I look at him. I look at his face. I look at his bloodshot eyes. He's been crying? Do I mean that much to him? I don't know if I want to hear the answer but I ask him the question anyway.
"Booth...have you been crying." He looks at me.
"I umm...I'm not crying now. But you are." I raise my hand to touch my face and find that there are fresh tears running down my cheeks. Damn it.
Before I can even begin to explain my tears I feel myself being engulfed in his embrace. He is wrapping his strong arms around me...and I don't want him to let go. But I need him to. I allow him to hold me for only a few more seconds before I push him away. I run my fingers through my before leaning on the counter beside me.
"So...you're here Booth. What's up?"
"Don't go."
"What?"
"You heard me...don't go."
"What...Booth I have to go. I already signed up. I...I have to."
"No you don't...you can withdraw...you don't HAVE to go." I could feel my heartrate rise in my chest.
"Why Booth...why don't you want me to go."
"Because...because I love you. I love you and I want to give this a shot."
"You mean us? Booth we already discussed this...I can't..." and then he was kissing me. Just like the last time. I could feel it...a stong sense of dejavu...and just like the last time I didn't want to stop. I couldn't do this. So I pushed him away...again. I looked into his eyes while I rested my hands on his chest And again I couldn't stop the tears from falling at the pain I could see in his eyes. Again...I had hurt him.
xoxoxoxoxo
Booth's POV.
Again...she had done it again. I had kissed her...and she had kissed back. If only for a second I felt a sense of hope and accomplishment but then she pushed me away. She had pushed me away again...like she had being doing her whole life...she was pushing people away. But I wouldn't give up. I couldn't. I couldn't let her go...and if she did...I couldn't let her go without letting her know my feeling for her once more.
"Brennan." My voice broke on a sob as I said her name.
"Booth...please don't look so sad." There it was again...the same words she had said last time. But this time was different...I wasn't going to go without a fight. I couldn't.
"Brennan...I love you. I love you with all of my heart. I can't let you go. 6 Months Bones...6 months...do you have any idea how hard that is going to be.
"I will be back."
"I don't care! It's 6 months Brennan. I can't stand to be without you for a day let alone 6 months. I can't do it. I can't let you know...I...I love you too much."
"Booth...I...I have to leave. I need some space. I need time to think. I need to clear my head and get a perspective on what I want. I need to figure some things out. I will be back. I promise." I watched as she raised her hand and laid it on my shoulder and I couldn't help but lean into her touch. I realised I was fighting a losing Battle. I needed to let her go. Maybe with some space...she would realise her love for me. Maybe when she returned...things would be better. It was a risk I had to take.
I had to let her go.
"Just promise me one thing Bones."
"Anything."
"Please...be careful. If anything happened..I don't know what I would do." Without thinking I pulled her into my arms anf held her tight against me. This time...she didn't pull away. I needed to hold her. After some time I let her go and without a word walked away knowing I wouldn't see her again for a long time. "I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too Booth." And then I was alone in the hallway. I didn't leave...I sunk to the ground outside her door and sat there. I don't know how long I stayed there but I had no intention on leaving just yet.
xoxoxoxoxo
It's not over...more chapter will ensue...IF i get some reviews *evil laugh* Please let me know what you think and if it is worth continuing! Thanks so much for reading!