Welcome, my friends, to this story of mayhem and not-quite crack. Enjoy. :)

"Sice, wake up and tell me the capital of Concorida."

It wasn't often easy to detect emotions from Commander Kurasame. Even if his face wasn't half-covered by an actual mask all the time, Queen doubted they'd be able to see past the one he'd carefully weaved into his skin. His tone did little to enlighten them either, as he'd somehow managed to find a perfect balance between professional and pay-attention-or-I'll-reap-your-soul.

That being said, the more time the class spent under his leadership, the more easily Queen was able to read the subtle eye-twitches that signified his certain moods. At this moment in time, he was… miffed. Not that any of the others would notice, but he was definitely miffed, and Queen knew why: he was used to Nine and Jack's antics during class, but Sice was another matter. To be honest, Queen herself was a bit surprised by Sice's lack of attention, considering the abundant amount of attention she usually gave their commander in class. And during practice. And when she hovered around the Command Center whenever he was there.

"What's the point of keeping my eyes open when I could answer these questions in my sleep? It's Mahamayuri."

Or maybe this was just Sice's odd way of trying to impress their commander.

A snicker from Eight echoed across the room. "I owe you an apology, Sice. You're a lot smarter than you look."

Queen placed her pen across her paper. Now that the insults were flying, she doubted the commander would be saying anything she could take notes about for the next few minutes of class.

Instead of Sice, however, the retaliation came from Jack. "You surprised me, too, Eight. I mean, given how puny you are, I expected you to punch like a ten-year-old."

And of course that would set off Eight's utter and eternal loathing of insults about his height…

"Mention my height again and I'll show you firsthand just how strong I am." Eight glared daggers so sharp at Jack that Queen doubted his katana would able to compare.

"Enough," the commander interrupted calmly, the balance in his voice unaffected by the others' attitudes. "I am concluding class early today." Before the cheers from the less serious members of the class could arise, Kurasame held up his hand. "You may use the additional time to work on the assignment I am about to give you."

"Sweeeet!" Cater sat up straight in her chair for once. "More Kill Shots? See how long we can last in the Arena? Test our–"

"No." The commander barely spared her a glance. "This assignment will be textbook related."

The excitement draining from the room was audible in the form of several different groans.

"Textbook assignments? What a waste of time, yo! Thought you were supposed to be our combat instructor, not librarily!"

"I believe the word you are looking for is literary, Nine," Trey corrected, as though Nine would actually listen or care. "And the commander has been assigned to continue several areas of our education, including that of combat, literature, strategic analysis–"

Trey barely vacated his chair in time to avoid the book that had been lobed at his head.

"Cadet." The balance tipped slightly towards reap-your-soul as the commander zeroed his gaze in on Nine. "This is a classroom, not a battle or training ground. I expect you to treat it as such."

Queen couldn't help but wonder if he would have cared had someone else thrown a book at Nine. Probably. Just not as much.

"Yeah, well, apparently you don't want us to learn anything about fighting at all! You'd rather us read a book, yo!"

Queen almost missed the unique twitch Kurasame reserved especially for Nine. Uh-oh. She could only see that when Nine had really pushed him. Something was simmering in the commander's eyes now, and Queen wasn't entirely sure she liked the looks of it.

"Very well, Cadet." The commander turned away from his desk, snatching a piece of chalk. "If you wish for a combat assignment, you shall receive one." The chalk was scratching quickly across the board, and Queen could just make out Ace and Deuce at the top. Writing their names, then. But for what purpose?

"All right!" Nine crowed, completely unaware to the fact that he'd probably unleashed something terrible on all of them.

"You all have one week, starting today and ending at the end of this class next week, to land an attack on a particular target." He finished off Rem's name at the bottom of the list and swiveled around face them, setting the chalk back down on his desk. "Myself."

Silence fell across the room for a few moments, and Queen was sure they were all remembering his first day when he had taken out Nine, Cater, and Ace in a less-than-five-second battle about a minute after they'd met him.

"A week?" Nine finally piped up again, a grin on his face. "Ha! Who needs a week, yo?" His spear appeared in a flash of light, and he lunged into the air.

Queen sighed. How many times had the commander seen him use his Jump ability? Did he honestly believe that was going to work? Sadly… he probably did.

Kurasame didn't even dodge as Nine dropped towards him. He just held his hand up and sent Nine flying backwards with his arms flailing out to the sides.

…Right into the chair between Machina and Ace.

Ace vanished, reappearing in the chair behind him before Nine's fist could slam into his face. Machina – who wasn't fortunate enough to have teleportation among his abilities – resorted to diving under his desk to avoid the sharp end of a spear.

Kurasame plucked up his chalk again and drew a tally mark next to Nine's name. "This board will keep count of your failed efforts." He turned back to them. "Now, unless the rest of you would also like to attempt a futile, unplanned attack, I recommend you gather your books and take the time to compose a real strategy. Should any of you succeed, I will free the entire class from all homework for the next month. Class dismissed."

"Oh, you gotta try, man!"

Machina shrugged Jack's hand off his shoulder. "No."

"Come on, Machyyy!" Cinque's voice took on that absurdly high pitch only she was capable of. "Why won't you help us?"

"Because I want to live?" Where was Rem? Maybe she could pretend to need him for something. Wait, no… she was a terrible liar, so that would never work.

"Oh, please! Old grate-face isn't gonna kill us." Cater flipped her gun in the air and placed it back in its holster. "Just help us out here!"

Machina eyed the portal of the Ready Room. It wasn't far… maybe if he sprinted, he could escape. "I… I just want to be left out of this." Attacking a clearly superior fighter that was also his commanding officer was not his idea of fun.

"Well, tough." Cater leaned in, invading his personal space.

Help me.

"It's fascinating, really, the incredible amount of detail in…"

After being friends for so long, Kurasame had learned how to tune out most of Kazusa's scientific rambling while still picking up on the key parts. Today's topic was something about the bone structure of his students.

Speaking of his students… as he and Kazusa exited the lab, he spotted one of them on the opposite side of the Crystarium. Trey stood next to the railing on his side, his nose in a book. As they passed him, he glanced up and gave courteous nod, even making eye contact.

No intentions of trying to shoot him, then. He thought not. Trey wouldn't try anything this soon, or that obvious. He was more the type to plan out every signal detail he could and wait for a particular type of opening he could exploit. He may have been a self-confident know-it-all at times, but he at least had the skills and intellect to back it up.

"The density, of course, is another matter entirely, but I suspect…"

The two of them crossed into the main stretch leading to the door of the Crystarium, and the door opened before they got close. The Class Third cadet entering the room triggered a spark of recognition in the back of Kurasame's mind. Yobatz was the name, if he recalled correctly. Quon Yobatz.

Quon spotted them and started to stand aside so they could pass, but he was suddenly knocked out of the way by a redhead barreling straight at them.

And so it began.

Even before Eight leaped into his attack, Kurasame caught the tell-tale sign of his Swiftwind Stance and easily stepped to the side. Kazusa, although a scientist, was still best friends with two leading instructors at Akademia and had enough reflexes to dodge the opposite way, which left Eight to slide between the two of them and plow into one of the bookshelves.

"Ow!" he yelled as three different books fell on top of him.

"By the Crystal, what are you doing?" Quon demanded, the only one in the Crystarium able to find his voice. Even Trey was staring, although he seemed more entertained than bothered by the disruption.

Kazusa arched an eyebrow over the frames of his glasses. "Student revolt or homework?"

"Homework." Kurasame resumed walking. He had another tally mark to add to the board.

So, there's the first chapter. Please let me know what you think! :)