Release my smile
I'm going to smile like nothing's wrong, talk like everything's perfect, and act like it's not hurting me…
Every single day Near felt the hurt. He may have been the exceptional child, in an orphanage for geniuses, but something was missing. And he knew what it was. Friends. Near had always been a loner, someone who people saw only as a brain.
Not like Mello and Matt. Mello was so emotional that people saw him as a bit scary sometimes, but he was never alone. He always had Matt by his side. They were best friends. Near wanted a friend like that. He wanted someone to tell everything to. A shoulder to cry on.
But he didn't want to show how weak he felt. With his intelligence, he knew that he had to be strong. He couldn't show weakness. He had to make everyone believe that he didn't care. He wanted to smile sometimes, so that people might begin to like him. He wanted to share his toys, let people build card towers with him. He didn't care about his intelligence any more, he didn't care about cases. He just wanted friends.
He sat on the bed in his little room, staring up at the ceiling.
"God, if you actually exist, though I believe it is rather doubtful, please, release my smile."