I own no one but my own people
A/N So this month has sucked. Hard. Like… wow hard. Everything sucks, nothing is going right, and I hate everything. Anyway, I needed something to distract me from all the sadness and depression and anger and hate and every other crappy feeling bubbling up inside me and fic writing is honestly the only thing I have left. It's a sequel to Camping Trip and you don't really need to read that to get this, but it may clear up some things. It's not my best writing because this story is mainly so I don't drive myself insane during this crap fest of a summer.
Olivia sighed as she looked over the tiny baseball gloves in front of her, not having any idea where to even begin.
She had wanted Noah to stick with fencing and equestrianism. Her son enjoyed horse riding and she knew from experience that fencing was a terrific sport to add to a college resume but her little boy had been so excited when it was announced there were sign-ups for a local T-Ball league at his preschool.
Tucker had wanted him to sign up for baseball the year prior but Olivia said he was too young.
Every little boy should play baseball at least once in his life Tucker had once told her while they sat on her couch watching a game and he saw how enthralled Noah was. The former IAB Captain had played when he was a child and he had grown to love to sport so much he had gone onto to play Little League, lettered in high school, and even got a small scholarship to play it in College.
After the academy, he had played faithfully as third basemen for the NYPDs official baseball team since the year he joined the force and was always the hero of the game and was beloved by the rest of the team. Then he joined IAB and everything changed.
Tucker lasted one season with his former team mates. When he wasn't being intentionally slammed into at practice by the runners, he was ignored. He wasn't invited to drinks after practice, to the big BBQ before their first game… For thirteen years, he had been third basemen and then out of the blue he was demoted to a designated hitter whose turn never seemed to come up, and the team captain had 'forgot' to order him a new jersey so he was forced to wear the one from his last year with the team.
The final straw though was the night before their last game. Every year the NYPD played their big rival game with the FDNY. New York's bravest VS New York's finest, and every year it drew huge crowds, huge money, Yankee Stadium gave them permission to play there, a few minor celebrities made appearances… One year it was even hosted on ESPN. It was both the police and fire departments biggest charity night and drew tens of thousands of dollars for each of the teams.
His jersey had shown up at his apartment the night before the big game and where his last name should have been proudly stitched on was only one single word in big bold capital letters; 'RAT'.
Tucker called up the captain and quit the team the very same minute he opened the box.
He tried to join a league with no police affiliation but it just so happened that not one but two police officers had also been on his team and soon enough, he was treated just as wretchedly on that team as he was on the other. He didn't even make it three practices before he quit and since then he had yet to pick up a bat or a glove.
Tucker had all but given up any chance of being associated with the game he had at one time loved so dearly until he saw the flyer for a T-Ball league, and he had pleaded Olivia to let him sign up Noah. She said she would let him play the year after. She had also assumed she would still be with Tucker when she did and he could have handled all the baseball stuff.
Then they had gone on that fateful camping trip, the trip that still brought tears to her eyes if she thought about it too long. He had not only broken up with her after she discovered his plans to propose to her, but after Olivia left for her apartment that dreary morning, the man she had thrown everything away for, the man she had 'tied for first' along with Tucker, had yet to contact her.
Tucker had cleared all his stuff out of her apartment by the time she and Noah were back from the hospital the day after they left the site. She had debated calling him once or twice but every time her finger lingered over the 'call' button, her guilt and fear would get the better of her and she threw her phone down. Tucker hadn't tried to call her either and since SVU and Hostage Negotiation hadn't needed each other's services so they hadn't had a chance to see one another even in a professional setting.
Eleven months had passed since that fourth of July weekend. She was supposed to be already married, Tucker was supposed to have adopted Noah, everything about her life was supposed to be different. They were supposed to be together, she was supposed to be Olivia Margaret Tucker, Noah was supposed to be Noah Porter Tucker. But instead she was still a single mother and most guys her age did not want to be with a woman raising a young child.
Slowly she had gotten over it. She could look at a photo of them without bursting into tears, her nights weren't filled with overwhelming regret at what she had done. Slowly but surely, things had gone back to normal, and Ed Tucker became just another name in her long list of failed relationships, but she truth be told, leaving him had hurt more than all of them combined.
At the beginning of May, she received a package in the mail containing a crimson colored t-shirt with a large golden lion and the words 'Lannister's Spiffy Kitty Grooming' on the front of it with 'Noah' and the number 6 written in gold on the back along with crimson colored socks, and a crimson baseball hat with another gold lion on the front of the cap.
Along with the uniform she had received a schedule of games, locations and practice times as well as a list of things she could do as a 'T-Ball parent'. There would be eight games in total and one practice and a chance for the kids and parents to meet the coaches.
It took the Lieutenant a moment to realize what this all was. Olivia had completely forgotten all about the fact that she signed Noah up for T-Ball. As she looked at the uniform though, she couldn't help but think back to her blue-eyed ex who had been practically beaming when Noah showed interest in watching baseball.
He would have been an amazing father she thought to herself as she wiped the tears from her eyes. He deserved Noah. Noah deserved him…
Now though, as she stared at the giant wall of gloves in the sporting goods store utterly lost and astonished at the prices for even T-Ball equipment, she was cursing her ex for getting her son involved in this.
"You look like you could use some help," a voice next to her suddenly said.
Olivia turned and saw an older gentleman smiling at her. He was attractive for his age, she estimated in his late forties early fifties, with thick dark brown hair just kissed with a touch of gray and gray eyes. He was wearing a charcoal gray t-shirt that showcased his exceptionally well built body and a pair of dark jeans that she knew if he turned around would frame his ass just right…
The lieutenant graced him with a smile of her own. "Is it that obvious?"
The stranger laughed and shrugged. "Don't feel bad, you have the same bewildered look all new sports parents have. Lemme take a stab… Summer league T-Ball?"
"Hit the nail on the head. How'd you know?"
"My son is in the same league and I'm one of the coaches," he told her. "I know it starts up tomorrow. I actually own they store that's sponsoring the team he's on."
"Which team is that?"
"The Stark Sporting Goods and Army Surplus Wolves."
"Isn't that the store we're in now?"
"Yup. We also provide all the equipment. The bases, the T-Ball stands, the balls…"
Olivia clicked her tongue. "See you shouldn't have told me that because now I may have to go shopping somewhere else for Noah's gear. Don't wanna be seen helping the enemy. I'm a Lannister Spiffy Kitty Grooming Lion."
Another smile that Olivia couldn't help but notice made his blue eyes even more brilliant then they already were. "I won't tell if you won't."
She grinned at him. "It's a deal… So, any chance you can help me pick out what my son needs?"
"Of course. Now, he's just starting off so you're okay to get away with a little cheaper, but you shouldn't go too cheap when it comes to his gear..."
For the next half hour, the man had helped Olivia pick out a glove, a pair of baseball cleats, and a good helmet along with a child's metal bat and his own T-Ball stand and ball for him to practice at home with.
"I believe you have everything you need," he said as he rang her up at the register. "Although, I do feel like I'm helping my sworn enemies by assisting you like this. Maybe you could make it up to me? Help dissuade my guilt a little bit?"
Olivia just smirked as she got out her wallet and handed the man his payment. "How exactly would I do that?"
"Well you could let me take you out for dinner."
Her face fell as her mind drifted to another blue-eyed man, whose ring was sitting in the top of her closet untouched since she showed it to him in the hotel room where he was staying. It was supposed to go on her finger, it was supposed to represent to the world that she belonged to someone, that she loved someone enough to agree to spend the rest of her life with him and someone loved her enough to ask.
Instead it was just a cold bitter reminder of what could have been.
She swallowed hard as the man's smile dropped somewhat as he waited for an answer.
Olivia cleared her throat as she looked down at the polished counter. "That's… That's a really sweet offer but I just…" She finally looked up at him, the pain in her eyes genuine. "I'm not really looking for a relationship right now."
The man's smile was now gone completely. "Oh."
"It's not your fault, I just… About a year ago I got out of a very serious relationship. The guy was going to propose on the trip we were on when we broke up. The wound isn't exactly fresh but it still hurts a little bit, ya know?"
"No no, of course. I understand completely. When me and my wife divorced, it was almost five months before I even had the courage to even go out for friendly drinks with a female colleague."
The Lieutenant gave him a sad smile. "I really am sorry. You seem like a nice guy."
"So I've been told," he said with what could have been a smirk. He grabbed her receipt and a pen form under the counter and scrolled something on the back of it before he handed it to her. "But when the wound has scarred up a bit more, there's my number."
Olivia hesitated for a moment before she grabbed the receipt and put it inside her purse, taking it more to be polite than anything else.
"You know I never did get your name… Even if we don't go out, we're still gonna be T-Ball parents together." He stuck out his hand. "Jason Stark."
Keeping it as cordial as she could she reached out and shook his hand. "Olivia Benson."
"Well Olivia," he said as he handed the lieutenant her bags, "hope I'll see you around the diamond."
"Hope I'll see you too," she replied with a grin that one could have classified as flirty.
The two of them smiled at one another before Olivia grabbed her bags and took her leave.
The next night she got an excited Noah ready to go to his first and only practice. He hadn't have been able to stop talking about playing since the second he saw the uniform in the delivered box. Olivia couldn't help but feel a surge of pride as she took photo after photo both on her phone and her camera so she could print it out later of her son dressed in his new uniform wearing his new equipment.
Maybe this won't be such a bad idea after all she thought as she and Noah took the short bus ride to a small park called Casterly Park here his team would be hosting their home games.
When they arrived, Olivia counted eleven different children ages ranging from 4-5 all wearing the same crimson red shirt running around, a few of the kids attempting to play catch with one another, another few were just standing around awkwardly, and a small blonde haired boy was crying and failing to be comforted by his mother who by the sounds of it didn't want to play baseball at all.
As she looked at the other parents dressed in jeans and t-shirts or tank tops and shorts, she realized that her work slacks and button down blouse may have been slightly overdressed.
"Olivia Benson?"
The woman who had spoken up was tall, an inch or two taller than Olivia, with dirty blonde hair pulled up into a messy bun hidden under the full-sized version of the baseball cap the kids were wearing along with frayed jeans, worn out sneakers and an adult sized version of the crimson T-Shirt the team was wearing with the word 'Coach' written on the back of it.
She had an attractive face with hazel eyes and was around Olivia's age but the officer could tell even under the baggy shirt and loose fitting jeans she had a nice-looking body.
"Have we met?" the lieutenant asked as the coach walked up to her.
"Nah, you're just the last newcomer." She offered Olivia a friendly smile and stuck out her hand. "I'm Ash Conner, one of the coaches."
Olivia took the outstretched hand and was surprised when she felt the woman give her a sturdy shake. "Olivia Benson, I'm Noah's mom. Come say hi, Noah, this is your coach."
Noah, who had been hiding behind Olivia's pantleg this whole time, poked his head out to look at the woman muttered a quick hello and went back to hiding.
Ash chuckled and smiled to let him know she wasn't offended at the shyness the four-year-old boy gave her. "Those are some really cool cleats, Noah," she told him as she kneeled to his level. "I bet they make you run really really fast." A shy smile broke out on Noah's face as he nodded. "I also bet that gloves means you can catch a lot of balls and throw them REALLY far huh?" Another nod, this time bolder.
The coach looked around and saw another new child, a young girl with curly brown hair looking down at her feet, not quite sure who to talk to or what to do. "Here," she told Noah handing him a soft spongey ball from her bag. "Why don't you go ask Lisa if she wants to play catch. Her glove makes her able to throw the ball really far too. Be sure to tell her that okay?"
Noah grinned before he took the ball and ran over to the new girl who, after a moment of talking together, the two young children ran off to find their own patch of dirt where they could play, beaming smiles on both their faces.
"Wow. I don't think I've seen him that excited to play with someone else in a long while. Good job," Olivia praised the coach.
"I'm a child psychiatrist, I know how to get kids to do what I want," Ash said with a short laugh. "Don't know a thing about baseball though."
"Well it's a good thing you're out here coaching T-Ball then," said Olivia with a smile to let the woman know she was joking.
"I know right? But no, my brother and I coached this team the last five years because my father owns the place that's sponsoring this team and my nephew was on the team the first two years so… But my brother was the baseball guy, unfortunately he won't be with us this season."
"Yeah, I read in the little newsletter that he broke his hand, I'm so sorry."
"Nah he'll be fine, Doctor said the cast should be off August. Thankfully my boyfriend turned out to be a baseball guru and practically jumped at the chance to help me coach this year." Ash glanced around the park and a large smile overtook her face as she saw another adult wearing the same crimson coaching outfit walk onto the field with his own sports bag full of equipment. "Here he is now."
Olivia's heart ran cold as she watched the person who was on his phone and not paying attention to the people in front of him, otherwise he would have seen the woman who had cried hundreds of tears for him, who had a pain in her chest that refused to go away, whose every breath had hurt her since the day she left the campsite.
"Ah, finally!" Ash greeted the man who finally looked up from his phone and stopped dead in his tracks as he stared at the brunette woman slack jaw and wide eyed. The blonde, oblivious to the stunned faces on either people, grinned widely as she walked over to the man and clutched the shocked man's arm in a way that made Olivia's heart ache.
Because she used to clutch that exact same arm in that exact same manner.
"Olivia, I'd like you to meet the other coach." Ash gave the stunned blue-eyed man a quick peck on the cheek, "and my boyfriend Ed Tucker."
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