Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation, its characters nor make any money from this story
Eiri was at home trying to type his latest novel when he was suddenly hit with memories and thoughts of Shuichi. It has been about a year and a half since he had broken up with Shuichi. When they had broken up, Shuichi had been about to go on tour and he had told Eiri he couldn't handle being away from him for so long. Eiri regretted what he had said to Shuichi that day and every day since then he had wished he could take back all those words. He had kept up with how Shuichi had been doing in the months since their break up. Every time he called Touma he would ask about Shuichi, he only asked about Bad Luck to try and throw Touma off. Touma told him that he was love sick over Shuichi but Eiri wouldn't admit it to anyone, least of all to him. He thought he had gotten over Shuichi until one day last week when he ran into him at NG. Shuichi had smiled at him in that quirky little sexy way, like he used to, when he saw him.
They were polite and friendly to each other and had spoken about their careers. When Shuichi had left, Eiri watched him walk away and he wished he had apologized to Shuichi right then and there for how he had acted that fateful day. Eiri's hands dropped from the keyboard of his laptop and he placed his head in his hands. He didn't know what to do about how he felt about Shuichi. He just couldn't stop thinking about him, he even dreamed about him at night. He needed to speak to Shuichi and tell him how sorry he was about what he had said to him that day. He needed to make Shuichi understand that he had been afraid of how Shuichi had felt about him and instead of holding him close, he chose to push him away. Eiri picked up the phone and called Touma.
***
Shuichi was sitting on his couch and staring out the windows at the lights of the city. He was thinking about Eiri and about when he had ran into him at NG last week. Eiri was just as gorgeous as ever and Shuichi had wanted to kiss him the moment he saw him. Eiri was very polite and friendly towards him. He wondered if Eiri had thought about him at all in the last eighteen months. No matter what Shuichi did, he thought of Eiri every day whether he wanted to or not. Then the doorbell rang, disturbing his thoughts, and he went to answer the door wondering who it was.
He wasn't expecting anyone and he knew it wasn't Hiro. Hiro and Ayaka had went to Osaka for a few days so they could spend some time alone together. Shuichi was still shocked that they had gotten married a couple of months ago. They hadn't told anyone they were getting married and had surprised everyone with a wedding when they all had showed up for what they thought was a housewarming party. He opened the door and his mouth dropped open in shock. There stood the one person he thought he would never see at his door…Eiri.
"Hi, Eiri. What are you doing here?" Shuichi asked. Eiri looked at him uncertainly and that threw Shuichi for a loop. Eiri was always confident and always went after what he wanted, no matter what it was or what anyone said.
"I need to speak to you about something important, Shuichi. Can I come in?" Eiri asked.
Shuichi stepped back so Eiri could come into his apartment. He closed the door and walked into his living room. He went and stood by the windows, which were on the other side of the room. Eiri stayed closer to the door and fidgeted with his hands.
"What did you want to talk to me about, Eiri? What finally made you come search me out?" Shuichi said with his back to Eiri.
"I… I needed to apologize to you… about the day we broke up." Eiri whispered. Shuichi turned around and looked at Eiri like he had told him it was the end of the world. Shuichi bent his head down and looked at the floor
"Apologize to me? But, Eiri, you never apologize to anyone. Why would you apologize to me? All you did was told me the truth about how you really felt that day. Don't be sorry, Eiri, never be sorry for telling me the truth." Shuichi whispered. Eiri walked over, stopped and stood in front of him. Shuichi looked up at him and saw tears running down Eiri's face. His mouth dropped open in shock.
"But, it wasn't the truth, Shuichi. I lied that day because I was scared and…" the wail of a baby interrupted Eiri in the middle of what he was going to say. Shuichi's eyes grew wide, he ran past Eiri and down the hall. Eiri followed behind him and walked into the room he saw Shuichi go into. He stopped in the doorway when he noticed that it was a child's room, a baby's room in fact because he saw a crib. Shuichi was leaned over the crib and Eiri's eyes grew wide when he saw the baby.
"Shhh… its okay, Hitoshi, Mama's here. Did my little man have a bad dream?" Shuichi crooned as he picked up his ten month old son and cuddled him close.
He turned around and saw Eiri in the doorway of Hitoshi's room. He swallowed hard and realized that Eiri was staring at Hitoshi. Shuichi looked down at Hitoshi and had forgotten that his son's blonde hair and golden eyes were a dead giveaway to who his father was. Shuichi glanced back at Eiri and knew that he had figured it out.
"Oh my god… Oh my god… I have… Oh god… He's mine, isn't he?" Eiri whispered and Shuichi nodded. Eiri stood there in shock and then grew angry with Shuichi. "Why didn't you tell me, Shuichi? Didn't I have the right to know?"
"Why should have I told you, Eiri? The day we broke up I was going to tell you I was pregnant but instead I got dumped. You told me that you hated me and that you had only used me. I was so hurt and angry and as far as I was concerned you had no rights, Eiri. You lost them the day you broke my heart." Shuichi said in a raised voice with tears streaming down his face as he pulled Hitoshi closer to him.
All the anger in Eiri faded when he saw Shuichi's tears. He dropped to his knees and buried his face into his hands. "I deserved that, Shuichi… I truly deserved that… I'll go now and leave you to your son."
Eiri stood up and walked out of the room.
"Eiri, wait…" Shuichi went after him but Eiri had already left by the time he got to the living room. Now Shuichi felt guilty and it was his turn to apologize to Eiri. He should have told him he was pregnant even after they had broken up instead of keeping it to himself. He looked down at Hitoshi and smiled sadly. Hitoshi reached a little hand up and patted his tear stained cheek.
"Oh, Hitoshi, I think I really hurt your daddy with what I said. What am I going to do?"
"Mama aaahh ppppbbt!" Hitoshi said in response and Shuichi giggled.
"Oh, really, is that so? And what else should I do?"
"Aaahh gaaah nana." Shuichi giggled even more because Hitoshi wore that same determined look that Eiri would get when he was trying to tell you something important.
"Let's call Uncle Touma and ask him where your daddy lives." Shuichi walked over to the phone to call Touma and question him about where Eiri was living nowadays.
***
Eiri was lying on his bed in a pitch black room, the same bed he had when he was with Shuichi. As soon as he had gotten home, he had cried for hours. He felt so guilty for what he had done to Shuichi. He still couldn't believe that he had a son and that Shuichi hadn't told him. He understood why Shu didn't tell him. Shuichi was mad at him and was still hurting from what he had done all those months ago. Shu obviously hated him but he had loved the child they had made enough to keep him… Hitoshi…his son… Eiri started crying again, thinking of never being able to hold his son in his arms or to kiss him goodnight. Then he heard his doorbell ringing repeatedly.
It had better not be Touma. I told him I was okay and that I didn't need him to come over here. He got off his bed and wiped the tears from his face as he walked through his flat to the front door. He opened it and his eyes grew wide when he saw who it was. It was Shuichi with their son Hitoshi in tow.
"Shuichi, what are you doing here?" Eiri asked in a slightly shocked voice.
"I needed to speak to you, Eiri." Shuichi said as he walked past Eiri and went into his living room.
Eiri closed the front door and turned on the lamp nearest him so they didn't have to be in the dark. Shuichi leaned over and sat Hitoshi on the floor. Eiri watched him take off Hitoshi's hat and coat. He watched Hitoshi crawl over to his coffee table and pull himself up. He smiled, in spite of himself, when those little hands started to slap the table top. He looked over at Shuichi and Shuichi was watching him, Eiri blushed and looked away. He knew Shuichi could see the evidence of his crying and he knew if Shuichi asked about it he would start crying all over again.
"You said you needed to speak to me, Shuichi?" Eiri said as he walked over towards his sliding glass doors. His back was turned to Shuichi and then he felt his little hand on his shoulder. He didn't turn around because he couldn't bear to look at Shuichi. He was afraid of what Shuichi was about to say.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier, Eiri. I shouldn't have said what I did but it needed to be said. I'm also sorry I didn't tell you I was pregnant. I should have told you regardless of what had gone on between us. You did have the right to know, Eiri, but I was so hurt at the time… I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me." Shuichi whispered. Eiri didn't say anything and just stood there with Shuichi's hand on his shoulder. Then he felt Shuichi put his other hand on his other shoulder and lean into him. "I spoke to Touma before I came over here. Do you know what he told me, Eiri?"
"No, I have no clue what he said. What did Touma tell you?"
"Touma said that you were different when we were together, that you weren't cold like you used to be. He also told me that you haven't been the same since we broke up. It was like you had lost all the life you had in you. He also told me to ask you about what really happened that day. What were you going to tell me when you came over earlier?" Shuichi whispered. Eiri ran a hand through his hair and let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. He wrapped his arms around himself and leaned his forehead against the glass of the doors.
"I was going to tell you that I was sorry I said all those nasty things to you and that I had never hated you in the first place." Eiri whispered. "I was scared of how I felt, Shu, and I didn't know how to deal with it. You made me feel things that I didn't want to feel. You made me love again when I had promised myself to never love anyone. Ever since the day we broke up, I've closed myself off from everyone I know. I realized that I wasn't a whole person once you were gone… that I was a shadow that just existed instead of living. You gave me life and more than I could have ever asked from anyone else."
Shuichi gasped and dropped his hand from Eiri's shoulder. Shuichi backed up a few steps as Eiri turned and looked at him. Shuichi could see the tears running down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry these words are coming too late but… I love you, Shuichi… I have loved you for so long that I can't go one minute without you on my mind. I'm sorry I was never strong enough to tell you and that I was too afraid to admit it back then. I'm sorry for all of the spiteful things I did to get you to hate me and all the ugly words I ever said to you."
Eiri started to cry in earnest and dropped to his knees. He buried his face into his hands and sobbed. He cried for all the times he had hurt Shuichi and himself. Then Eiri felt someone touching him and when he lifted his head, he realized he was looking into a little round face with golden eyes. It was his son, Hitoshi.
"Ahh gaaah!" Hitoshi said vehemently. Eiri laughed and lifted a hand to that little face that looked so much like his own with Shuichi's softness.
"I'm sorry, Hitoshi. I didn't mean to make you upset." Eiri said to that sweet little face.
"Aaaaah gaaah Mama nana gaaaah!" Hitoshi said and then smacked Eiri's thigh. He looked up at Shuichi to ask him what Hitoshi was trying to say and saw the tears running down Shuichi's cheeks. He realized that Hitoshi was yelling at him for making his mama cry.
"Shuichi, I'm…" Eiri stopped when he saw Shuichi raise a hand.
Shuichi walked over and dropped to his knees in front of Eiri. Shuichi raised his hands to Eiri's face, leaned forward and kissed the tears from his cheeks. He watched Eiri's eyes flutter shut and he smiled. He placed his forehead against Eiri's and gave a little chuckle.
"What a pair we are, Eiri. I had always wondered if you had really hated me. I know you didn't because if you did hated me you would have told Touma to drop Bad Luck from NG. Did you know that I would ask Touma about you every day and he would tell me whatever I wanted to know? He even told me about when you tried to kill yourself. I came to see you the day after you were admitted to the hospital and I was there for two days afterward. They had you so heavily sedated that I knew you wouldn't even know I was there." Shuichi said
"But I did see you there, Shu. I thought I was dreaming but something deep down told me that it really was you. I hated myself so much for pushing away the only person who had ever really loved me. I had lived with guilt for so long that I didn't want to live anymore. I only tried to kill myself because I couldn't handle what I had become."
"Oh Eiri… I was so worried about you when I was there. The only reason why I left is because I was nine months pregnant with Hitoshi and due any day. Touma didn't want me to get sick because I wouldn't eat or sleep the whole time I was there. I would have been there when you woke up if I could have because I still loved you then… just like I still love you now." Eiri pulled back and looked at Shuichi. He could see love in those glorious amethyst eyes he loved so much. He felt a tug on his shirt and looked down. At some point, Hitoshi had crawled into his lap and Eiri smiled at him. Shuichi dropped a hand from Eiri's face and stroked a hand over Hitoshi's hair.
"His personality is so much like yours, Eiri. When I cry he gets this look on his face that is so you and he yells at me until I stop. Let me introduce you to your son properly." Shuichi said with a laugh. "Eiri, this is your son… Hitoshi Saito Uesugi."
Eiri stared at him in shock when he heard the last name. "You gave him my last name? But, why Shuichi?"
"Because I wanted him to have his father's last name whether he was there or not. Did you know your father was so happy he had a grandson that he gave me his full blessing to pursue you if I ever chose to?"
"What?! Even my dad knows about Hitoshi? Why didn't anyone tell me about him?"
"Because I asked them not to, Eiri. I didn't want someone to hurt you because of my omission. I always tried to protect you even when we were no longer together."
Eiri gathered Hitoshi in his arms and stood up. He reached out a hand to help Shuichi up. Once Shuichi was standing, Eiri pulled him against him. Shuichi wrapped his arms around Eiri's waist and buried his face into Eiri's chest. His free arm went around Shuichi's waist and he laid his head on top of Shu's.
"Do you forgive me, Shu?" he whispered against the strawberry scented hot pink hair. He felt Shuichi nod his head and tighten his arms around his waist. Eiri sighed and relaxed, then he felt a hand tugging at his hair. He looked over at Hitoshi and smiled. Hitoshi smiled back at him, released the lock of hair he had in his hands and stuck his tongue out at Eiri. Shuichi must had seen what Hitoshi did and started to laugh. Eiri laughed too and was happy to have his love back in his arms where he belonged.
***
Later on that night…
Eiri took Shuichi and Hitoshi back to Shuichi's flat. Hitoshi was in his crib sleeping and Eiri was sitting on Shuichi's sofa in his darkened living room watching him play the piano. The windows were open and a gentle breeze flitted through the room. The curtains were open and let in the moonlight. It spilled across the piano and Shuichi, making his hair glow a soft pink. Then Shuichi started playing a different song and began to sing…
As I sit here dreaming of the times we had
I remembered how you loved me
When I didn't even know what love was
Of the silent kisses in the dark
I want you to know that I have always loved you
Even when you didn't love me
That I had always wanted you
Even when you didn't want me
The feel of your arms around me
Holding me close in the dark
Stolen moments of time
Oh, I miss those days gone by
I want you to know that I have always loved you
Even when you didn't love me
That I had always wanted you
Even when you didn't want me
I let you push me away
When I knew you needed me
Because I loved you so much
I knew I had to go
I knew no matter what happened
That I would always have those lasting memories
Of the love that you gave to me
While I sit here in this darkened room
I remember the love you gave me
Of the heart that was my other half
And I remember it all even while I sit here
Alone in the dark
I want you to know that I have always loved you
Even when you didn't love me
That I had always wanted you
Even when you didn't want me
I give you my heart
Forever and beyond time
I give you my love
Because you will always be mine
Oooh, you didn't even love me
But I loved enough for the both of us
You didn't want me
Now I'm alone in the dark
You didn't love me
I should have known it from the start
You didn't want me
But I loved you anyways
I want you to know that I have always loved you
Even when you didn't love me
That I had always wanted you
Even when you didn't want me
I love you, baby
No matter where you go or what you do
I will always love you
You have my heart
But I want you to know that I have always loved you
Even when you didn't love me
That I had always wanted you
Even when you didn't want me
Shuichi let the last note ring out as he dropped his fingers from the keys of the piano and looked up. Eiri was standing over him and Shuichi could see tears on his cheeks, shimmering in the moonlight. Eiri sat down on the bench next to Shuichi, pulled him into his arms and kissed him.
After a while, Eiri pulled back and looked down at Shuichi and whispered, "I'm never going to let you go again, Shu, and I will always remember to let you know that I love you."
Shuichi sighed and snuggled into Eiri's embrace, happy to finally have Eiri's love at last.
-FIN-
{The song, Love in the Dark that was featured in this story was written and composed by Mimi Uesegi under her real name, Sharmesha Muldrew.}