Richard laid asleep next to the fire. Zedd, who had just finished his fourth bowl of soup, was just laying down to sleep himself. Kahlan was still sitting wide eyed and had no intention of going to sleep. Even if she wanted to she couldn't get her mind to slow down. She held a stick and was running it into the ground drawing a line in the dirt around her. Looking down to see that she had some holes around her, she abandoned the stick into the fire.
Her eyes roamed over the woods around them, her mind still having trouble believe that the war was over. Her eyes fell upon Richard. He looked as though he was having a bad dream, his jaw tightened and his brow creased. She laid down and starred up at the stars. "I can feel you thinking." she would know that voice anywhere, the only voice that caused her heart to race uncontrollably. She closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry." she heard him make his way towards her and settle above her head, when she opened her eyes Richard's upside down face was right above hers.
The smile that spread across his face made her laugh. "I don't know how you do that." she said smiling. His face grew confused. "Do what?" he asked as her smile grew. "You can always make me laugh, even when I don't feel like it." she studied his face as his smile returned. "I'm the Seeker, I can do anything." he said as he straightened up placing his hands on his hips and looking upwards in the hero fashion. She laughed and he looked back down at her.
When their eyes met her heart began to pound, she sat up trying to calm herself down. "Did I wake you?" she asked turning to face him. He leaned back on his hands "No, I just didn't like my dream." "Why not?" her voice was soft and fragile. "Kahlan," he sighed staring at the ground "Every time I go to sleep, I dream about you, and every time you leave me, and there was nothing I could do to stop you." he finished with his eyes closed like he was reliving part of the dream. "When were you planning on leaving?" "Richard, I have to go. I have duties." "When?" he was looking at her once again. She had closed her eyes so she couldn't see the hurt in his. "I don't know exactly. I couldn't bring myself to tell you." she opened her eyes, "each time I was about to, I somehow talked myself into delaying it." he leaned forward. "Why?" she tilted her head not removing her eyes from his. "Selfish reasons." the way she said it sounded like she hated that she had.
"I don't understand." she sighed standing up, "I can't explain it to you, Richard. Not now." he stared up at her confused that she couldn't explain. "Well, then can't I go with you?" the look that then crossed her face broke his heart. "No, there is something I must do and I will never be able to do with if you were around." "Oh." he broke eye contact and looked harshly at the ground. "Richard, this is why I suggested you go back to Hartland." her voice was filled with pain, and it tore him apart. "Anna." he said softly. "Richard, she can give you a family, a real life." "I don't want to go back." he looked at her a moment and kneeled down in front of him. "I know as much. That's why I ... " she paused trying to find a way to tell him what she had done. "That's why I've sent for her."
Richard jumped to his feet "You did what!" Kahlan quickly looked over at Zedd, who seemed to be sleeping deeply. When she looked back to Richard, he had made his way over to a darker area on the other side of their camp.. Her mind told her to leave him there, that he needed some time to think, while her heart ached for her to go to him. "I will not go back with her, Kahlan. How could I? I could never love her. I could never love anyone, not when my heart belongs to you." she walked over to him stopping a foot or two in front of him. "I am not an option. When I leave, I will take a mate, I have to in order to survive." he watched her as she pulled on her Confessors face in order to hide at least some of her pain.
He reached out and tussled her hair and gently ran a finger over her cheek. "I can't survive without you, Kahlan. I'd rather die tomorrow than spend a day without you." it was taking all of her strength to keep herself from kissing him. In her mind all she could see was herself throwing her arms around him and taking him. "Choose me as your mate." his words were strong and she could hear no fear in them. "How could you ask me to do that?" she took a few steps back from him. "You can have a normal life, family... a real love." "Kahlan, the way I feel about you is real. I've never loved anyone never cared for anyone the way that I do for you." he stepped closer just as she took another step backwards. She couldn't let him get close. The warmth coming from his body was making her weak.
"You and I could never have anything. Our feelings for each other make no difference. You know that I care for you, and that's why I sent for An~" he interrupted her "please don't do this. You can have me, we can be together, have a family together. You and me." "Richard, we- I can't. This was already hard for me, and it shouldn't be. I shouldn't have fallen in love with you, not knowing what I am." He stepped as close as he could grabbing her hands in his "What you are makes no difference to me, as long as I can call you mine." There was only an inch or two between their faces now that she could no longer back away from him due to the large pine behind her.
He leaned forward slowly, until she was pressed against the tree, when his lips met hers she didn't pull away, she was rapidly losing her will power and all her reason was running for the forest. She pulled him to her holding him as close to her as she could. His warmth flowing through her as she welcomed it like a wind.
Their hands roamed over the others body, their lips never parting. When Richard had almost completely unfastened her dress a wave of reality slammed into her. "Richard, stop." she gasped. When he pulled away he too became aware of what was happening. Looking back up to her face "I want you to choose me. Take me."he said half breathed. She was having to hold her dress in place so it wouldn't fall to the ground. She was trying desperately to ignore is request. "We can't do this." she said finally. He turned around to be sure Zedd hadn't awaken.
"I'm sorry." he turned back to her as she continued "I didn't want to leave toy alone. I wanted you to have a chance to be happy. Even though without you I would not." a small smile crossed his lips "I could never be happy without you," his smile grew "Kahlan, I love you. I love being with you, and if for the rest of my life all I can do is hold you, I'll be the happiest man alive." she stepped to him. "Hold me?" he pulled her close and together they laid down. Kahlans head resting in the corner of his shoulder and his neck, her hand across his chest. "Thank you." and she was asleep.
Richard remained awake for sometime afterwards. He was trying to memorize the feelings around him. The way her body fit his perfectly, the way he could smell her when the wind blew and the look on her face as she slept in his arms: Calm, relaxed, she looked peaceful. He hadn't seen her like that since their first night back together after his abduction by Denna. His time with her it was imagined images like this that saved him.