The night was calm after an intense battle with Negan and the Saviors, a far contrast from what the previous hours had been.
The journey to the Hilltop was one of constant danger and uncertainty as Rick, Michonne and the rest of the Alexandrian' were forced to flee from their safe zone. Spirits and morale were low as some members of the group were injuried during the momentum shift of the war. Negan' attack was one of surprise and would prove to have immediate consequences for their family as bonds were tested and lives were lost.
Upon their arrival, the group was met by Maggie and Jesus who informed Rick about the Saviors ambush on the road to the Sanctuary. Rick' senses were enhanced when Maggie told him that she had to execute a savior prisoner to use him as a barging chip, buying time so the communities could plan their next move. He could see the range of emotions displayed on her face. He offered her some reassurance "Maggie, you did the right thang. That was quick thinking, now we will see what he does next, and be ready." Maggie let out a shuddered sigh as she places a hand on Rick's shoulder thanking him for his calming words in the midst of chaos. No one knew what tomorrow would bring so these moments were appreciated.
The group begins to disperse to their different homes for the night, Rick gently interlocks his fingers with Michonne' as they head towards their trailer. Rick suddenly feels the warmth of his wife' hand disappear as she stops walking. "What's wrong?" Michonne stares down at her feet, not answering his question. Rick places his hands on her slim waist and pulls her to him, "Chonne, talk to me". "I don't know Rick. I need to process everything that has happened and how we move forward in this war. I waited, I sat around and waited, ignoring my instinct, when I felt like I could've done more and now our home, and what we've built is all but destroyed." Rick could feel the pain in Michonne' words as she spoke. His warrior queen was never one to play the sideline; she was a handler, a fighter and a survivor. "Michonne, no one understands your nature more than I do, I know your heartbeat, we're in tune with each other but you being out there while recovering from those injuries would've put you and me at risk. I needed you to help our son protect our place. Things went haywire because we didn't all stick to the original plan but our home is wherever we are, the people make the place sweetheart." Michonne gave Rick a half smile as she knew he was right but for some reason she couldn't shake the fact that she felt partially responsible for the destruction in Alexandria. "Come on, let's go check on the kids, call it a night, and tomorrow figure out a way to end this bastard". Rick leans in and kisses Michonne on her check. "You go ahead, I just need a minute to clear my head." Rick reluctantly agrees and proceeds to find Carl and Judith who have taken refuge in Enid' trailer.
Michonne watches Rick until he is no longer in her sight, only then does she begin to walk around the Hilltop. Her mind is racing and she is on a roller coaster of emotions. Pain, anger, rage, and sadness. These emotions threaten to extinguish her hope until she passes a trailer and sees Dr. Carson. She races into the room where she finds him along with Morgan and King Ezekiel who are comforting Father Gabriel by his bedside. She notices his brown skin is pale and his eyes are all but bloodshot. He is sweating profusely while taking short breaths. This is a scene she knows all too well. Michonne hesitates before she asks "Were you bitten?.." "No" Father Gabriel replies, "just a very bad infection, if Eugene had not let Dr. Carson and I sneak out, I'm not sure I would be alive. He assisted in my purpose to getting him back to Maggie.". Michonne lets out a sigh of relief that Gabriel was not succumbing to a walker bite. She thinks about Eugene, his loose spine and betrayal. She was glad he let them go but she figured deep down it had something to do with him being able to live with himself because that's all he truly cared about. She did find beauty in the fact that Gabriel had a way of highlighting the good in dire circumstances.
Dr. Carson gives Father Gabriel some antibiotics before he exits his room for the night. Gabriel watches Michonne, Morgan, and King Ezekiel, he can feel the weight of the war each of them are carrying. "What seems to be the obstacles on your hearts? This room is heavy, your spirits are heavy...Share with me, give your afflictions to he that is mighty so that you can be free in what this world is." Morgan lowers his head as his eyes become hollow, Michonne fidgets with her M necklace and King Ezekiel walks to a window near Gabriel' bed. "I fear I've lost my way in this world. I question if my fisad was truly that and if my blind enthusiasm led to the demise of my soldiers….Am I still worthy of my title?" Ezekiel never blinks as his eyes fill with tears, he begins to have flashbacks of the ambush he walked his people into that left only him, Carol and Jerry standing. Morgan and Michonne listen astutely as he relays what happened in that dreadful field. "There are no perfect leaders in this world. Not anymore. You gave your people hope, something that is hard to hold onto. Those men saved you because they believed in you."
"She's right" Morgan said. "When I came to The Kingdom with Carol, I no longer felt like an outsider in the midst of familiar faces. You saw the good in me, whatever is or was left. I don't know if I want to lose what I was or if I want to find it. I don't want to kill but I have to. If I survive this war, I can see myself moving on."
"Morgan, you're still what you were. You must believe that you can live in that again. Running will not decimate that feeling. Pain breeds in isolation. I know you struggle between your morals and this world, some may disagree but your presence forces them to think. Purpose your new scenery here. With us." Ezekiel and Morgan receive each other's words. Pain is still ramped in their bodies, blood still blue, but the slightest sliver of light is sparked. Although social status went to hell with the world, they both realize that the unspoken bond of black men remains the same.
"This war is a test for all of us, how far we will go, and what we will do to establish the way we want to live. The almighty can and will deliver us from the internal wars we face when close our eyes. The world is gone, he is not, we are not. The question then becomes what are we going to do to make that happen." Michonne, Morgan, and King Ezekiel all nod as they ponder Gabriel' words. A man who was once untrustworthy had now become a rock of wisdom and a constant reminder of what good was left in the world.
"Michonne, sometimes we must step back for a larger picture. Your pride is not worth your life." Michonne' eyes widen as she was taken back by Gabriel' words as she had not told him what was on her mind. "You don't have to speak a word, I know your spirit." Gabriel continued, "You have a rare commodity in this life: a complete family." Morgan reflects on his wife and son Dwyane and King Ezekiel wonders what that could be like. "Yes, the battle is here, war is on our doorstep but a rash decision of pride is not worth you not making it back to Rick, Carl, or Judith. Protecting home didn't diminish your influence, your assets were redirected and you did what you could where you were..." Gabriel grabs Michonne' hand as he looks her in the eye, "this burden is not yours to carry".
Michonne fights back warm salt tears as she thinks about her kids and Rick as she begins to refocus on the reason she urged Rick to go to war in the first place. She did not think about her role in this way. She tightens the grip on Gabriel' hand and he knows that is the unspoken thank you. "All of us find ourselves navigating the waters of this earthly war. Our values and characters are being challenged at every step. We may stumble and falter but faith tells me there is light and prosperity at the end of tunnel for us my brothers and sister. Trust him, trust us." Morgan, Michonne and King Ezekiel approach Gabriel' side as some tears flow through faint smiles. In this moment these four individuals recognize that while they are different, they all carry the qualities of reassurance, strength, perseverance, and determination. A common combination found in people with melanin. Knowing how to endure and march onward. It's quietly understood that this moment solidifies a tribe bond with each other that only they can sufficiently understand.
Gabriel, Morgan, King Ezekiel and Michonne exchange hugs and bid each other a goodnight. Michonne passes Enid' trailer and peaks through a window where she finds Carl and Judith sound asleep. She's grateful that for the moment they are safe and sound. When she gets closer to the home she and Rick are staying in she notices a faint light coming from a window. Once she gets closer she sees Rick sitting up in bed waiting for her arrival.
When she walks in she can sense he's been worried. "I thought you'd be asleep by now." Michonne said. "It's kind of difficult to sleep without you by my side...where'd you go?" "I went for a walk and saw Dr. Carson with Gabriel…..Ezekiel and Morgan were there as well. They brought me up to speed on what happened with them and we lost track of time, talking." Rick looked content with her answer but Michonne knew he wanted to know more. "All four of us are having trouble with what this war is causing us to feel and put us through. We all shared what that was like and we also gave each other insight into what makes us special. It was a conversation I never knew I needed with them and helped me put things back into perspective, for me and for us." Michonne begins to undress and joins Rick in their bed, he wraps his arms around her as she lays her head on his chest, their legs intertwined.
"How so?" Rick asked. Michonne went on to explain "Reminding me that what I have is rare and that relinquishing a different role sometimes doesn't mean that I haven't done enough or strip me of my value." Rick holds her tighter "There's no other place I want you to be other than beside me but this time I needed you there for the both of us. I may be saying things you already know, but it's nothing wrong with a reminder, whether it comes from me or our family..." Michonne looks up in amazement at the man she adores, thankful that they chose each other. Rick notices the look and her eyes and places a soft kiss upon her lips, when she returns it, he deepens their contact as his hands begin to roam. She reluctantly breaks their kiss and looks into Rick' eyes "I just want to feel you tonight. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I want to savor the feel of your body next to mine..." Rick understood what that meant, he and Michonne had a level of intimacy that sometimes made sex simply feel like a bonus in their relationship. Although he knew they both physically desired each other in this moment, their mental, emotional, and spiritual bond needed nurturing tonight. "Anything for you..."
It is at this moment that Rick let go of all fear, fear of the unknown, fear of being inadequate for her, fear of what the next day would bring. He has felt this way for a while, he fell long before he thought about speaking his truth. "Michonne, I love you. I love you for who you are, I love you for who I am when I am with you. I love you for the mother you are to my children, our children. I love your strength, and ability to see the future. You make me better than I should be and I will spend every day until my dying day making sure that you know that you are my everything, my heart beat, my backbone, my rock, best friend, and lover. I'm forever yours in this life and the next…." Michonne' flashes a beautiful smile as Rick wipes her tears. "I love you too, Rick. Thank you for consistently showing me why life is worth living and fighting for. The vulnerability you inspire in me makes me feel human and appreciated in ways I can barely describe. You brought me back and you keep me here. You're the center of my universe, the anchor of my being. My best friend and partner for eternity...That is why Negan is no match for us, he may have won a battle but he'll never win the war. Tomorrow we regroup and claim our place in this world...Together." Rick lifts her chin and whispers into her lips "Together". They share one last kiss before Michonne rolls over on her side with Rick right behind her. He wraps his strong arm around her waist pulling her closer so their bodies fuse together. Within seconds they both slide into a bliss of sleep..