Beth6787

December 2017

Forgotten

Set soon after "Workforce". Ever wondered what triggered C & 7 as a concept? Chakotay is far more affected by the Jaffen episode than Kathryn realises. Seven is a little more perceptive...

Chakotay watches her staring wistfully at the viewscreen. He can see the conflicting emotions playing across her face, although she does her best to suppress them. Not quickly enough, after seven and a half years working side by side every day he knows her far too well. Or at least he had thought so, until now... "are you sorry I came for you?" He hears himself blurt out loud. He hadn't meant to voice that question and he dreads the answer. She turns slowly to look at him "not for a second." But that answer could mean anything. He wants to believe she is referring to him. To them. But it could just as easily be her ship. Her command. Regaining her identity. Anything. He just does not know any more: not for sure. He smiles weakly, trying to be reassuring and dispel any awkwardness. Better not to dwell. Return the conversation to more mundane, non personal, matters. So that is what he does, not just for that shift but thereafter. Something indefinable has been lost. Left behind on Quarra, and he is not sure that it can ever be retrieved.

It's 0215 hours and he has woken from a restless half sleep yet again. Nine days have passed since they left that planet behind. Since she said goodbye to HIM in her quarters. But had she left him behind...maybe literally, physically, but not in her heart. He can sense it. That is what hurts the most. Although all their memories were wiped or altered the rogue Quarran medics - thank goodness! - lacked the ability to alter personalities. That was innate and could not be deleted without losing the higher brain functions of the individual. Not much use creating a zombie workforce that needed programming from scratch so they had never developed their technology that far. No, a sense of one's likes, dislikes, friendships and, yes, romantic attachments remained. Even though B'Elanna and Tom had not known they were married they were drawn to each other and re-formed their unique bond. The same had been true for the other Voyagers who were attached. All except Kathryn Janeway. She had instinctively felt single. Available and open to love. She had rapidly formed an attachment to Jaffen which had become serious enough for them to move in together in a matter of days. Yet here THEY were, Kathryn and Chakotay, still nothing more than next door neighbours after over seven years! Why?...

Protocol? Did he really buy that old, worn excuse? No. Plenty of married couples served on the same starships. Alright, it was rare for them to be in the same chain of command, at least directly, but not absolutely forbidden. And their circumstances out here were unique. There was no option for crew rotation and for the first four years Starfleet had thought them all long since dead. They were still thirty eight years from Federation space at maximum warp so the likelihood they would ever make it home in their lifetimes was remote at best. Even with the intermittent communications they now enjoyed.

Mark Johnson? Unlikely at this stage of the game. He had been re-married for four years and Kathryn had long since accepted it. Mark had been a convenient excuse to keep him at arm's length, but nothing had really changed since that 'Dear John' letter over three years back.

His history as Maquis? His background (somewhat less prestigious than hers)? Or how about calling a spade a spade. Maybe she just did not love him. Not enough anyway. Certainly their feelings were not of mutual intensity. Perhaps it was high time he stopped deluding himself. Fifty years old next Thursday, and here he was, moping over an unrequited love like a teenager. Time to 'man up' Chakotay he mentally chastised himself. You are single. You have been single ever since you and Seska went your separate ways (alright, since before you met Seska as there was never any love there) . He realised with a jolt that he had been single, as far any real reciprocation of his heart was concerned, for twenty two years! ! What a state of affairs.

Somehow the thought of trying to force himself back to bed seemed...futile, as Seven would say. Funny how he had suddenly thought of her. He shook himself both mentally and physically, went to the bathroom to freshen up then threw on some comfortable off duty clothes. Perhaps he would take a leg stretch around the ship, the exercise would do him good and clear his mind with any luck.

Her regeneration cycle was complete and it was only 0250 hours. She was not due in Astrometrics until 0700 and Icheb was on the night shift. If she disturbed him he would think she was checking up on him and did not have confidence in his abilities. He was about to take his final set of entrance exams for the academy and the last thing she wanted was to undermine that. No, perhaps she would head to the Mess Hall. Neelix was often a nocturnal creature and she could practice some of the "small talk" exercises the Doctor had set her. That should be fairly easy with Neelix to converse with, although it would be nice, just occasionally, to have more of a challenge...

Her decision made, Seven headed for the Mess Hall.

Chakotay picked up the pace, there would be no one on this deck at this time of night and his brisk walk was not burning off enough of his frustrations. He started to jog then hit a 'brick wall'. They landed in a jumble of arms and legs. Seven! "I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you alright?' He stood and reached out an arm to help her up but he was too late. She had sprung back up and was tidying her hair. "I am fine, Commander. No harm done. I would normally be in the cargo bay or Astrometrics at this hour so you could not have foreseen that I would obstruct your progress. I will return to the cargo bay at once."

"No, Seven, wait. You are quite at liberty to take a walk in your off duty hours. That is what I was up to. Clearing my head as I couldn't sleep. Were you having trouble regenerating?" He smiled at her, hoping to put her at her ease. They hardly knew one another he realised. Their interactions limited to giving and receiving commands, duty rosters etc. He realised she had not yet answered him. Looking at him warily and a little non-plussed. He changed tactic. "I have just about finished my jog and was heading for the Mess Hall to replicate some refreshment. Would you join me?"

This took Seven completely by surprise. Was he offering to socialise with her?! There again, he would be a more challenging subject for her "small talk" than Neelix and the Doctor would be impressed if she could keep a conversation going with the Commander. She would accept. "Thank you Commander. That would be acceptable." Chakotay smiled, the Doctor's idea of chit chat was a little off the mark, poor Seven could do with some human help in that regard. Besides, as First Officer he was supposed to be responsible for crew welfare yet he had no idea of what went through Seven's head. He had left her entirely to Kathryn and that was remiss of him.

"Thanks, Seven. Glad you have time to join me. To be honest it would be nice to get to know you a little. We have never really spoken of anything other than ship's business. My fault entirely, so tonight is long overdue." They arrived at the Mess Hall to find it unoccupied. Chakotay was relieved. Had Neelix been there he would have monopolised Seven and the opportunity would have been lost. He suddenly realised that he had no idea what she would like to drink or eat. For that matter, what she was able to consume at this stage in her medical reversion to being human. It hit him just how much of an uphill challenge she faced and how thoughtless and remiss he had been in not making more of an effort with her. "What would you like Seven?" He asked in what he hoped was a casual tone.

"I am unsure, Commander. What would you suggest?" "We are off duty now Seven so please just call me Chakotay in this context. I always find peppermint tea to be soothing. Would you like to join me."

"Thank you. That would be acceptable...nice..." Seven stumbled verbally as she tried to find the right words for an informal chat with someone who was a total stranger on a personal level.

Chakotay watched her carefully and felt a pang of regret that he made her so uncomfortable. Well, by the time they left the Mess Hall, he would ensure that she could at least approach him without feeling trepidation. And hopefully he would have learned a little about how her personality was emerging. Who she was. "Great. I'll replicate the drinks and some toast. You choose a table for us." He headed over to the replicator behind the counter and made himself busy whilst keeping a subtle eye on Seven. She hesitated for a moment then went to sit in the far corner where the windows gave a panoramic view of the star scape. The Captain's favourite spot he noted. Perhaps a subconscious safely blanket. Not that he really wanted to be reminded of Kathryn just now... perhaps it would be helpful to associate that table with someone else...

"Here we are." he said, putting the drinks and snacks between them. He sat opposite so he could read her eyes whilst they chatted. "So how are your social lessons progressing with the Doctor? Are they helping you make friends?"

Seven considered. Should she respond with the appropriate platitudes the Doctor had taught her, even though they were not the truth? There again, Commander Chakotay was the First Officer and responsible for the whole crew's welfare. Perhaps he would be able to assist her where the Doctor could not. She decided to be honest and see how he responded. She could always revert to the Doctor's text if things became too confusing. "I am not sure, Commander. Sorry Chakotay" she corrected. He smiled reassuringly and gave her his full attention. "I have attempted, on many occasions when Neelix has arranged a ship's social function, to interact using the standard 'small talk' responses the Doctor has taught me. They do not appear to be very successful. Perhaps it is my delivery at fault. Regardless I have not yet managed to achieve the end goal."

"Which is?" asked Chakotay, somewhat confused.

"Why, to make friends of course. The Doctor had assured me that if I followed his protocols exactly that I would be "the life and soul of the party" . That was his exact phrase. But it never worked. I am at a loss why."

Chakotay thought for a moment then said, "Seven, would you be willing to take some advice from me?" Seven was thrilled at the offer "Of course, Commander. I would value the perspective of another flesh and blood member of the crew."

'Well, I think the problem is that the Doctor has given you a set of platitudes. In most circumstances, these would feel false to the person you are talking to. Therefore they would be uncomfortable and try to terminate the conversation as soon as possible. When someone asks you a question you should just answer with what first comes into your mind. Say what you think, be yourself. After all if the other person has chosen to talk to you, they are interested in getting to know who you are. Not what etiquette books the Doctor has been tutoring you from."

"I will try. However, on the few occasions I have done just that, what I have said has been badly received. It must have been inappropriate in some way I do not understand."

"I can relate to that" smiled Chakotay. "I don't know how much the Captain has told you about what it was like when my Maquis crew first came on board. They were all used to speaking their minds, it was the only way to survive in the Badlands with our very primitive defences. Only their way was definitely not the Starfleet way. You should speak to B'Elanna sometime. She is not one for platitudes, I hate to think what she would do to the Doctor's etiquette books" at this Seven gave him the first hint of a smile. Good he was getting through to her. "It took a while for the Starfleet people of get to know her but eventually they started to appreciate her because of her character traits. She now has many good friends, amongst those that had no respect at all for her initially. The same applies to you. Next time you are in a social situation, answer honestly. If you cannot make a connection with one person then cut your losses and try with someone else until you find a person with whom the conversation flows."

Seven sat in silence for a minute or two, then suprised him by saying "Someone like you Chakotay?" Then it hit him. She was right, they had been having a conversation and neither had struggled so far. "Well yes. But perhaps we should put my suggestion into practice. Pick a topic and we will have a conversation about it. Any subject you like."

Seven thought a moment "I have chosen. I would like to talk about the Captain." Chakotay inwardly grimaced. Of all the topics for tonight, Kathryn was the last person he wanted to discuss. But he had promised Seven and he did not want to try and explain to her why he wanted to change subject! Perhaps he could steer it onto safer ground. "Okay, although you realise I cannot break any confidences. If you want to know anything too personal you will have to ask her yourself."

"I respect that. I just wish to understand my mentor a little more. What motivates her. She has spent the last four years doing everything in her power to give me back my humanity. To disconnect me from the Borg. You chose to evacuate me from the airlock. Which makes sense. I was Borg, the enemy. You feared assimilation. Yet Kathryn Janeway chose to keep me alive, then rather than deposit me somewhere so I could be retrieved by the Collective she expended a great deal of Voyager's limited resources to try and make me human again. Why?"

Chakotay had often wondered the same thing. He answered her honestly , "I'm not sure Seven. I think it was a mixture of motivations. These are only my suppositions you understand, I could be wrong..." "Of course. Please continue, Commander"

"Chakotay, remember. Alright, I think initially she wanted a pet project. She had been a mother figure and mentor to Kes and when we lost her the Captain had a void to fill. She also thrives on scientific challenges. I think she wanted to know whether it was possible, medically and psychologically to overcome the Borg assimilation processes. You were assimilated as a child, therefore you had less pre-existing human experience than most who are assimilated much later in their lives. If she could de-program you then the Borg could be beaten. Kathryn Janeway likes to win."

Seven looked at him intently, "Yes, I agree. Sometimes it seems to me that her need to win overrides all other considerations. Am I correct?" Chakotay was taken aback. It had never occurred to him that Seven could have this level of perception. Her conversational skills were rudimentary, to say the least, but perhaps that was not true of her private thoughts. He was beginning to form a new respect for her. "That is probably going a little too far Seven, but the Captain can be very single minded when she has a goal in sight. That is true."

"And that hurts you does it not? Is that why you were running along the corridor in the middle of the night and collided with me?" He did not know where Seven was going with this but it was time to draw this topic of conversation to a close - and fast. "Thank you for your company tonight Seven but I think we should draw things to a close now. We are both on duty in a couple of hours and we should try and get a little rest before then."

Seven immediately looked worried "I have offended you by saying something inappropriate. I apologise Commander. I will not do so again." She made to leave. Damn, he was doing so well then he had to spook her by letting Kathryn's intransigence get under his skin. It was not Seven's fault. "Not at all Seven. Perhaps the topic of conversation was a little complex for a first attempt. Let's meet up for lunch soon and next time you can tell me all about your friendship with the Doctor." That had to be a fairly harmless topic and it might even by quite amusing in places. Seven looked unsure. "Please Seven, our chat tonight has cheered me up no end. I appreciate your insights." "Very well Commander. Please schedule such a meeting into the next round of duty rosters. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Seven" but she was already half way out of the door. Chakotay sat for a while longer pondering. Seven spent a lot of time with the Captain, far more than he did these days. Perhaps Seven understood her in ways he never had...

Eighteen days later. Seven, B'Elanna, Tuvok and the Captain were in the holodeck with what was left of the Doctor. The Hierarchy had been manipulating his program after taking the Captain hostage. It was a long story and Voyager had prevailed but his holo-matrix had been so overloaded that it was possible that even Lieutenant Torres exceptional engineering skills could not salvage him intact. This is what it feels like to die, the Doctor was thinking to himself. All these years, all my experiences, about to be obliterated for ever. Oblivion. He looked around at his friends. It was now or never. His last chance for deathbed confessions, to obtain their forgiveness, his holo-salvation, if such a thing were possible. Then his gaze feel on Seven. Seven! The source of his inspiration to understand humanity. To become human in all but flesh. She had blossomed under his tutelage, but so had he. What had started out as an academic exercise, had become a hobby, then a pleasure and now - to him- his very 'raison d'etre'. He was in love with her, she possibly felt it too but did not yet know how to articulate her feelings for him. He must take the leap for them "Seven, I love you. I am in love with you. You are my sunshine."

Seven looked stunned. Before she could form a response B'Elanna announced. "I am pleased to say that I have successfully purged all the alien sub-routines. The Doctor's program is now stabilised and we can all return to work." With that she left the holodeck. The Doctor was mortified. He was not dying - had he known he would never have revealed so much of himself! He turned towards where Seven was standing a moment before but she was nowhere to be seen.

Seven rushed into Cargo Bay 2. She was at a loss. Worse than that she felt afraid. Perhaps the Doctor did not know what he was saying. Lieutenant Torres had been in the middle of purging his holomatrix of all the damaged subroutines. Surely he had not meant it? He was her mentor and trusted friend. If she had to assign a familial relationship to them she would have picked older brother. Of course, that is what he had meant when he said he loved her. Fraternal love. ...but what about the bunch of red roses he had left in her alcove? The singing and dancing lessons? His interest in her clothes and hairstyles? Professional and paternalistic ...or something else entirely? She knew what she had to do and headed for Holodeck 1.

"Computer, run holo-program - 7 of 9. Interaction 5 - and engage privacy locks". Immediately she was in a replica of Tom Paris's Sandrine's Bar. Only this was Seven's dating simulation program complete with her holo-partner. A facsimile of the Doctor. She had chosen him because she had felt so comfortable with him. He was her mentor and therefore practising dating with a copy of him was easy. It was a reminder that this was not a real date, and she could make as many faux pas as she liked without harm. Only now as her holo-partner approached and kissed her hand she felt...what...revulsion. Suddenly what had felt like a safe space and brotherly concern felt...sinister...lecherous...dangerous. "Computer delete holo-partner from this simulation. Authorisation 7 of 9 psi epsilon 361 Delta". With that the lecherous doppelgänger of the Doctor disappeared. Seven disengaged the privacy lock and made her way to Astrometrics. She was already ten minutes late to relieve Icheb and she hoped he had nothing of note to report. She was troubled and doubted whether she would be her usual efficient self today.

It had been a long day and Chakotay was tired. He had only just gotten back to his quarters and he only had forty five minutes until his weekly dinner with the Captain. It was his turn to host. He rushed into the shower then changed into a fresh uniform. For some reason their dinners had become more formal since...he would not go there tonight, suffice to say they had not worn their personal clothing for one of these get togethers for quite a while. He decided to replicate a simple picnic as there was so little time to prepare. Hopefully she would not mind, in fact she would probably be pleased, dinner would be short and sweet. No time for awkward silences and platitudes to fill those gaps with. 2110 and still no sign on the Captain. Chakotay hit the Comm and asked when she would be arriving. "I'm so sorry Chakotay, I completely forgot about tonight. I am actually in a meeting with Commander Tuvok. Can we re-schedule for tomorrow? I do hope you have not gone to any trouble?"

"No trouble at all Captain. I had only made a simple picnic. See you tomorrow at 2100."

"Confirmed. Janeway out."

Chakotay was livid. He was obviously now far down her list of priorities. Better clear this picnic away. Just then his door chimed. Perhaps Kathryn had realised his hurt and had decided to join him after all. He rushed to the door and there stood Seven. "Commander, I know it is late, but you did say we could chat anytime and I am in need of your counsel." Chakotay was not in the mood to socialise but he had promised Seven and she so seldom held out the hand of friendship. "Alright Seven, but just for a little while. It is getting late." She stepped through the door and saw the picnic laid out for two.

'I am disturbing you. You are expecting company. I should leave. My apologies. It is not a matter of urgency. ..." Seven started to back out. Chakotay felt rotten. This was the second time he had let his upset with Kathryn unnerve Seven. "Not at all. It was going to be a working supper but my colleague was detained elsewhere. I have a spare picnic and no one to share it with until now. Seven, please do join me. We can eat and talk about whatever you came to see me about." She hesitated. Before she had a second chance to bolt for the door Chakotay asked her to serve the elderberry cordial. Having been given a task, Seven visibly relaxed. Chakotay served the salad and told Seven to help herself to the crab, tuna or chicken sandwiches. Whichever she would prefer.

She remembered her disasterous dinner date in the holodeck when she had tackled (quite literally) the lobster. "Perhaps I had better have the chicken" she stated a little too quickly. Chakotay smiled "an excellent choice, I will join you. So, what is it you wished my advice on?"

Seven took a moment to compose herself. "I am not entirely sure. I may have misunderstood but if not..." her voice trailed away. Whatever it was, Seven was very uncomfortable.

Chakotay decided to try and draw her out. "I'm sure we can work it out between us. As you say, it may be nothing. In which case the sooner we can discover that and resolve matters the sooner you can enjoy this picnic with me." he smiled warmly at her. Seven could feel herself relaxing. The Commander was right, she was so relieved that she had decided to come and discuss the Doctor with him tonight.

"It concerns a rather strange incident in holodeck 1, two days ago." Ah! Chakotay had heard all about the Doctor's little display when he thought his program was decompiling for good. Poor Seven, no wonder she had sought out someone to confide in, although he wondered why she had not spoken to Kathryn. "Is this concerning the Doctor's declaration of undying love for you? I'm afraid I heard from B'Elanna." Seven looked mortified. "Don't worry, I made it clear to her that the whole incident was to go no further. It will not become ship wide gossip."

"Thank you Commander...or is this setting appropriate to call you Chakotay?"

"These are my quarters and this is definitely a personal rather than work related conversation so Chakotay is just fine. How do you feel about what the Doctor said to you?"

"Unnerved. Confused. Perhaps he only meant he loved me in a familial sense. I think of him as almost an older brother. But...there have been previous instances. Red roses left in my alcove. Little encouraging notes... I had thought that he was just being kind. Trying to encourage my social successes ...but now..."

"Now you think he may be romantically interested in you and you do not reciprocate his feelings. But you are afraid to say anything in case you lose his friendship?"

Seven looked suprised. "Yes, Chakotay. That is exactly it. I could still be wrong and I could not bear for him to reject me. To be offended that I could think such a thing. But if I am right, and say nothing, perhaps he will assume that I am in love with him too. Which I do not want...what should I do?"

Chakotay thought that it was ironic. There were parallels with his situation with Kathryn. He loved her but it was no longer reciprocated. The Doctor loved Seven but Seven did not love him. At least in that way. Perhaps he should give Seven the same advice that he had given himself. "It seems to me that the best thing to do here is get a little distance between you. Perhaps find different friends to socialise with. Perhaps not always be available when the Doctor wants to spend non-working time with you. After a while you will both have a wider social circle and perhaps the situation will resolve itself and your friendship can resume as it used to be." He was by no means certain about the latter part of that advice but it was better to leave her with some hope. Seven considered for a moment than smiled. "That sounds very sensible Chakotay. Has it worked for you and the Captain?" He almost choked on his juice. "I... let's say it's a work in progress..."

Seven raised her glass. I would like to propose a toast. Chakotay waited nervously. She continued "to friendships, to new understandings, and to sanctuary from works in progress..."

He had been wrong all along. It was he who would benefit from Seven's wisdom and insight. "To new beginnings, and to our sanctuary right here and now..."

They clinked their glasses together and a new friendship was born.

THE END.

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