Disclaimer: Hōrō Musuko belongs to Takako Shimura and AIC Classic. Azumanga Daiō belongs to Kiyohiko Azuma and J.C. Staff.
If anyone wants to sell me rights either I'd be interested, but alas that seems unlikely (and I couldn't afford them anyway).
Well, let the silliness begin. Oh, and this will be my first attempt with trying to write a Kansai accent in what I feel is it's closest cultural (Canadian) English equivalent. Kansai accents are apparently considered melodic, associated with talkative humerus folks. Now, as a Canadian, there's one accent that instantly pops to mind to cover the criteria of melodic, talkative, and comedians: Newfoundland accents. So, let's go b'y and take a shot at writin' some.
Sasa sighed after eating a few french fries. Her small stature and childlike brown pigtails only making her sadness more adorable.
"There's so much drama. Nitori, Yoshino, and Saori . . . why can't they just be friends again?"
Chizuru scratched her chin philosophically. Then the (much) taller girl took a rather un-philosophical slurp of her milkshake.
"Because Saorin is a stick in the mud," Chi shrugged.
"She's my friend," Sasa replied, wondering why she'd tried to discuss serious matters with Chi.
"You're the only one kind enough to tolerate her. She drives anyone with less compassion than a bodhisattva away with that attitude of hers."
Sasa pouted, while her far more adult looking classmate just munched happily on her burger. They ate in awkward silence for a few more minutes, when suddenly a strange girl stat beside Chi. She had straight, dark brown hair down to her shoulders, and brown eyes that seemed shallow and almost empty. The girl set down her tray, with a burger and fries, and seemed to zone out, eyes glazing over slightly. The other two just stared at the stranger, until her eyes drifted slowly to Sasa. She then jumped slightly.
"Chiyo! You 'ad a growth spurt!" she declared in a soft Kansai accent.
Sasa and Chi turned to one another and blinked in confusion. Sasa then turned back to their guest, while Chi wondered is her friend had grown.
"Who are you?" Sasa asked the new girl, "Also, who is Chiyo?"
The girl's face grew serious suddenly, and she turned to appraise Chi now.
"Sakaki! You've shrunk," the girl said; then she seemed to realise she'd been asked a question, and turned back to Sasa, "You don' remember me?"
Sasa gave her a judgmental look, "I have no idea who you are."
"What's your name?" Chi asked.
"Ma name . . ." the girl seemed to drift away again, before slowly sliding back into reality, "Everyone calls me Osaka. Dey've all forgotten my real name. A've almost forgotten it. Gotta keep it secret to protect it."
Chi nodded, "I suppose that makes a certain amount of sense. . . Well, good to meet you Osaka."
"That doesn't make any sense at all," Sasa protested on deaf ears.
"But if neither of ya recognise me then . . ." suddenly Osaka's eyes grew even larger than before, "I must'a fallen into a parallel universe! One where Chiyo is taller, and Sakaki is shorter, an' . . . an' maybe I was never born!"
The other two were left in stunned silence.
"Or A just never moved ta Tokyo. Dat's also possible," Osaka shrugged.
"Cool," Chi replied, "Travelling to a parallel universe. . . If you figure out how you did it you've got to show me. Oh, but in this universe my name is Chizuru and her name is Sasa."
"Huh," Osaka replied.
Sasa felt her brain growing itchy from all the thinking when a 'ahem' sounded beside her. All three turned to see a girl who looked like an even smaller and more childlike version of Sasa standing there, staring at Osaka, looking slightly confused.
"Osaka, why did you sit at the wrong table?"
"Chiyo!" Osaka replied, leaping to her feet, "'Ow'd ya manage to find me? A thought A was lost in a parallel universe for eternity. Did yur dad help?"
Chiyo's head turned to the side in puppy-like confusion. Then her eyes turned to the other two girls present. The taller girl with long black hair and sharp refined features was a little taller than Osaka had eyes filled with a manic energy Chiyo had learned to fear slightly from Tomo . And Yukari-sensei to be perfectly honest. Those energetic eyes on such a serene face made for an odd juxtaposition. As she turned to the smallest girl she was taken aback.
Sasa was just as surprised by this smaller version of herself, and felt compelled to stand up to compare just how much of a height difference they had. Sasa found herself smiling at being taller than someone.
"Doppelgangers!" Chi announced.
"Oh no," Osaka replied, "Don' . . . don' ya die if ya see your doppelganger?"
Chi's eyes filled with panic, "That's right! Quick, Sasa, write a will, and leave everything to me. I'll take good care of your stuff."
"Chiyo's too young ta die," Osaka whined sadly to the heavens, "Take Tomo instead."
"Osaka, that isn't very nice to say about Tomo," Chiyo replied, disappointment in her voice.
"Dat's wha Yomi told me to say in a situation like this," Osaka shrugged, and seemed to drift away. How those instructions had come to be given was something Chiyo wasn't sure she wanted to know.
Sasa and Chiyo were both left staring at the other girls, flabbergasted, before turning to one another.
"Cute."
Both small pig-tailed girls turned and craned their necks to look at Sakaki. She had a blush that vanished into a stoic expression the moment she realised the adorable near-twins would see it. Sasa was amazed at the calmness the girl emanated, though the calm did almost verge on coldness.
"Sakaki made it too," Osaka smiled, then her face fell, "Oh, but now she and Chizuru are both goin' ta die like Chiyo and Sasa."
Sakaki stated at the spacy girl with sudden concern, "W-why are we going to die?"
"Ya've seen your doppelgangers."
Chi took this moment to hop over Osaka, and stand beside the even taller girl. Osaka was shaken from whatever strange train of thought she was sliding down by the activity, while Chi studied a suddenly off put Sakaki.
"Nope, not quite a doppelganger," the middle schooler declared, "She's pointier than I am."
Posing thoughtfully Chi then nodded to herself a bit, before slamming her fist in her hand dramatically,
"She's a good goal though. I shall strive to achieve such impressive stature . . . and such a good figure! Truly impressive for a middle schooler."
Sakaki backed up slowly, "We're high school students. . ."
"Even her?" Sasa asked pointing to Chiyo, "Do they not feed you?"
"She jus' skipped a lot of grades," Osaka replied happily.
Suddenly Chi's eye's lit up, "High school. So cool."
"Chiyo's even cooler den dat," Osaka declared authoritatively, "She's a super genius. Even smarter den the teachers!"
"Wow," Sasa replied, "I'm jealous. When I try to think too much my brain gets itchy..."
Both Chiyo and Sakaki looked at the girl with concern. Osaka and Chizuru then found themselves distracted by a conversation on different ideas about what could cause the itching. Osaka was convinced it was an alien parasite of some sort, and Chi grew more and more fascinated with the older girl's train of thought (though trains seemed like the wrong vehicle to compare it too... trains were much more orderly. . . bumper car of thought maybe?). Sasa and Chiyo decided to fill the time with discussions about what middle school and high school were like respectively, the latter especially interested in something she would never experience. Sakaki mostly just sat quietly, only providing a little in put to either conversation. Watching Chizuru she felt like the younger girl's energy might be able to keep up with Tomo, but she she seemed much more thoughtful. Then some part of her brain wondered if Osaka on too much caffeine might be a more apt comparison, assuming caffeine could even affect Osaka. The two groups had really meshed surprisingly well.
As the afternoon slid into evening and Chiyo reminded everyone they had homework phone numbers were hastily exchanged. Chizuru, Sasa, and Chiyo all had cell phones. Sakaki had never felt herself popular enough to need one. Osaka pulled out a very inexpensive prepaid phone.
"Dere's not much use in givin' ya my number," she told them, "My parents keep buyin' me new phones, but I keep losin' dem. Still, parents are always blearin' about my need to 'ave one in case anythin' were to happen . . . So dey buy me real cheap ones instead. Disposable basically."
"I'll just let you know if we make plans," Chiyo told her compassionately.
A few more words were exchanged before they each went their separate ways. Chiyo excited to make friends closer to her age had some trouble getting to sleep that night. Sasa a bit excited to get access to a more mature perspective that might help her with her friends drama (well, hopefully there'd be a more mature perspective, from what she heard about the rest of the group she wasn't certain). Sakaki was glad to have some more people call her a friend. Osaka . . . she'd moved on to wonder about plate tectonics and reached some questionable conclusions. Her dreams were as strange as always.
Chizuru meanwhile had fallen asleep, and found herself sitting in a slightly out of focus version of her room.
"Greetings girl," a voice said in a mix of Japanese and English.
Turning she saw a creature that . . . was vaguely like a cat.
"Have you ever had a red bell pepper?"
"Um . . . yes?"
"Was it as good as a green pepper? My daughter likes them, but they are very red," he asked.
"So are strawberries and watermelons."
"THIS IS TRUE!" the cat creature said, suddenly only a few centimetres from her face.
Chi scrambled away hastily, and the creature's eyes narrowed, "You are afraid."
"J-just like my personal space, sir," she stammered, more than a little terrified.
"Chiyo approves of you though. I will trust my daughter's judgment."
A pale dawn light woke a very confused Chizuru. As her thoughts began to form into something cohesive she wondered just what she'd been thinking of the night before to summon up such a strange dream. Whatever it was though, it made her more curious about that Chiyo girl. They definitely had to meet up again. And she still needed to meet that Tomo girl.
The End
Tomo: Hey! I didn't show up at all. What kind of useless story is this?
Chiyo: M-maybe you'll get to be in the next one?
Tomo: I'd better. Any good story should have me.
Osaka: Oooh, de formattin' changed . . . A wonder why. . .
Sakaki: . . .
Chizuru: The fourth wall! At long last we meet, and Chi gets to triumph. It's a dream come true. Hi everyone!
Tomo: So you're the new girl. . . Why's even a middle schooler curvier than me? Waah!
Shuuichi: Who are all these people? . . . Chizuru?
Tomo: Okay good, at least one of the new people is flatter than me.
Osaka: A'm not sure, it's pretty close.
Tomo: Oh, like you're one to talk!
Shuuichi: I'm . . . I'm not in the running . . .