Disclaimer: Nope, SnK not mine. Nor is She's the Man. Nor Twelfth Night. None of it!

Chapter One

"What. Did. You. Say."

A dangerous black aura emitted from Mikasa's entire body, elevating the already thick tension on the soccer field. Jean nervously gulped and felt goosebumps instantaneously rise on his arms. Ever since they'd started dating two years ago, he'd always known that his girlfriend had a bad temper…but he'd never quite seen her rage escalate like this before. His honey-colored eyes flickered frantically back and forth between Mikasa and his coach, willing for a way that the two scariest people he'd ever met in his life wouldn't murder each other, or worse, turn their fury onto him. This was going to be a doozy.

"I said, the women's soccer team is cut this year." Coach Keith Shadis towered a good 14 inches over Mikasa, his intimidating presence enough to reduce any normal, sane human being into a useless, whimpering wuss—but Mikasa Ackerman was not a normal person. Nor sane, when her temper was stoked. Her steel grey eyes flashed with menacing fury, and Jean knew at the moment, nothing could quell her, not even the University of Trost's women's soccer team and her very best friends standing behind her.

"Why." Mikasa growled through her teeth.

"Because, Ackerman, everyone knows that women's sports just aren't as popular as men's sports. The athletic department has budget cuts this year, and frankly, your team didn't bring in enough revenue last season with your lackluster games."

That was literally the worst thing you could have said, Coach. Jean thought nervously, sweat drops forming at his brow. Mikasa's only the fiercest feminist this generation's ever seen—

His girlfriend seethed and pulled her arm back, ready to deck Shadis square in the jaw before Krista bravely chimed in.

"In that case, sir, we'd like to join the men's team."

All the members of UoT men's soccer team besides Jean instantly burst out in stifled laughter. Even Bertholt's mouth curled up in amusement, and only Reiner was sniggering loudly without restraint or fear.

"YOU? Join the men's team?!" Shadis let out an impetuous bark of laughter. "Listen, Barbie, your little four-foot-nothing self may be able to keep up with the rest of you girls in the women's league, but on the men's league, you won't even survive one second. Soccer is a man's sport. Now go braid each others' hair or whatever it is you ladies do before I throw your asses off with just my pinky."

"YOU GODDAMN BALD SON OF A BITCH! I'LL PLUCK YOUR GOATEE OFF!" Mikasa looked positively ready to pounce and maul Shadis's face at having just insulted Krista, but Sasha stepped in and held her back.

"Jean, tell him!" Mikasa turned her attention to him, who was standing silently by the whole time. "You're the captain! Tell him that we can be just as good as you guys!"

Jean's throat instantly dried up. Oh how he'd wanted to suddenly turn into a vapid blob of jello, but Mikasa's eyes were laser-focused on him. Behind her pure, unadulterated wrath, he could see her silently pleading him to be on her side. Defend her talent. Be a good boyfriend.

"Ah…well…you know, I hear Mina's looking for some new girls to join her lacrosse team…maybe you guys could try out?"

He wanted to kick himself even as the words came out. Mikasa's angry facade faltered, and for a split second, he saw hurt and disappointment flash behind her eyes.

Jean loved his girlfriend, yes, but soccer was everything to him. It was his entire future. He and his teammates had been training all summer and their hard work had paid off; UoT was predicted to win the College Cup this year. He didn't doubt that Mikasa could hold her own on his team, but her friends…well, he wasn't quite convinced. If Coach Shadis let any girls onto their roster—they'd definitely blow their chance at winning the cup, and as the captain, he couldn't do that. Not to his team.

"You're the one who told me last night that I was better than all the guys on your team! Are you denying that now?! Jean, tell them the truth!" Mikasa demanded hysterically.

"Stop…stop saying nonsense, babe! I never said that! And besides, you know it's science that girls…girls are just physically weaker than guys, and…soccer is a contact sport. I just…I just don't want to see you get hurt." Jean finished lamely.

"…"

CRAAAAAAAACK.

Mikasa's fist smashed into Jean's jaw with the most powerful hook she had ever released. Blood splattered all over the field as he crumpled in pain.

"YOU, MISOGYNISTIC, CHAUVINISTIC PIECE OF FUCK! YOU'RE SUCH A GODDAMN LIAR! TELL THEM THE TRUTH! TELL THEM EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID TO ME LAST NIGHT, YOU ASSHOLE…" she cocked her fist back again, ready to clobber Jean once more…

"ACKERMAN, GET OFF MY FIELD! NOW! BEFORE I CALL IN CAMPUS SECURITY!" Shadis was now seething in rage, spit flying everywhere as he loomed over Mikasa.

"Come on, Mika, they're not worth it. Let's just leave. We'll figure this out later" Sasha put her arms around Mikasa's shoulders and gingerly led her off the field, Ymir, Krista, and Annie trailing behind.

"FUCK YOU, SHADIS, AND FUCK YOU, JEAN!" Mikasa continued screaming profanities back at the guys on the soccer field, drawing increasing attention to curious bystanders. "DON'T EVEN BOTHER COMING BY TO GET YOUR SHIT, BECAUSE I'M BURNING. ALL. OF. IT. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN."

Coach Keith Shadis watched the defeated girls retreat off the field. He had to admit that Mikasa Ackerman was quite a talented soccer player, but did she really think she could hold her own on a men's soccer team? It was the most absurd thing he'd heard all year. Shadis's lips curled up into a rare half-smile. He was about to tell Reiner and Connie to take Jean to the hospital when he noticed that one of the girls stopped in her tracks.

Annie Leonhardt, who hadn't uttered a single word throughout the whole conflict, turned around and faced him, soccer ball in hand and her clear, blue eyes emotionless as always. Shadis absently recalled that she was the striker on their team.

Ha, that little pipsqueak, striker? She's so fragile, even any of the guys on second string could trample her flat in mere seconds…

In his musing, he didn't notice that the fragile little pipsqueak had kicked the ball towards him. With pinpoint accuracy and blinding force, it hurled through the air and smacked straight into Shadis's face with a satisfying crunch. Shadis let out a loud, aggravated howl and dropped to his knees in pain, hands clutching his rapidly swelling face.

Annie smirked.

A/N: HIIIIIII GUYS! *vigorous wave* So, I'm Elle, an avid closet reader for 12 years and this is literally my first attempt at fanfiction. Ever. I recently hopped onto the LevixMikasa train and woefully realized that our wonderful ship isn't all that popular...so I decided to try my hand at contributing some content to the fandom.

This fic is going to be loosely based off She's the Man, one of my all-time favorite chick flick/guilty pleasure. There's no better ship, I feel, than Levi and Mikasa to pull this off...so...hilarity to ensue! I know there's no mention of Levi yet...but he'll come soon enough, I promise!

Hope it's off to a good start! Please let me know what you think :)