Meredith's legs are like rubber as she paces in the waiting room. She never really noticed the awful smell of a hospital waiting room—the smell of antiseptic and salty tears. With the childhood she had, she should be used to them. Derek was just taken to surgery—she hadn't even been allowed back to see him.
A lot of times, Meredith feels as though their luck will run out. Plane crashes, drownings, shootings—they shouldn't have survived this long. She cannot kick the thought that today could be his day.
He was saving someone. He was saving lives and was hit head on trying to come back to her.
Meredith always felt as though Derek was too confident when he drove. He landed himself in jail on multiple occasions due to speeding. What if she had been there? Would she have seen it coming?
"Mommy?" a voice asks, pulling Meredith from her thoughts. Sitting in a chair next to Zola is Bailey—her ever quiet Bailey. He has a though demeanor but Meredith can tell that he senses her worry. He's always been such a compassionate little boy. Always first to give a hug, always first to offer a smile.
Meredith leans down so she's eye level with him. Those eyes—they hit her hard now—they're Derek's. Meredith has to choke down a sob. "Yes, baby?" she asks Bailey.
Bailey tilts his head to the side and looks to Zola, who has tears in her eyes. Meredith silently vows to pull herself together. "Why aren't you with daddy—you're the best, you need to be in there," he says adamantly.
Meredith can't control the sob that waves through her body. She picks up her son and holds him in one arm while pulling Zola closer with the other. "Honey, these doctors are going to do everything they can do to save daddy," Meredith promises him.
"He told me he was going to go on my Girl Scouts field trip next week…I was so happy," Zola whispers in her mother's ear.
Meredith is rendered speechless as she kisses the top of her daughter's head.
Four hours later, both children are asleep on her either of Meredith's legs, but she feels wide awake. Meredith's mind reels back to the words Derek told her mere hours ago.
"I am calling post-it, Zola, Bailey, the tumors on the wall, ferryboat scrub caps. I thought D.C. was everything. I was wrong. You... you're everything. I love you and I'm not going to stop loving you. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you, and I'm going to do everything in my power to prove it."
Meredith turns her head towards the ceiling—willing God or the universe or Ellis or Lexie or whoever has power over this terrible world to will her husband to live. Meredith thinks of Derek's words. "Prove it to me Derek, stay with me here and prove it to me," she whispers.
"Dr. Grey?" a voice asks and Meredith whips her attention to a young woman in scrubs standing in front of her.
Meredith is rendered speechless as tears pour down her face. "Your husband is stable, but there may be extensive brain damage. We don't know if we got him to CT in time to relieve the swelling in his brain," the doctor says.
"You…you—he's brain dead?" Meredith mumbles.
"We are hopeful for a different recovery, but it seems that he is in a coma. We were able to relieve the pressure. You and I both have seen people pull through in cases like these," she says, her voice hopeful. Her eyes wander over the sleeping children.
"We also have seen people who don't pull through," Meredith whispers.
The doctor doesn't respond. "A nurse will watch them if you'd like to see your husband," she says.
Meredith sits by his bedside for what feels like days. Her kids came and went with Alex. Miranda sits with her most of the night. Cristina calls and talks on speaker to Derek—telling him he doesn't have any other option but to live. She already saved him once and he can't quit on her now.
Three days pass and Meredith can feel the doctors growing less hopeful.
Meredith grows less hopeful.
"Derek," Meredith whispers as she holds his hand. It's raining and all that consumes her are the monitors and the plunk-plunk of the rain. "If you have to go, we'll be fine. But, please, Derek I am begging you I don't want to live without you. I won't ever stop loving you either. You are the love of my life. Do you hear me? My one and done. Please come back to me. To Zola and Bailey," Meredith cries.
Nothing but the rain and the monitors greet her once again.
Meredith had fallen asleep when she feels a thumb slide across her palm. Meredith snaps her head up and it looks as if Derek is still asleep. "Derek?" she asks, her tone low, as if she's imagining things.
"Derek, tell me I am not crazy, please," Meredith begs.
"Mere-dith," Derek slurs, his eyes barely open.
Meredith's world rightness itself as her face breaks into a smile and tears pour down her cheeks.