Little Green Pill
By FoxRayne
disclaimer: characters not mine
author's note: timeline, what timeline? In my mind K/L have never gotten together before but you can make up your own mind about that. :)
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It was a time of despair for all. Running from the Cylons, dealing with the loss of entire families, being pinned up in a battleship that was more like a metal prison than a home.
You could see it in anyone's eyes. The fatigue, the blank stares. It was as if they had all given up.Less and less were showing for Triad games while more and more were drowning their sorrows at the bar.
Lee Adama spent most his time at the gym, withdrawing from his fellow pilots and friends. The sweat running down his brow and the burning in his taut muscles made him feel more alive than he had in a long time.
After a long drinking binge with drinking buddy, Kara Thrace, he snapped out of it and retreated to the punching bags. He tried to bring her along several times but the Ambrosia proved to be a better ally to Kara.
He felt a twinge of guilt every time he saw her hollow eyes the morning after a night at the bar. She was stubborn though, leaning on alcohol harder and longer than she ever had leaned on him. There was little he could do to help someone who refused any form of care.
He pounded at the punching bag, grunting with each impact. He didn't even notice Helo drag Kara's stumbling body into the room.
"Lee," Helo shouted.
Lee stopped in mid punch, mouth opening in question.
"Get the FRAK OFF ME," Kara yelled, swinging a punch that barely grazed Helo's shoulder.
He threw her to the ground and said to Lee, "She's out of control. I can't do this anymore. The Admiral ordered me to throw her in the brig until she can sober up for one God's damn night but…I know it won't help. She needs something, someone. It isn't me."
He looked down at Kara's glaring face and murmured an apology before stalking out of the room.
Lee sighed, watching her struggle unsteadily to her feet.
"What the Frak are you looking at?" she asked, raking a hand through her mussed hair.
Lee shook his head, walking to her side, catching her around the waist just as she was about to topple over. She leaned against him, letting out a whimper.
Several other gym goers were arriving and shook their heads and avoided his gaze as they passed. Everyone knew she was falling, and falling fast. She started fights, puked in the halls, screamed in the showers, frakked whichever willing man or woman that was just as sloshed as she.
The Admiral, much to others' dismay, gave her chance after chance. It was no secret he held her close to his heart.
"I'm gonna be sick. Oh Gods.." she said loudly in the hall as they passed fellow pilot's just getting off a shift.
"We're almost there…" he said just as she retched down his shirt.
"Need help sir?" Hotdog asked, shooting Starbuck a sad glance.
Lee nodded and let Hotdog throw Starbuck over his shoulder. She kicked and screamed obscenities the whole way to the showers where he left her for Lee.
Lee peeled off his vomit-drenched clothes, leaving nothing on knowing she was far too gone to remember a bit of this in the morning.
"Can you stand up?" he asked her, offering a hand.
Her head swayed and her eyes barely trained on his. He reached down and pulled her up by grasping both her limp arms. He managed to get her out of her tank and pants but left the rest on knowing he'd have to carry her to the bunks in front of a lot of morbid onlookers.
He held her against his chest as he turned the water on cold. He sucked in his breath and slapped at her face a little to get her to snap awake. She mumbled and shivered under the water. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, her lips a pale white.
"Frak! Kara. Kara. Come on, wake up," he frantically shook her lifeless body.
There were startled and shocked expressions as an unclothed Apollo was running down the hall with a deathly looking Starbuck in his arms, clad in only a bra and panties. He was followed by Hotdog who had Apollo's pants in hand. It would have been an amusing site if the circumstances weren't so grave.
Doc Cottle immediately cleared a bed for her and called the nurse to help him.
"How much did she drink? Did she take anything else?" he asked as he listened to her heart and pried an eyelid open.
"I'm not sure, I wasn't there. Helo..Agathon brought her to me," Lee explained, graciously pulling on the pants Hotdog handed him.
"I'll go find Helo," Hotdog offered, his eyes wide with worry.
Lee watched as the Doc ran an IV and the nurse put the oxygen mask over her face.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned his head to see his father peering down at Kara.
"I knew it would come to this eventually," he said in his gravelly voice.
They watched as her head, sticky with sweat, shook back and forth, her eyes trying to open with little success. She mumbled incoherent words, her hands clenched by her sides.
Helo entered the room with Hotdog moments later, eyes lazy with sleep.
"I didn't know it was this bad, I'm sorry," Helo apologized to Lee.
"How much did she drink son?" Doc Cottle asked.
He sighed, looking upwards to summon any memory of the past several hours, "More than usual. Shot after shot. She didn't stop until me and some others had to get a little rough with her…" he looked nervous.
The Doc looked at the Admiral and Lee, then nodded to Helo, "Come with me for a moment."
Helo shot an uncomfortable glance towards the Adama's and then followed the Doc across the room.
"What did she take?" Doc Cottle asked, arms folded.
Helo looked down, shaking his head and biting his lip.
"I can't treat her if I don't know what she took," he warned him.
"You can't tell them," Helo stated, jerking his head towards the men who were eyeing them with clenched jaws.
"What did she take?" he asked again, his voice sterner.
"She takes it every now and then. It's a little green pill. Something new that's been floating around. Expensive but apparently it's pretty strong. She won't let me help. I was too afraid she'd lose her status if I told. I didn't think it would turn into this," he explained, his face slack with remorse.
"That'll be all, you're dismissed," he said, walking over to Kara, pulling the curtain around them.
What Helo didn't realize was that Doc Cottle knew all about these little green pills. He'd had several cases in the past few weeks. It was time to bring it to attention to the Admiral. This was the first case that involved a pilot..an officer. He'd had younger men and women overdose on the drug, but never this.
"What's going on Doc?" Lee asked.
"She's been taking a drug. It's something new that I've seen a few cases of lately. It's no secret you can get an assortment of pills and shots on certain civilian ships but it seems this is something being made as we speak. It's strong and can be fatal when mixed with Alcohol," he explained.
They looked down startled at Kara when she suddenly screamed, "ZAK!!," and her body shook with sobs.
Admiral Adama felt as if he was punched in the gut hearing her scream his son's name. He left her and Lee there, needing to get out. He needed to find who the frak was dealing this drug to the people.
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It had been several weeks since the hospital. Admiral Adama had forced her to stay an extra few days and undergo a psych evaluation. She was also banned from the bar and would undergo weekly drug testing. She agreed to these terms in order to keep her job. She was nothing if she wasn't seated in a viper.
She had successfully avoided any interaction with Lee or Helo, keeping to herself and going to the gym only when she was sure Lee wasn't there. She ignored the other pilots who would be overly friendly with her out of pity and concern, flocking to the ones who seemed as down and low as she did.
She kept others up at night with her nightmares but nobody had the heart to tell her to can it. They just let her thrash and mumble and some would even occasionally rest a hand on her back when the tears would leak from her eyes to lull her back to sleep.
They all knew she was withdrawing from the green pill. It was hard for any of them to see someone so strong…so together.. fall apart like this. It made hope for the rest of them diminish each day.
She knew the sympathy was oozing from all their pores but she didn't care. She didn't care enough to get mad or sad. She was just a zombie. All she wanted was to curl up in private, take a pill, and ride out the rest of the day comfortably buzzed. But she couldn't let the old man down like that. She could do it to herself and hell, even Lee. But she wouldn't do it to him.
He was the only one she talked to since the incident. He would meet her at the sickbay when she underwent her drug tests to watch and keep her company. She'd half heartedly joke with him but the smiles would never reach hers or his eyes.
He'd bring up Lee a lot but she'd quickly change the subject. She felt like a pathetic little girl around Lee. She couldn't take feeling so below him. Like he could cut it and she couldn't. She almost killed herself just as he was reviving.
It wasn't until a few weeks later that she finally ran into Lee. She was hiding out in a weapons hanger deck sucking down a cigarette. She smoked like a chimney now, trading what little she had left of her forbidden alcohol with random nuggets for cigs or cigars.
"Hey you," he greeted once he closed the hatch behind him.
"Hey," she replied, eyeing her cig.
He sat down next to her on the floor, nudging her shoulder with his. They sat in silence for quite some time until she sucked down her last cig, cursing. She'd have to really beg one off that little blonde nugget.
Lee pulled out a cigarette from his front pocket, and lit it, taking a long drag before handing it to her.
She looked at him confused but took it to her lips quickly.
"Since when do you smoke cigarettes?" she asked as they blew out the grey clouds into the chilled room.
"I don't, I brought them for you. I figured it would be the only way you'd stick around," he explained, giving her knee a small squeeze.
She involuntarily jerked away startled. He looked at her confused and mumbled an apology.
She shook her head, half chuckling, half choking, "no, I'm just a little jumpy since being off of….everything."
"Dad says you're doing well?"
She just shrugs her reply, looking down at their legs barely touching on the ground. She brought her knees to her chest, resting her arms and half finished cig.
"I miss you," he tells her.
"I miss me too," she says, a hint of sadness behind the coldness of her voice.
"I get time off tonight. I'd really like it if we could sit and talk. Do something, maybe go to the gym or just go for a walk?" He asked, knowing he was pressing his luck.
She surprised him by offering a small smile and nodding a yes.
"Oh ok, well good, I'll see you later then. Need a hand?" he asks, standing in front of her.
"No, I think I'll stay here for awhile. Now I gotta think of a new hiding place," she said.
He would have joked back if she had been joking. She didn't even look up at him as he said his goodbye and left her on the cold floor.
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Lee was propped in his bunk, watching the room empty out and waiting for Kara to show. She stepped in once everyone was gone. She was wearing her sweatshirt as usual and her hair was pulled into a low pony tail, wisps of blond hair framing her face.
"Hey," she greets him.
"Hey," he replies, sitting up and patting next to him for her to sit.
She takes a seat and sighs as Lee puts a hand on her back, rubbing small almost unnoticeable circles with his thumb.
"I don't really want to talk or walk or anything. I just don't want anything Lee. Can we just…." She shook her head and looked down at her hands that were clasped in her lap.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry I took those pills," she finally says.
"You don't need to apologize to me."
"I know. I feel like I should apologize to somebody."
"That would be yourself. You need to apologize for a lot of things and then forgive. I've forgiven you, Dad has forgiven you. I know Zak has. I know it in my gut," he tells her, tears brimming.
"I miss him so frakking much. He should be here with his family. Not me," she mumbled.
"You are family Kara. If you die a piece of us dies. You know that," he pulls her in for a hug.
She leans into him, tucking her head under his chin, letting the warmth from his skin engulf her. She hadn't been warm in weeks.
"You need a shower," he tells her smiling into her hair.
She let out a laugh. A genuine laugh that could only be hers. He'd recognize it anywhere.
"Come take a shower with me," she says.
He looks down at her about to laugh at her joke and realizes she's once again not kidding. Her eyes were so large and inviting in that moment that all reason left him.
She got up, shedding her sweatshirt as she walked to the showers.
He followed, watching her shed all clothing and disappear into the steamy shower.
"You coming?" she calls.
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That's when he noticed how painfully thin she had become. He let her wrap her arms around his body, the scorching water coming down in sheets between their pressed skin. He ran his hand up and down her back, fingers bumping along bones.
He didn't say anything, he knew she just needed to be held.
She broke the embrace first and turned around to adjust the shower head so that it rained down over her head. She lathered her hair with the soap that was left on the ledge. She handed him the soap and nodded towards her back with a smirk.
"Lazy ass," he murmured in her ear as he rubbed soapy hands down her back and across her shoulders.
She turned around to face him, causing his hands to slide on her breasts. He froze, pulling his hands away and looked up at her face to see her reaction. She just smiled, her eyes finally alive with an intense spark he'd seen so many times.
She reached for his hands and placed them firmly against her chest, her eyes fluttering shut as water misted her face.
He cupped them gently, his left hand traveled to the back of her neck and he pulled her lips slowly to his. It was a soft kiss, moistened by shower water and swollen with desire.
She pulled away before the kiss deepened.
"I can't do this," she mumbled before grabbing her towel and leaving him alone..with only the sound of water slapping at the shower floor.
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"She has skipped the last two drug tests. I have no choice but to relieve her of her duties," Bill Adama told his son.
"I understand."
"You'll find her for me? Tell her I need to see her."
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He pushed her roughly against the wall, pulling her legs around his waist. She groaned as he bit at her neck, jaw, and lower lip.
She could feel the effects of the pill surging through her veins. His touch was electric. Nothing mattered but this moment and this moment was divine.
He moved her to the table, knocking files to the ground. He let her drop too hard and she let out a gasp of pain. He ripped at her pants and spread her with his knees.
"Wait, my head. Frak that hurt," she told him, trying to sit up.
He didn't listen and proceeded by slamming her back down, holding her wrists firmly to the table.
She started to panic and struggle against him.
"I said WAIT god's dammit! Stop!" she pleaded.
She looked up into his wild eyes, realizing that he was far more frakked up than her. He had taken more than her but it had started off so mellow. They were just talking and laughing. Now she was being pinned down and getting her frakking head beat against a table.
Suddenly she felt his weight being lifted off her and she struggled through the haziness effect of the drug to comprehend what was happening.
"Lee?" she asked.
He was throwing punches and yelling, causing her head to throb even more.
His yelling caused several others to come running but he stopped them from entering to save Kara the embarrassment.
All she could do was lay back down. She was thirsty and just wanted to go to sleep. Lee didn't let her though. He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her pants up. He slapped her hard against the face but she barely felt it.
"What the frak?" she asked, trying hard to focus on his face.
"This is the last time I'm saving you Kara Thrace."
She responded by vomiting on his shoes.
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This time he couldn't save her from the stares. It was the middle of the day and he had to drag her into the bunks where several were just arriving.
She was just coming down from the drug meaning she was sick as hell. Her face was pasty white and her eyes were dull. Her hands shook when she accepted a glass of water from one of the faceless people in the room.
"Do you like to hurt?" he asked her in front of everyone.
"I guess I do," she retorted. She then winced when she reached behind her head to feel the large lump forming.
"She's bleeding," a voice said.
Lee looked at the back of her head and he just closed his eyes to summon some sort of emotional strength.
"Who was that guy?" he asked her, sitting across from her at the middle table.
"The guy with the drugs. Ran out of things to trade with," she told him, smiling.
"You think that's funny?"
"I won't in a few hours," she admitted, pulling another pill out of her pocket which he snatched angrily.
"You have to frak for that," she cackled.
The room became silent as if everyone knew that would cause Apollo to break.
But instead he surprised them all. He leapt across the table, pulling her mouth roughly against his. She grunted in protest, trying in vain to pull away. He wouldn't let up, his hand cupping her cheeks, thumbs roughly kneading at her cheekbones.
She finally calmed down, her features turning soft.
He broke away and said just loudly enough for the whole room to hear, "You may not love yourself or anyone else but I love you. I care what happens to you. You die I die. You suffer I suffer. So stop frakking killing us. What would Zak think of you now?"
He left her with tears slowly streaming down her pale face and with a room full of uncomfortable people.
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"The man has been arrested and the green pill has been wiped out from the fleet. I'd say you have a lot to be happy for," President Roslin told Adama.
"I still worry about her," he admits.
"Of course."
" She's a fighter though.." his voice trailed off.
"All fighters fall."
"She's really landed on her feet. Several months clean, still the best pilot I've ever seen. I hope she realizes what she has this time," he said as he took a sip of his whiskey.
"I don't think your son will ever let her forget."
He smiled at that.
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"Hey, Apollo!" Starbuck shouted.
He turned around to face her with a grin.
"Nice shot out there," she said once she reached him.
"Yeah well, I couldn't let you crash and burn now could I?"
"Well you could have…"she said with a smile.
He slung an arm around her shoulders as they walked together, helmets in hand.
"But I'm glad you didn't," she added.
"I'm glad to hear that."
FIN