I remember it like it was yesterday. I was one of the moments of my life that I find the most terrifying of all. It all started on a calm summer afternoon when me and my friend were walking down the sidewalk to get a Big Mac. All of a sudden, my friend saw a peculiar object sticking out of a nearby trashcan. My friend and I were object enthusiasts and liked looking at peculiar things. Today was no exception. I put on my work gloves and pulled out the strange object and studied it in my hands. My friend gasped because it was an unbelievable discovery. Right in my hands was the newest Sonic the Hedgehog game, Sonic Forces for the Nintendo Switch. My friend and I gasped and thought this was a big joke. The box was still sealed so we needed to open it to see if the game cartridge was still inside.
We ran back to my friend's house because I didn't have a Nintendo Switch because I found them ugly. My friend had a Switch because he was rich and had all the newest games like BOTW and Splatoon. We sliced the plastic wrap off of the game case and, lo and behold, the card cartridge for Sonic Forces was inside. My friend and I were amazed, but still a tad skeptic. This was because we knew it could still be a joke (maybe the jokester affixed a phony sticker over a BOTW cartridge). We popped the cartridge into the Switch and powered on the system. The menu said that the game was indeed Sonic Forces so that meant we had a legit copy… somehow.
My friend selected the game and it launched, but not before we heard Sonic laugh and say a really weird thing. It almost sounded like Sonic said "You are trash at this game!" I was offended and vowed that day to never eat Kelogg's Rice Crispies ever again. The game booted up after taking a long time to load and then the cutscene from the trailer played. It all seemed normal at first, but then when Classic Sonic showed up, we noticed a creepy new feature. Classic Sonic was missing his pupils and he wasn't smiling, but instead frowning. He looked like he was scared. He also wore green khakis. Classic Sonic spun down to join Sonic who had jump given a thumb DOWN instead of a thumb UP. The two ran side by side and Classic Sonic still looked the same. Things changed again when I noticed that Sonic turned his head to the left and he gasped. Sonic then stopped, but Classic Sonic kept on running ahead probably to find his missing pupils. Sonic walked down an alleyway and it was dark with fire.
Suddenly, a quiet droning noise sounded and it started to get louder and louder as Sonic walked down the alleyway. Then the camera shifted to behind Sonic and he said: "Time to get a move on, YOU BUTTHEAD!" My friend and I were surprised that Sonic said that and we cautiously picked up the Switch controller and began to proceed down the alleyway. Unfortunately, the controls didn't work because we had to change our Joyconboyz. We paused the game and charged them. Then we took a break and wolfed down a sleeve of Oreos. While we ate, my friend and I discussed what had just transpired and contemplated whether or not we should stop playing. My friend said that we had to because it was the new Sonic game and we had to play it so we could rub it in Tumblr's face that we got early access from a trashcan. I agreed with my friend's glorious words and we returned to the charged up Joyconboyz.
We unpaused the game and resumed Sonic journey toward the droning noise. But the controls still weren't working. My friend then tried holding backwards and Sonic started walking forwards. "These controls are pretty whack, Jack!" said Sonic in the gorgeous voice of the gorgeous Roger Craig Gorgeous Smith. We continued down the alleyway and noticed that as we walked the droning grew louder and louder. Some of the sides of the buildings that Sonic walked past blew up and shot cactuses from inside. "What kind of idiot puts cactuses in a building? What a nimrod!" laughed Sonic. I scolded Sonic for his degrading attitude and he apologized. I gasped and freaked out because Sonic talked back to me. Sonic then turned to the television to face us and said "sorry" again. This time he curled up in a ball and rolled into the camera. The screen cracked and the camera seemed to fall over. We could hear Sonic run away. Then the screen went black. My friend and I wondered if the game had broken. Suddenly the screen flashed to a picture of a kookaburra eating a Hershey's bar. It laughed with Sonic's voice and flew away with the candy bar. A sloth climbed up the tree that the kookaburra was in and then said "The purpose of Dorito's Loco Tacos is an enigma. My love is reserved only for good players. Finish the game or suffer the consequences…"
My friend and I were now thoroughly confused and wondered if now was a good time to stop playing. But we felt bad for the sloth, so we continued to play for his sake. We hit the start button and the screen changed to a relaxing scene with waterfalls and a serene pond. It played the Sonic song from Green Hill Zone, but with Crush 40's butt rock guitar. A title appeared on top that said "Sonic Forces: Special Edition". Me and my friend gasped and started doing our best Snoopy dance in excitement. We had really struck gold today! Not only did we just find the newest Sonic game before it was even released, but we found the special edition! We could sell this on ebay for big time loot!
We hit the start button to continue playing. There was no other screen and the game immediately started up to putting us in control of a running Sonic. Sonic was speeding away from the orca from Emerald Coast. We heard the droning noise again as we ran and after we hit the ramp… it happened…
Sonic flew in the air and slammed into the ground below. He tumbled instead of landing on his feet gracefully. Sonic cried in pain and sat up. He felt his legs because they hurt and whined like a baby. My friend and I were genuinely worried that we somehow killed Sonic. Suddenly, Sonic started crying "NOOOO! I need my running!" and then his legs got longer. Sonic's legs detached themselves from Sonic and ran away. Sonic screamed like a rabid wombat and beat the ground in tears. As he cried the ground below him started flourishing with pink flowers. The flowers opened up and bunch of mini versions of Sonic popped out. Sonic grabbed the mini Sonics and crafted them together to make new legs for himself. The new legs functioned just like the last as he found out. He stretched for a second and then told my friend and me the controls. It appears we were still in the tutorial section of this compelling game.
In order to run now, my friend had to use a Gamecube controller. The controller didn't have to be attached according to Sonic. We grabbed a controller and got ready. It was interesting that Sonic actually moved when we pressed the buttons. Sonic also said that the Gamecube controller's X and Y buttons looked like kidney beans and he wanted to eat them.
Suddenly the screen shifted to Classic Sonic's portion of the game. Classic Sonic was still in his green Khakis and was for some reason wearing the red and blue Chaos Emeralds as his pupils. Classic Sonic couldn't speak, but he did have a little robot who spoke for him. The robot said, "Pressed the X and Y button with perfect timing to feed Classic Sonic delicious kidney beans. The theme song for Sonic Forces began and we played a rhythm game where X and Y had to be pressed when the cursors aligned. Eat time we nailed it, Classic Sonic got a bean and he ate it with glee. Each time he swallowed, the Chaos Emeralds in his eyes sparkled. One time, my friend missed the combo and the Chaos Emeralds when up in flames. Classic Sonic emitted a shrill cry and fell to the ground in pain. My friend and I were so scared that we accidentally killed Classic Sonic, who is the best Sonic. But it was okay, because Classic Sonic had a can of Coca Cola at his disposal that resurrected him. He put the Coca Cola in his eye so that he had new pupils to replace the Emeralds. He then started dancing the cancan and went off the screen.
The screen went black again and shifted back to Modern Sonic who still had mini Sonics for legs. "Look like, you lost the game…" said Sonic sadly. The camera shifted to be behind the hedgehog and the new controls showed up on the screen. This time it asked for a PS2 controller. I always keep a PS2 controller in my backpack so I rushed and grabbed it so we could continue this strange adventure. Sonic thanked us for getting the controller so fast and said that the triangle button would allow us to hover over the fire barriers. Sonic started running and we had to help him jump over the fire barriers or slide under them. We got the end unscathed and Sonic said "THAT WAS TOO EASY! I hope Knuckles gets hit by a truck!" My friend gasped because he loved Knuckles and wouldn't want anything bad to befall the echidna. I didn't really care though because I thought Knuckles deserved it ever since he got those muscles in Sonic Boom.
Sonic then turned to the camera and said: "Wow, you're both really good players, maybe you could come and help out us here in this world. We need everyone to join the resistance! We need to stop Eggman and kick his bummy bum!" Sonic then reached out his hand and held up two kidney beans. "Do you choose the red kidney bean or the blue kidney bean?" The screen said "X=Red, Square=Blue, Circle=?" Naturally, my friend and I were super curious about the ? option. So we hit Circle and watched as Sonic started crying, but with tears of green kidney beans. "I can't believe you chose the green kidney bean option! Now I can't be Super Sonic!"
Sonic started crying and wailing louder. The screen started to flicker and my friend and I got a little spooked, thinking the game was starting to break (since we found it in the trash). Suddenly, the all the lights went out in the house. The TV turned off and my friend and I were worried we broke the whole power supply in the house. We went down into the basement to check the fuse box. My friend grabbed a flashlight and I got my Galaxy S4 for light. We went down in the basement and then we heard a bunch of boxes fall over. We turned the corner and saw my friend's cat, but the cat was wearing Sonic's Power Sneakers. My friend and I found this was weird and then the cat spoke to us. He said "Join the resistance or else!" The cat then jumped over our heads and transformed as it landed. The cat had transformed into Modern Sonic. Modern Sonic turned around to face us and smiled while he continued to cry out green kidney beans. "Why didn't you choose a more healthy bean?" Sonic then ran up and grabbed my friend. He ran up the stairs with my friend while I chased him. Sonic slammed the door in my face and I tumbled down the stairs and hit my head on the floor below and got knocked out cold.
I woke up with a broken arm several hours later and standing above me looking into my eyes was my friend's cat. I freaked out because I thought it was Modern Sonic disguised again. But then I noticed that the cat did not have Power Sneakers, so I knew I was safe. I hugged the cat and cried about my friend because I did not know where he was. I wondered if Sonic had kidnapped him and jumped into the TV with him to make him "join the resistance". My arm was broken so I had to go to the hospital pronto. There was no time to search for my friend due to my condition. I went upstairs, called an ambulance, and tossed the game with its box into the garbage disposal and destroyed it.
I don't know where my friend is now, but if I ever see him again, I only hope it's not in the hands of that blue demon…
Since this fateful encounter, I have never played a Sonic game or watched the TV show since. I only wish I knew what happened to my good friend Aaron Webber…