When Bob was a young boy, his father took him into the city, to see a marching band. Ok, that had nothing to do with the story. This story has no point, just as long as it's funny (in a dumb way) that works for me. It's mainly just random things, really. Anyway, on with random things. "Mmm! Tastes like bacon and raspberries!" said Erin as Lucy threw her a dog treat. And no, Erin is NOT a dog. "Well, they better! I made them myself out of bran flakes and cheese!" said Lucy. Alright, now that just wasn't random enough. Then Napoleon Dynamite walked in, died, and walked out. He repeated this process four times, then sat down on the couch made of gummy bears with Lucy. "Hey Lucy. Can I borrow some maple syrup?" asked Napoleon. "Well sure, Napoleon. Help yourself." Said Lucy. "Thanks. You're like the best and stuff." Said Napoleon. He sat there for a second, then ran to the kitchen. Lucy and Erin sat there for about two minutes, then Napoleon walked back in with maple syrup all over his left arm. "Ahh. Nothin' like maple syrup on your arm on a hot day." He said, with a strange look on his face. Yeah, I don't know why he had a strange look on his face. I don't wanna know either. "Napoleon! You make me SICK!" screamed Erin, pointing at his arm with one hand, his leg with the other, and his nose with the other. Yes, she has three hands. Got a problem with it? "WOW! What's that awesome smell? WOOHOO!" screamed Napoleon. Then this lady appeared and said, "That's the power of Pine-Sol, baby." "Hmm…Pine-Sol-ish. Uhh…Do ya think I could have a sample?" said Napoleon. "Let me think…NO!" said the lady an disappeared. "Gosh. Well she was a pancake head." Said Napoleon, who then pointed at what he had no idea was a sliding glass door. It was pretty clear, so he thought there was nothing there. He thought the door was just open…yeah. He tried to run outside, but hit his head on the door. "And that's the power of Windex!" said Lucy, as her and Erin laughed their heads off. "It's not funny! I'll shoot you with my 12 gauge if you don't stop laughing! Gosh!" threatened Napoleon. "Right…like you would ever shoot anyb…" Lucy started to say, but then Napoleon shot her. "Oh no! I killed Lucy!" Napoleon said as he ran to the kitchen and got some salsa and nacho cheese. He mixed the salsa and nacho cheese together and poured it onto Lucy's hair. And also on her lucky frog, Kelly's hair. Erin was just sitting off to the side, watching quietly. Then a guitar walked in the room and said "Lucy! NOOO! Don't walk into the light!" "Too late." Lucy said. She sat up, then fell back down again. Then a giraffe came in and said "Hey Guitary." He was wearing a floatie…don't ask. "Jeffery! You can't swim! Get over it!" said Guitary. Jeffery started crying and said "I can too! Go jump off a cliff!" "'Kay." Guitary said and went to jump off a cliff. Of course, Jeffery followed. 'Cuz everywhere Guitary went, the giraffe was sure to go…or something along those lines. Napoleon ran back to the kitchen and got a bowl of vanilla ice cream, which he topped with caramel, hot fudge sauce, cake, cheese, and peanut butter. "Maybe a sundae will calm me down…" he said, and ran over and sat by Lucy and Kelly. He took the spoon and got a spoonful of ice cream. He put it on Lucy's leg. He repeated this process until the bowl was empty. He then made a banana split, which he poured on her arms. He thought it was only fair that Kelly got some too, so he put a piece of banana on her back. He rolled them both over onto their backs and ran back to the kitchen. This time he made three pepperoni pizzas. He's actually a pretty decent cook. He sliced up all the pizzas, and cut up one slice into small pieces. He put it all in a big dish and ran back over to Kelly and Lucy. He put the cut-up slice all over Kelly's stomach and the slices on Lucy's. "Watch Lucy and Kelly for a few minutes." He said to Erin, and ran upstairs. He made a Spider-Man mask for Lucy, and a smaller one for Kelly. He ran back downstairs and tried them on. They fit perfectly. He took off their masks and filled them up with chocolate icing, then put them back on. I wouldn't ask if I were you. Ok, you can ask, but I can't answer…you'll have to ask Napoleon. I haven't explained before that sometimes Napoleon yells random things out loud. Like right now, for instance: "Sorry, Erin! Gotta go, like, totally get my nails done! See ya, girl!" he said in a girly voice. He came back in about ten minutes with hot pink nails. "Hey girl! Just stopped by to check on ya. Now I gotta go pick up my cheerleading uniform and pom-poms! Be back soon!" he…(or she, in this case) said. He came back a few minutes later wearing a blue, yellow, and white cheerleading outfit that said "Eagles" in blue on the top. "Sorry, girl. But I'm leaving again to go get a new purse. I have to go get changed first." …she said. A few minutes later…he…came back in a pink tank top and a black skirt. …He was wearing dark red lipstick and a diamond necklace with matching earrings. …He sort of smelled like perfume, and his hair was curled even more than usual. Also…he was wearing black high-heeled shoes that for some reason…she was having no problem walking in. …She's probably done this a billion times. "Hey girl! After I go get a new purse I'll be right back and I'll stay this time. See ya!" he (or she) said and ran off to the store. When she (or he…let's go with she till he snaps out of it) got back she was carrying a pink sequin-covered purse. "Hey girl! I'm back! But I'm so tired…" she said, looking exhausted. "Well…uh…why don't you take a little nap? I can watch Lucy and Kelly for awhile." Said Erin. "Thank you SO much, Erin. Just let me get some pajamas." She said, and went upstairs. Oh NO! thought Erin. She came back down wearing a pink nightgown with flowers on it. "Uh, Napoleon, you can go to sleep now." Said Erin. "Oh please, call me Natasha." Said, uh, Natasha. She slept for about a half-hour, and when she (or whatever!) woke up, it was obviously Napoleon, because he was asking a lot of questions like…why was he wearing a nightgown. "Hey, Erin." He said, confused. "Oh hi Napoleon." Erin replied. "What's up?" he asked. "Well," said Erin, "I assume the sky is up…" "You assume?" asked Napoleon. "Uh, yeah." Said Erin. "Why am I wearing a nightgown and why do I feel like I should call you 'girl'?" he asked, taking his hands out from under his blanked. "AAH! And why are my nails pink?" he screamed/asked. "Uhh, well, you were kinda a girl." She said nervously. "Kinda?" he asked. "Umm…yes. You even got a cheerleading outfit and a purse!" she said. "I see. Oh no…what did I wear when I got this purse…? Not this, I hope!" he said. "No, you wore a skirt and a tank top." Said Erin. "I'll have you know that was a skort, Erin!" he said, "Oh no, and what was my name?" "Ok, ok, fine. Skort. Whatever. You were Natasha." She said. "Oh my gosh…" he said, "I forgot to bury Lucy and Kelly! They need a proper burial!" So, he digs a hole in the floor and throws Lucy down it. He makes a smaller hole next to it and throws Kelly down it. He makes a tombstone that says "R.I.P. Lucy and Kelly" he then pours melted cheese on the grave then goes to watch Dora the Explorer, his favorite show. He sang along to the theme song and said "Swiper, no swiping!" with Boots. But oh, Dora abandoned him. She left him for another man long ago. Napoleon and Dora were dating, you see, and they were having a romantic dinner at McDonald's. Then Benny the Bull barged in to a PUBLIC restaurant! Oh…my…gosh. He ordered a cheeseburger with no cheese, and ran over to Napoleon and Dora's table and just sat down, after Dora invited him! How RUDE! He told Dora that Napoleon had terrible body odor. She actually believed him! Benny was currently dating Isa the Iguana, who he left for Dora. So Napoleon felt like he was forced to date Isa. She always sent him deodorant in the mail, which confused him. Possibly because she had heard that he had B.O...Very bad B.O….Very very bad B.O….TERRIBLY bad B.O….
ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP!
Well, at least I didn't get slapped.
THWACK THWACK THWACK!
I stand corrected.
Then a penguin appeared. So Napoleon penguin-napped the penguin. So…the penguin (which was later named Skipper) and Napoleon…and Erin lived happily ever after.
The end.