Things Change… And It's Not Always Bad…
By Shadow in the Rain
Chapter 1: Breaking the Habit
It was one of those nights where nothing went Beast Boy's way.
Exhausting training had taken up most of the day. He had hoped that that would be enough to let him fall asleep immediately for once, but, as usual, his mind wouldn't shut up… it whirled around and around, dragging up everything that he tried not to think about during the day, all of the stuff that lived in the shadowy corners of his mind that he tried so desperately to stay away from…
Specifically, he was thinking about…her. A lot of the stuff in those dark corners had to do with her. The thoughts wouldn't leave him alone, he couldn't escape…
And the same stuff kept coming back to him, but it wouldn't just freaking leave him alone…
Maybe it was better this way.
It hurt like hell, but things were definitely better this way.
So what if whenever he saw her something in his torso would jolt, and he would hope more than anything that she would acknowledge him, recognize him, run back to him and beg for forgiveness and everything would finally, finally, after the agonizingly long wait, be perfect?
Terra wasn't going to come back…and it was really time that he accepted that. Really, it would have been least heart-wrenching if he had just forgotten about her and moved on… but Beast Boy still saw her every so often…
The worst part was when he did see her… and she looked him right in the eyes…and there was nothing. No recognition, no greeting, just…nothing. And he knew that she remembered him. She had chosen to turn her back on that part of her life, had taken that opportunity to finally get away from herself, to abandon who she had been…
He didn't think about her as much as he had before… in fact, he could go most of the day without thinking about her.
But his subconscious was still infatuated with her… she haunted his dreams (even though no one else, not even his closest friends were there)…the ghost of an old love was more haunting than the ever-present best friends that he was so happy to have…
He knew he didn't love her. He had definitely liked her, but their relationship…all deception, all mirrors and darkness and he couldn't be sure that anything was actually real…even if he had loved her, he was unwilling to admit it. It couldn't have been love, seeing as their relationship had had so little substance…and true love is requited.
But… as unrequited love often becomes, any feelings he might have had for her had become a dark, all-consuming obsession that had pervaded every aspect of his life.
When he closed his eyes, she was there, smiling before him, beckoning for him to step into the sunshine, leave all of the darkness behind…
Beast Boy's eyes snapped open, and he realized that this was the day that everything had to change.
Things had changed… maybe they had changed a long time ago and he never realized it… but how does one get over something that had been like a shadow over their life for so long? How do you make the ghosts disappear into the darkness, how do you make it all go away?
He didn't know. He just didn't know…
But maybe there was someone who did…
Jolting out of bed, all pretenses of sleeping forgotten, Beast Boy rushed out of his room, glad to finally have a distraction.
WAAAHOOO!!
I finally got another fic to float into my mind… actually I have a couple at the moment. Both Pokémon and Teen Titans stories. Originally, I was just rambling with this one (thought I'd maybe just post it as a one-shot) but then I realized that I could make it go with another fairly acceptable idea I have for a story. So yeah.
I think my goal for this one is to try and become a better writer... I have trouble coming up with ideas, and I don't know what I can do about that. Right now I'm at a place where I can only write something that I deem postable when I'm really really angry or upset, and besides the fact that I don't get that upset that often and the fact that I hate being that upset...I wanna get better. So I'm trying to do better with the writing process (like actually reading over and editing what I've done when it's not 2 in the morning... . )...so yeah. :) please tell me if you think my efforts are working, or if I should just abandon it all together. Muahaaha.
Nightmare, this one's for you… I'm gonna do my best not to let it die.
Oh, and also, as a side note, WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING, starting antoehr fic??!!? My last few crashed and burned. Whatever…
OH, and it'll get funnier after this. This is just the necessary, deep-reflective part that has to come first. He's gotta get rid of his Terra problem before he can move on to other stuff. :)
Thanks so much for reading, send me a review if you feel like it, they make me happy. :)