DISCLAIMER: I Unfortunately Don't Own Twilight Or Its Characters, Stephenie Meyer Does...'
This Is My First Fanfiction, So Please Be Gentle. And Again, I Ask That You Not Flame. If You Find You Don't Like The Way It Goes, Or Anything About It, Then Don't Read It. Thank You And I Hope You Enjoy.
''You don't ...want me?''
''No...It will be as if I never existed.''
Love, life, meaning...over.
(A week later...Bpov)
''Wait!'' I managed to choke out, trying to reach out for him. His lips barely grazing my forhead. My eyes closed.
''Take care of yourself,'' he said. His breath was cool against my skin. I opened my eyes to look into his dazzling topaz eyes, but seemed to be moving farther away from me. His beautiful face fading.
I blinked, then there was an unnatural light breeze, and he was gone. ''EDWARD!! PLEASE!!,'' I sobbed. Falling to my knees. ''Edward! No!!,'' I cried, wrapping my arms around myself, feeling as if somebody had just ripped my heart right out of my chest. I managed, shakily, to rise and try to follow him. Walking in the direction he had gone, my mind blank. My chest, an empty, and painful void. I kept walking and walking until I Finally lost my footing and came crashing down on the forest floor. Then everything went black.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
I opened my eyes and stared at my alarm clock. 6:00 a.m. ''Oh Yeah'' I thought ''Charlie said I'm supposed to be going back to school today.'' I sat up, rubbing my eyes and grabbing the right side of my head. ''why do I keep having that damn dream? I've been having it every night since...'' I stared out the window. The window he used to always climb through. Without realizing it, I had started crying. I curled up into a ball on my bed and tried to regain control. My mind was going blank, the painful, empty feeling in my chest was growing.
''Bells?'' Charlie said from my bedroom door. I hadn't heard him knock. He walked over to me and sat next to me. Hesitantly, he put his left hand on my shoulder ''Bells...You've been out of school for a week. I think you should try to go back today. Maybe it will take your mind off things...'' Charlie said in a low voice, embarrassed. He was never good at showing emotions. I had stopped crying but my body was stiff. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to go anywhere. I curled up tighter and Charlie started to get angry.
''He's not worth all this, Bella! Now get your butt out of bed! Now!'' Charlie yelled. His sudden change in tone made me jump a little.
''Ok...'' was all I managed to squeak out. He got up, muttering something I couldn't understand, and slammed my bedroom door. I stayed on my bed a few more seconds, blankly deliberating, when charlie called.''I don't hear you moving! GET UP RIGHT NOW!''
I sat back up. 6:35 a.m. I weakly got up and grabbed my toiletry bag and headed for the bathroom, my eyes stinging from crying. The day was, of course, cloudy and rainy. The crisp October air stung my skin and I shivered as I undressed for the shower. I stepped in and the warm water soothed my head and back muscles. I began to relax a bit. It was after seven when I got out and I dashed to my room, freezing. I grabbed the first thing I saw in my closet and put it on, blew my hair dry, and went downstairs. Charlie was at the table reading the newspaper when I entered the kitchen and sat down in an empty chair.
''Your keys are by the door. Hurry up or you'll be late. You got everything?'' Charlie said.
''Yes. And thank you. I'll see you tonight Ch-dad.'' I stuttered. I rose from my chair and put on my jacket. I grabbed my keys and bookbag and headed out. The rain had slowed to a drizzle but I dashed to my truck. I quickly got in and stuck the key in the ignition. I caught myself in the rearview mirror and stared. I had dark circles under my eyes and I looked sallow. A familiar stranger. I sighed. ''This is not gonna be a good day'' I thought.
I turned the key and my truck roared to life. I put it in reverse and backed out of the driveway. The ride to school took forever. Everything seemed so dreary and dead to me. And the day had a green hue to it. As I pulled into the parking lot, my heart jumped. I swore i saw his VOLVO. I blinked a few times and looked again. It was gone. ''come on Bella. He's not gonna be here. You're seeing things.'' I thought. My eyes stung and a few tears escaped. I parked my truck and pinched the bridge of my nose.
''You can do this,'' I said. I took a few deep breaths and grabbed my stuff. I stepped out of my truck and headed to my class.
The morning passed in a haze. Before I knew it, it was time for lunch. I made my way to the cafeteria and sat with Jess and them. They were trying to talk to me, but I ignored them. My mind was wandering back to him. Without realizing it, I had turned to stare at the table they had always sat at. It was empty. I felt a sharp pain in my chest and my stomach twisted. My head felt dizzy and I got up and ran to the bathroom, throwing up nothing but bile. Jessica had followed me and started knocking on the stall door.
''Bella?!'' she asked, a little frantic. ''Are you ok?!''
''I'm...O..K...'' I managed to spit out between heaves. Finally, after heaving untill nothing was left, I flushed the toilet and opened the door. Jessica was still there, and she looked worried and slightly pale.
''You don't look like you're ok. Whats wrong?'' she asked. I looked at the floor and didn't answer. She grabbed my shoulders and shook me a couple of times. ''Hello! Earth to Bella! What's going on with you? You've been acting like this all day! Now tell me!'' she practically screamed.
''He's gone..'' was all I could say, my voice cracking as i finished. My eyes started to blur as I looked up at her. She looked confused for a minute, then realization spread through her eyes.
''You mean, Edward? Edward Is Gone??'' she asked. When she said his name, I winced. all I could do was nod my head. She hugged me, and said how sorry she was. She led me out of the bathroom and got me a water bottle from the vending machine. Then we went back into the cafeteria and rejoined the group. The rest of the day passed quickly, thankfully. After the final bell rang, I raced out to the safety of my truck before anyone else could get a chance to talk to me. Once inside, I started the truck and pressed the gas. My truck whined in protest as I sped through the streets and arrived home. I got out and ran inside my house and up to my room. I threw everything on the floor and tossed myself onto my bed. I curled up once again, and unloaded a sea of tears from my eyes. The tears that had threatened to escape all that painful day.
The rest of the month was pretty much the same. I sat alone at lunch, and sat in the back of my classes. Jessica tried talking to me, but as I continued to ignore her and everyone else, she began to ignore me. As did all my friends. Such was my daily routine throughout October.
Edpov
''You don't ...want me?''
''No...It will be as if I never existed.''
I couldnt believe I had actually managed to say that without breaking down. I ran through the forest, and away from my Bella. My life. My love. If I could cry, the tears would be rolling and rolling down my face. I could hear her trying to come after me, but I was too fast and long gone before she could have. I stopped, taking an unessessarily shaky breath. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and cried her name out as I sank to the ground. I stayed there for what seemed like hours, shaking and dry-sobbing. It was already dark when I opened my eyes, and I could hear someone's voice calling Bella's name. I quickly got up and ran the rest of the way to the mansion and to my car. I had everyone leave already, but I stayed behing to say goodbye to her. I got in my car and sped off towards Alaska.
The ride to Alaska was long. And the time seemed to pass at an almost standstill. I almost turned back several times, my love for Bella almost being too much to carry on like this. This hurt. Alot. So much more than anything else I'd experienced in all my years of being. I don't think I had ever had something hurt me so much. I tried to distract myself, so I popped a cd in the stereo, not realizing which one I'd grabbed. Bella's lullaby started playing. My eyes began to sting. My forhead creased with curiosity and I wiped a finger over my cheek. I gasped. For once in almost a hundred years, I cried tears.
I had to pull over. My eyes were so blurred from the tears, and the shock of me actually crying tears was too much. I couldn't believe it. I was crying. Actually crying. I sat there for over an hour like that, my head in my hands. Making the most painful sounds in the world. My voice loud and sobbing. I screamed her name over and over. Saying how sorry I was for leaving her. I hit the steering wheel several times. When I had cried myself dry, I grabbed a tissue from the glove box and wiped my face. Still bewildered that I had cried real tears. It took me a few moments to collect myself, and I continued to drive towards Alaska.
(A week later)
''You Don't...want me?'' Bella's beautiful voice rang through my head as I envisioned her lovely face twist up in pain. I opened my eyes, trying to get that unforgetable day out of my head. But it didn't help. Her voice still echoed through my mind. Repeating that line. It was almost too much to bear. Of course I wanted her. I wanted her so much now than I ever did. But I chose this. I made my Bella bellieve I no longer cared for her. The thought alone was enough to send my non-beating heart into painful spasms. My face twisted up in pain and I sobbed. No tears came this time, but I was still sobbing just the same.
It's been only a week since I left. And I was already coming apart at the seams. Every inch of me was torn with sadness, regret, pain, and sorrow. The circles under my eyes were darker than usual, and my eyes a deep onyx. I hadn't fed since that day. I didn't want to live. I COULDN'T live. I couldn't live with myself for what I had done. If I were in this much pain, I could only imagine how Bella must be feeling. Alice was furious with me, and protested. But I told her, and everyone, that this was better for her. She deserved a normal, human life. And that we were altering that. Alice still hasn't spoken a word to me since. I often wonder if she is silently keeping tabs on Bella. She is constantly blocking her mind from me. The days continue to roll by. Today is Saturday, exactly two and a half weeks after I left, and the thirst was tugging and burning at my throat.
''Edward, you need to feed'' Alice's thoughts ran through my head, pulling me out of a daze. She was in the doorway to my room glaring at me.
''I don't want to Alice,'' I said flatly.
''I don't care whether you want to or not Edward Cullen. But the simple fact is, is that I know that Bella does not want you to die. You may have left her, but dying would kill her. Litterally.'' she said, anoyance in her tone.
''...Fine...'' I said. I got up and she and I left. It took six Deer before the burning in my throat subsided. I had to admit, it felt good to feed.
''I knew you were hungry.'' Alice thought. I looked at her and growled lowly and sped off back to the house. As I ran, I thought of Bella and of what Alice had said. I pictured Alice going back to Forks and telling Bella I had died. I pictured Bella getting sick. Sicker and sicker she got. And eventually she got too sick to live. I couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist. I may not be with her physically, but that thought was enough to drive me to stay alive.
When I arrived back home, I was on my way to my room again. On my way, I passed everyone. They were sitting in the living room. Emmett and Jasper were playing some card game and Rosalie was reading a book. Esme was watching tv with Carlisle. One by one, I felt their stares burn into my back as I passed. I couldn't look at them. I knew they were also mad at me and I didn't wanna argue. I pushed their thoughts out of my head and, once inside my room, put the cd I had made for Bella in the cd player and clicked play. Her lullaby started to play and I curled up on my bed and stared off.
Such was my life for the rest of that month.
A/N: So?? What do you think?? Please reveiw and lemme know! And again, please be gentle.