Has it only been a year? I dunno, it feels way longer than that. It felt like the longest 365 days I've ever lived. Do you remember back when you graduated? What you told me before leaving for Tokyo?

"Hanamaru, I'll always be with you", you said.

I thought it was quite cliche, but little did I know how true that would actually be.

Moving to the new school was kinda weird at first, but everyone was there so I got used to all of it a lot quicker than I imagined. We put up another school idol club but I never really went back to being part of a school idol group, instead I just helped out with things at the club. My time as an idol with Aqours was more than enough.

Two years later, we all graduated as well. Ruby-chan wanted to be in fashion so she moved to a design school in Kyoto, and I still remember her telling me how happy you were when you first heard about it. Yoshiko-chan actually spent most of our final year working part-time for a multimedia firm as a digital artist, and she decided to go into it full-time once we graduated. That girl was really talented with technology that I actually spent most of our time together asking her about modern stuff.

Then of course, there's me, moving to a university in Tokyo to study literature. At first, I was kinda content with just working at the city library in Uchiura but my family and everyone else kept insisting I take up literature. Eventually, I found the best school for what I wanted to take in college, which, conveniently, was only a 20-minute walk from your place. Ruby-chan even told me you practically had your dorm ready for me even before we graduated! Not that I'm complaining, because it actually made moving out of Numazu a lot easier than expected, and it helped living with someone already familiar with the place.

Ugh, I guess I'm not fooling anyone here...fine. It was a lot better to move in because it meant I get to live with you. Happy?

You were heading into your third year of university while I was just starting my first...now ain't that familiar? Hehe. I don't think I've never had as much fun in my life as that time, though. To be living in the same house as you, to be going out on dates in the weekends, to see and feel all of who you are...I couldn't have asked for more. Sometimes I felt like going to university was a bonus and that the main point was you instead of the other way around.

Also, never in my life have I been spoiled so badly for Noppo bread. Just thought I'd let you know that.

Then we got to that point in life again where you were graduating. I thought you'd go back to your family in Numazu but this time it was different, you weren't leaving anymore. You found a job in Tokyo as an executive assistant, and it was just a short commute from where we lived. To this day, I still don't know how you got your father to let you do that when he'd planned for you to take over your family business for so long. Then again, you are persistent.

I still remember the nights you'd come home really beat and it reminded me of how you never really learned to pace yourself. You just went at everything at 100%. You remember how I always pestered you to take some days off but you weren't having any of it?

"If I did, what am I supposed to do with a day off?" you always said.

What an idiot, I always thought, it's like you couldn't even see me standing in front of you when you said those words. Sometimes I wonder just how much patience Mari-chan and Kanan-chan had dealing with you in all those years.

You were many things, and incredibly dense is unfortunately one of them. Remember how we had our first of many fights over it? You never really gave yourself time to properly rest...or to even spend time with me. I know I was being selfish, and I was doing it on purpose.

Then, next day on, you suddenly started coming home early and actually taking days off to match the days I didn't have to go to school, so I guess being selfish actually worked for once. Yes, you were unbelievably dense, but more than that, you were too nice, maybe even to a fault.

The next few years, I was just on cloud nine. I eventually finished college and quickly found work as an associate editor for a food magazine, and you knew more than anyone how much I loved doing it. We even had a few dates to some of the restaurants I wrote on! Then not long after I got that job, you were finally promoted to an executive, which, compared to your workload as an assistant, felt like you had all the time in the world.

Things started to go so well for everyone else too, with how Mari-chan finally took over her father's hotel chain and Kanan-chan became an international diving instructor like she dreamed of. We even spent several nights wondering if they'll get married sooner or later.

Then we even had a send-off party for You-chan before her first voyage as a cruise ship deck officer, while Chika-chan became quite the radio DJ and TV host and Riko-chan started composing songs for many famous artists. They're really amazing when you think about it, and it wasn't surprising when they ended up like that,

Yoshiko-chan eventually found her way to being a special effects editor for a huge production company, then Ruby-chan caught the eye of a famous fashion designer who took her under their wing and before we knew it, she was designing dresses for fashion shows worldwide! I still remember seeing you crying when we saw Ruby-chan with the other designers walk on the runway on the first show she worked on, then again, I guess I did cry a lot too.

It would almost seem like everyone in Aqours finally found their place in the world.

Then...two years ago, things started to change. And none for the better. You suddenly started becoming stressed out, though you never really told me why. You never opened up.

"I'm just overthinking stuff at work." you always told me with a sheepish smile. "I'll be fine."

Next thing I know I get a call from one of your assistants at work telling me you were suddenly rushed to the hospital. I've never had the most stamina, but I don't think I've ever run 5km from my office to the hospital as quick as that day.

"I guess I actually overdid it this time, I'm sorry for making you worry."...yes, you did, and what an understatement that was.

You never really got rid of your habit to overwork yourself and you ended up collapsing from overfatigue. You were only 26 but it felt like you'd already worked yourself to 35! You had to take a couple weeks off after that and for the first time in my life, I saw you at your most vulnerable. You were physically weak during the first few days so even I had to take a few days off just to help you do things back on your own.

I knew that if I didn't do anything, I'd just get a call telling me you collapsed again...or worse.

Thankfully, things started mellowing out for you...but for some reason, it felt like you were becoming more and more distant from me. We lived in the same house, slept on the same bed, but it was like I was actually living with a stranger. Little did I know it was just a prelude for what would be the darkest moment in my life...

"Hanamaru...I don't think we should go on like this...we should end this...us..."

Never have you hurt me more than that day you told me you didn't want us to go on anymore. I didn't even know what to feel, I was upset, furious, sad, hell, I don't even know until now. You just went up and left me there and then. You took all of me and ran with it.

"I'm sorry...I just...can't tell you."

The next few months felt like hell. My friends at work noticed my swollen eyes nearly every day, but I just told them I've been binge-watching dramas, even though all I actually did was cry myself to sleep every night. Why did you have to hurt me like that? What did I even do wrong? I was desperate for answers, even though I knew deep down you won't be giving me any.

You left me the house, but It got to the point where I couldn't stand being in there anymore because it reminded me so much of us. I draped the furniture up and moved to Yoshiko-chan's place, which she kindly offered when she heard of what happened.

But you know what, despite everything, not once did I hate you. Yes, I was real angry, but I never hated you. I was just confused, I wanted you to tell me why you had to leave me without giving me even something to hold on to.

Then...it happened.

That day, I got home from work and I found Ruby-chan in Yoshiko-chan's place, she was crying and Yoshiko-chan was there comforting her, but she was crying too. Ruby-chan had apparently just come home to Japan, or rather, hurried back home.

"Onee-chan...onee-chan is gone, Maru-chan! She...she's gone..."

Honestly, I actually thought she was talking about what happened to us, at first. How you just left the house. It wasn't until Yoshiko-chan explained everything else that I figured it out...that you...were gone.

That day you collapsed, it wasn't just because you were overfatigued. You were sick, and that you didn't have much time left, and you found out not long before you left the house. The only people you told about it were your family...and Ruby had so much trouble keeping it from me that she was saying sorry.

"I'm sorry, Maru-chan...I knew, I knew about it, but...I couldn't tell you. I've wanted to let you know so badly but...onee-chan, she...she begged me not to tell you..."

Ruby-chan then had the unfortunate task of letting everyone else know of what happened. I don't think I've ever seen her so broken in all the years I've been her best friend.

Everyone went to the wake...though I don't remember uttering even a single word that day. Mari-chan was inconsolable, to say the least, then again...I guess I could say the same for everyone. It was all so sudden, after all...you were only 27 years old...no one deserves to go that early...

You were gone, but another reality was that we never got to have closure. For the next few days, I felt like I was chasing your shadow. I wanted to catch you to at least know why you had to leave me like you did. I knew I was getting nowhere, but at the same time, I felt like I couldn't do anything else.

However a week later, Ruby-chan handed me a CD before she went back to America...oh wait, I've brought it with me, hold on...Remember this? Ruby-chan said you wanted me to have it once you were gone. Real dramatic...but then again, it's just like you. Though I've only played this once, I still remember your words by heart.

"Hi, Hanamaru. Are you doing well? I know this might be too sudden, but when you see this video, I'll most likely have passed on...oh dear, I don't even know where to start...okay, I guess I should just start by telling you the truth. I'm sick...That day I collapsed, it wasn't just because of fatigue. It was cancer...of the brain, and apparently...I don't have much long left...

I..I've known for quite some time now, but..I never knew how I could tell you...or even if I actually could. That day I left you, it was because I was just so scared that I didn't know what else to do but run. Now that I think about it, I regret it so much. I caused you so much pain, and I wasn't able to be honest with you. We could've spent more time together and made the most of what time I had left...but now...I ended up leaving you without even saying goodbye...I'm just the worst...

I'm sorry, Hanamaru...I don't know how else to say it...I won't even be mad if you can't find it in your heart to forgive me, but God knows how much I regret what I did. I'm sorry...I'm so, so sorry...

I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to be away from you but if I was to go, I wanted to go quietly than cause you more pain by seeing me go. But you know what, I've never stopped loving you. Every day, I cried myself to sleep thinking I've thrown away everything, of how much I messed up. What a failure I was...I can't even go away right...

But...I love you, Hanamaru. Our story may not have ended the way either of us wanted, it may have ended too early, but I guess it's because it's only my story that's come to an end. Having met and spent most of my life with you, I guess I won't mind myself having an anticlimactic ending.

Your story will still go on and one day, you'll find a new love to call yours. Thank you...for completing who I was. I'll always be with you. Watching from up there, know that I'll be praying for your happiness.

We'll meet again one day, and when that time comes, I can't wait to hear how your story continued."

I still remember reaching out to the TV as if you were there...it was the talk we badly needed but one that I never wanted to have with you. One where I can only hope my answer will reach you up there.

It may have been a year since you passed, but I promise, I will continue to cherish your-no, our memory, forever. You're the one responsible for who I am now, and I could never be happier to have met someone like you. My happiness, with who or whatever it may lie in, wouldn't be possible if it weren't for my time with you.

I love you, Dia-chan. Thank you...for everything.

This...this is goodbye.