Title: It Will Have Blood

Rating: T

Summary: When you go into the boardroom of Lord Alan Sugar, all you see is a possibly fake potted plant. Oh, and a few vampire faces. Cannot forget those.

Disclaimer: I own neither Twilight, the Apprentice (British or otherwise) nor the slightly butchered Midsummer Night's Dream quote in the title - 'It will have blood, they say; Blood will have blood'. I do, however, own a *fake* potted plant and a couple hundred unsold vials of blood.

Title of chosen reality competition show: The Apprentice

Do you know how nerve-wracking it is waiting for Lord Sugar to send you into the boardroom? All you can see is a couple of rock-hard sofas, a plant, a desk with an immaculate female clack-clack-clacking away on her keyboard, and a bunch of smug and cocky faces.

Although I bet most of them were shaking in their boots, too. I mean, high heels or smart black shoes. It really is scary, you know. I am about 96% sure the potted plant is fake anyway.

Oh, and it does not help when half of those smug faces have ruby red eyes.

The phone is ringing, and we hear the polite exchange between the secretary and Lord Sugar before being sent into the even scarier, even more sparsely decorated boardroom. I sit in another hugely uncomfortable chair and resist the urge to spin in it. That would not be professional in the least.

Lord Sugar comes through the partition and sits. I am the only one tapping my foot, so I stop. Even though I know we're just watching the final episode, I cannot help but feel nerves. After all, this is where all the eliminations (and the final hiring) occurred. The unnecessary fanfare of the procession inside probably has not helped, either.

Soon enough, the video is up and I settle it for being uncomfortable for an hour. The theme tune plays – I have always hated it, but no more than I do now – and the clips show the original, full group walking towards the camera – which only took about thirty-eight takes of me focusing on not falling over in the skyscraper heels that I was assured made me look ultra professional.

It shows us being 'woken up' by the phone – Edward zooming over to the phone from the piano at the other side of the house at five AM before coming in to wake me up. I look pathetic, rather like a bird nested in my hair overnight, but am ready (though only barely) in half an hour and tripping over the door. They have shown a lot of clips of me tripping. It shows the contrast between me and vamps, that is for sure.

My face looks blank as we pull up to the hospital, although I know that I was very confused. The indifference is a mentality the accident-prone, like me, learn to affect around hospitals at an early age. Lord Sugar arrived after us and gave the brief.

"Your final task is to collect and distribute vials of blood." His ruby eyes twinkled at my horror.

Yes, that was right. The House of Lord's Alan Sugar is going to live forever on the blood of innocents. Great.

"You are only allowed to take the blood from willing donors and may only distribute it in a legal fashion. For this task, all the other contestants have been brought back to help out, and, to even the playing field, Edward will not be allowed the use of any of his preternatural... gifts. Good luck."

Strangely enough, it seems to disconcert TV watchers to hear the word 'vampires' in reality television. In a blink, he is gone; the contestants have split evenly behind Edward and me, and Lord Sugar's 'eyes,' Nick and Karren, are looking at us as though we should have started moving, say, an hour ago. Edward looks smug because I made no secret of my... aversion to blood. I am standing a little shell-shocked, but turn on my heel with a signal for my 'team' to follow.

The screen cuts back to Edward, who turns to his group and splits them into the 'acquiring' and selling teams. He declares himself a member of the 'acquiring' team and tells the selling team that, essentially, they are on their own after appointing the most vicious salesperson I have ever had the displeasure of meeting, James, as their leader. Edward does, however, remind them to check in once in a while.

Present-day Bella rolls her eyes, even as the screen changes to a clip of me talking. "I am confident I will win." I was trying to be cocky, because although Alice had seen it, I was not convinced. "Plus, whilst the task may be more suited to one of Edward's calibre, I guess I have finally found an advantage to my childhood clumsiness - I am on first-name basis with almost all the doctors in London." I remember my lip so as not to add on an inappropriate and unprofessional 'So suck that, Cullen'. They cut off before I could, though which is probably a good thing.

The screen shows my team laughing - yes, highly inappropriate, however I had just finished explaining my wild card, genius idea. "Okay, so are you all alright with calling your doctors for help?"

Screen-Bella asks, maybe a bit unnecessarily, as they basically had to do as I asked for this task. And yes, surprisingly, vampires need doctors too - where else would they get enough donor blood to sate them? It is more ethically pleasing than the... other option, in any case.

"After that, we'll divide into our acquiring, selling, and phone teams." They all nod, and phones are out.

We see my screen self smile as I make sure to keep Jasper on my team with a vamp I trust at all times - good salesman though he is, he has proven to be volatile. Angela is head of my phone team as she has proven invaluable - as head telemarketer in her family business, that was hardly surprising - and Kate as head of sales. I had warned them that the phone and sales teams would blur a bit throughout the task, and they had been brilliant about it.

With that smile, they cut to Edward pinching the bridge of his nose as now-Bella smirks - I had managed to win many poker games in the house against him because even after knowing him for a few months, I know that was his 'tell' - he is frustrated. "No, James!" He barks into the phone he is holding, topaz eyes glittering. Of course, some stubborn vampires are still vegetarian, even though they can now get 'safe' blood. Cue rolled eyes. "You are to sell every drop of what we supply, no 'taking a little off the top'." I know this is about the time that I was dividing teams and setting tasks (very efficiently, might I add), because I remember hearing his yell. It brought me a smug feeling then and it does the same now. On-screen Cullen hangs up the phone and motions for his team to split without specifying where they are going - they obviously know, though, and it is to several various hospitals.

Edward strides confidently to the front desk and gets an appointment with the resident blood bank coordinator easily. There may have been dazzling involved. But all the same, the male coordinator drives a hard bargain and his team walks out with a relatively small amount of... wares, even if for a decent price. "Sorry, sir," says the smug coordinator, "We only coordinated a blood drive a couple of days ago and most of that we have already distributed." This coordinator likes the thought of having his face on TV. Not his good side, though.

Next, we're shown Edward's other gathering team breaking the news of their failure to a Mr. Cullen via the phone - the failure, honestly, was not any worse than Edward's own, but he obviously felt no need to disclose that little piece of information. It seems to be setting a precedent for the show - Edward fails whilst I soar ahead. Cue fist pump.

As a juxtaposing shot, I am shown hugging my favourite GP, Carlisle, as he tells me how he had organised a blood drive today and that he would be more than willing to give us 10% of what he takes in, for a price very similar to Edward's - "After all, you single-handedly keep this hospital in business!"

Then we have my phone team arranging a stall at a marketplace not far from HQ for later that day and grinning. Present-day Bella is smiling, too - Edward is scowling at the screen.

The screen shows a montage of both teams succeeding and failing at getting deals, even a silly little clip of my team passing Edward's in a hospital lobby with me saying "Hey, Eddie," with a jovial wink and high-school wave. It also shows how my buying team starts selling to doctors at our 'appointments' once it is clear we have almost too much blood to sell - Eddie dear scowls at that too, until we see his team cinching their biggest deal yet, and a clip of him speaking soon after.

"I could not help but feel sorry for Isabella as we heard the task - I have no doubt that I have the upper hand. Poor Miss Swan lacks a few helpful... characteristics for this task." Yeah, like a set of fangs. He is smirking his by now well-known crooked smirk, both screen-him and boardroom-him. I am feeling the urge to slap it from his face, so I fold my arms and clench my fists a bit. All the vampires in the room notice, though, damn them, and Edward's smirk only increases at my ire. I keep my eyes fixed unerringly on the screen.

The next thing on screen, however, does not aid my cause in the slightest. My collection team has given the phone team enough small vials to fill the orders and the rest to the sales team in the market... but there is literally no one there. Screen-Bella is efficient, sending off a couple of the team members to find customers elsewhere, but boardroom-Bella is blushing, because a market would be empty in the middle of a working day. Common sense, much? Then there is a clip of Nick effectively saying how stupid my team was, "But, if they can find it, there is still a way to redeem themselves." Way to be cryptic.

Now, of course, we see Edward's teams finally sealing good deal after good deal, buying and selling, because this show does nothing if not milk the juxtaposition.

Oh look, there I am, pulling my hair out. "You know what? Never mind. Kate, Garrett, you stay here and watch the stall. Emmett and Angela will be back soon - hopefully with some paying customers. The rest of us are going door-to-door."

"Are you sure that is a good move?" Inquires the worst salesperson on the show, Tanya. She got fired in the second week. I think Lord Sugar wanted some eye candy… gack, but gave up on her after one week of her whining. Wise move, sir. "What are the chances of us just happening across a nice little coven, coincidentally low enough on blood to consider buying this garbage, let alone enough to win? We'll get more business here." Perhaps predictably, she is one of the stupidly self-named vegetarians. Surely there are better names for it?

I stare at her like she is stupid, an expression I have practiced enough to be proud of, and reply in a polite, business tone with an undercurrent of I cannot believe you are this stupid. "You can go door-to-door on houses if you wish, Tanya, I will be going to businesses. Lots of pharmacies around here." She had wanted Edward to win since before she had left (she had known the eye candy thing... again, gack) and had been really quite open about her favourites, so I cannot help but feel vindicated when they showed that clip.

They cut to a later clip of her looking pitiful, "I didn't think door-to-door was a good idea; most people just get annoyed at door-to-door salesmen, even the good looking ones, and just slam the door in their faces! I think our time could have been spent in a more productive fashion." She shrugs. "But Isabella is the boss - for now - so I did as she said." You know, I have found it is kind of a bad idea for businesses to slam doors in anyone's face...

I am vindicated once again when Edward is shows fighting another member of his group, the French pervert Laurent. "Why did you promise him 50 pints weekly? This is a one-time thing!" He is yelling into his phone.

Laurent replied, "He wouldn't have bought anything otherwise and we needed the sales!"

"It is illegal, Laurent! You promised a lie. You need to go back in and refund him immediately." Edward hangs up and pinches the bridge of his nose before switching back into 'businessman Edward' (as opposed to 'roaring lion Edward') and talking business with his teammates - they have shifted little over half of their little red vials, so what do they do now? They also decide on door-to-door marketing, as they have no time to arrange anything else.

There is another montage of clips of our two teams harassing poor, unsuspecting citizens - harassing is actually the technical term in one case, where one café owner, obviously even clumsier than myself, manages to give himself a paper cut on a napkin and Jasper had to be hurriedly helped out of the café. We gave the wounded man a discount.

Then there was a clip of me phoning Kate and Angela to get our sections of the team back to the boardroom as we only had 20 minutes from that point. My team and I run to our cars and haul ass back, arriving roughly at the same time as each other, and a good 5 minutes earlier than Edward's. However, we were also 6 minutes early, so we were all on time, even if we humans were looking a bit dishevelled.

Seeing us sit in the tiny waiting room with the fake potted plant gives me serious déjà vu.

Screen-Bella and screen-Edward get sent into the boardroom and I remember clearly the struggle not to fidget whilst waiting for Lord Sugar to reveal the winner. I lost that fight, clearly. "Edward," he says after the preliminaries are through. "How did you find the task?"

"I found it achievable," says a seemingly smug screen-Edward. "For a man with my... assets," he hisses the word… was that an intentional demonstration? The whole nation knows your certain… disposition, Cullen. "The task was bound to be. I believe I accumulated a good number of vials at a decent price, and shifted a very good number of them at a better price. The worst problems I had were with Laurent and James, and those were not problems for long." Damn vampire and his natural fearsomeness. How the hell does one live up to that?

"Yes, I had heard of the arguments you had with your team members. James, how did you find Edward's leadership?" Nice one, Lord Sugar.

"I think our end result was passable," said a blonde man with far too much, ahem, wannabe about him, "however, the planning and execution left much to be desired. I feel as though Edward," the name was sneered much as I had taken to saying it recently, although this only raises James an infinitesimal bit in my eyes, "should have consulted the rest of the team more, as some of us had some very good ideas. For example-"

"Yes, James, thank you. Karren, you were following this team. What did you conclude?"

"Edward had strength as a leader, and, as he said, his team did get and sell a lot of the wares. But I did notice most of the team members being more regarded as cheap labourers than equals with ideas of their own." Screen-Edward's jaw was set.

"Thank you. So, Isabella, what was the task like for you?"

Screen-Bella gives a confident smile. "I have quite a lot of connections with doctors in the area, and a lot of them - and the ones connected to my other team members - were willing to help, so gathering was not a problem in the slightest." I cannot help but notice how discordant my voice sounds against the chime-like vamp voices. "However, we did meet a bit of adversity in selling because of a lack of customers at the market stall we set up, meaning we had to resort to door-to-door marketing. I still feel that we did fairly well despite that."

"Ah yes, the market stall." Fine, ignore everything else I have just said... "What possessed you into thinking there would be many customers on a Wednesday afternoon?"

I can see my struggle not to blush. I still turn a little pink, despite my best efforts. Damn. "I pretty much gave the phone team free reign, Lord Sugar. I gave them a few vague directions, such as to find someplace to sell, and they exceeded my expectations on that front."

"Hmm." He replies, unimpressed as always. "Team, what did you think of Isabella's leadership?" There were general nods of approval. "Any problems?"
My team mainly shook their heads, but a brunette named Jessica who loves her own voice had spoken up. "Well, she was pretty good, but she didn't give very direct orders so it was kind of hard to figure out what we were supposed to do. But she dealt with, like, Tanya and things like that pretty well." I smirked, then and now, at the reference of Tanya as a 'thing' and I notice Edward doing the same. She had seemed to be harassing him a lot in the one week we had all spent together, it was true.

"Okay. Now we'll see your teams' profits. Karren, Edward's team?" Lord Sugar turns to look at her and the camera follows his view.

"Alright. Edward, your team managed to buy... 263 pints of blood, and you spent £1,013.57 on it. You then managed to sell 247 pints for £1,362.11, making you an overall profit of £349.46." Screen-Edward looks smug at the admittedly good number. Surprisingly, not everyone wants to buy blood. Who would have known?

"And Nick?"

"Isabella's team bought 513 pints of blood for £1,762.93. They then managed to sell 456 pints for £2,127.09, making them a profit of £364.16." Screen-Bella has a small, smug smirk, but she knows she has only won the battle, not the war.

"Well done," says Lord Sugar, sounding utterly demeaning. Yeah, because he does not have favourites at all. "Very close. Alright, teams, you may leave. Edward, Isabella, stay." Woof, woof. Whilst the rest of the room left, the vampires sat statue still, whilst I maintained a decent facsimile of granite. Well, it was okay for a human.

"Edward, why do you think I should hire you?" Lord Sugar asks after an age of my least favourite game. Screen-Bella fidgets a little in anxiety. Screen-Edward seems to find comfort in being granite.

"I believe you should hire me as I have verifiable assets not present in Isabella. For example, I am very… perceptive of other's thoughts," he taps the side of his head, signifying his mind reading abilities, "which is very useful when dealing with almost anything. I also have many years of experience and 4 varying degrees in business after having run my very successful family business while going through university multiple times."

"Thank you, Edward." Lord Sugar interrupts. "Isabella?"

"Whilst I may not have so many years of experience, I still believe I would be a brilliant asset to your company. Being human, I know what others similar to me may want, and I have lived for a long time in the company of those with your… unique qualities, meaning I understand that side of the market as well, without raising possible ethical worries in the process." I flick my gaze over to a scowling Edward, and Lord Sugar takes the slight pause to stop me (and rightfully so, I had about run out of things to say).

"Thank you, Isabella. Edward, you had a slow start but fought through until you ended on a respectable price... and still lost. Isabella, you had a very promising start, but made a few blunders which left you to only win by a small margin." Lord Sugar shifts his hand, a sign he is about to point the finger and my breath catches audibly, even to my pathetic human ears.

He turns and points at me, and I swear that had been the scariest moment of my entire existence. I could actually hear the blood rushing in my ears and my frantic heartbeat. The poor vampires were probably deafened. "Isabella... you are hired." I grin as the narrator describes my new job, and Edward scowls. A lot.

In the present, Lord Alan Sugar, my boss, shakes my hand and congratulates me before sending Edward and me out with a promise of a call from Samantha with details (he is actually surprisingly short and seems to be allergic to telephoning anyone aside from Samantha, Karren or Nick). We walk out, and I am smiling, my first genuine (not condescending, sarcastic or flat-out fake) smile in months. There is an awkward silence when I turn to look at Edward, but I cannot kill the damn goofy smile.

"Congratulations, Isabella. I hope you'll enjoy your new job." Edward says smoothly, offering his hand for me to shake.

I take it. "I hope so, too," I say with that stupid smile. "And call me Bella. I am so sick of hearing Isabella now; my mother is the only one who calls me that, and only when she is about to ground me."

Alice bursts through the doors. "Bella! Well done, I knew you could do it!" She hugs me before grabbing my hand unoccupied by a suitcase to drag me away. "Now come on, I have thrown a 'congrats!' party in your honour. Do not worry, Edward, you'll see more of her later. I know you were." Alice throws a wink over her shoulder at a stunned Edward, who I wave helplessly at over my own shoulder, stifling a laugh all the way. "So, an all-around win, right? Got the job, got the guy..."

Now I am shocked silent as Edward's – hopefully not derisive – laugh echoes down the hallway and off the damn potted plant. "Eh, I have drawn blood. No more impossibilities for today, alright?"