I Disappear
Chapter 1: I Disappear
Bleach is the property of Tite Kubo-sensei.
- o -
"Give everyone my regards," He said.
I could always see myself in Ichigo's eyes. Not because I was looking for myself in them, but because when he spoke to me, he looked at me. Not just a mere physical, but he took it all in. Everytime I could see him asses me. If I was hurt, if I was unhappy, if I was happy, if I was too far away, if I was too close. Too close. But now in the end as I walked towards him to say our good bye's, I wanted to see myself in his eyes. To part with the fleeting feeling that I would forever be in his eyes. A feeling that would make me hope that one day it would all return to normal.. To those 'Halcyon Days'.
"... I will," I responded feebly.
Not even at this moment had it hit me that it would never be the same. That he wouldn't be able to see ghosts anymore. That he had no more shinigami powers. That he was a normal human being and I was still a shinigami and that that's the way it should have been from the very beginning. Even when his brown eyes held my own violet ones and we felt the tug of that troublesome red string wrapped not around our hands or our fingers, but around our very hearts, I could still see myself there. He was looking at me for the very last time, absorbing everything about me. I knew that look, he'd seen me like that several times in our escapades. Except all those times it had been me saying good bye.
"Bye, Rukia," he finally uttered.
I could hear him, I could see him say the words, I could even feel his farewell on my skin and yet I still could not assimilate it. I was numb or completely opposite of that I was overwhelmed. Maybe I couldn't accept it. To me, it felt as if destiny was denying the very notion of us having to part for good. Maybe that was just me and my delusions. Maybe it was my heart trying to soften the blow that was to come any moment now.
And it came. God had never been more unmerciful.
"Thank you.."
And I could not see myself in his eyes anymore. I wasn't there. I didn't exist in his world anymore. His eyes were unfocused and so sad. But he knew I was still there so he smiled. But he wasn't smiling at me. He was smiling for me, but at nothing at the same time. He was absorbing the notion of it all, I could see. I could see how he was still looking at the place where I was but he could not see me. I could feel the red string grip my heart once again as he finally let his gaze drop and turn around. I wasn't there anymore, why would he keep staring at nothing?
A lone tear rolled down my cheek as I put my hand out to reach for him, but as I did I saw our friends, Chad, Orihime, and Uryu looking at me with wide eyes that did not accuse, did not ask but, took in the real weight of what had just happened. Finally saw the real situation; they were finally admitted into our small world of two which had just been split. I stopped abruptly, yet my hand touched his back.
He did not turn. He couldn't feel it anymore. And as our friends walked into the clinic with him I only paused for a second before running away.
- o -
A/N: If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my second piece on the site. There are more chapters to come, so please comment. Feedback is always welcome.
-Nana