I DO NOT OWN SHUGO CHARA THIS IS A ONE SHOT
-SOMETHING DONE RIGHT IN ALL THIS WRONG-
The song was haunting, beautiful, yet sad. His eyes were closed but I could Imagine what they would hold if they were open. My mind went through all the times I had seen him play. The way it hypnotized me grabbing me in. The way it had moved me to tears, smiles,shock, even laughter. I suppose it was his playing that had me fall for him at first, then I fell for all of him. I remember how he had promised he would do so, though that was long ago. When he had come back after finding his father we became best friends. I went to all of his concerts, his parties, I was there whenever he called me. I even stayed through the countless number of girl friends. He teased me and would make me blush just like he always had. We were close and comfortable enough to let each other in through are facades. Though I suppose that was there from the beginning. He saw what others didn't, and despite his acting I saw what others hadn't. I had waited and been waiting for years yet never got the chance to tell him he had won that bet he made long ago. Utau and my other friends didn't understand why I didn't tell him or move on. I simply would reply when the time is right, I'm not ready to let go yet. They would joke about how I would never be ready to let go. My friends all new the pain I felt the begged me at one point to let go of him. For some time I tried but I only lasted 2 days. I decided I would try to date again a year later. I had dates and you would always wish me luck. Is it wrong to admit I wish you would have yelled at me not to go? When things wouldn't work out I would cry, not because of the guy but because of you. You would come and tell me not to worry there was other guys out there. Is it wrong to wish you would have said that it didn't work cause they weren't you? I was now 21 and you were 26 it was my birthday. 8 years I have stayed by your side, hurting so you would be happy. You smiled and as a present you wrote me a song. At the end you kissed my cheek leaving me with hope. I worked hard at everything I did I wanted to be perfect. I had thought if I was perfect maybe then you would see how much I loved you. Everyone was happy and things had Begin to grow between us. You would hold my hand and we would go out on dates. Yet we were never officially together. One night when we were at my house after a date I kissed you. You had kissed back but then pulled away saying you couldn't do this. My heart broke but I nodded my head in understatement. Is it wrong I came around you less? My friends said it was better that now I knew and could move on. Yet I found myself faking, faking a smile , faking a laugh, faking liking someone. One night you asked me to meet you at the park so I did. You had asked why I hadn't came to see you, and why I had been avoiding you. I wanted to scream the reason why and I did. 10 years I was by you waiting and now that I knew you didn't want to be with me it hurt to see you. I suppose its my fault not yours, you apologized saying you love me as a Friend. Once again I grew into the habit of staying by you. Only this time you didn't hold my hand. You made me laugh and smile, you had said you needed me to be happy and that you couldn't stand life without me. I was happy then you added as a friend after saying that. Once again I found myself faking, only this time you didn't notice...or was it you didn't care? I found myself hurting not able to sleep or eat hardly at all. Yet I faked so you wouldn't worry faked so others wouldn't blame you when it was my fault. Is it wrong I would at times wish I could hate you? Is it wrong that your music which captivated me once long ago, now only made me angry. Yet I kept that to myself I faked once again. I found my life now revolving on faking and lying. My Friends didn't notice I had become an expert at acting. One day you said you wanted to tell me something, I was to meet you at a cafe. When I got there you weren't alone I plastered a smile on and walked over. You had introduced her as your girlfriend and me as a friend. A friend... I sat there for an hour feeling like I had died a thousand timed in that hour. Then I left faking that I was happy for you two. Is it wrong that even though you were happy I was jealous? I had become a lifeless doll, only able to fake and pretend. I had no real emotions except pain. The pain wouldn't leave even after you had grown so in love with your girlfriend that I was forgotten. We talked here and there but we had become strangers compared to what we once were. Is it wrong I thought of ending my life? But I managed through it alone. A year had passed once again I was now 23 and it was again my birthday. Our friends threw me a party and even invited you though we hadn't talked much. You showed up with your girl friend of a year now. This was the longest relationship you have ever had... I wasn't shocked when you announced your engagement to her. I had long ago learned how to hold the tears back. You invited us all it was to be held next month. It seemed everybody was so happy for you guys that they even forgot why we had gathered together. After that day I held no emotions and the pain was normal to me. The day had come and I went despite knowing it would hurt me. I stayed through it all, she looked beautiful you looked handsome. When you kissed her I nearly lost my mask but had managed to stitch it on once again. At the reception you took me aside and hugged me saying how you were glad I came. I didn't have the strength to hug back. You didn't seem to notice, you said you missed hanging with me and that we needed to catch up. I nodded not trusting my voice. A week later you asked me to meet you at the park. That was one place I had avoided for a year now, it held to many memories. Sucking it up or pretending it didn't bother me I came. We talked about new movies and how all are friends were happy. When you came to the subject of your wife I had to work so hard to not let you see how I really felt. Then you ask me when i was gonna get married. Is it wrong I wanted to hurt you? I played it off as a joke but inside it hurt. This was all my fault, my fault for not being able to let you go. A year passed we talked more but I never once was truly happy. You were now a soon to be parent, and I was in a relationship. Is it wrong I didn't care for the guy I was wish? Though I faked it well. Then after I had been with him for a year, he began to abuse me. I suppose that was my fault also. I found myself not able to leave, not out of love for him...but out of the fact he had became a part of my facade. He would play the perfect husband in front of you and all are friends. I was now also a soon to be parent..due to rape. I had not once slept with him willingly. No one seemed to notice the marks he had left on me. I felt uncared for so I quite coming around anyone. I was locked in the house with him. I was now very close to the due date of my son. I had already planned to name him Yoru. The thought of him was the only thing that kept me going. One day my now husband pushed me down the stairs. I woke up to be told Yoru didn't make it. My husband had stayed at the hospital to convince everyone I had just fallen. My old friends all came including you. Is it wrong even then I didn't leave my husband? My heart was now completely gone. Now I could no longer pretend you guys were all attempting to help me. I pushed you all away, mistakenly you had gone to my husband for help. To bad you didn't know it would leave me in the hospital. You were told I was attacked by a stranger. In a way that was the truth I never really knew my husband. Easily you had believed it all. I was now 26 and I had attempted suicide 8 times. I was now in a hospital alone with my husband. He had gotten mad that I had drawn so much attention. He was really just mad he couldn't rape me in here. He slapped my face not knowing you and my friends were standing in the door way. 2 months later the divorce is final a restraining order in place. You had been angry that I hadn't told you. Though didn't you remember you eventually gave up on me? That is until you were all told I was in the hospital for being brutally beaten. The wounds and scars healed the physical that is. You eventually got over your anger. Explaining you were mad that you hadn't noticed when you should have. I shook it off saying it wasn't your fault. In reality it isn't its mine...like always. Your wife had cheated and now you and her have split. You moved in with me and I Begin to grow back to normal. That is until you left to give her another chance. So here I was once again alone. I gave up again, is it wrong to give up after you worked to bring me back? Now I lay in bed with Utau crying because she is scared. I have not eaten in a long time. My bodies to week to support myself. Against my weak protest she calls you. You show up angry once again. While I'm in the hospital you yell asking me why I don't care if I die. I do not answer, so you get angrier. If this is because of me not being able to return your feelings then you need to quite being stupid and get over me. Is it wrong even though I know your right it hurt like hell. You are told to leave because my heart rate has gone up and its dangerous for my weak state. A week later you come back and apologize... However before you left you gave me a letter and a kiss on the cheek. Reading the letter tears fell from my eyes. You said you loved me as a Friend and could never love me any other way. You had said you never would see me again because you couldn't take it anymore. Is it wrong I felt it should be the other way around. Another year past true to your word I didn't see or hear off or from you. I now through myself back into life getting better. I suppose it was the wake up call I needed. Yet at times it still hits me. So here I sit at your concert with my new boy friend. The curtains open and you begin to play, the song sad and brings tears to the crowed. I however do not cry I had once and still at times feel the pain that your song seems to speak of. I sit there through the whole concert not once have your eyes opened. When they do you seem to notice me and smile slightly. I smile back a real smile, your eyes light up when you see this. Later you invite me and my boyfriend to a small gathering at your house. Everything is going good and everyone seems to be happy with how I am doing now. You call me aside at some point during the night. Then you tell me you were sorry and you realized you had always loved me. You beg me to accept your feelings. I am tempted I will always love you and that wont ever change. Though this time I tell you I can't do this. I tell you maybe you were right and we shouldn't see each other again. You try to argue at first but I cant cave in. If I were to, the cycle I had worked so hard and still work hard to beat will just start over. I kiss your cheek, and say lets say goodbye with a smile. After sometime you nod with tears in your eyes. You let your arms fall and attempt to smile. It takes you a few times but you managed. I smile and say goodbye. Turning I walk away with tears in my eyes but a smile on my face. This was one thing I knew I had done right.