Vincent,
No one ever said I was any good with words. And they're probably right. You know that I'm never able to say what I mean to say right when I talk to anyone but you. Even now, it's hard to think of what to write, when if you were here in front of me, where I wish you were, I could just look into your eyes, and you could read my face, and I would read yours, and it wouldn't matter what I'd say.
And I'm no good with charcoal or ink like you are. You could, with only a few lines, say anything better than anyone. You can, and do, make me love you more and more every time you send me a drawing, because I can see you in your strokes.
And you are beautiful. Inside and out, Vince! Your grey eyes and your sweet voice are what I imagine at night, when I wake up screaming and sweating and need to calm myself back to sleep, because I don't have the luxury to not be rested at all times.
We're going to go to battle soon. Real battle, not hunting muggles. We're going to go to Hogwarts, and it will be painful to kill at the same place where we fell in love, to destroy that home. But I must. I am fighting for us, Vince, for a world where we can be respected, and our kind held high. I am fighting for our ideals, and a place that makes sense. I am fighting for honor and tradition. I am proud to do so. I can feel the end drawing near. Vince, my love, I don't know if I can send any more owls after this, and don't send me any if I don't send you any. Not even a reply to this one, got that? Because they are going to start putting tracking charms inside the owls soon, where I can't undo them, and though I hardly care if enemies find me, you must keep safe. And Vince, I can feel the importance of this battle. This is the final battle, and you know that I'm not the strongest wizard in the world. But we are going to be fighting strong wizards; Dumbledore, Potter, and their werewolf will be loose. We have our strengths, too. We have the Dark Lord, the Inner Circle, and we have beasts, too. But you can't trust giants and werewolves to know the difference between Dark and Light in battle. And if Dumbledore or Potter or one of our professors finds me...
If I leave this world, don't think of me as dead, Vince. Please, don't believe me gone. I am not afraid of death, so I'm not going to leave a ghost. And you're the only one who ever thought me handsome enough for a portrait, so your still drawings are the only remainder of my face; they aren't going to move, though. You know that. Still, even with those solid presences gone, please don't think of me dead. Remember our times together. Remember us reading and drawing and smiling in our dorm or the common room. Remember us walking along the Black Lake in the crisp autumn mornings, and hiding our clasped hands on a misty Hogsmeade weekend. Remember the time when you said something, and it was just so you, so Vincent of you to say that, that I kissed you right there in the back of History of Magic class.
And as you go on without me - and I do want you to go on, to live on and be happy - when you feel the sun warm on your face as you walk in the morning, free as anything in our new world, to go to a coffeehouse and have your Earl Grey with the tea added to the three tablespoons of milk and one sugar cube; that sunshine is me. Only the sunshine just on your face, just in those moments, because I am so happy to see you content. And when you realize that hot tea on a warm day makes you a little too warm, the cool breeze is me, still trying to soothe your discontent.
Life goes on, Vince, and even though I'm going to stay in the seasons and in the luck you find, you have to live on. And if you are unhappy, Vince, and you find someone that will make you more happy, then go for it. All I want for you is your happiness, whatever that takes. I can't promise I will shine for this man, but if he makes you happy, maybe I'll throw a little good weather his way. And if you have children, I'll love them just as fiercely as I love you. But if you take a lover and he hurts you, then I swear by Merlin and Salazar, the man will never know a day of peace for the rest of his life.
And Vince, just as you know how weary and tired I am, just as you know my mind through and through, I know that you will feel guilty pretty soon after you put down this letter. You wish you were here fighting with me, don't you? But I sent you away for a reason. I need you to live. The thought of you living is what keeps me living. You know that I don't sugarcoat things to make it easier for you to handle. You know it's hell here. But it's all for the thought of seeing you live in a better world one day, even if I will not be joining you there. Don't think you had any hand in my death. I chose it willingly.
I want you to be happy, and to enjoy this mortal world for as long as you can before you come to meet me. I want you to remember all that we have shared, and all that we will share in the next great adventure. Remember that I will not have died in anguish, but proud that I had perished in paving a better future for you.
I love you more than words can tell.
Be strong, my love.
Gregory Goyle.