Menseki : Watakushi wa Fruits Basket o shoyuu shimasen. Douzo yoroshiku onegai shimasu.

Author Notes : This story was written for the sole purpose of making one of the characters piss themself. Having said that, I have included fun little extras at the end of each chapter. Omake Theatre and some Japanese vocabulary, maybe a few other things. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed making them. Because this story takes place in Japan, with Japanese people, I will use Japanese references. Anything with an before or after it will have an explaination at the end of the chapter, under the title J-Notes. This is my first solo fanfiction, anyone interested in reading the stuff I have collaborated on can go to Flying Hamster of Doom. I warn you though, different characters from series that are not mainstream are used, so some of you might not get the humor.

Also, I am issuing a warning as of now, there are original characters. Their sole purpose is to provide imformation and move the story. I would not consider any of them Mary Sues. Even, the little girl who had a big part of the story. She is not the main character, can not beat everyone she meets, is not emo, does not get the guy in the end, and her role is limited. She is there simply to be cute. Now, on with the story.

The chapter title is a verse from the song An Ordinary Day by Vanessa Carlton

And so I close this long chapter of my life. I do not regret any of it, even that which was painful. There is no point in doing so for I cannot change any of it, nor do I wish to do so. I will, instead keep the lessons I learned close to my heart as I begin again. A life built from the ashes of an old one. I do not know what will happen so I will end this story here for the rest is still unwritten and I think I'll leave it that way. – Excerpt from The Road Home. A Drifters Diary.

s

The alarms going off only served to increase the urgency and panic of the situation. The raid could not have gone worse. The Bureau had only managed to capture a small percent of the cults followers and the Gate had still been activated. It's instability and sheer largeness was going to rip the fabric of Time and Space to shreds unless they could they could get it under control. This was just what those Paradise occult freaks had wanted. Yumi trembled as her fingers flew over the console, vainly attempting to stabilize the warp gate. "I think all it needs is a specific coordinate to open in, and it should be okay to close." Jacek turned sharply towards her. "Then do it!" "I've been trying, but I can't find a window." The ground shook as the energy discharge hit close to the team. What looked like part of a creature turned to stone rose up from the ground, upsetting equipment before stilling. Never making it all the way through the dimensional barrier, it remained a grotesque reminder of everyone's fate should they fail.

"I found one. Inputting coordinates now." Another discharge sent bodies flying and sparks igniting. With a shriek of protest the writhing mass of kinetic energy turned inward on itself. Yumi began to calm as the gate suddenly vanished. "Now all we need to do is shut it down and.." A different type of alarm interrupted her and created a different type panic.

"What is going on now?" Jacek asked .

"Oh my god. The gate...it...it's jumping to random locations in time and space. I can't get a lock on it to shut it down. I've never seen one do this before."

"Hey boss?" The new kid looked at them hesitantly.

"What?"

"Um...about the initial window..."

"Spit it out, kid!"

"There was human D.N.A. intercepted by the gate."

Silence fell over the whole team. Eyes widened as the shock set in. Yumi began to shake again, her hands covering her mouth. "Oh my god, what have I done. I didn't even think to scan the area for biologicals first. I just killed someone. Oh my god!"

Nevarez looked over from his station, a little shell shocked himself. "More bad news fearless leader. The gate is gone. Opened once more at the initial vector, then just vanished."

The shock had worn off of Yumi, and now she was sobbing into her hands. Noone knew what to say so all was silent.

s

Kyou was having a bad day. One that was getting progressively worse as it went on, finally ending with a cheep verbal shot from that no good, god damned rat. The roof just wasn't enough to calm him, so he had headed off into the woods. He needed more space apart from the others and more time by himself. He just wasn't going to get that back at Shigure's. So he ran as far as he could as fast as he could. Kyou found that running just for the sake of doing so sometimes help clear his mind when nothing else did. However, today was as previously stated not his day. He'd finally stopped to catch his breath when a distinctly unhealthy feeling came over him. The only thought he had time for was 'oh shit' and then it was gone...and so was he.

Had anyone capable of speech been there, they would have told a fantastical tale of the boy suddenly being surrounded by a dark light that would then implode in on itself. Leaving a momentary vacuum filled in with air so fast that it created a popping noise. But the only thing there was trees and the random strays that had been running with Kyou, hidden in the shadows.

Five minutes later the light returned. It looked slightly different this time. More formed, with a smooth, edged roundness that was lacking before. Strange symbols glowed violet as they scrolled across it's surface. Slowly it faded away, revealing it's contents.

A young man around 15 or 16 with long hair tied in a low ponytail stood, clutching tightly to a small girl about 12 years of age. The girl was trembling, her eyes shut tight. The man rubbed her back soothingly, rocking slightly until she stopped shaking. He lowered them both until she was standing on her own and whispered words of comfort in her ear.

"It's okay, Tokino, we're safe now. You can open your eyes."

"I was so scared Master. You could have been killed. I could have lost you." she replied. He only smiled warmly at her before patting her head. "No way. It'd take more then that to get rid of me." he chided softly. She smiled then. Bright, and shining, the smile that lit her face was like the sun rising after a stormy night. And just like that all her troubles were behind her. It was something her master envied about her, but couldn't hold against her. For Tokino, what was over was over and her mood and her innocence weren't effected by it. He'd seen her ruthlessly kill on the field of battle, then sleep the night away peacefully with no thought of it the next day. Battles left him jumpy to touch and high strung. One would be ill advised to try sneaking up on him, but not Tokino.

She was his hope and joy. She brought light to his life and heaven help the poor shmuck who dared harm her. Right now she was looking around at the trees with a wide eyed sense of wonder. Tokino had seen a lot of forest and had lived in woods before. Her master laughed. It was a low, quiet half chuckle of amusement. "I wonder what this world is like. Do you think there is a war going on here too. It seems really peaceful, but you can't always tell. Maybe they use magic here. I hope so I like learning new magic. What do you think, Master?"

"I think we had a long day. Let's scout out a safe place to camp for the night and then we can find out what this world has to offer."

"Yes Master." She gave a ridged military salute, then marched off in a random direction, singing goofball cadence as she went. He stood there a moment more, looking at the sky though pale blue strands of hair. He thought, for a brief instance, that it look kinda...familiar. But Tokino's voice was growing distant and he'd have time to wonder about the feeling later.

Omake

And now for something completely different.

We start with a small tube of, what appears to be, paste. Completely against common sense, the middle compresses. A rainbow explodes across the screen as the cap flies off. Marching along on it, the super deformed characters of this fic begin their happy chant.

"OMAKE! OMAKE! OMAKE!"

And are promptly squashed by Godzilla.

(A/N: This was a rip off of Blue Seed Extras opening. The series was interesting, the extras were hilarious. I recommend the dvd for the Omake alone.)

Japanese word of the day.

Kaeru - to come home

Iriguchi - gate