Author's Note: I just thought I'd write something about someone else's point of view of something that happened quite a while ago. It's got angst all over it, but it's a one-shot (yes, I can see you sigh in relief over there...) so please humor me and review just this once. Who knows? Maybe it will somehow - magically, perhaps - improve my writing skills. Thanks and enjoy! ;P
Disclaimer: I own nothing. It's all J.K.'s.
Nothing…
My eyes well up with tears before I can acknowledge what I'm crying about. I blink them back angrily, trying to make my quivering lips stop moving downwards. Failing miserably, I decide to avoid everyone and end up locking myself in my bedroom. This, however, doesn't stop despair from gripping me tightly.
"What's wrong with me?!" – I shout angrily at no one, kicking my trunk before falling on the bed with my face in my hands. I try to shrug the feeling away, but I can't: I let out a dry sob.
I know what's wrong: it haunts me. I know now that no matter what I do, I'll never be good enough to be above these nightmares. Things will continue going downhill, because I'm not the best; I'm not…
"But I've tried hard enough already…" – I whimper, wishing my desperation to ebb away quite desperately: I barely knew how to walk before I became Mr. Perfect to everyone, so shouldn't Life be happy, be proud of me, instead of intent on my demise? – "I should be able to lead a normal life, to finally rest from it all, to bask in what I've achieved… I've been barely able to breathe without having to fulfill the expectations everyone has built around me, and look at me… What good has it done?"
I'm fully aware of my body rocking as I frantically try not to cry. Everything I've done, in the end, is worth nothing. Everyone around me is getting hurt…
Literally.
The Chamber of Secrets has been open, dragging me into the middle of it. And it sickens me…
I just wish it would all stop, but I know it's useless to hope for such a thing. And I don't know how much more I can take.
Suddenly, I can hear someone bounding up the steps and shouting my name. I have a chance to compose myself and sit up, just in time to see Fred burst into the room, looking as if he had even worse news than the abduction-slash-murder of Ginny.
"Ron's gone!"
My stomach somehow manages to burn down through my body in its way to the floor. Yes, these news are definitely worse. How did I manage to lose two siblings in a day without there being a war? I know my face is blanching.
"WHAT?! Where has he –?!"
"No one knows, but Harry's gone, too!"
I growl. That Potter boy, so rash, so unbalanced and, for all I know, so violent!
"He's probably forced Ron to follow him into the Chamber! They're going to get themselves killed!"
Fred is speechless and we both walk downstairs in panicked silence. I think about taking my anger out on him, yelling at him for letting Ron out of his sight, before remembering that I didn't look after our younger brother either. I sigh heavily as I walk to a chair in the common room; George is sitting in front of me, as pale as I imagine I am right now. My legs feel like lead, I think, as I sit down stiffly. This is all just too much for me…
I stare at nothing in particular, ignoring the nagging voice in the back of my head that tells me I should try to hearten Fred and George. After all, I can't find in me strength enough to move more than I have all ready, even less to say anything to calm them, and the common room's flames can't get the numbness out of me as I wonder if this is what being petrified feels like…
My mind goes back to the Chamber. Ron's stupidity has probably added him to the list of loved ones I've lost. Despondently, I start ticking my fingers, counting them.
"Ron, Ginny, Penelope…" – I whisper to myself quietly. – "How many more will you lose, Perce, before the year has gone?"
I don't blink back the fresh tears that fill my eyes this time, and they flow quietly down my cheeks. Indeed, I wonder, how long will that list finally be? I can't escape the horrible helplessness that overtakes me: everything I've done means nothing…