I know, I suck. I haven't been able to update my other stories because my computer broke. So now I can finally get back to updating those stories. As for this one, I got inspired and wrote it today. So I really hope you enjoy it.

A/N: Story title is So I Decided To Give Myself A Reason - I Can Make A Mess Like Nobody's Business

The song in the story is Nineteen Stars by Meg & Dia

Disclaimer - I do not own One Tree Hill blah blah blah..

So I Decided To Give Myself a Reason

1. Nineteen Stars

She sat in her room, on a cold winter day. Her fingers strummed across the strings, eliciting a sweet sound from the guitar she lightly gripped in her hands. Her mind wondered to a certain blue - eyed boy. She always thought of him when she played. As she skillfully and gracefully played a familiar tune, her angelic voice sang the words that had been long ago memorized in her mind.

Don't tell me you're done for. Don't need to hear you're done for.
But you can tell me what you are running from.
I need you more than you need you. I can see you're really, really running.
Can I ask you where you gonna run to? And you think you're really, really funny.
Well I don't think your funny as you do.

We all feel like we're breaking sometime
But I won't give you up tonight.

Stay awake, stay awake – survive.
I've got nineteen stars that I give your name tonight.
And I wanna scream, wanna scream your name.
Starlight, star bright can save. You're my wish tonight.

Don't tell me it doesn't matter. I'll tell you what matters.
Bare feet in the summer, open windows at night.
You think that no one needs you.
You don't have nothing to see through
Well I needed you. Don't I count?

Lets fight.

Show me anger, fierce fists clutching onto air.
Show me anything, just show me you care.

Stay awake, stay awake - survive.
I've got nineteen stars that I give your name tonight.
I wanna scream, wanna scream your name.
Starlight, star bright can save. You're my wish tonight.

No one can catch me the way that you catch me,
The way that you keep me when I'm out of sight.
What if I need you? What if I can't see you?
I'm running out of life.

No one can catch me the way that you catch me.
The way that you keep me when I'm out of time.
What if I need you? What if I can't see you?
I'm running out of life.

Please, stay awake, stay awake – survive.
I've got nineteen stars that I, give your name tonight.
And I wanna scream, wanna scream your name.
Starlight, star bright can save.
You're my wish, you're my wish, my wish.

You're my wish tonight.

A small smile crept onto her face as she finished the last bit of her song. Much to her surprise, a soft clapping came from her doorway. She didn't even have to turn around to know who it was.

"Ohh my God! I'm your biggest fan!" Nathan cooed from the doorway. "I love you sooo much! Please sign my chest!" He proceeded to lift up his shirt, exposing his toned chest and rock solid abs. She had to keep herself from drooling at the site. In all of the years she's known Nathan, his body still amazed her.

"Ohh quit it Nathan." She replied, swatting at his arm while lying down next to him on her bed.

"You know I love your music...especially that song." He told her honestly, becoming very serious. She laid there staring into his captivating cobalt eyes while he tucked some of her hair behind her ear. Her eyes fluttered closed at the contact of his rough hands on her face. "I know, Nathan." His touch always seemed to calm her, which always made her heart ache.

At that moment if anyone were to have walked in, they would immediately assume that they were a couple. But this type of affection between the two was just an every day occurrence. They had been best friends ever since they could remember. Their parents were best friends in high school and college, because getting high, while decked out in bell-bottoms with other hippies seems to form quite the strong bond. The two couples grew, and were forced to mature, once they started to raise their families. As fate would have it, Nathan and her were born exactly one hour apart. Their parents took it as the sign that the two were destined lovers. The two grew up not only sharing their birthdays, but everything together. They were undeniably inseparable, even through the 'cootie' stages. Once they hit their teen years, their mothers wouldn't stop teasing them about being together. They always got tired of explaining. "Mom, cut it out. We're just friends." or "Eww. How about no, Mom. Nate's like my brother." were the main excuses they used.

Not only did they have to defend their platonic relationship to their parents, but also their friends were set on proving to them that they were meant to be.

She opened her eyes to find Nathan staring at her. Ohh no. Something was wrong. His eyes turned a light grey color, which was never a good sign. The last time she had ever saw his eyes look that sad was...well she just hoped it wasn't that bad this time. She brought his hand up to her mouth, and kissed his knuckles sweetly.

"Talk to me, Nathan." She spoke softly.

"It's back…" he muttered quietly.

"Huh? What's back?" She asked, concern laced in her voice.

"The cancer." Nathan sadly revealed.

All she could do was pull Nathan to her, her fingers gliding their way over his scalp, through his jet black hair in a comforting way. She couldn't believe it.

Nathan's father, Dan, had been diagnosed with cancer a few years back. The news almost ripped apart his family. It was a tough few years, but she had stuck by Nathan through it all. Nathan's half-brother, Lucas took the news hard too. He was her other best friend. Of course their relationship couldn't compare to Nathan and hers, but they were extremely close. So she did everything she could to be there for them. Dan fought his way through the cancer, and just when they thought it was gone completely, it was back. The small blonde held Nathan to her, rubbing her hand over his back and shoulders, trying her hardest to absorb some of his pain. She would do anything for him, and if it meant bearing some of his hurt and pain herself, then she would do it instantly.

She pulled away and looked into his tear-filled eyes. The agony and torture she found there was enough to make her heart break, and brought tears to her own eyes. She softly ran her hand through his hair one more time, and laid a soft but sweet kiss on his forehead. When she pulled back she saw the recognizable questioning look in his eyes. A question she's been met with so many times before in the last few years of their lives. All she did was nod, as she laid her hand on his handsome face, and gently stroked her thumb under his eye, wiping away a stray tear.

Slowly, she got up to shut the door and turn off the lights, while Nathan took off his shoes and jacket and crawled underneath the covers of her bed. Going over to her stereo, she turned on some of her favorite music and then joined Nathan in bed. She curled up next to him, as he wrapped his arm around her waist she softly sang the words to the song in his ear, knowing exactly what calmed him. Nathan loved sleeping with her in his arms. That was the only time he ever got a good nights sleep. With basketball, and school, and his problems with his family, the only time he was ever at peace, was when he was with her. The girl who occupied his dreams, when he was asleep and when he was awake. The same girl who held his heart, and always would. The girl that made his heart ache, because of the friendship they shared, that he cherished too much to disturb. The girl he loved with everything in him. Haley James. His Haley.

So what do you think? Reviews are very appreciated.