It had been five years, six months and twenty-seven days since Sasuke had left Konohagakure leaving a large, empty black hole where he had been. It had been two years, five months and eight days since Naruto had carried his lifeless body back to the village. It had been two years, five months and seven days since he'd fallen asleep next to the woman that he'd spent his life waiting for. Two years, five months and six days since she'd begun avoiding him, had started taking more dangerous missions away from the village. One year, eleven months and thirty days since the last time she'd spoken to him, and two days since he'd seen her last at Sasuke's grave. The first time in a year he'd caught sight of her and the first thing he'd noticed was that her hair was longer than it had been the last time he'd seen her.
Which, of course, simply reminded him of the way it had felt between his fingers as they'd kissed, which definitely wasn't helping him any. Not even after every bit of effort he'd put into forcing the thoughts away from himself for the years they'd been apart.
After all, it had been a long time since they'd had the chance to be a team, much less the family they'd once been with Sasuke. It was difficult for him to understand, after having finally found everything he'd wanted and having held so tightly to it for so long, why it was that the home he'd built had crumbled away beneath him so easily, and on this day, just like every day before it, Naruto felt his feet move on their own. It was only a few minutes away as it always was before he found himself at the unmarked area where he'd chosen to bury Sasuke.
As a missing-nin, he'd not been allowed an honorable burial and so Naruto had waited with the body (and he could remember the cold heaviness of it in his arms, could still feel the way his fingers had gone numb first) until nightfall, burying Sasuke the only way he knew. He'd spent three hours digging a hole beneath the large log that he'd been tied to those long years before, when they had been a team. He'd carefully placed Sasuke into the grave he'd dug, his whole body screaming in exhaustion, his wounds still bleeding and stinging, untended to, but he hadn't finished. Not yet.
He'd waited too long, maybe, because he hadn't even noticed when someone had managed to step up from behind him. He hadn't noticed, not until he'd heard the sound that had been a twisted combination of a gasp and a sob. Hadn't noticed the faint smell of the soap she used when there wasn't a mission for a little while.
Hadn't turned around, hadn't needed to turn around to know who it was, even as he heard her fall to the ground, his eyes trained on the other boy still, his whole chest aching though there wasn't a wound that by all rights should have been to make it hurt so much.
Eventually he he stepped forward, reaching up to tug his forehead protector from his head, uncaring to the hair that fell with it, and placed it on Sasuke's bloodied head. Though he tried to speak then, no words came out and so instead he mouthed the words 'I'm sorry'. After all, he hadn't been able to keep a single promise he'd made to his friends. The only family he'd ever had. The hand that gripped the shovel almost painfully in his hand finally began to cover Sasuke's body with the soil. His throat was tight as he tried to swallow, his face damp even before the rain had begun to fall and it didn't take him nearly as much time to cover the hole as it had to dig it in the first place. His eyes never left the area, focused on the piece of his life that he was burying deep in the ground.
He stood there a moment, blinking several times and swallowing as he tried to clear the image of his teammate lying in the hole. It was another few moments before he could turn towards Sakura, still on her knees, her hair wet and sticking to her face as the tears fell silently.
It ached, even as he stumbled forward, falling to his knees beside her and leaning lightly against her. He was trying, trying so hard, to take some of the weight that she felt, wanting to take some of the pain, some of the grief, wanting to keep whatever of his promise that he could.
It was at least an hour before he felt Sakura still against him and he turned towards her, his lips parting as though to say something. No words escaped and so instead he helped her to her feet, noting that her eyes never left the makeshift grave site as they moved slowly away from it. He had to take her home. The light drizzle of rain had quickly become a downpour and they were both shivering, his body screaming from the cold as well as the wounds that covered him now.
Their progress was slow as they moved towards his apartment (closer than hers and so it only made sense).
When they arrived, he'd unlocked the door and carefully ushered Sakura inside, closing and locking the door behind them. Turning to look at her, he'd noticed that she had simply stood in place, arms hanging limply at her sides.
"Sakura-chan..." he said softly, moving closer to her, his voice shaking slightly as he tugged off his jacket and t-shirt that clung uncomfortably to him and tossed them onto the floor, hearing them land heavily.
"Sakura-chan, you're going to-- you'll get sick if you don't change your clothes. I'll lend you a shirt or something, but you have to--" he gestured to her clothes. "You'll get sick."
Her eyes met his and his breath caught in his throat. The emotions that he felt, the turmoil and pain and the absolute sorrow that gripped him was mirrored there and she parted her own lips before just shaking her head. He noticed that her hair was dripping again.
"Sakura-chan..." he said softly, pleadingly as he reached for her. She stood still, her eyes gaze lowering to the floor and not making another movement.
Chest tightening slightly, he sighed, worried that they were just going to stand here like this for too long, like two people turned to stone by grief and pain and the loss of something that was too important to have lost. Slowly, though, Naruto moved to the bathroom, grabbing two towels, wrapping one around his neck and moving to the living room. She was still standing there. Just standing there, her gaze on the floor.
Moving over to her, Naruto placed the towel on a table and, hands shaking slightly, he reached for her shirt, unzipping it slowly, waiting for her to shake her head or to tell him to stop or even-- even to hit him or push him away.
She continued to stand there.
Breathing shakily, Naruto's fingers finally managed to unzip the shirt and he leaned closer, brushing his fingers against her shoulders as he let the shirt drop to the ground loudly. He was doing his best not to look at her, not to make this about something that it was definitely not, but there was only so much he could do and the guilt twisted like a rusty sword inside of him as he averted his gaze, ignoring the way her skin felt cool and clammy against his own too-warm fingers.
"Sakura-chan," he whispered again, pleading this time, even as he swallowed hard. It felt almost dirty. Almost like he was taking advantage of her in this state, even though his only care was to make sure that she didn't get sick. To make sure that the last piece of family that he had in this whole place was still here for later.
So he had to make sure that she was still okay. Had to make sure that she wasn't going to leave him, to die or to walk away because he didn't want to be that guy, didn't want to be the only one left at the end because then what would the whole fight have been for?
She didn't look at him, but she was shaking now, more than just the soft trembles she'd had before, his fingers still shaking, he reached forward, fingers sliding anxiously (and there was the guilt again, because hadn't he dreamed of this? Of bringing Sasuke back for her and being rewarded with the love he'd sought for too many years now?) against the bindings that held her breasts back, that kept her bound in battle, tugging lightly and feeling them loosen as he pulled them away from her chest.
Breathing a little harder now (and he told himself it was because of the cold, it was because he'd just buried his best friend- his brother, and not because this was the first time that he'd ever seen Sakura like this, the first time that she'd even really been in his apartment) he turned his back to her, grabbing the small towel (and it wasn't even that clean but it didn't seem to matter anymore) and wiping it up and down her arms, drying them carefully. He'd never really looked at her this close before. He knew her scent and he could have easily told you the way her body swayed when she fought, but he'd never looked this close. Never noticed little scars from the battles they'd fought together.
He'd never noticed nearly enough.
The towel moved to the other arm then and he dried it with the same care, something that one would not have expected of him. He kept his gaze averted as he moved the towel to her chest, wiping the moisture from there as well, trying not to note how the rain had soaked through even the bindings, how she was pale and cold and how that was so very evident over each of her breasts. How her nipples were pointed and how the gooseflesh raised behind each movement (and he wasn't supposed to be looking, but how was she going to get dry if he didn't?).
"I-I'm sorry," he whispered again, his vision blurring slightly as he pulled the towel back and carefully raised it to her face, being sure to show extra care here, the towel wiping away bits of dirt and tears before he raised it to her hair, careful to dry up the dampest of the strands, though it didn't prevent them from sticking to her face (and it almost ialmost/i reminded him of a kitten he'd found when he was younger. One who had lost its mother and who had needed him). Finally finishing, he pulled the towel back, offering the girl the brightest smile that he could manage. Which truly wasn't much of a smile at all. It fell short even of a grimace, he was sure, and it was put off by the tears as they finally fell from his eyes.
Cursing softly, he shook his head and wiped them from his face, even as he tossed the towel aside and reached for one of the shirts that hung off the back of his couch. "Here," he said softly, blinking several times. "You're not shaking anymore so you should-- we should really warm you up."
It wasn't until the last word had left his mouth that he noticed that she was looking up at him again (though it still felt somehow like she was looking through him) and he blinked a little. Her eyes had filled with tears again and she was raising her hands slowly, as though they were weighed down heavily.
"Naruto..." he barely heard it as she whispered it, fingers finding the sides of his face as she stepped forward, leaning lightly against him, her chest pressed flatly against his (and he wasn't taking advantage of her when his arms came around her waist to hold her closer. It just felt better to have that presence, to know that she didn't hate him) as they breathed together.
"Sakura-chan, I--" he began, closing his eyes even as she pulled back a little. She shook her head at him, though he couldn't see her, and cold fingers pressed lightly against his lips even as she stood on her tip-toes slightly.
"Don't-- I just-- Naruto..." she whispered, though his name was almost a plea, one that matched the look in her eyes as she leaned closer (and shouldn't he have stopped her? Shouldn't he have pushed her away, been the responsible one in this situation?) and her lips brushed against his and they were trembling. He froze, his eyes open now as he stared down at her (when had he ever been the most responsible one? How was he supposed to stop this? To deny her this when he'd broken his promise? When he'd been the one who had carried the dead body of the man she'd truly loved back to her?) in something that was akin to shock, that churning guilt still tightening in his abdomen. It was almost impossible, pulling back from her and he barely managed it, their lips still touching.
"Sakura-chan, I--" he stopped when he felt her lips press more insistently against his and he felt before he even saw the tears that had begun to slide slowly down her cheeks. He kept his arms wrapped around her, his eyes still open and focused on her face, though her own eyes were closed tightly (and he thought that maybe she was seeing, feeling, hoping for Sasuke and this was the least he could do, wasn't it? Bringing the both of them together like this?) and he let out the softest of sounds in place of a word, even as she mouthed the word 'please' against his lips.
He held her tighter at that and slowly returned the kiss, shivering slightly as he felt grief move to tangle with the guilt inside of him. He owed this to her, didn't he? Hadn't he wanted this anyways? Hadn't he decided from the age of nine or ten that he was in love with her and that he wanted to be with her always no matter who he was to her?
"Sakura-chan," he whispered to her softly as he lifted one hand to run his fingers through her hair as he kissed her, lips brushing softly against each other as her hands moved to wrap around his neck, holding him tighter to him.
It would be worth it, besides. Sasuke wouldn't have argued and Sakura-- she needed him. Needed him in a way that no one else had ever needed him and he wanted her. Had wanted her for so long that he could feel that want mingling with the guilt and grief and the flaring self-disgust as he pressed against her, letting her kiss him, hold him and pretend that he was anyone that she wanted him to be.
"Okay... Okay," he said softly, pulling her closer, even as one hand moved from where it rested on the nape of his neck to slide slowly down his chest. It was his turn to be shivering now, though he wasn't cold like she had been.
A soft sob reached his ears and he moved his lips from hers to brush lightly against the corner of her eyes, wishing more than anything in this moment that he could kiss away those tears. Do something other than this to make her feel better.
He felt her press more insistently against him and he let out a sound that was a cross somewhere between a soft sob and a whimper. It wasn't his manliest moment, but it was a moment of weakness that seemed only right to share with her. If his body was reacting to the touch it was something that was far more physical than anything else, right? He couldn't help that the feel of her, pressed hot and soft and curvy and everything that he'd ever imagined she'd feel like so close to him, ignited a warmth through him that he was sure was purely animalistic. He felt her respond to him, arching against him as his lips moved over her eyes and down to her jaw, nipping lightly there. He was trying to make this better, trying to make her forget about everything that had happened tonight. Everything that was hurting her, that had brought her to this point where she was ready to give up.
A soft sound escaped her when he let his fingers move slowly up her side and he swallowed hard again. He wasn't sure what she wanted from him, but he was trying to give it to her. Wasn't sure how far she wanted to go, but he was willing to be everything that she needed. Anything that she needed him to be. He could even be him if that was what she wanted. Or he could make the effort, at least.
Breathing hard, he felt her press him slowly backwards towards the large bed in the corner of the room, the backs of his knees hitting hit as her breath puffed hotly against his lips.
He wasn't sure what she wanted him to do, what she expected from him, even, but the shirt he'd been holding fell from between his fingers to land between them as she pulled back slowly from him. He thought maybe she'd changed her mind, maybe she'd decided that this was all a mistake (And it was, wasn't it? What were they even thinking in this moment where grief had clouded their minds?) and was going to ask him to take her home.
Instead, though, her fingers slid down and under her own skirt, tugging off the tight black shorts that she wore under it, her eyes never meeting his, though her fingers next sought out the fastening of his pants. It caught him by surprise and he let out a soft sound, hands coming to rest on her shoulders as he frowned slightly. "Sakura...?" he asked softly, one hand sliding to tilt her chin up.
Slowly her gaze lifted to his, her eyes dull and still filled with tears, even as she whispered again to him. "Please-- Please..."
Swallowing hard he turned his gaze from her and moved to help her get his pants off, leaving him clad only in his boxer shorts and her, her skirt.
It was a blur as they moved together after this, his fingers moving over her shoulders as he felt them shaking slightly and her lips finding his again, pressing hard enough to bruise as she pushed him back and they fell together to the bed.
The moments that should have been magical, that should have been everything that he dreamed of, moved instead in an almost fast forward kind of motion instead, her hands moving over the still cold and wet plains of his chest as his fingers explored her lightly, curiously caressing each breast, even as he dipped his head to brush slow, soft kisses against the pale skin, one hand finding a nipple and brushing lightly against it, enjoying the sound leaving Sakura's lips (and it was the first sound that could not have been associated with a cry or a sob since he'd first buried Sasuke, wasn't it?) as she arched into him.
He noted to memory everything about the way that she pressed against him, the way her legs slid against his before parting slightly to let him settle easily between them. He was breathing hard and he paid special attention to the way her abdomen tensed and seemed to flutter away from the light touch of his fingertips as they ghosted lower, slipping between her legs and before he even realized, he was touching her. He was sliding fingers beneath her skirt and lightly against her as he lips parted and she panted softly against his lips and that was perfect. In this moment it was just them. Just the two of them and he could forget everything else as she pressed her hips up against his fingers and slid her tongue lightly against his lips, her face flushed brightly in pleasure. This was the sight he wanted to remember. The one thing that he wanted to commit to memory about this night because even if he never had this again, at least he'd have had this memory.
Swallowing hard, he teased Sakura lightly with his fingers, enjoying the way her legs trembled slightly when he dipped one finger very lightly inside of her to enjoy the wetness he found there. If he were to be completely honest he would have admitted that he was still nervous (even as her own fingers found his length through his boxer shorts and began to stroke him slowly and if that wasn't the most amazing thing he'd ever felt, he didn't know what was) about pushing further. About taking the one step that was left between the two of them.
Without even realizing it, he'd pressed a finger inside of her and was moving it slowly in rhythm of her own touches and she was using her other hand to carefully maneuver him out of his boxers until he managed to kick them off of his ankles. In his mind was only how hot and tight and wet the inside of her felt around his finger and he felt his whole body heat in response to the touch of her, and her fingers were moving lightly against him again, teasing he was sure. Letting out the softest of groans, he carefully pressed a second finger inside of her and heard the accompanying intake of breath and noted that she felt a little tighter this way. Wondered idly if he was hurting her and so he opened his mouth to speak, though as soon as the first syllable had left his lips, she shook her head and pressed her lips against his, her eyes closed tightly.
Trying his best to even his breathing, he moved when she pulled him a little closer and let his own eyes slide closed a moment, fingers carefully sliding out of her.
"Inside..." she whispered. "Please-- Please."
It was hard to argue with her. The plaintive note in her voice and she wasn't looking at him, even when he opened his eyes and nodded. Not even when he carefully shifted between her legs to position himself.
Not even when he carefully (and it was almost so tight that it hurt) pushed inside of her, only letting himself press inch by inch into her with the utmost care. His eyes never left her face and when he finally found himself as deep as he could inside of her, he let out a shaking breath, holding still as she shifted against him.
The sensation was unlike anything he'd ever known and it was impossible for him to avoid closing his eyes for a moment to pull himself together. When he opened them again to look down at her, he noticed the tears sliding down her cheeks and he lowered his head to kiss them softly, shifting his own weight above her.
He heard then a sharp intake of breath from her and felt her arms come around him to hold him tightly, their bare chests pressed together.
"Sasuke..." she whispered in a voice that was a catch between a whimper and a sob and Naruto's eyes first widened before they squeezed shut tightly, pain rushing through him. Hadn't he known what he was getting himself into?
Nodding silently, careful to bite down hard on his bottom lip to prevent any words or sounds to betray him (and he tasted blood there but it wasn't important. Nothing seemed to matter more in this moment than Sakura) as he began to move carefully inside of her.
His movements were a little erratic as he began to pull out of her just to push back inside, pleasure mixing with the hurt as he held her tight. He could be this for her, couldn't he?
Naruto heard her whimper a little, this time it seemed less painful as she pressed back, moving with his movements now. He was still careful as he moved, though, even as his movements became faster and harder (and it was wrong, so wrong that he wanted it to be over. Needed it to be over even if it felt this good because he wasn't good enough for her. Didn't want her to know how much it stung, even if he'd known what he was doing the whole time. Didn't want to live up to being the dumbass that Sasuke had called him for so long).
"Sasuke..." she whispered again and Naruto let out a soft sound this time, sure that she was probably too lost in her own thoughts as he moved, so close already, trying to think of anything but this, even though the hot tightness of her drew him in deeper and deeper and it felt so good, too good, felt like a betrayal and he could see feel cold dark eyes watching him, though he knew it was impossible. Could feel the disapproval and pity and shame that Sasuke surely would have felt for him in this moment as he moved inside of this woman that he would have given his whole life for.
It didn't take long, not as long as he would have thought before he was falling over the edge, his body giving into the weakness of pleasure as he came, spilling hot inside of her, pale legs wrapped around his waist as Sakura pressed against him, her lips moving softly against his shoulder in soundless whimpers. He wasn't sure if she'd finished, wasn't sure what to do after this moment, but she was breathing heavy, and her arms and legs were falling from where they'd held tightly to him and so he took it as permission to gently pull out of her, rolling to the side as she did, her back to him now.
It was harder to see now, the darkness filling the whole room, but he could see her shoulders shaking lightly with every flash of lightning that illuminated the room and he felt ice cold shame flow through him at the realization of what he'd just done with Sakura. What he'd just done to her.
He lay there for longer than he cared to count, waiting until her shoulders stopped shaking, and he wasn't sure that she was asleep, but he shifted closer to her, needing to feel his warmth though he never touched her.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to her before he let his own eyes slide closed and prayed for sleep.
The next morning when he had finally woken up, his wounds ached and he felt stiff and cold and he noted with a tight knot in his chest that he was alone. He'd searched his room for two hours pitifully looking for a sign of Sakura, though he had known deep down that she had left.
She hadn't spoken to him since that night. Hadn't offered him a smile or even looked at him for more than a second. She'd skirted him every time he had tried to approach her in the village and every time he caught sight pink hair, he'd always wondered if it was her. It rarely was.
The times he had seen her had been on the anniversary of Sasuke's death. He'd caught sight of her standing over the makeshift grave that only the two of them knew about, though he'd been content to simply hide behind a group of bushes nearby and watch her. She'd stood there for four hours without moving. So had he. Never once had he gathered any of that courage he'd had so much of in his childhood. Never had he manage to smile and break out of the bushes to confront her like he would have back in their days as a team.
Never would he let himself be that boy that had been so easy to hurt.
Tonight, though, was going to be different. Tonight was the night that he was going to see her again. They'd been assigned to the same mission (an accident he'd been assured by the hokage, though one that was impossible to change, he'd been promised) and it was the first time since Sasuke's death that such a thing had happened. He was afraid of it, if he were honest. He was worried that her anger with him was going to put her at danger, and he feared for her life. Though they never spoke, he was still terrified of losing her and so tonight he was going to fix it. Just tonight he was going to be that headstrong kid again.
It was because of this that he found himself waiting in the dark in her apartment late that evening, the same knot that had lingered inside of him for so long still tightening painfully as he waited. It felt like forever, but was probably fewer than a few hours when the door opened and closed and he heard rather than saw Sakura step into the living room that he was standing in. She didn't even turn on the light.
"Naruto," she said softly, though her voice shook slightly. "Please don't--"
He cut her off before she could continue but didn't take a step closer to her though he longed to. "You can't avoid me forever," he said a little more harshly than he'd intended, the speech he'd spent months on fleeing his mind predictably. She didn't move. Not towards him but not closer to the door, either. Something he thought he'd count as a win.
"Why are you here?" came the soft reply, and Naruto thought he could smell the soft scent of her soap, even from this far across the room. It made his chest tighten more.
"To talk to you. To figure out why the hell you've been ignoring me for so long."
There was a pause and he could see the shadow of her shaking her head. "You know why, Naruto," she replied slowly.
"Are you hiding from me because we-- because of the sex?" he asked, deciding that straightforward was clearly going to be to his advantage.
He thought he could see her flush in the dark, and he noticed her back straightening. "Who wouldn't hide because of that--- that mistake?"
Her words stung, but he refused to back down. "We both made a mistake, Sakura. I didn't-- what we did... I didn't take you home to take advantage of you. I wasn't trying to make you have sex with me that night."
There was another pause and this was longer than the first. He was worried that it was going to stretch into forever.
"Take advantage of me?" she parroted softly.
"Yeah. I wasn't trying to take you home just so that you'd have sex with me. I know it's not something that you-- it's not something you wanted with me. I get it, I know that already. I know that you wished that I was him, that I was Sasuke, but I wasn't and I know that I wasn't what you were wishing for, but I was there and I love you and it was the wrong time, I know, but you were so sad and I didn't know what else to do," he was out of breath and so he stopped, breathing a little harder as he ran fingers through his hair.
He'd never had to try to explain himself in such a short period of time. Even when he'd been in battle he'd had more time, hadn't felt so afraid of losing something precious to him. All but that one time, of course.
There was the sound of footsteps then, and Sakura had taken three steps closer to him. "You didn't take advantage of me," she said softly, shaking her head again. "It was my idea. It was a bad idea and I missed him so much. We'd been-- we'd been so close and he slipped through our fingers and I missed him so much and it was wrong. It was wrong for me to let you-- to ask you to do those things with me. That's why I haven't been talking to you. I made a mistake and when I look at you, when I see you and you're looking at me, I remember every second of it and it hurts."
Naruto felt a lump in his throat at that and he nodded, glancing away from her. "He was mine too, Sakura-chan," he said softly, reverting to the old nickname by habit. "He was our family and now-- now you're all I got left and you're trying to leave, too. I gave up on you, you know. When Sasuke left and I saw you cry and all I thought was that I had to get that asshole back here for you because I couldn't stand that you were crying. All I wanted was to tell you to pick me. Choose me and love me because I'm a better man than he is, but you were in love with him, even when we were little kids and didn't even know what that meant," he stopped for another breath and shook his head, trying to remember what else had been in his speech.
She spoke before he could continue, though. "I'm not... Naruto, we're still family. You and me and Sasuke and one day that'll be how we are again and I-- I loved you, I really did. I do. I love you, it's just hard. It's hard to live without him."
It was hard to hear but he nodded and turned his glance back to the shadow of her, now almost close enough to him that he could see her face in the moonlight.
"That's why it didn't matter that you pretended that I was him. Not if it could make you forget for a second. Even just one second, Sakura. That's what I thought when it was happening, but I was wrong. It mattered and I hated him for it. He was dead and I hated him for it and how could anyone forgive me for that? How can you hate a dead man? He was my best friend and I wanted him back so bad. He was the only person who knew what it was like to be one of us and he abandoned us and I still wanted him back but now he's gone forever and iI/i did that. I did that because it was what he wanted and now we have to try to build a whole world around where he used to be."
She stepped forward then, the light covering her face now and she looked different from what he remembered, even from stolen glances on the street. Older and sadder. Worn out, almost. "You thought I was pretending you were him?" she asked softly, her eyes focused on Naruto's face.
It was hard to reply to something like that. The honest answer was to say yes. He'd heard Sasuke's name fall from her lips twice during their night together. It wasn't something that he could forget, but he didn't want to make this harder for her. He just wanted the chance to be Naruto for her again. Just wanted the chance to be that friend she'd had so long ago.
"Yes," he said slowly. "You called me Sasuke..."
Sakura shook her head at Naruto and stepped forward again, only a few feet separating them now as a sound of almost hysterical laughter escaped her. "You thought-- no, Naruto. I wasn't pretending anything. I knew it was you, felt you inside of me-- I was saying sorry to him. Sorry because even though I loved him for so long, all I needed when I was aching all over was to feel you inside of me. All I needed was to feel that. It was you--" she shook her head again and sighed.
"In your sleep," she continued after a moment. "In your sleep you were whispering his name and I thought that maybe--"
Naruto stared at her, her jaw slack slightly as he tried to remember what he'd dreamed of. He didn't even remember having had a dream that night.
"-- I thought you had imagined him. I thought that instead of me, instead of my body, that you had felt his and I was ashamed. Ashamed that I had missed something. That maybe you'd loved him the same as me and that I was replacing him for you. I thought-- I honestly thought that, Naruto."
He could barely speak and his mouth felt dry as he stared at her. She'd thought the same as he had and his face warmed in humiliation. Everything he'd said, admitted, just because of a miscommunication? Those years lost because of something so ridiculous?
"I wasn't," he said instead, still shocked. "I wasn't. I-- I did think about him but not like you thought. I was just-- He was my brother."
He didn't know what else to say, even as he closed the distance between her, wrapping his arms around her in a hug that he found he almost didn't care if she wanted it or not.
"I love him," Sakura said softly, shaking her head. "I love him every day even though he's gone."
Nodding, Naruto let his eyes slide closed as he held her tightly. "I love him, too. I miss him, too, but we have to move on. He wanted this. Wanted us to have each other, wanted us to love him and he wanted us to live. That's why we're-- that's why I'm still here. That's why he didn't kill me."
Sakura nodded and leaned into Naruto's hold and they stood there in silence a moment.
"Want to go and see him?"
She nodded and closed her eyes. "I want to say goodbye. I want to say that I'm sorry and I want to really say goodbye this time. I want to say thank-you and I want to move on. I want to live."
Nodding slowly Naruto lowered one hand to tangle his fingers with hers and though he felt that there were more things they still needed to talk about, he tugged her beside him. Maybe when they were with Sasuke things would look different. Maybe it would all be clearer and they'd be able to work everything out. Start over.
After all, Sasuke'd always had that effect on people.