AN: All recognisable characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

He was stupid. That was really the bottom line of this whole mess. His mistakes, his faults. His father had always told him to clean up after himself. He didn't know how to clean this mess.

I think you can do much better than me

After all the lies that I made you believe

He held a hand over his eyes as Tracey Davis vomited in the toilet. He'd slept with her all of one drunken night, and now he had hell to pay for.

All of one night. He hadn't even enjoyed it. He felt no attraction or affection whatsoever for the girl in his Head Boy bathroom right now, and he was pretty sure she felt nothing for him either.

Guilt kicks in and I start to see

The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be

The face in his mind's eye wasn't haughty and proud, it was soft and gentle. Her eyes weren't lightning blue, but chocolate brown, and her hair not ink black, but golden brown.

The face in his mind was the one he loved, not the one emerging from the bathroom. The face he was really looking at wasn't scrunched in disgust; it was scrunched in pain.

I told myself I won't miss you

But I remember

What it feels like beside you

He wiped away his tears as the girl behind him snorted.

"Stop being such a moony bastard," she snapped harshly. "You made your choice."

"Hardly," he said weakly. "It was a stupid mistake, being influenced by alcohol. Now the freaking Pureblood law says I have to marry you."

The girl rolled her eyes behind his back. "I'm about as thrilled as you are."

He turned to face her, his face torn by anguish. "Why can't you have it aborted? It's a mistake, both of us. Save us grief and pain!"

She pushed her furious face closer to his. "I'm appalled you'd even think about that," she hissed.

She stomped away as Theo held his face in his face in his hands, dry sobs racking his body. Only two words were on his mind as he let his grief pour out.

Katie Bell.

I really miss your hair on my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

Theo sobbed a little as he lifted his nth glass of Firewhisky. His little trip into Diagon Alley, trying to fix his broken heart a little, had killed it just that bit more.

I have nothing left to give

I have found the perfect end

He had seen her working at Quality Quidditch Supplies. She looked much like he'd seen her last, minus the tears and most of the pain. She seemed apprehensive of talking to him, and Theo understood completely. What was a lover to say to a lover who impregnated then married another girl?

At first, that was what he thought her reason was. But as the bell of the shop tinkled, signalling someone's entry, he found out why.

You were made to make it hurt

Disappear into the dirt

It was a little boy, maybe three years old, and he was shouting excitedly, "Mummy, mummy!"

And she had picked him up and lovingly asked what he wanted.

Theo didn't even shiver as alcohol coursed down his throat.

Carry me to heaven's arms

Light the way and let me go

Take the time to take my breath

I will end where I began

Maybe he'd have felt a little more happiness if the boy resembled him. More guilt, but less pain. But the little boy wasn't his. Katie had admitted that she'd been with McLaggen while she and Theo had secretly been together. But she was a half-blood, and Pureblooded McLaggen wanted nothing to do with her when he found out.

Maybe it didn't matter whose child it was. Just the fact that she had to raise a child, unbeknownst to him, was enough. She raised the child by herself, knocked up in high school. Pain and guilt was added to Theo's already full plate.

And I will find the enemy within

Because I can feel it crawl beneath my skin

A hand landed on his shoulder, turning him around. He was met by the cool face of Draco Malfoy.

"Afternoon, Nott," he drawled. Upon seeing Theo's state, he asked, "Merlin, what happened to you?"

Seeing Draco's familiar face, Theo laughed. Oh, how ironic it was that he would be here, tonight of all nights. What a way to spend the night drowning his sorrows.

"How good a shag was Davis?" Theo asked. At Draco's perplexed expression, he repeated, "How good a shag was Davis? D'you even remember? Seventh Year?"

Realisation dawned on Draco's pale face, and he said, "How did you find out about that?"

Theo laughed again, sounding crazier by the minute. "Because our daughter is the spitting image of you!"

Dear agony

Just let go of me

Suffer slowly

Is this the way it's got to be?

Dear agony

"She used me from the fucking start," Theo shouted gleefully, clutching the bottle as he poured himself another glass. "Knew you were betrothed to lovely Astoria, yet slept with you, got a kid, then slept with me so she could make me the daddy!"

Draco stared at his friend in shock. Flabbergast. He had a daughter with another girl while he was betrothed? Deep shit.

Beside him, Theo was still mumbling. "Used me, fucking bitch."

Suddenly the lights go out

Let forever drag me down

Theo was sick of fighting. He'd been doing it for the last four years with her, and he was sick of it. He heard the bathroom door slam.

Every time we lie awake

After every hit we take

He had tried to give her everything she wanted; a house, a comfortable, Pureblood lifestyle, and a doting father to a daughter that wasn't his.

Misae's resemblance to Draco Malfoy was even more striking now that she was four. Her real father had offered Theo money when he stumbled upon his friend in a pub last year, but Theo had declined. He didn't need Malfoy's money.

Every feeling that I get

But I haven't missed you yet

Four miserable years, but he'd never change a thing. Katie Bell and her little Jasper sometimes cropped into his mind, but he'd stopped trying to image Jasper having his black hair and murky green eyes. Whenever he thought of them now, Jasper stayed his brown-haired, blue-eyed self.

Theo leaned on the doorjamb of Misae's room, thankful of the Silencing charm he'd placed on her room. His little princess would stay unaware of the fights he and Tracey had been having. His mother, Adara, slipped into the room.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, worry in her voice.

He tilted his head to the sleeping girl. "Fine."

"And you and Tracey?" she persisted. She knew their entire back story; what grandmother wouldn't wonder when her granddaughter looked nothing like her father?

Theo sight. "Goodnight, Mother."

Every room mate kept awake

By every sigh and scream we make

He closed his eyes as he laid on the bed. Tracey was still in the bathroom. Their argument tonight was a new one; where to send Misae for preschool.

Tracey was all for home-school, but he wanted her to meet friends her own age. Theo had hated being home-schooled when he was younger.

But Tracey wouldn't budge. She'd argued that all purebloods were pre-schooled at home. Their argument had escalated into a full-blown shouting match. Somehow, Katie and Jasper Bell, and Draco, Astoria, and Scorpius Malfoy were included in their row; old wounds they knew how to pour salt over.

All the feelings that I get

But I still don't miss you yet

He remembered the last time they acted like a couple; on a holiday two months ago that Adara Nott insisted they go on. It had been friendly, at least, only light to moderate bickering. Perhaps the old lady wanted them to relax, take a break, and come back on friendlier terms.

She was very sadly mistaken.

On their return, their fights became heavier, more frequent, and nearly every day ended with a shouting match.

Only when I stop to think about

He felt the bed sink beside him as she climbed into bed. She seemed a little more peaceful now; her toilet therapy seemed to be working.

"Theo?" she said softly.

"Yeah?" he replied tiredly.

"I'll make you a deal," she said. "I'll let Misae go off to preschool."

He sighed a little. There was always a catch to how they solved their problems. Sometimes, it was his deal; often, it was hers.

I hate everything about you

But as long as they were both happy...

"Go on," he said wearily.

She took in a deep breath, before saying in a rush, "If I get to name our baby girl Nyx."

"Fine, fine—WHAT?"

His eyes snapped open to find her smiling at him. And for the first time in four years, Theo's burdened heart soared.

Why do I love you?

.

.

.

AN:

Written for Kira Michelle Ekaterina's Infidelity Challenge.

I think I need a break from angst. =P

Better Than Me by Hinder

Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin

(I Hate) Everything About You by Three Days Grace

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