Disclaimer: Not mine, don't make any money, blah-de-blah-de-blah.
BA wiped his van carefully with the cloth diaper he held, his hand making small, loving circles over the already gleaming surface.
"Daddy's never gonna let nothing happen to you again, my baby." He shooed away a fly that thought about landing on his GMC and then continued his work. "Big, black and beautiful... every inch my baby..." He crooned, usually gruff voice pitched soft.
The metal of the van's body gave the tiniest ping in the growing heat of the afternoon. "Shh... Hush little baby," he began chanting, voice not changing pitch enough for it to be an actual song. "Don't say a word. Daddy's gonna clean up that mockingbird's shit." He worked off the white droppings on the windshield. "And once that shit's all clean, Daddy's gonna shine you until you gleam." Once he was sure the vehicle absolutely sparkled in the sunlight shafting in the garage's windows, he picked up the vacuum cleaner that sat beside his tool chest. "And once your body shines like the sun, Daddy's gonna... Daddy's gonna va-cu-um. And once there ain't no speck of dust, Daddy's gonna spray your fenders with anti-rust." In fact, he sprayed every surface that might be susceptible to rust with the most expensive rust-fighting chemical he could find. "And once your chrome all shines like new, Daddy's gonna wipe and polish you." BA picked up another rag. This time, it was the remains of a fine silk shirt that had once belonged to Face. He nearly saturated it with vanilla scented oil. Then, he painstakingly worked it into every surface of the dashboard before caressing the steering wheel with it, massaging it into every square inch. "And even if your glow don't get me boo-tay, you'll still be the finest van in L.A.!"
With that, BA threw away the rag, closed and locked the van, and placed a last kiss on her hood. Of course, he wiped the spot with his shirt after.
Hidden behind a shelf, Hannibal stood with a video camera, smiling. Beside him, Face was bent over, face red and eyes streaming from suppressed laughter.
"Boss...[gasp]... you know...[sputter]... every day, I thank God that you found our Bosco."
Throwing an arm around his lieutenant's shaking shoulders, Hannibal joined him in full-bellied laughter.