Please be nice it's my first Supernatural fic! I own nothing except the "Sam hug him back!" exclamation during AHBL2. lol I still block out the last five minutes of AHBL, the first one. Anyway, this is just the introduction. I want to set the story up. Dean is so strong and such a good big brother, but what about Dean himself? He has one year left and he has no plans on leaving this world with any regrets or unfinished business. He takes off, while abandoned, confused Sam follows. Expect some hurt, sick, limp, angsty Sam and the same goes for Dean. What can I say, I love chick flick moments:)

For those reading my Law and Order SVU fic, posting chapter 3 now.


I watched saw my mother burn to death. I'll never forget the look in her eyes as the flames consumed her. Seconds later my baby

brother was thrust into my arms and I was told to run outside and don't look back. I ran down the steps, onto the porch, and reached

the yard. Looking up, I watched the my life, my innocence, burning to the ground. My father scooped me up, and he ran to the

sidewalk. That night changed him, and it changed me too. Sometimes I wonder if anyone knew that. I watched doctors try to bring my

father back to life years later, courtesy of the yellow eyed demon. Time of death, 10:41am. Someone should have checked my pulse,

because I sure felt dead inside. I need to be honest. If not for Sam, I would never had made it as far as I have. I barely talked after my

mom died, but at night, when I would crawl into his crib, I'd tell Sammy it was ok. I promised him was ok. That is a promise I intend to

keep, until my last breath. Hell, past my last breath. Which is why I made that deal. I watched my mother burn to death, I watched my

father die "mysteriously", but Sam...I watched him die in my arms. I felt his last breath and I felt his heart stop. I wonder if he felt mine

stop as well. That was the final straw for me. And besides, I had a promise to keep. Yes I made that deal. I'd do it again in a heartbeat,

in my sleep. He asked me why I did it, and I told him it was my job. Fuck the job. It's not my duty or my obligation, but my decison. I

don't have a problem looking out for Sam, he's my brother. Who wouldn't sell their soul to save someone they loved? Exactly. But

sacrifice comes at a price. I've sacrificed alot in my 28 years. Young but old Bobby says. Boy did he ever hit the hammer on the head

with that one. I feel like a robot, mechanical, cold. I get the hero bit all the time. I'm no hero. I'm human. I hurt, I cry, and contrary to

popular belief, I break too, just like everyone else. I'm so broken I don't even know where to begin to pick up the pieces. Sam once

told me I can't handle things on my own, and I'm the only one who thinks I have to take care of myself. Sammy if you only knew. I open

up just to be let down. I opened up to Cassie, and the only comfort she offered was the door. I needed dad more than ever when we

went back to Kansas and he didn't show up or even return my call. Hell I even opened up to you a few times, but it only scared the shit

out of you, it must have because you always seem to be at a loss of words. Who else can I turn to? Besides, crying like a baby isn't my

style. When I thought Sam was going to die because of that virus, I told him I was tired. He said I couldn't just lay down and die, give

up. I don't plan on dying, but little does he know I've already given up. I'm sick of being the strong one, I'm sick of having to be the one

with all the answers. I'm sick of fighting, injuries, losing sleep, being angry all the time, losing people I try so hard to save, everything.

Waking up feeling the weight, it's killing me. It's like something's sitting on my chest suffocating me constantly. I have one year left. And I

don't plan on spending it hunting. I've never had the time to just do me. But now I will. Sometimes you have to let go to see if there's

something worth holding onto. Call me selfish, but that's exactly what I intend to do.