A/N: This is a story about three slightly nutty fan-girls visiting Storybrooke. Not an original idea, perhaps, but I did have fun writing it. It is not meant to be Mary-Sue, but certain aspects of myself and people I know have admittedly got mixed in.;) I have not had anybody beta-ing the story, so any mistakes are mine.:)
Please leave a comment! Constructive criticism is valued.:)
Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT. I do, however, own Josie, Cassie and Lauren. Not to mention Snuffles.;)
Invasion of the Fan Girls
Chapter One – In which there is far too much talk about coffee
It is a beautiful morning. Birds singing, sun shining, the sky being blue and the grass being…grassy. Our favourite "villain", Mr Gold, is standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom. Today he is wearing a bright red tie with his black suit. Or rather, he intends to wear it once he has managed to tie it. Somehow it does not seem to want to cooperate today, and he has already got his fingers tangled up in it more than once. Sighing impatiently, he pulls it off and starts from the beginning. Apart from the offending tie, Mr Gold's appearance is almost spotless on this fine morning. His brown hair is newly washed and delightfully glossy, his shoes polished and his gold tooth sparkles in the morning light. In a few minutes he'll be leaving for his pawnshop. Maybe he'll pop by Granny's Diner first and have his morning coffee there, he considers as he limps down the stairs. He has plenty of coffee in his shop, but the Diner is an excellent place to listen to gossip if one is discreet... And he does enjoy Ruby's sulky expression whenever she has to take his order. All in all, Mr Gold expects this to be a perfectly normal Tuesday. A few deliveries, maybe one or two reluctant customers, the closing of a deal he recently made… A peaceful day. Boy, is he wrong…
Ruby, the pretty black haired waitress of the town's most popular diner, is not having a good morning. She has already managed to spill hot coffee all over their new sheriff, tripped over her gran's beloved cat Snuffles, and dropped her cell phone down a toilet. And now she is struggling to get their usually so reliant coffee machine started. It worked just fine yesterday! Everything seems to be going wrong today. The machine gargles and rattles, sounding as though it is suffering from indigestion. Hell, maybe it is! If this keeps up she and Granny might have to ask Mr Gold for another loan. These kinds of machines are anything but cheap… Groaning to herself, Ruby lowers her head and bangs her forehead repeatedly onto the counter. "Liiife haaaates meeee…" she moans, miserably.
"Excuse me," says a soft, all-too-familiar voice. "I am sorry to disturb what is no doubt a private moment, but I would like a cup of coffee. " Ruby cannot believe how incredibly unlucky she is. Why does he have to be here on this very day?
"I'm sorry, Mr Gold, but the machine has broken down. Would you care for some tea instead?"
Before Mr Gold is able to answer that question, a bright female voice calls out shrilly: "Mr Gold?"
Mr Gold turns around to take a look at the owner of said voice. A strange, fair haired girl is standing there, smiling broadly. Her teeth are very white, her blouse impeccably ironed and her make up flawless. It is hard to tell her age; she could be anything between sixteen and twenty five years old.
"Hello! I'm Cassandra Jenkins. Are you really the Mr Gold? Really?" the girl pipes up, still smiling.
"I am afraid I know of no other Mr Gold around here," the owner of said name states in a dry voice.
"Oh my God, it's really you! I can't believe it…" The enthusiastic Cassandra Jenkins is almost shaking with delight. Mr Gold looks at her in wonder, frowning slightly. He has no idea how to respond to this. Never before has anyone been this glad to see him. In fact, he can't remember anybody being particularly pleased to see him for a very long time…
The awkward moment is interrupted by a loud crash and a yelp of pain. Another strange girl has entered the coffee shop, and this one is as unlike their other new guest as she could possibly be. Her hair is a black and violet mass of fluffy strands, standing out in all directions. Her eyes are an almost insane blue colour, both her eyebrows are pierced and she is dressed in a black hooded sweater and a pair of baggy jeans, heavy army boots… That is not necessarily why everyone is staring at her, though. They are staring because said girl just tripped over the threshold and did a spectacular nose dive into Miss Blanchard's chair, making the latter drop her hot tea cup onto her lap. Apparently, Ruby is not the only one having a pissy day.
"I am soooo sorry! This is soooo embarrassing! We just came to see you and this lovely town, not to demolish it!" Cassandra seems practically devastated. Her colourful friend, who goes by the name of Josie Warner, seems to have a calmer view on the situation. (It is more or less necessary to have a different outlook on things if one is used to tripping, stumbling and generally causing mayhem wherever one goes. One learns not to bother feeling bad about it.)
"Sorry," Josie mutters, shrugging. "You okay?" she adds, looking at Miss Blanchard who is busy wiping a tea stain from her white trousers.
"Yes, of course." The poor woman replies quietly, secretly wondering why she chose to wear white today. Josie turns around and seems to take in her surroundings. Her gaze wanders from the slightly hysterical Cassandra to a quietly giggling Ruby, and passes on to the pawnbroker. The latter is looking at her in a decidedly funny manner. Josie doesn't like it when people look at her like that. She doesn't normally care much what others think, but she has had a trying morning, with far too little coffee, and it would be nice to be treated like an actual human being for once. Consequently, she gives him the Glare-of-Doom.
"What?" she snaps, putting her hands on her hips.
"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all, dear. But perhaps you should step off of Miss Blanchard's cape? She always appeared to be fond of it." Mr Gold's voice is calm and soft, even friendly.
Josie glowers, suspiciously. Then she takes a look at her feet. She is indeed standing on a heap of material that turns out to be a cape. Bending over, she lifts it up and takes a good look at it. It is a beautiful, off-white garment decorated with embroidered daisies. Correction: it was a beautiful off-white garment embroidered with daisies. Now it looks more like a used diaper. Josie always loved taking long walks, and earlier today her walk brought her across a meadow. A very muddy meadow. A meadow with cows on it.
"Oops… want me to wash it for you?" The girl' s voice is suddenly almost meek.
"No, I… no, thank you. I'll… handle it…" Miss Blanchard looks positively heart broken. Somehow, Josie gets the feeling that she has done something very bad indeed. Perhaps not something oh-my-God-we-are-all-going-to-die-bad, but quite possibly something along the lines of everybody-hates-me-bad. This is not exactly what she set out to do this morning. A deep sigh escapes her. Why does this always happen to me? She watches guiltily as Miss Blanchard grabs her hand bag and her soiled cape and silently walks out the door, not looking back.
Cassandra Jenkins has been watching quietly (well, relatively speaking) for what to her seems like an eternity. An excruciatingly embarrassing eternity. When she woke up at five this morning, she had two goals: meet as many of her favourite characters of Storybrook as possible, and make out with that sexy Mr Gold. Not necessarily in that order. Unfortunately, she had not considered the possibility that her friend Josie might be acting like…well, Josie. Cassandra often forgets that little detail. It may be her undoing someday. Today, however, she decides to act before things can get any worse.
"Come on, Josie. Let's go find Lauren," she says, deliberately sounding as exasperated as possible. Lauren is their computer game-crazed travel companion, who is more than likely busy killing aliens or fighting dragons right now on that surprisingly good laptop of hers. Josie stares at Cassandra for a moment, blandly. She now remembers that she came here to have a cup of coffee, or possibly two. That was her goal, her sole reason for arriving in this Diner. And now it seems her galpal Cassie is going to stop her from having her goal realized…
"I want coffee," Josie states, looking pointedly at the coffee machine behind the counter.
"No, you don't. You've already had coffee this morning. Twice. You need to wait for a while. Besides, I think someone said the machine doesn't work?" Cassie looks over at Ruby who gives a quick nod, trying to hide a smile.
If Cassandra thinks that logical reasoning is going to help her here, she is sadly mistaken. Josie likes many things apart from long walks, watching Once Upon A Time and crocheting amigurumis in the shape of voodoo dolls. One of these things, something that she is quite passionate about indeed, is coffee. She drinks a lot more than three cups a day. In fact, it is closer to thirteen. Whoever stops Miss Josie Warner from having coffee is evil. That's simply how it is. And now she is glaring daggers of steel at her friend.
"Coffee," the girl snarls. "Now!"
Ruby is actually beginning to enjoy herself. True, the day started badly. But two new visitors to their town, one slapstick incident not involving herself, and someone possibly having a much worse day than she herself is having? Not bad, not bad at all. Now, if only Mr Gold would leave instead of staring at the new girls in that scary, predatory way…
Mr Gold has no intention of leaving just yet. This situation holds a certain fascination for its onlookers; it is a bit like a traffic accident. Many people would feel bad about watching it, but they'd be unable to stop themselves. Mr Gold does not feel bad about watching. Watching is what he does. And then, when things have gotten slightly out of control and the participants of the drama have almost given up, he'll step in and offer them a solution. For a price, of course. And this is beginning to look very interesting. Amusing, even. He smirks and waits for it all to unfold.
Cassie is not amused. There are few things in life that annoy her more than people making a fool of themselves, the exception being when they start making a fool of her. She and Josie need to leave this diner, before any more…incidents can occur. What if her comrade suddenly starts knocking things over again, splashing hot drinks all around her? What if the liquid hits the smartly dressed Mr Awesome, the Smexy Gold Man? He may have to take off some of his clothes, or… Cassie is doing her best to focus on the problem at hand, ignoring any sudden urges to drool or squeal with excitement. Instead, she grabs Miss Warner by the arm and hisses: "We have coffee in the van, you know that!". Josie glowers at her in utter disbelief.
"Yes, freeze dried!" she snaps.
"That didn't stop you from wolfing it down, half a packet a mug!" Cassie is beginning to feel the situation slipping down a very muddy slope, possibly one with a bunch of sharp rocks at the bottom.
"That's because we had nothing else." Josie is beginning to look slightly insane, hissing through her teeth and glaring furiously. Caffeine withdrawal is never pretty.
"Um…I guess you wouldn't consider tea instead?" Ruby interjects, doing her best to act the service minded waitress while trying not to grin.
"NO!" The answer is roared out in a way that might suggest demonic possession. It is followed by an equally demonic glare. The shocked silence that follows is broken by a quiet laugh.
"Ladies, perhaps I may be of assistance?"
They all turn to stare at the man in the suit, the "Mr Awesome", the "Smexy Gold Man". Well, that is how Cassie views him. Josie is more pragmatic minded for the moment. If he can provide coffee, he may speak to her without having his head bitten off. That's about as far as her generosity goes.
"I believe I have some quite excellent coffee at my pawn shop, in my back room. Now, if you'd be so kind as to accompany me, I'm certain we could work something out." He turns to Miss Jenkins with a slight smile. "How about it, dear?"
Cassie is on Cloud Nine. Or at the very least Cloud Seven. Maybe Eight, even. She'll gladly agree to anything just to get to hang out with Mr Awesome, and at his shop? Oh, My! Her mind is already busy dreaming up interesting scenarios. Surprisingly, Josie is not exactly a part of them… Josie, on the other hand, has no real interest in Mr Gold personally. She is fully aware that you don't make a deal with Rumpelstiltskin/Gold unless you want trouble, but right now she simply does not care. While Cassie's mind is occupied fantasizing about hot activities on top of the pawn shop's counter, her friend's mind is picturing a large, steaming mug of hot coffee. Mr Gold's mind is not really focused on either of these things. He is pondering and calculating, wondering what he can get out of these two young women. Help dusting the shelves in his shop? No, he's already got a girl doing that. Cleaning his house? No, same thing there. Oh, well. He'll think of something.
The bell gives a cheery little bingely-bing as he unlocks the door to his shop, allowing his guests inside.