Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King so don't sue me please. I'm just borrowing the characters for a little while to make my own version of a fanfic.

© May 2003

Never Letting Go

Yoh sat and stared at the empty table in front of him as he rubbed his cheek. The palm print had long since faded, but he could still remember the sting of it all. He couldn't help, but smile.

"Anna.." The house was silent since there was no one else around. It had only been a few days now since Anna had come out and told him that she was now in love with Ren. Yoh had thought that she was joking at first, but Anna never joked and was quite serious. Ren had shown up later to confirm that he was in love with Anna and that they planned to go away together. Yoh had been shocked beyond belief while Anna had tried to explain to him, that it wasn't his fault. She truly loved Ren now and wanted to be with him.

Amidamaru rarely came out to be around his master anymore since he only would find Yoh sulking around. Yoh had barely been able to break the news to Manta about what had happened. He hadn't found the strength to tell everyone else yet. Yoh closed his eyes and remembered, just a few days ago. He had been lying down in his room listening to Boblove when Anna had appeared in his doorway.

"Do you have a minute?" Yoh looked over at Anna and lifted the headphones slightly off from his head.

"Eh? Anna?"

"I said that there is something I need to discuss with you, Yoh." Yoh nodded and turned off the music. He sat up and pushed the headphones back so that it rested on the back of his head. Anna walked into his room and kneeled down on his futon in front of him.

"So what's up, Anna?" Anna seemed to pause and look at him. She had spent the last five years beside him and she couldn't help, but feel a little sad that it was all coming to end. That she was going to leave the Yoh that she loved so much behind so that she could follow her heart.

Yoh had always been there with her every step of the way since they had first met. He seemed drawn to her even when she constantly pushed him away or when she would try to run away from him. He would follow and come after her always telling her that everything will be all right. Everything had turned out all right because he had been there for her and she had felt that she should be there for him in return. She had trained him to the best of her abilities always pushing him beyond his limit so that he would become stronger. So that he could make his dream come true of being Shaman King and that it had allowed her to form her own dream of wanting to become the wife of the Shaman King. That time had passed now and she found something else that she wanted to put her hopes and dreams into. It was her heart, it was Tao Ren and she felt that it was her duty to tell Yoh as soon as possible.

"We've been together for over five years now." Yoh nodded and closed his eyes, smiling at her. She felt her heart drop down a notch at his stupid grin. She would miss that smile once she left this place and him behind, but it had to be done. "But something has happened, Yoh." His grin faded and he opened his eyes to look at her.

"What's wrong, Anna?" Anna took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Yoh noticed the tiny emotions that Anna was fighting back to hold in. He could feel by her gestures that it was something serious and perhaps bad with the way that she was acting. He didn't know what to expect, but he hadn't expected what came out of her mouth next.

"I'm in love with Tao Ren." Yoh felt tightness in his chest, a sharp sudden pain that seemed to crush everything that was inside of his chest.

"Ren... and you?" Yoh didn't know what else to say. Everything was a sudden shock to him. He hadn't noticed anything going on between the two. Ren had never shown any interest in Anna when he was around him or even when all three of them were around one another. He hadn't known. Anna had kept to herself as always, but Yoh believed that he would have noticed any changes in Anna. He had been with Anna for five years and had grown to depend on her. Perhaps it had blinded him somewhere along the way.

'Maybe when I feel in love with her…' He realized as he continued to look at her kneeling there before him. 'Anna...' Inside of him a voice cried out not to let her go. Not to let Ren take her away from him because he would be all alone. That he loved her too much to let her go. That he should fight Ren and take her back, but he knew that he couldn't do that. Anna had said that she loved Ren and that meant that there was no way of winning her back unless she freely came. Fighting wouldn't solve anything and her words seemed to drain the strength in his body. He suddenly felt very weak. Anna loved Ren, but what would come next he wondered. He was afraid to ask. Yoh tried to keep a steady voice as he tried to ask what was on his mind.

"So.." Yoh cleared his voice as it begun to break down with such a simple word. He hadn't even been able to get out the full sentence yet so he tried again. "So what's next?" He stared at her with hurt eyes. She could see that she had hurt him, but she believed that it was all for the best. Yoh was stronger now and he would be all right on his own or so she thought.

"In a couple of days Ren will be coming back." Yoh couldn't help himself and Anna noticed immediately. Tears began to form in his eyes. Anna had to close her eyes and block out the image as she forced the words from her lips. "He's coming back to take me home with him. I'm going to move to China and live with the Tao family." The words sounded wrong to her own ears, but it was the truth none the less. She was leaving one family, the Asakura family and moving on to another family, the Tao family.

She had not meant for things to turn out this way, but they had. She opened her eyes again to look at Yoh and what she saw there was the last thing that she wanted to ever see. Yoh was crying. Tears were falling endlessly down his cheeks yet not a single word or sound escapes from him as he looked at her with hurt filled eyes.

Anna was leaving him. He hadn't known that it would feel like this. He had come to believe that it would never happen to begin with. Anna was his fiancée and that meant that she would be his forever. That is what a fiancée was right he had always told himself, but as he looked at Anna. He realized that life wasn't that easy and that reality was too harsh sometimes.

"That's why I'm asking if you will let us break our engagement?" Anna knew that she couldn't let this conversation go on for much longer as she felt herself wanting to break down and cry. Yoh had always done so much for her and saved her too many times to count. She knew that she wouldn't be alive today if it hadn't been for him. Her love for him had allowed her to go on with her life and she had become stronger along the way as he even grew stronger, but it was time for them all to move on beyond that. She could feel the emotions whirling around inside of Yoh and it was almost too much for her to bare.

Yoh tried to speak again, but a slight sob came out. He sniffled and used his sleeve to wipe away the tears. He battled inside of himself and felt himself losing the war as he tried to force a smile upon his face for Anna. He wanted to be happy and glad that Anna would realize such feelings for someone, but he had always thought that she would fall in love with him since he had fallen in love with her. He wanted her happiness above everything else so he smiled the best he could though the tears continued to fall from his eyes. He had no control over it as the choked words came out.

"Alright Anna, the engagement is off." Anna leaned forward and bowed to Yoh. She really wanted to reach out and touch him, to even give him a hug, but she knew that both of them wouldn't be able to handle that kind of contact right now. She was using every bit of strength that she had to keep from crying in front of him. She had to be strong for Yoh she told herself as she stood up and walked over to the door. She paused, but didn't turn to look at him.

"Thank you, Yoh... for everything." Then she disappeared from his doorway and from his sight. She could hear it then as she walked down the hallway and back to her room. Yoh's sobs seemed to shake the house to its foundations as he cried his heart out.

In her room, she tried to block out the sounds, but it was all too much. She couldn't believe that she had hurt Yoh that much and she felt a deep pain within herself. Yoh had been her first love she realized as her own tears began to shed. Yoh had sacrificed allot for her and as the next two days passed. They two barely spoke a word and Anna felt her entire lifetime with Yoh pass before her eyes. There had been allot of bad times, but there had been allot of good times and now it was all coming to an end.

Amidamaru heard the constant sobs of his master so he came out to find Yoh crying.

"Yoh-dono, what's wrong?" Yoh didn't reply to him as he continued to cry his heart out. He didn't have the strength to explain what had happened to Amidamaru. All he felt was that he could just cry as his heart was breaking. Amidamaru received no answer from his friend so he returned to his own thoughts so that he could leave Yoh to his own sorrow for even the samurai spirit could see the pain that was overcoming his master.

Ren showed up on the second day with a slight knock on the door. Yoh had gone to answer it. Ren saw his friend standing in the open doorway. Yoh's eyes were puffy and red. Ren could tell that Yoh had been crying allot so he knew that Anna had told Yoh.

"Yo Yoh." Yoh merely nodded his head at Ren as he looked at his friend. Yoh didn't know if he should feel betrayed by Ren or Anna. He didn't believe in holding grudges and he wasn't sure who to blame. Maybe it was his own fault he had thought over the past two days that he too much free time to think of how this could have all happened and what he should have done that could have avoided this all. He felt more blame toward himself than toward Anna and Ren. He just wished that he had noticed earlier so that he could have spent a little more time with Anna. Ren was here now and that meant that Anna was finally leaving. "Where's Anna?"

Yoh felt a sting from Ren's words. He was able to say Anna's name so easily and yet he knew that it was his first time hearing Ren say Anna's name. Yoh could feel that there was allot of feelings in the way that Ren said her name, but before Yoh had an opportunity to say anything. Anna walked up to the two that were standing in the doorway. She had packed a few things and held a small bundle of items. Ren looked from Yoh to Anna.

"Are you ready?" Ren asked and Anna nodded. Anna walked passed Yoh and over to Ren. Ren took the small bundle from her and received a slight smile from her. Yoh felt it again, that sharp painful feeling in his chest. Ren turned to leave, but paused as he looked at Anna. Yoh couldn't see Anna's face so he didn't notice the exchange that Ren and Anna had. "I'll be outside." Ren said as he continued out the door and into the front yard. He had seen a painful look in Anna's eyes and he knew that she would have to say goodbye to Yoh on her own. He didn't want to intrude too much into the past of the one he loved so much now. Anna would share with him everything when the time would come and he felt that he would believe in her.

Anna watched Ren go outside and felt some of her strength return to her. She could do this she told herself as she turned around and faced Yoh one last time. Yoh's gaze was centered completely around her. There continued to be a grief stricken expression on his face and she could tell that he had been crying. She had already cried her share and felt much better now, but as she faced Yoh once again. She felt the need to cry again, but this time she knew that it would be alright even if a tear would shed in front of Yoh. She didn't know what else to say to him so she took a step toward him.

Yoh noticed the movement and didn't mistake it for anything else. He quickly wrapped his arms around Anna and held her close, a slight sob shaking his body as he tried to hold onto her as tight as possible. Anna gently wrapped her arms around Yoh and rested her cheek against him. "I'll be back to visit Yoh." Yoh slowly nodded and began to release his grip around her, but stopped before releasing her all the way. His arms tightened again around her.

"I'm not letting you go." He stated in such a serious tone that Anna was shocked, but she knew how to handle Yoh. She pushed him away and slapped him hard across the face leaving a red palm print across his cheek. The sound of the slap echoed throughout the house.

"Get a hold of yourself, Yoh!" Yoh reached up and touched his cheek as he stared at Anna in shock.

Ren ran back inside to see what all the commotion was about. He saw the palm print on Yoh's cheek and knew that it meant that Anna had slapped him though he didn't know what for. Anna reached out and touched Yoh's hand that was covering the cheek that she slapped. "Never let go, never." She let her hand drop back down to her side and walked over to Ren taking his hand in hers. Ren glanced from Yoh to Anna. "Ready." Ren nodded and they headed out the door. "Later Yoh." She said and they were gone. Yoh stared at the empty doorway for a long time until Amidamaru had appeared and talked some sense into him. He finally closed the door.

A week later, Yoh heard a knock on the door and opened his eyes. He slowly stood up and went to answer the door. It was the mailman and Yoh used his stamp to sign for the letter that was delivered by priority. Yoh paused as he was closing the door as he noticed the return address on the letter. It was from China. He slowly peeled open the envelope and unfolded the letter. He quickly scanned over the short letter and began to laugh. Amidamaru came flying into the room.

"What's wrong Yoh-dono?" Yoh laughed a little more and showed Amidamaru the letter.

Yoh,

How is the weather? It's a bit cold here right now, but we were wondering if you would like to visit?

Ren and Anna

P.S. Unless you've got anything better to do than to come to China?

P.S.S. I forgot my Ringo cd so bring it with you when you come.

"What are you going to do, Yoh-dono?" Amidamaru waited for his master's answer, but Yoh just grinned before he answered.

"Never letting go." Amidamaru stared at Yoh as the words passed right over him. He suddenly felt worried about Yoh since he had taken it so hard after Anna had left him. He wondered if Yoh was feeling all right, but as he watched his friend grinning. He understood that everything would be all right because Yoh was Yoh after all and that everything would work out.

A/N: Yeah, I cried a little when I was writing this cause I could so see this happening. I wrote this after reading another fanfic called Silent Love by Ren-Tao about Ren and Anna, but I felt that this is how Yoh would feel about it if the two ever told him about them. Hope someone likes it, but I wonder if I should lay off the angst. XD What do ya'll think? Reviews are greatly appreciated even flames.

P.S. Anna isn't always a bitch, just most of the time. evil grin