"No one would miss me."
"That's not true! I would..." – Roxas and Axel, The World That Never Was
Orange-blond spiky locks, steely rain-blue eyes with tan yet somehow pale skin. Mouth unsmiling, holding a grimace of pain with every word spoken. Shoulders straight, painfully so, muscles stiff with aggravation. Face twisting, only for a moment, into hatred. Then the cold exterior returns, the boy is no longer human, instead of someone you thought you knew, he is a bitter stranger. The worst part is that you don't realize he really is human, you've only ever seen him emotionless. You don't know who he is, if he appears sad, or angry or afraid, when he breaks down crying, or clutches you in a brief second of weakness, it doesn't register it's him. Affection from him is like poisonous candy, because you know it can't last, you know he will pull away at any time, to leave you alone in your room like nothing happened.
He won't mention it when he slams you into the wall, the next day. He won't say anything while he shoves his tongue down your throat, or splatter your revealed skin with kisses. You'll moan, he'll give you reactions, let you groan, let you rise so that you'll let him do this. Why, you've asked him, over and over, but he doesn't tell you, he never has. His eyes won't meet yours, they'll trace your flesh, he won't let you touch him, but he'll touch you, grind against you to make you scream. You can't run your fingers through his hair because he'll tense then leave you, so you remain still, writhing beneath him, completely helpless.
This should bother you, it would bother someone – anyone else, but it doesn't for some reason. A reason is perhaps you don't have a heart, don't feel emotions. Then again, neither does he, but it shows more in him than in you. Is that a good, or bad sign? Does that make you more human than him? You think it does, but you're not sure as you slice down another enemy without flinching. You lick the blood – your blood – from your lips, grinning sadistically as they pay for making you bleed. Their screams make you pause, because you are remembering, but it doesn't last long. They are dead before you even realize you've killed him. You know he's been doing this to you, it's not your fault, because you never were this heartless, you had something like it, you had a conscious once. But he took it away, strangled it, threw the corpse into Kingdom Hearts just like he'd of done if you'd had a heart to do that to.
He is an enigma, one that you wish you could figure out, but you can't read him, you can't predict anything about him. You stalk him in a pastel effort to find out more about him, but it doesn't work because you follow him through routines. Through pre-set routes that you know so well yourself. He doesn't even mix it up, going to a different planet first, but follows the list, efficient then he returns. He turns to you, you can tell he knows you're following him, but he doesn't say a word. Instead he walks down the hall, stopping at your door, waiting for you to open it, for you to go first. He doesn't smirk, or say 'ladies first', but he simply waits. You wish he'd be different, you wish he'd crack, then he does and you're suddenly regretting it, not knowing what to do. But the rough hands that tear off your jacket make you stumble, so you fall against the bed. You wait, letting him tear off the material, slide out of his own and let the rest just wash over you. But the moment he begins to pound into you, it all comes rushing back and when he twists around in you, your mouth opens and you scream. Night after night your throat is shredded into stringy pieces, but it's always fine when you wake up. This you can deal with.
He's there when you wake up. When did he start to do that? How long has he been staying after each fuck? You don't remember, but you also don't mind. It doesn't mean anything, but perhaps he's trying to make it seem like something? You push away the thought, falling back into dreamless sleep, even as you feel him wake to snuggle against you. His lips brush against yours, the weight on the bed shifts and he sighs. He's gone before you've completely drifted to sleep again. When you wake the second time, you're alone, but somehow you find that easier to deal with. It reminds you that this is a game, it doesn't mean anything, it is just a slight comfort, an escape for two restless Nobodies. Not that you really know if he's restless or not, but something tells you he is. Perhaps your memories of your heart says this, tells you that he is searching for something, but is in pain because of it. You know you are the greater escape. You know he needs you, more than you need him.
Number XIII Roxas. You have no idea who he is, or what you are to him. But you finally realize, when he leaves, that you can't survive without him. So that's where you are, searching for him, the little success you're having is driving you surely insane. You stand at the beach of Twilight Town, finally at a loss, holding a sea-salt ice cream in your hand. It's untouched, melting in the fading summer heat. Your long black coat and fiery hair draws attention, but you ignore them, opting instead to stare into nothing while your ice cream continues to melt, dripping onto the warm sand. The despairing idea he's already been captured, or killed by the Organization, or some other lower ranking Nobody squad passes through your head. You push it away violently, refusing to give into your angst-riddled thoughts. The soft crunch of boots in sand makes you jerk around, but it isn't him, it's another wearing an Organization coat. You turn away in disgust, but when he speaks you find yourself stunned, almost afraid. That isn't possible, for you to fear, but something close to it wells up in your throat, preventing speech. The man in the coat tells you where HE his. But you don't have time to thank the man, because you have turned violently, and torn your way up the beach, heading for the train station. You don't use the darkness, or the Organization would be able to track you. The effect is you panting as you open the train station doors and stride to the Ticket Booth. This is most likely why he used to walk around the base, as well as the worlds he investigated. Stamina. Something you don't have, outside of a battle anyway.
You stare out the train window. The town comes into view, the sight makes a smile creep up onto your features. Twilight Town. This is where Xemnas found him, the place you should have looked first. Now that you think about, you're not sure why you didn't. You shrug that off as the train stops. You're in the back, but you're the first one off, with a speed that most people would envy as you take off down the street. You run through Station Heights, then to Market Street. You follow the trolley route. There it is. The small crack in the town wall, the one that lead to the Woods. You walk along the path, catching your breath. The Old Mansion comes into view, making the place where your heart should have been, jump. You stop, clutching your chest. What was that? You finally decide you're excited.
You didn't make it in time, he didn't know you, DiZ had warped his memories. You tried. You really tried, your hardest, you even tried to defeat him, all to no avail. He was still better than you, even if he had no memories of using his Keyblades. You faded away in the darkness, asking to meet in the next life, knowing well Nobodies didn't have a next life. But you were looking for his answer, which he gave easily.
"Yeah."
You replied that he was silly, saying that just because HE had a next life. You trailed off, vanishing into the darkness, avoiding his rain-blue eyes. It was hilarious. You could of laughed until you fainted from lack of air, or cracked a rib on the laughter that never came. Next thing you knew, after wandering aimlessly in the darkness – avoiding Saïx – you were at the side of his Somebody, protecting him from Dusks. Your final attack, one you didn't have to perform, took everything out of you. You probably weren't thinking clearly, the encounters with him too fresh in your mind. You poured it all out, every emotion you didn't feel, into that one attack. His Somebody – Sora – knelt at your side, stating the obvious. You were fading. You gave a choked laugh. He gazed down at you with something close to pity, making you look away. You apologized about the girl – Kairi was her name, then feel silent.
"Axel, what were you trying to do?"
You wanted to see HIM. You went on to explain why, while Sora just watched you. You apologized for Kairi again, but Sora shook his head. He said that when they got her, you could apologize yourself, making you give a faint laugh again. He was avoiding the fact you were dying, trying to keep you from thinking about it. Touching, to say the least, you thought, smirking. But you shook your head, turning to him. Your neck seared in protest. You said you thought you'd pass, saying your heart just wouldn't be in it. You reminded him you didn't have one. Sora bit his lip, still watching you. Something in the brunette's eyes flashed, making you think of Him. You turned away, eyes closing till they were half-lidded.
"Axel..." Sora – no, He, whispered. You looked back and summoned a portal as your final act. Then you felt nothing, even less nothing than usual. Your form curled like smoke, then you vanished, faded. Gone. Forever – after all, Nobodies don't have next lives.
Roxas had been devastated when he joined with Sora, memories of Axel, the man's death stabbing into him like physical blows. Demyx's death too, was like a wound. Sora could feel Roxas' pain, but he couldn't do anything about it, nor did he know why, until Roxas shared a few of his memories of the two. Sora had lived the memories, just as Roxas had lived Sora's, the experience was anything but pleasant. Afterward, Sora felt sick about killing Demyx, Axel's death sent him into serious mourning. Neither Kairi or Riku knew what was wrong, or what to do about it. They watched him endlessly making both Sora and Roxas uncomfortable. Finally Sora vanished, leaving neither with any clues as to where he was, he'd abandoned them for the peaceful solitude Roxas sought. Sora too, was grateful for it.
Roxas had wanted to watch the sunset. Twilight Town's sunset was the best of any world, consider the town was shadowy anyway. Sora obliged, but Roxas had broken, crying and raging in Sora's mind. The brunette had no idea how to calm down the other. Memories, ones Roxas hadn't sent willingly, engulfed Sora, memories of Axel, memories of Demyx. The three of them – Sora almost screamed when he felt Axel's lips against his in a particular memory, or Demyx's arms around him in another. One thought had laid in their minds after Roxas asked a question. How much of The World That Never Was still existed?
The visit was a blur, Roxas had used darkness to transport them there. It had been uneventful, until they'd stumbled onto the Proof of Existence room. Roxas had taken one look at Axel's red stone before looking up. Sora didn't have enough time to summon a Keyblade as the mass of left over Dusks and Dancers overwhelmed Roxas and him. Together they floated through darkness, with Roxas remarking he didn't quite want to know what it was like to die just then. It was, however, much better than just simply... Fading. Sora wasn't sure he could agree, but didn't argue with his Other. They drifted for who knows how long, before a light appeared at the end of their darkness. Roxas peered through it, nearly having a heart attack when images flashed through his mind. Sora caught his shoulder, but his eyes traveled into the white abyss. Suddenly, drawn in by an unknown force, they tumbled into the whiteness.