The Perfect Pet
French Narrator: It's time for a super SpongeBob SquarePants special, but this special is no ordinary special, because this special is the special where SpongeBob buys Gary. And here to host this special SpongeBob special, is the one, the only, PATCHY THE PIRATE!
We wait at the door for 5 secondsFrench Narrator: Patchy?
Potty answers the doorPotty: Oh, hey, kids! Come on in!
We see Patchy putting up decorationsPatchy: (Mumbling Under his breath) Gotta finish decorating!
Potty: PATCHY!
Patchy: (Turns around) Potty! I told you... oh, hey kids! You're early, Potty was just putting up the decorations.
Kids: Why are you putting up decorations, Patchy?
Patchy: Because, 10 years ago, today, is the day when I first bought Potty. Hey! You want to hear that story?
Kids: Yes, please!
Flashback startsWe see Patchy at a pet shopPatchy: Hmmm... I need a parrot...
Shop Assistant: Well, why don't you turn around and look at our parrot section?
Patchy: Great idea!
We see a bunch of parrots that look like PottyFlashback suddenly endsPotty: Patchy, I need help putting up the decorations.
Patchy: I'll be right there! (Looks at us) Look, I'll tell you the story later. In the meantime, why don't you watch some brand new SpongeBob SquarePants?
THE PERFECT PET – by sbrocksman
We see 10 year-old SpongeBob and Patrick sitting next to each other in class (Elementary School)Mrs. Boat: All right, class. Can anyone answer the question on the board?
SpongeBob: Ooh! Ooh! I can! (Walks to the chalkboard) It's simple really, 1+1=2.
The Whole Class Claps
Patrick: Wow! I would never have figured that out.
Mrs. Boat: All right, class. You remember what's going on in 3 days time?
Class: Uhhhhh...
Mrs. Boat: (Sighs) It's bring your pet to school day in 3 days.
SpongeBob: Uh-oh!
Patrick: What's wrong, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Well, I don't have a pet. Remember?
Patrick: It's okay, SpongeBob! You can borrow Spidey.
SpongeBob: Uh, no thank you, Patrick! Remember the last time I borrowed Spidey?
Flashback Starts
We see SpongeBob about to feed Spidey
SpongeBob: Come on, Spidey. Dinnertime.
SpongeBob pours loads of food into Spidey's bowl and Spidey crawls away
SpongeBob: Spidey, come back! (Slips and falls into huge pile of food)
Spidey: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Flashback Ends
SpongeBob: After what happened I never want to see Spidey again.
Bell Rings
Mrs. Boat: All right, class. Remember, bring a pet into school or detention!
Patrick: Well, SpongeBob. What are you going to do?
SpongeBob: I'll have to ask my parents for a pet.
Dutch Narrator: Later that evening.
French Narrator: Uhhh... that's my line.
Dutch Narrator: Sorry...
We see SpongeBob and his Parents
Mr. SquarePants: I'm sorry, SpongeBob, but we can't afford a pet just yet. We've got a holiday to save up for, remember?
SpongeBob: But a snail is only £5.00.
Mrs. SquarePants: I'm sorry, SpongeBob. Maybe you can borrow a pet from Patrick.
SpongeBob: Mum! NO!
Mr. SquarePants: Either that or a detention.
SpongeBob: (Thinks for a moment) Well, what if I open up a lemonade stand, or a bubblestand.
Bubble Transition
The School bell rings and we see SpongeBob and Patrick at their lockers
Patrick: Did you get a pet yet?
SpongeBob: No, but I decided to sell stuff so I can afford a snail.
Patrick: You're selling stuff? Can I help? (Talks fast) Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?
SpongeBob: Sure buddy, well, we'd better get off to class.
We see SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in classMrs. Boat: And remember class, in just 2 days you have to bring a pet into class.
SpongeBob: (Raises hand) Uh... Mrs. Boat, what if I don't have a pet?
Mrs. Boat: Well, I suggest you go buy one. All right now, class, if you remember...
Another fish named Jade talks to SpongeBob and Patrick
Jade: SpongeBob, is it true that you're going to get your first detention?
SpongeBob: What makes you think I'm gonna get a detention?
Jade: Well, you haven't got a pet, as you told me last month.
SpongeBob: Well, I'm gonna buy one...
Patrick: Or he could borrow Spidey...
Mrs. Boat turms around
Mrs. Boat: SpongeBob, Patrick, Jade! What is the meaning of this chatter? Did you even listen to a word I said?
SpongeBob: Uhhh... yes. (Although he didn't sound like he was telling the truth)
Mrs. Boat: Well, then, what did I say?
SpongeBob: Uhhh... you said that Nickelodeon is your favourite TV Channel.
Mrs. Boat: That was just a lucky guess.
Patchy the Pirate appears in the middle of the screen
Patchy: Looks like SpongeBob has got himself into some trouble, anyway, now I have 3 minutes to tell you the story of when I bought Potty.
Patchy: As you remember, I was in the pet shop when it happened.
Flashback begins
We see Patchy at the Pet Shop
Shop Assistant: I see you're interested in buying a parrot.
Patchy: Well, I am a pirate. Never seen a pirate with a budgie, have ye? (Laughs)
Shop Assistant: Well, we have loads of parrots. Have a look around, find one you like.
Patchy looks at all the parrots
Patchy: By the way, how much do these parrots cost?
Shop Assistant: Well, most pets in this shop are £7.99.
Patchy: (Gets money out of his money and counts it) I only have £7.98.
Shop Assistant: Well, there is only one parrot that is less than £7.99.
Patchy: I'll take him!
Shop Assistant: I must warn you, though, he is very annoying!
Patchy: Can I still buy him? (Talks fast) Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Shop Assistant: Okay! Okay! Well, here he is!
The Shop Assistant brings out Potty in a cage
Potty: Buy me and you'll regret it!
Shop Assistant: See what I mean? The only reason we sell him is because the other shops wouldn't buy him!
Potty: The customers wouldn't buy me either!
Patchy: C'mon! How much trouble can one parrot be?
Shop Assistant: Okay, that'll be £6.99!
Patchy gives the shop assistant the money
Potty: I warned you not to buy me! (Flies off)
Patchy: Come back! (Chases him)
Flashback ends
Patchy: ... and that's about it. Potty bumped into a crane and fell into my bird cage. We've been friends ever since.
Potty: What do you mean, "friends?"
Patchy: Well, that's my story, and now back to SpongeBob SquarePants!
We see SpongeBob and Patrick at a lemonade standSpongeBob: Get ready, Pat! Soon I'll have enough money to buy that snail!
Patrick: Can I be your first customer? (Talks fast) Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?
SpongeBob: Sure buddy!
Patrick: (Talks even faster) Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh...!
SpongeBob: STOP THAT! PATRICK! It's starting to get on my nerves.
Patrick: But its SpongeBobRocksMan who's making me say it!
SpongeBob: SpongeBobRocksMan, stop making Patrick do that!
Me: But...
SpongeBob: NO BUTS!
Me: Okay!
A customer comes
Customer: Excuse me, but do you sell lemonade here?
SpongeBob: Sure do!
Customer: Can I buy one? Can I? Can...?
Me: You'd better stop that, customer!
Customer: Okay!
SpongeBob: Here you go, one lemonade, that'll be 75p.
Customer gives SpongeBob the money and SpongeBob gives him a lemonade
Customer: (Drinks his lemonade) Mmmm... yummy! This is more tasty than those Krabby Patties.
Mr. Krabs: What? Nothing tastes better than Krabby Patties!
(Mr. Krabs walks off angrily)
Customer: Boy, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!
The Customer walks off, and Squidward and Squilliam walk by... and they're friends?
Squidward: So you really plan on being rich when you're older?
Squilliam: Yep... sure am... (Looks at SpongeBob) Hey Squidward, look at this! Little SpongeBob opened a lemonade stand!
Patrick: Little SpongeBob and Patrick opened a lemonade stand!
Squilliam: Whatever...
Squidward: Ha! Ha! You won't even make a penny, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Yeah? Well for your information, I've already made 75p.
Squidward and Squilliam burst with laughter
Squidward: Ha! Ha! Yeah! You're gonna make a lot of money!
Squilliam: Yeah... I only made 75... £75,000,000! (laughs)
Patrick: We'll show you! We're gonna make loads of money!
SpongeBob: Yeah, we'll show you! C'mon, Patrick! We've got work to do!
SpongeBob and Patrick walk off angrily
Squilliam: Good luck!
Squidward and Squilliam walk off laughing
Bikini Bottom High School PlaygroundWe see SpongeBob and Patrick selling stuff, not just lemonade, though
SpongeBob: Get your extra special cheeseburgers! Only £2.99!
Patrick: It tastes almost like a Krabby Patty!
SpongeBob: I see we have a huge queue.
We see a huge queue and lots of people buying burgers, but then the School bell rings
SpongeBob: And we only need £1!
Patrick: Don't worry, we can sell some more burgers next playtime. (NOTE - "Playtime" is the English word for "Recess")
SpongeBob: We're supposed to bring in our pets tomorrow, and this is the last playtime today.
Patrick: Darn it!
SpongeBob and Patrick walk into class
Mrs. Boat: All right, class! Take out your Maths books and we'll begin our lesson!
Jade: SpongeBob, looks like its detention time for you!
SpongeBob: No! I only need £1, and I can buy a snail!
Mrs. Boat: SpongeBob! Jade! Pay attention! Or you'll be invited for detention club tomorrow!
Bubble Transition
We see SpongeBob and Patrick walking out of school
SpongeBob: That was close, I almost had my first detention!
Patrick: Well, I hope you learned your lesson. Never talk in class!
SpongeBob: But you... (a paper hits SpongeBob's ear) Ow!
SpongeBob looks at paper
SpongeBob: Hey, look, Patrick!
Patrick: What?
SpongeBob: I just found a £3 off voucher for the pet shop!
Patrick: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go to the pet shop!
SpongeBob and Patrick run to the pet shop
(SpongeBob and Patrick arrive at the pet shop to see Squidward and Squilliam)
Squilliam: I knew it! You couldn't even make £7!
SpongeBob: Well, just to let you know! I can actually buy a new pet!
Squilliam: With what? That "£1 off" coupon you have?
SpongeBob and Patrick stare at Squilliam, wondering how he knew about the coupon
Squilliam: I was the one who "accidentally" dropped it! I wanted to see if you would use it or not!
Patrick: Ignore him, SpongeBob! He's a jerk!
Squilliam: Yeah, tubby!
Patrick: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME TUBBY!
Squidward: Just ignore him, Patrick! (laughs)
Shop assistant walks by
Shop Assistant: Hello, SpongeBob! Want to look at our pets again?
SpongeBob: Actually, I'm here to buy one! I want a new pet snail!
Shop Assistant: Well, we have a whole store full of 'em.
Shop Assistant shows SpongeBob all the snails
SpongeBob: Wow! I like that pink-shelled snail! (Points to Gary)
Shop Assistant: Oh, I see you're interested in Gary!
SpongeBob: I'll take him!
The shop assistant tries to give Gary to SpongeBob, but Gary holds onto his shirt
Shop Assistant: This little feller doesn't like strangers.
SpongeBob: Don't worry! By tomorrow we'll be best friends!
Patrick walks out of the shop sadly
SpongeBob: But you'll still be my best friend, Patrick!
Patrick: Phew!
SpongeBob: I'll buy Gary!
SpongeBob gives the shop assistant the money, and he hands Gary over to SpongeBob
Gary: (Angrily) MEOW!
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Gary! I'm not a stranger!
SpongeBob and Patrick walk out of the shop
Shop Assistant: Bye, guys!
At SpongeBob's houseMr. SquarePants: Now, SpongeBob. I know you wanted a snail, but you should have told us you were buying one first.
SpongeBob: But...
Mrs. SquarePants: We just can't keep him at the moment, I mean we don't even have a place for him to sleep.
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Gary can sleep in my old bed.
Mr. SquarePants: What about snail food?
SpongeBob: I already bought some before I arrived home.
Mrs. SquarePants: Well... okay, you can keep him.
SpongeBob: HOORAY! Thanks mum!
Gary heads towards the door
SpongeBob: Gary, where are you going?
Gay: Meow. (Tries to open the door)
SpongeBob picks Gary up and takes him to bed
SpongeBob: Come on, Gary. It's time for some sleep. We've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Yeah, I'm excited too. But don't get too excited or you won't be able to sleep tonight. (laughs)
Bubble TransitionWe see SpongeBob and Gary in SpongeBob's bedroom
Gary: Meow!
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Gary, so you can't sleep in my comfy bed. But I have got a bed for you to sleep in.
SpongeBob gets out his old bed
SpongeBob: You can sleep in my old bed.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: You don't like it? Don't worry, you will soon.
Bubble Transition
We see SpongeBob brushing his teeth
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: I can't feed you now Gary!
Gary: MEOW!
SpongeBob: Okay, okay. I'll feed you.
Bubble Transition
We see SpongeBob reading a comic
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: Yeah, I'll wash you soon, Gary. I'm reading this.
Gary: (Cries)
SpongeBob: Okay, okay.
SpongeBob washes Gary, and doesn't look too happy
Bubble Transition
We see SpongeBob sleeping in bed
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: (Wakes up) What is it, Gary?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: (Sighs) Okay, okay. I'll get you a midnight snack. (Yawns) I hope Gary doesn't bother me tomorrow.
Bubble Transition
We see SpongeBob, Patrick, Gary and Jade on the school playgroundJade: So, SpongeBob. You actually bought a pet.
SpongeBob: Yep, all thanks to that jerk Squilliam Fancyson.
Jade: Want to see my pet?
SpongeBob: Sure!
Jade: I brought my pet snail, she's called "Patricia."
Patrick: That sounds almost like SpongeBob's name. Or was it my name?
SpongeBob: Well, what do you think of Gary?
Jade: He's cool. Well, I've got to go, see ya.
Jade walks off
SpongeBob: So Patrick, what pet did you bring?
Patrick: I brought Spidey.
Spidey: Helllooo, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: AAAAAAHHHHHH! SPIDEY!
SpongeBob notices there's no Gary next to him
SpongeBob: Errr... Patrick. I've got a problem.
Patrick: What?
SpongeBob: Where's Gary?
Patrick: I don't know, but you'd better find him... and quick.
We see the Gary walking through the school corridors past the lockers
Teacher: (Looks at Gary) Uh-oh, there's a snail in here. I'd better call snail control.
The teacher grabs a phone and calls snail control
Teacher: Hello snail control... uh-huh... yeah... snail in the school... you'll be here in 1 hour?... okay bye!
Teacher looks at Gary
Teacher: Well, it looks like you're not going to be going past these school doors again, snail!
School bell ringsSpongeBob: Uh-oh! That's the school bell. And I still haven't found Gary.
Patrick: What are you going to do now?
SpongeBob: I have an idea, I'll go to look for Gary. You go to class and stop the teacher from looking out our pets.
Patrick: How am I gonna do that?
SpongeBob: I don't know! Ask for a spelling test, an essay, extra homework! ANYTHING!
Patrick walks inside
Narrator: Meanwhile...
We see Gary in a cage inside the principal's office
Teacher: I found this snail in the school corridors.
Principal: Well, we can't have snails in the school. Did you call snail control?
Teacher: Yes.
Principal: Good, the snail won't leave this room until we arrive.
Bubble Transition
We see SpongeBob looking in Jade's locker
SpongeBob: Gary?
Jade: SpongeBob! What are you doing in my locker?
SpongeBob: Uhhh... looking for my pet snail.
Jade: (Gasps) Your pet snail is missing? We'd better find it before someone calls snail control.
The Principal's officePrincipal: I just got a call from snail control, they'll be here in 10 minutes.
Teacher: Good.
Principal: I just don't understand how that snail got in this school anyway.
Bubble Transition
We see Patrick in class
Mrs. Boat: As you all know class, today is bring your pet...
Patrick: WAIT!
Mrs. Boat: What's wrong, Patrick?
Patrick: Well... errr... I was hoping you would... well... uh... give us a really long test.
Everyone looks at Patrick angrily
Mrs. Boat: A test? Well, I can't just give you a test without any revision.
Patrick: Errr... how about you give us really long homework.
Everyone looks at Patrick even angrier
Patrick: Heh-heh.
Mrs. Boat: Well, I haven't planned to give you homework today, but okay...
Narrator: Meanwhile...
We see SpongeBob and Jade looking across the playground
Jade: We should just give up, SpongeBob. We're not going to find him.
SpongeBob: We can't give up just yet, Jade.
The snail control arrives
SpongeBob: Snail control?
Jade: That can only mean one thing.
SpongeBob: To the principal's office!
We see Patrick in class
Mrs. Boat: ... and that's your homework, class.
Patrick: Wait, what about you give us a giant essay?
Mrs. Boat: Okay.
Student: You'll pay for this, Patrick!
Patrick: But I don't have any money.
Mrs. Boat: And now, class, everybody get out their pets.
Patrick: Uh-oh.
Mrs. Boat: Is there a problem, Patrick?
Patrick: Uhhh, no. Heh-heh.
We see SpongeBob open the door to the principal's office
We also see Gary about to be put in a cage
SpongeBob: STOP! DON'T TOUCH GARY!
Principal: SpongeBob, does this snail belong to you?
SpongeBob: Well... uh... yes.
Everybody gasps, including Jade
SpongeBob: Jade, why are you gasping?
Jade: I didn't know you had a pet snail.
Principal: Now, SpongeBob. For bringing in a pet, you get a detention.
SpongeBob: WAIT! Today is "bring your pet to school day."
Principal: Yeah, I forgot. Okay, SpongeBob, we won't harm Gary. But never ever bring him to school again.
Bubble Transition
We see SpongeBob and Jade walking back to class
SpongeBob: Well, now that problem is over. I can show my snail to everybody in class. I just hope Patrick hasn't done anything to get everybody mad at him.
Jade: You have a pet snail? I didn't know that.
SpongeBob and Jade walk in classMrs. Boat: Where have you two been?
SpongeBob: Well, I, uh, was looking for my pet snail.
Mrs. Boat: Well you're lucky, Patrick was just giving the whole class essays and stuff, but since you weren't here you don't have to do them.
Everyone else runs out of class
Mrs. Boat: Well, it seems that since nobody is here, nobody will do the essay.
Everyone walks back in class
Mrs. Boat: Now class, as you remember, today is the day where you bring in your pet. Patrick, can you show the class your pet?
Patrick walks in front of the chalkboard
Patrick: Class, I would like to show you my pet, Spidey.
Spidey: (In an evil voice) Hello, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: AAAHHH!
Patrick: Spidey is a super-cool pet. And super-fun, you can teach him tricks.
Patrick gets out a stick and throws it
Patrick: FETCH!
Spidey does nothing
Patrick: Spidey, get the stick.
Spidey still does nothing
Mrs. Boat: Thank you for that...um... interesting presentation, Patrick.
Bubble Transition
Mrs. Boat: SpongeBob, could you show us the pet you brought to school.
SpongeBob walks in front of the chalkboard
SpongeBob: I brought my pet snail, Gary. Who is one of the best friends I've ever had.
Class: Awww...
SpongeBob: Sure, he can't do many tricks. But he's loyal, trusting and he can play fetch.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob throws a stick and Gary gets it
Mrs. Boat: What a wonderful pet, SpongeBob. You get an A+.
The whole class claps
Bubble Transition
We see SpongeBob, Patrick, Jade and Gary in the school playgroundSpongeBob: Phew, what a tough day today has been.
Patrick: And it's only 10:30am.
Jade: Congratulations on your A+, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Well, I couldn't have got that grade without my pet snail, Gary.
Gary: Meow.
Jade: So, what are you going to do now?
SpongeBob: Well, I should go home now, but first...
Bubble Transition
We see Squidward and Squilliam
Squidward: Here comes SpongeGeek, Squilliam.
Squilliam: What does he want, money? (laughs)
Squidward and Squilliam slip on snail slime
SpongeBob: Who's the loser now, Squilliam?
SpongeBob, Patrick, Jade and Gary laugh
THE END