Disclaimer: This is my first attempt to write Ryan/Seth. I've read loads and thought that now it's my turn to do it.
I don't own anything bla bla bla, don't sue cause i live in london and it fucking expensive.
Reviewers will be loved forever and ever.
The first time it comes up in conversation it is under the influence of alcohol and he doesn't really take notice of it.
"If we were like the last human beings on earth – would you have sex with me?"
"Why would we be the last human beings on earth?"
"I don't know. Third world war, aliens coming down and not being friendly at all , think independence day, space invaders... And do to my cleverness and knowledge of just how a superhero always manage to survive we would be all alone in the world"
"That's stupid Seth"
"Doesn't it suck to have no imagination? I mean honestly Ryan. I know coming from Chino doesn't really provide you with the best environment to nurture a healthy imagination and being all macho and broody and stuff doesn't really match with being… "
"Seth… shut up"
Neither of them say anything for a while. Only sound is when the bottle is passed between them and the death cab for cutie's sound of settling in the background.
"But would you? If it came down to it?"
"Yeah… I suppose"
And Ryan doesn't really think about his answer. It's just kind of is.
(II)
The second time it is alcohol again, but this time the only person who is infected by it is Marissa Cooper.
"Ryan let go of me I can walk by myself… and stop looking at me like that. I said I only had a couple of drinks"
"You had a whole bottle"
"Did not"
"Watch the stairs…. Come on. Just a few more steps. There we go.."
"Stay with me. I don't want to be here alone"
"I can't. I have to go back"
"You don't haveto"
" I have to go back and get Seth"
"Seth can manage by himself. God Ryan, we're not in High School anymore. You don't have to carry him around like he's made of glass"
But Ryan wants to answer that no matter how old they get and no matter how well aware he is about the fact that Seth is not 16 anymore and that nobody beats him up, spits at him or calls him queer and that Seth is perfectly capable to hold his liquor and take care of himself he still has to be there. He still has to be there behind Seth or in front of him to make sure that if he falls Ryan will be there to catch him. Not only will he be there, he'll be the first. Because that's just how it is. And Ryan doesn't think about it much because if he did he would probably get confused and angry and have a headache for a week do to clenching his jaw.
"I'm going back Marissa. Sleep well. I'll call you tomorrow"
"…. Say hi to your boyfriend from me"
Ryan pretends he doesn't hear the last words. But he does and he can already feel his jaw clenching.
(II)
The third time it surfaces there is no alcohol. Ryan comes home after a date with Marissa. A date where they spend half the time fighting and the other half crying. Marissa did all the crying though. But after awhile Ryan felt like crying to. Not that he did of course. Because Ryan doesn't cry. Every tear he feels welling up in him is tied down into a tiny knot in his stomach. Sometimes it hurts so badly and he has to punch something to get it to stop. And he does and it helps.
The door to the pool house is slightly open and Ryan already knows what he'll see before he opens the door.
Seth is sprawled across his bed. Long limbs everywhere and his superman T-shirts has crawled up and reveals a smooth stomach with a line of hair tracing down to... And Ryan just stands there taking it all in, afraid to move, afraid to lose control over hislimbs and do things that the mere thought of scares him shitless. And he realises that he forgot to breathe and he wants to punch himself for being such an idiot.
But he doesn't. Instead he finds himself walking to the bed and he can feel his heart pounding like it's trying to break out and it didn't use to be this way, and he can't put his finger on when everything got so hard.
And Seth is still sleeping. Mouth slightly open and with a mild frown. And Ryan is just standingagain, staring and having no idea what to do or what not to do. And he's sweating and his heart is still pounding and he wants to tell it to settle the fuck down, because there's nothing to get excited about right? His body answers back by defying him and sitting down on the bed and he feels panic overfloading him and he knows that he has clearly gone mad when he lies down and slowly puts his left arm across Seth's stomach.
And once again he stops breathing, not because he forgets but because he is so afraid of waking up the boy next to him that he will actually deny himself oxygen.
But minutes pass by and Ryan's heart finally decides to take a break and he stops sweating, stops thinking, stops everything. His hand is resting on Seth's hips and he's inched a little closer. And just when he is about to sink into denial, relax and close his eyes, Seth opens his and is staring right at him. Ryan gets this feeling in his stomach and the whole world stops turning when he recognizes it. Because it doesn't belong in this situation. It doesn't belong between him and Seth.
It's the exact same feeling he had when he first saw Marissa Cooper.
that's the first chappy. what did you think? - English is still not my first language so be gentle!