Disclaimer: The X-Men, associated characters, and likenesses are the exclusive property of the Marvel Company. This is a work of fan fiction and no profit is being made from it.

A/N: This doesn't take place during any specific period of continuity. These episodes are not connected in any way. I have used poetic license in regards to what characters are included and their actions and words.

Ch. 1: Caught in the act

The X-Men arrive onstage, members including Cyclops, Wolverine, Storm, Nightcrawler, Iceman, Bishop, Beast, Psylocke, Jean Grey, Jubilee, Cecilia Reyes, Colossus, and Kitty Pryde. They are all gathered for a mission briefing and are impatiently awaiting Gambit and Rogue's arrival. They soon come on dressed only in their underwear with whipped cream covering their bodies.

Cyclops: You're late.-

Jubilee: (Staring at Gambit and Rogue, mouth agape.) You're, like, naked.

Kitty: That's obvious, you idiot.

Jean: Glad you two finally got the message.

Rogue: (Very dazed and hung-over.) Oh, sugah, don't mind us. Remy an' Ah jus' got drunk lahst naight.

Cecilia: (To Beast.) Does this happen often?

Beast: More than I should admit, my dear.

Iceman: Why didn't you invite me?

Rogue: Yoah too cold, Bobby. (She staggers across the stage. Gambit's feet collapse underneath him.)

Storm: Rogue, what happened to him?!

Rogue: Sorrah, y'all, Ah forgot 'bout mah powahs.

Colossus: This is most irregular, comrades.

Wolverine: How many times do I hafta tell ya not to drink?

Rogue: Ah was thinkin' that Ah still had some o'yoah healin' factor.

Nightcrawler: God be with us.

Cyclops: (To Rogue.) You obviously have very bad judgment.

Gambit: (Trying to get up.) How long's dat stick been up yo' ass, Scotty boy?

Cyclops: (About to optic blast him.) That's the last straw, LeBeau!!! You're out of the X-Men! (Suddenly, a psionic katana hits Cyclops and he falls to the ground. Everyone stares at Psylocke.)

Psylocke: Pardon me, boys. Tsk, tsk, such a waste.

Jean: Betsey! You killed my husband! (She goes into Phoenix mode and they begin to fight.) Prepare to die!!!

Beast: Not again. This happens every week.

Cecilia: Coming here was not my idea.

Bishop: It wasn't mine either.

Cecilia: (Amorously.) Oh, hello, I didn't see you there.

Bishop: Don't get any ideas-

Colossus: He's mine. (He and Bishop embrace.)

Kitty: Piotr, how could you?

Nightcrawler: Meine freunds, ve have a situation on our hands!

Storm: By the Goddess, don't you incompetents know anything? Someone forgot to give Jean her chocolate this morning. (She pulls out a chocolate bar and carefully presents it to Jean.) Jean...I have a chocolate bar.

Jean: Chocolate... (She telekinetically lifts the chocolate bar, opens the package, and greedily eats it. She is suddenly back to normal.) Thank you, Ororo.

Iceman: That's it? That's all we had to do?

Beast: Bobby, if you had bothered to stick around for more than a few issues at a time, you would have known that.

Iceman: Rub it in why don't you, you furball.

Beast: (Pretending to be stabbed á la Shakespeare.) Oh, Drake, thou hast wounded me with your ravishing intellect.

Gambit: What about me?

Kitty: Sorry, we forgot you were here.

Jubilee: But he's, like, such a sex god.

Wolverine: That's what ya used t'say about me.

Rogue: Is there somethin' ya ain't tellin' meh?

Kitty: Jubes slept with Gambit, Jubes slept with Gambit... (A psionic katana from Psylocke hits her and she falls down.) Oww, meanie. (Jubilee runs off in shame. Psylocke slinks out slowly.)

Beast: (Escorting Cecilia out.) My dear let us pursue a worthier task.

Rogue: (Passing out.) Ah jus' knew it...

Gambit: Mon Dieu. Y'all still gon' kick me out?

Storm: Of course not. We like you too much. (She licks the whipped cream off his back.)

Cyclops: (Getting up.) What is this? A dessert convention?

Iceman: I don't wanna know. (He exits.)

Wolverine: You're all sick! (He storms off.)

Bishop: Come on, Petey, let's get outta here. (He and Colossus exit.)

Kitty: Wait for me!!! (She runs after them.)

Jean: (Taking Cyclops' arm.) Scott, it's best we handle this mission ourselves. (They exit. Nightcrawler exits in a puff of smoke. Rogue gets up, carefully creeps up behind an unsuspecting Storm, and puts her hand on her face, causing Storm to pass out. She then shoots a lightening bolt at Gambit, who successfully dodges it.)

Gambit: Come on, chère, ya still love me, right?

Rogue: Talk ta tha hand, 'cause tha Rogue ain't listenin'. (She kicks him in the crotch. He yelps in pain.)

Gambit: (Squeakily.) Rogue... (Lights down.)