A:N

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Yes, it is dark, and, to be honest, not a lot is going to be happy in it.

I suppose in a way, this story is a little bit of an outlet, I'm dealing with a lot of stress, depression, and just general

self-loathing. I'm going to try and see a councilor soon, but it's been hard for me to reach out.

Anyway, sorry for my drabbling. There's going to be a self-harm trigger for the first chapter

and sexual abuse for the next. After that, it should start to perk up. But still, this isn't

a great story to read if you came here for fluff.

Sorry.

Hope you enjoy the chapter.

At this point, he's positive that any course of action he could take, it wouldn't change a damn thing. The opportunity for damage control had come and gone. Now he was left to face a flustered bag of bones, with the air of sex drifting between them. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had just turn around and forget this ever happened, like any normal sibling could.

No. Seeing Papyrus with such need had his soul pounding and crackling with magic. Instead of leaving, he settled for damning himself a thousand times over in their eyes.

He watched on as his brother's face changed: once from shock at being watched, then to something more guarded before finally settling on concern. With a quick dismissal, the orange soul that had been hovering between them receded. And if it wasn't obvious before, it now was painfully apparent. Papyrus's eyes narrowed-in on his disgusting heart, watching the cerulean of his arousal dim away.

Still he stayed, not realizing that his fingers cut deep grooves into his radius, and how his breaths escaped in dissonant quakes. Completely stripped of all thought, he could only vaguely track Papyrus as he approached from across the room before kneeling. It was only when his brother started shaking his shoulders, did he fall from his trance.

"Sans, are you alright?"

It was a small saving grace that he had unnatural control of his eyes, after a few attempts, he managed to get his pupils to reform, and a few seconds later his posture returned into a more relaxed state.

"sorry bro, i'm fine, just was a little rattled back there."

Not easily convinced, the concern almost doubled in Papyrus's face. He pulled Sans into a hug, not bothering at the lack of reciprocation on Sans's part, before picking him up and carrying him downstairs. It was hard not to notice how his older brother flinched away as he placed him on the couch. With quiet reassurances, Papyrus disappeared into the kitchen and emerged with hot chocolate minutes later.

He placed a cup into Sans's hand, noting how the light in his eyes had vanished once more.

"Sans, I don't think you were being entirely honest with me, are you sure you're alright?"

At that, Sans curled and distracted himself from the question by digging at his bone using a single digit. He wanting nothing more than to disappear. God, he didn't deserve kindness. He was disgusting, he was sick, broken; but as always, Papyrus, the one light in his life, could pull him out of his self-hatred. With a slow resignation, he allowed his hand to be removed. His brother flipped the arm over and cautiously prodded at the marks he had left; with a sympathetic sound, he was drawn back into another hug.

"Brother, please I worry for you, I promise I won't judge. Tell me, why would you hurt yourself like this?."

"really papyrus," Sans chuckled darkly to himself, "i don't know why you even bother with me." It was a relief to finally let some of his hatred for himself out. Even if it was to the one person he wanted to never have known. "seriously, you put up with so much of my shit, really, you don't deserve this." I don't deserve you, he thought to himself, briefly panicking when the arms that were laced around him tightened.

"Nonsense, you're the brother of the Great Papyrus, any brother of mine, by extension, must be Great too!" Briefly shifting, Papyrus pulled back to look at his face. Not finding much of anything, he turned attention to the untouched mug between them. Humming gently, Papyrus guiding it to Sans's face, coaxing him to take a sip.

"I admit," Papyrus winced but continued onwards, "that it was unsettling to see you watching me, but I'm not mad. Sans, please answer me, are you perhaps attracted to me?"

"yes, no, maybe?" Sans growled out, "I don't know Papyrus, I just- fuck. shit, I'm sorry-"

Papyrus quieted his brother, and took a moment to consider his next words wisely. He wanted nothing more than to reassure his brother that everything was fine, but even if that was what they both wanted, that wasn't what they needed. "Sans, you're not quite sure how you feel about me, correct," he paused until he felt a nod against his chest before continuing, "have you ever felt this way about anyone before?" A pause, another nod. "Good, we can probably figure this out from that, since you have some experience at least."

Papyrus was confused, he thought that maybe now that they had found a base-line, Sans could start to open up. However, his brother's reaction was far beyond anything he could predict. In his arms, he could feel him shivering. Trying to get his attention only caused Sans to cower backwards and squirm out of his grasp. In his panic, he fell off the couch and landed on the floor, shattered shards of ceramic scattering the ground. Picking himself up from where he landed, he stood and backed away.

Papyrus was quite surprise at the reaction, and even more to find that Sans didn't disappear entirely in his state of panic; but rather, he curled inwards and slipped his hands into his jacket. He didn't meet Papyrus's gaze, just stood there like an eery statue. An empty shell.

"Sans." He felt helpless, all he could do was call out. His brother's head snapped up at the words, but it made his stomach turn just watching it, "Do you want to stay or leave, I honestly don't know how I can help at this point?"

"what do you want?" Was the monotone, uninterested response. Papyrus's eyes crumpled and his shoulders shook in distraught.

"I want to help you Sans, but I want what you want."

"i'll do whatever you want, i don't care," Sans said, his voice sounding so cold and unlike anything he was use to hearing from his carefree brother.

"No, Sans. I want you to think about what you want, tell me, please."

That was as close to a command as Sans was going to get, "...i want to die."

Papyrus's magic flared to life, and without thinking, he brought his soul out to try and comfort Sans. The soul could convey to each other what words couldn't, it wasn't abnormal for a monster to comfort a panicked child in this way. And although, yes, Sans wasn't some nervous kid, he was still distressed. Once again, he was startled to find out how fast his brother's magic responded to his own. At first, he was happy for this, but eventually gritted his teeth in exasperation. He battled his brother over the putrefaction of their new link; he wanted nothing more than to banish his brother's dark thoughts, but Sans's magic struggled to turn that link into a more intimate nature...

Papyrus felt like he wanted to scream, he knew for certain that if he had hair he'd be tearing it out. Looking up, his heart fell to dread.

Sans was crying.

He stopped battling at once, shuddering against the pleasure that wracked his body, as his brother's magic momentarily overwhelmed his senses. He quickly shielded his heart away, not trusting himself to speak until the assault to his soul ended.

"Brother I don't understand, I'm trying to. Please," he begged, "I want to help you."

Sans crumpled onto his knees, and in a moment Papyrus hovered over him. This time, though, he kept his distance. He didn't want to send Sans back into that earlier state.

"Please, I worry for you. I can't just forget about this, knowing what I know now. I trust you brother, and I'll be right here for you, I hope you know that."

They both waited, Sans eventually shifted off his knees to sit on the ground. Finally, he allowed himself to fall apart, "I suppose now is as good-a-time as ever to tell you about our dear old dad."