A/N: Okay, so I don't know if this was done before or something similar - but here's what I'm presenting to you. Honestly, the purpose of this story is to give someone a good laugh or at least a smile! So, I really hope you enjoy this!
Summary: Sideswipe gets Wheeljack to help with a prank, but like usual, it ends in 'BOOM'. Poof! All the Autobots are turned into half-mythical creatures/animals/whatever! Now...how does this help them with the war against the 'Cons? Suggestions on creatures/animals/whatever to turn the 'bots, and soon the 'cons, into are welcome!
Warnings: This story is totally and utterly CRACK. Also unbeta-ed, so PM me if there is any confusion or state it in a review. Also, characters maybe OOC because of me being hyped up on mocha frappaccino, and because of the insanity of this story.
Continuity: Mild AU elements. It's like the war in G1, since it has G1 Characters, except movie-verse Bumblebee (Because I like Camaros and racing stripes), Sam, and Mikaela (I don't really know much about Carly's character yet, considering I only saw the third movie once so far). I only use Sam and Mikaela, because, honestly, I knew them before I knew Spike and Carly *sobs*. Anyways, if you don't like the two, just imagine them as the G1 humans!
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers in any way! No matter how much I beg the government! *insert snarky comment here* Or anything else licensed here.
Not Just Another Vampires VS. Werewolves Story
Grinning mischievously, a certain red and black mech stalked the halls with surprising skills unfit for a frontliner, but for a, per se, Special Ops mech. He'd probably acquired the moves after having to sneak around all the time and hide himself from the aftermath of his pranks. Usually, that meant having a fragged off Prowl or Ratchet chasing him, yelling threats of shoving things up his exhaust pipe.
Sideswipe had also learned to avoid Red Alert's security cameras. He swore that those cameras were what had caused problems for him probably around half (presumably more) of the time! Those cameras were so...so...invading! No privacy at all! Well, that was probably better for the whole 'We're at war!' situation, but still! Can someone spell paranoid?
Sideswipe momentarily shuddered at the thought, a shiver running through his spinal strut, then back again. 'Red Alert literally did have optics on the back of his helm!' Sideswipe thought, horrified.
So why was Ol' Siders sneaking around this time you ask? Because. Because why? Because he was going to be offlined by every mech and femme after he pulled off his latest prank, but that's okay...I think.
Motioning to Wheeljack behind him, the inventor ran towards him with a device in his servos.
It all started earlier that day...
...
Elita One's femme unit was visiting Earth and had only arrived a short while ago. Which could only mean one thing.
They were next on Sideswipe's 'Next to be Pranked Even Though they Don't Deserve it' list!
Currently, in Sideswipe's thinking chamber, the mech pondered the different pranks and scenarios and how everything could go once he pulled the prank.
'So,' The prankster mused, 'which prank would be perfect? Which one would satisfy my pranking processor the most?' An air of smugness followed that thought, 'Ohhhh, I know a perfect - no, more than perfect - extraordinary prank! *insert sinister chuckling here* Nobot, not even stick-in-the-aft Prowl or Red Alert will see this coming!'
Oh, if only Sideswipe knew how true that thought was (and how much he'd regret it) later on.
...
Wheeljack had been having an extraordinary month. He had not blown himself, or his lab, up in 4 weeks. Yes, you heard me, FOUR WEEKS! Ratchet was having a blast of not having to repair him for so long and the inventor was pretty sure Smokescreen had gotten a betting pool started on how long it would be until Wheeljack would have another one of his 'accidents.'
To everyone's horror (or was it amusement), Ratchet himself had thrown a party in celebration of these past 4 glorious weeks just two days ago when the femmes arrived.
Sighing in contentment, the mech averted his attention back to his latest project.
It was simple really, just another weapon against the Decepticons that would be able to help the Autobot faction immensely. This invention, however, was still in it's 'experimental or testing' period, as Wheeljack liked to call it. Which meant that in this period, it would be that he was most likely to blow himself up and take everyone and everything along with him.
This little piece of machinery, or 'The Merginator 0.1' (Nobody knew why Wheeljack had given it this name. Most 'bots just think it's because the inventor liked adding wacky endings such as 'inator' to his little watchamicallits and because adding '0.1' to the invention made it sound smart), was designed to merge the Decepticons to something, (such as, a couple bombs, so that they blew themselves up) so that they were rendered paralyzed at the least. Plus, in their state of confusion, the Autobots would be able to get the upper hand in a battle.
It was a crazy idea, but so crazy that it would have probably worked.
Key word, 'probably.'
It was no secret that the inventor was making this device and because of that, it was a major target on Sideswipe's 'Pranking Weapons and Doohickeys' list! So it was no surprise when the red and black mech bounded into the room and greeted Wheeljack with that cheeky grin of his.
"Hey Wheeljack!"
"Sideswipe, I cannot lend this to you! It's still in the 'experimental stages.'"
"Awww, how'd you know I was gonna ask ya that?"
The inventor sighed, his helm fins blinking a distressed dark blue. "Sideswipe..."
Once the inventor actually turned around to look at the mech, he got an optic-full of the most professional, well-executed, puppy-dog face he had ever seen! Of course, that was a shock, because Wheeljack had had to master the puppy-dog face himself to soften up lectures and the torture that comes with being Ratch's patient...not that it ever helped. But it was in his job description!
'Must master puppy-dog face.'
'Jack took one look at Sideswipe and his features softened behind his battle mask. "Alright, alright. I'll lend this to you, so stop with the cuteness attack! ...It's powerful, yet creepy at the same time."
Relenting his sparkly attack, the red and black mech fist-pumped and let out a triumphant whoop.
"But on one condition!"
"Yes?~"
"You let me in on whatever your planning. I haven't gotten into any trouble lately, so I guess it's time to give the mechs 'n' femmes what they've all been waiting for."
And that was why Sideswipe was here now - sneaking around the halls in order to stop from being offlined...literally.
After Wheeljack and Siders left the inventor's lab with The Merginator 0.1, their plan was to just merge the femmes to random things, like the couch, so their afts would be stuck to it, or perhaps another mech, creating an awkward situation - Oh Primus, imagine all of the femmes stuck to Optimus Prime himself! That would've been priceless I tell you! Priceless!
So Wheeljack, as previously mentioned, had let Sideswipe use his invention for a prank, as long as he got in with a couple image captures.
The prankster had been blocking his side of the bond he shared with his twin since this morning, so of course, when Sideswipe looked into the rec room (their targets' location), it was unsurprising Sunstreaker was being even more irritable than usual.
"I'm telling you, Tracks can go flaunt his slagging aft wherever he wants, but no Bluestreak, I cannot picture him as a fragging femme!" The yellow twin growled in exasperation, while the doorwinged-mech simply cocked his head to the side and rambled on again. Just at the table on the right of the two, an eternally scarred (he'd never admit that, of course) Tracks stared at the Datsun and Lamborghini with irritated features shown clearly on his faceplates.
Sides ignored his brother and his unfortunate 'problem' for the time being and looked towards the other side of the rec room where the femmes were lounging about with some of the mechs.
Arcee was sipping some energon at a table where Moonracer and Firestar also sat at, all three watching amusedly as Chromia argued good-naturedly with Ironhide, and Elita-One was also sitting on the couch with her own bondmate.
Oh shizsnaps.
Wheeljack's optics widened when he saw Optimus and Elita relaxing in the rec room.
"I thought you said Optimus and Ironhide were on duty!" Wheeljack hissed into Sideswipe's audio.
The other mech grunted, "I thought so too!" He whispered back.
Behind the two 'bots, shuffling noises and footsteps were heard.
"Sam, what the Pit are you reading?" An annoyed, female voice.
"Using Cybertronian cusses now are we?" A teasing, deeper, male voice.
Sam and Mikaela.
Wheeljack and Sideswipe straightened and plastered themselves to the wall next to the entrance of the rec room, pretending to just be lounging about and engaged in a random conversation.
"S-So, Wheeljack! Erm, got into any recent explosions lately?"
"Uh, well, th-there, hehe, no..?"
Sideswipe narrowed his eyes, Wheeljack was going to get them exposed if he didn't stop his, somewhat nervous, attempt at acting.
Sam looked up at the two mechs and grinned in greeting, "Hey guys! What's going on?"
The red and black mech stumbled back in mock surprise, "Sam? Woah, when did you get there?"
Wheeljack merely chuckled and his helm fins blinked a merry blue as he talked, "We're just chatting, Sam. Say...what do you have there?"
The inventor gestured to the magazine Sam had in his hand. The boy looked at the object, then back to Wheeljack, eyes glimmering with barely contained excitement *cough* obsession *cough*.
Mikaela backhanded her boyfriend before he could start rambling about it in a monologue that would make Bluestreak proud. "It's some lame-o Halloween thing."
Sam scoffed, "No it is NOT! It's a book about mythological creatures, and yes, that includes monsters!"
Mikaela rolled her eyes, "Please tell me we're not going to get into another Vampires VS. Werewolves thing." At Sam's deadpanned look, she exclaimed, "SAM! I don't care how sparkly the vampire's going to get or how much abs the werewolf-guys have!"
"But-"
"Sam, you're a freakin' guy, please don't argue with me in this situation, since we know I'm going to win."
"Yes, mother..."
"Sam..." She snarled in warning. "I swear, I'm going to die one day and if it's because of you, my dear Samuel, you are not allowed at my funeral!"
"Wha-"
"I'll make sure the Autobot's keep you away!"
Sam visibly deflated, "Even the Decepticons?"
Through snarled teeth, "SPECIFICALLY the 'Cons!"
Sideswipe snickered at the teenage boy's dilemma and Wheeljack's faceplates morphed into a splitting grin behind his mask.
As the two humans entered the room, Wheeljack mused, "Wow, mythological creatures...tasty.." 'Jack purred as if admiring his own inventions.
"What was that, 'Jack?"
"Nothing. Let's get on with the prank."
Sideswipe looked at his friend weirdly before shrugging and walking into the recroom. Time for the distraction.
The red mech strutted into the room like he owned the place, causing all optics to turn to him. He walked over to the energon dispenser and promptly filled himself a cube, swallowing it in one go. Letting his own cobalt blue optics wander the room before stopping at Ironhide. The other red mech lifted an optic-ridge at him.
Strutting right in front of Ironhide, they stared at each other, optic-to-optic.
Grinning in what Sides hoped was a sheepish fashion, he waved shyly then proceeded to leave the room in a hurry.
Ironhide and Optimus abruptly stood up, exchanging looks.
"Do you think he's up ta sumthin' Prahm?"
Optimus' colossal voice rumbled, "Well... it is Sideswipe."
That seemed good enough for the weapons' specialist as they both hurried out of the room after the prankster.
"Weird..." Sam muttered after that.
"Almost as weird as your freakin' monster magazine!" Mikaela snarled, grabbing said object and chucking it randomly, where it rolled under the couch which was currently occupied by two gaping femmes.
Heh, good to know that worked.
Unbeknownst to everybot in the room, Sideswipe had dropped Wheeljack's device (which had folded itself into the size of a human coffee table) when he was staring down Ironhide, right in front of the couch - and right in the middle of where the femme unit was currently lounging.
Wheeljack was still watching from outside the recroom, his holo-vid recorder on and waiting for the device to commence the inevitable merging process that would happen in 10... 9... 8...
From inside, Chromia stood up and growled, "That slaggin prankster! He always has to go and ruin the mood, doesn't he?" She exclaimed hotly, then muttered some other unmentionable things in a lower Cybertronian dialect.
7... 6...
Clicking her glossa, Elita-One made no move to stand. Instead, she said in that calming voice, so much like her bond mate, "Chromia, stand down. Whatever happened, I'm sure Optimus and 'Hide can take care of it."
5... 4...
The three femmes from the other table giggled as Chromia went to sit back down reluctantly.
3... 2...
"Alright, but if anything happens to 'em, I'm offlining Sideswipe myse-"
...1
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!
A huge explosion, it seemed to bounce off the walls through the whole building, radiating in waves, the whole rec room was a mess. But..what about the 'bots?
Silence.
There was complete and utter silence after that. Smoke rose from a small crater on the floor where the couch...used to be.
Panicking and alarmed voices soon filled the anxious silence, 'bots scrambling to and fro as they tried to see what had caused this explosion.
"Anyone injured?" You could hear Prowl yell out in one corner of the room.
Arcee ran to the SIC, her servos flailing wildly in the air. "Prowl! Sir! Chromia and Elita-One are missing!"
As the smoke lifted and dissipated, you could clearly see that yes, the couch and the two femmes were indeed missing.
All was silent once again, almost painfully so, until you could hear the coughing and wheezing of two very familiar femmes.
"Elita? Chromia?" Moonracer called out.
"M-Moonracer? Where are y- Oh...Oh, sweet Primus!"
"WHAT THE FRAG?"
Everyone looked up at that moment, following the direction the voices came from.
There they were, Elita-One and Chromia, the Commander and SIC of the toughest femme unit on all of Earth and Cybertron, stuck to the ceiling. Turns out the blast knocked the couch to the roof of the room, upside down may I add, where it merged with the building.
Also merging the two femmes' afts to the couch in the process. So yeah, they were stuck.
"..."
All mechs and femmes in the room abruptly burst out laughing, peels and peels of laughter continued, giggle after wheeze after choked guffaw! Even Prowl, yes Prowl, got a good hearty laugh out!
Unfortunately, it was too good to be true, as Chromia pulled out her gun from subspace and promptly shot the middle of the room, causing the 'bots to take a step back and stop their laugh fest.
Prowl, professionally clearing his throat, finally said, "Okay, enough, everyone calm down." Although there were still hints of chuckles in his voice.
All optics turned to the SIC, but soon expressions of shock, mortification, horror, and amusement replaced the neutral faceplates of the occupants in the room.
Unused to the sudden shocked, silent attention, Prowl choked out, "Wh-What? What is it?"
From below, Sam called to him, "W-Why do you have w-wolf ears and tail?"
"Holy mother- he's a freakin' half-werewolf half-mech mutant!" Mikaela exclaimed, eyes wide and posture shaken.
Prowl's optics widened as he finally noticed the new appendages to his chassis. His servo reached to his helm where he felt furry ears, twitching nervously and he could definitely feel an equally fluffy tail swishing back and forth behind him.
Ears flat on his helm and tail ceasing it's swishing motion, Prowl exclaimed, "How the frag did this happen? I swear, of all the slaggen things that Primus had to curse me with-"
"Did Prowl just swear?"
Covering his mouth with his servos, Prowl realized that he actually did swear! He never swears! Especially in a situation like this! How come he hadn't crashed yet either? This situation was totally illogical! His battle computer and logic centre usually kept his emotions under control-
Wait. Why couldn't he feel his battle computer?
"Oh well this just keeps getting better and better," Prowl muttered angrily. His battle computer was offline and he couldn't turn it back online - he could just feel the raging emotions in himself, begging to be let free.
Growling, Prowl exclaimed, "What am I going to dooOOOOooooOOOOOO?" The weremech practically fell backwards from the force of his own vocal processors.
"He just... howled..." Sam choked out, stuck between being horrified and being amused.
All 'bots were in the same mortified state. That is, until Prowl actually got a good look and noticed Arcee's new state.
"Arcee, what are those?" He gestured to her back.
"What? What are what?"
"Those." Prowl pointed out, poking Arcee's new butterfly wings.
Letting out a horrified squeak, Arcee craned her neck and saw that she indeed had new additions to her chassis.
"...HOLY SH*T!" That's when all the 'bots noticed everyone had changes to their chassis that were apparently irreversible and immovable.
While everyone panicked, Sam picked up his monster magazine from where the crater was - why it wasn't a pile of ashes was a mystery to him. Lifting it up and flipping through the pages, he noticed everywhere that a monster/mythical creature (or thing, he doesn't judge) was supposed to be, was blank! Just a big white spot where it was supposed to be.
Oh...My...God.
Stopping at one section, he noticed something. There was a werewolf on one page while a butterfly (for some reason) was on the other, yet, there were no pictures, just blanks.
His suspicions were confirmed. Showing Mikaela what he found, she gaped at him then yelled.
"YOU'VE ALL MERGED WITH THE MONSTERS IN SAM'S GIRLY MAGAZINE!"
"..."
Then the whole room exploded in a panicked frenzy.
Well yeah, this is just great...
Want more? Then review! But leave me a suggestion on what creatures (Heck, it could be an animal or sumthin like a Pirate just for the Pit of it) the Autobots, and soon Decepticons, should be! Although, it would be nice to see some actual mythical creatures suggested. Or if you want them merged to something, like poor Elita-One and Chromia. *snickers*
Constructive criticism welcome, Flames will be sent to the Unmaker while he's chicken-dancing.
And yeah, I guess I should have made Arcee more like a fairy, since a butterfly isn't exactly a mythical creature, but I'm saving the fairy for a certain *ahem* mech.
And yes, actual mythical creatures (not just monsters) WILL be included in this story.
By the way, guess who the vampire is next chapter! XD