"I'm sorry. I know I'm just leaving you by yourself and ditching all of my friends for somewhere that might not even exist. I just want you to know that this IS NOT your fault! I love you will all of my heart, mind, and soul! I wish I could hang on and keep loving you, but all of this... shit in my life is just too overwhelming.
I can't take it anymore! I hope Kami, as well as you, can forgive me. I just can't deal with Hinata being diagnosed with leukemia; and on top of that you know that I have been battling depression all of my life. You were my light, though. You were like a lighthouse and I was a ship in the night.
I love you. That's why I made you my husband and took a vow to love you until death. I'm sorry my death way too soon for you, and your love. I wish I could have held on for you; for us.
I love you."
That's what the note said. His suicide note, specifically. I want to forgive him, I really do, but I just can not get over the fact that he's gone and did not take me with him. It is rotting me from the inside out.
I can tell every one is just as internally destroyed over his death, as well. His mom is constantly drinking, Sakura is a complete mess, and everyone else is timid and quiet on the subject.
I am most likely the worst off, though. I constantly cry. I have never cried so hard at a funeral before. I think I might have embarrassed a few members of his family, but I don't care, my heart is literally broken. I don't know if I can go on.
I probably shouldn't be saying that due to the circumstances, but I'm serious. I haven't eaten in two days, and I haven't slept a full night since his funeral a week ago. I can barely keep my eyes open, but every time I blink I see his beautiful smile, and every time I begin to doze off I am awoken by his laugh or voice.
I wish he had taken me with him, so I wouldn't have to deal with all of this pain. I wish my gravestone was next to his, our souls intertwining in the heavens; dancing for all of the angels' enjoyment. I know that will never happen now.
I just know that every single time I walk by the Leaf Cemetery I imagine his rotting corpse, and I have to run to the nearest restroom to vomit and cry my eyes out. It reminds me that he is never going to come back. That he is gone forever.
I just know that I have to move on; keep living. That's what he would want me to do. He would want me to keep living a happy, joyful life and to never shed a tear over him, but that just is not plausible. I hear his name and I tear up and when I think of him and I want to carve my heart out, but I have to keep trucking on.
That's what Inuzukas do.